Chapter 115: I Have No Way

In the past, she believed death could solve all problems, but now she has discovered that some problems in this world are more terrifying than death.

Amidst this unease and despair, the dawn on the horizon gradually brightened.

It was just past dawn, the morning had just begun, and all sounds were silent. She walked out with a heavy heart, stood in the garden, and gazed blankly at the sky.

Morning mist drifted by like a light veil. She stood for a while, and her body was wet by dew, but she remained numb and unaware, sinking into an indescribable panic, as if the weight of the entire sky pressed upon her powerless shoulders.

She did not know how to bear this weight; it was too difficult for her. She saw no hope. She longed for even the slightest method to endure a little longer, but she simply could not find it.

Soon, that day would come. The sky would crash down, snapping her fragile shoulders, crushing her spine, and grinding herself, along with the entire Earth and humanity beneath her feet, into dust.

Suddenly, a cotton robe was draped over her shoulders. Yang Yi was startled awake and recoiled abruptly, her eyes still filled with lingering terror.

The robe fell to the ground. Thomas bent down, picked it up, and tossed it back to her almost rudely.

"I don't want anyone freezing to death in my garden and causing a lawsuit..." He had intended to make some viciously sarcastic remarks, but upon seeing Yang Yi's eyes, he suddenly changed his tone. "It's cold; put it on!" he said in a stiff voice.

Yang Yi silently accepted it and put it on herself.

"Is there anything you want to say?" Thomas stood beside her. After a long silence, he finally could not help but ask.

Yang Yi's heart was cold and chaotic. She did not want to say much, but this desperate situation was about to drive her mad. She was eager to escape, even if only temporarily. Suddenly, she asked, "... Mr. Thomas, have you ever experienced having nowhere to turn?"

Thomas looked at her in surprise, then coughed to make his tone seem less cold. "Frisa, if there are any difficulties, you might as well speak them out. I will do my best... There will always be a way..."

These words were like suddenly opening a floodgate. The emotions Yang Yi had accumulated in her heart burst forth like a torrent. She suddenly screamed in despair: "There is no way! Absolutely no way! Who can point out a path for me? People always have a path to walk when they live, but I cannot see this path. There is only an abyss before me, an abyss behind me, and abysses all around!"

She looked at Thomas, her eyes red, tears streaming down in chains. Thomas had never known that a person's tears could be so many. It seemed these tears had accumulated for decades, and only today was she willing to release them all at once.

"Why? Why? Why must such a thing fall upon me? Why me of all people? I am not strong enough—no, I am so weak! I am so cowardly! I am a maggot in a cesspool! No, I am not even as good as a maggot! Anything can destroy me!"

"Do you know? When I see my grandmother raise her hand, I am afraid, just like that Pavlov's dog. When she lifts her hand slightly, I feel numb all over! I am also afraid of my grandfather's smoking pipe. Seeing his blurred face in the curling smoke, my heart begins to panic... I am so timid, so why? Why must such a responsibility... a burden heavier than the sky, fall upon me? Fall upon someone as timid as a mouse?..."

Thomas did not know why she belittled herself so much. She was clearly very brave, braver than most people in the world. To save him, she had even dared to face several ferocious wolves with her bare hands. Who could claim to be braver than her?

Yang Yi gasped a huge breath, like a drowning person unable to breathe, and the robe fell to the ground again.

This time, Thomas did not bother with the robe. He stepped forward and supported her. "Frisa, all that is in the past. You are here now, and it is very safe here..." he comforted in a low voice. Even he could not imagine that one day he would be so gentle.

Yang Yi clutched his arms tightly, almost to the point of breaking them. Light shot from her eyes, like the last glimmer in the eyes of a dying person: despair, disillusionment, and being lost in soul.

"How I wish to escape! I escaped to one city by going to university, and then escaped to another city by working! I thought I was finally starting a new life! But why is it still so painful? Everyone seems so happy, so why am I always struggling? I clearly have the ability now; I no longer fear anyone. But this damn fate has cursed me. I cannot escape! I threw myself into a great cause, living for them, living for the public. I thought this would make me happy, that I would live with more meaning, but this curse has never left me..."

What kind of gaze was this? She was on the verge of collapse. She seemed to want to vent hysterically, but she was controlled and suppressed by a powerful self-discipline. She was clearly plunged into the most extreme despair a person could reach, yet she did not even utter a sob.

Thomas was shaken by her, and a great pity rose in his heart.

"I tried every possible way to prove I am not cowardly, to prove my bravery! I challenged the things I feared countless times. Yes, I have succeeded every time until now! But after every challenge, fate would descend with a more difficult, more desperate situation..."

Tears gathered on her chin, dropping one by one onto the ground. She looked at Thomas with a strange and frenzied expression.

"Have you ever thought about death? Have you thought about how you will die? Have you thought about what you will look like when you finally turn to ash? Have you thought about your corpse covered in maggots? —I think about it every day. This is not punishment; this is the ultimate liberation! This is freedom!"

Thomas had never known this girl's past. He wanted to say some comforting words, but he found that language seemed so powerless in the face of such despair.

"You ask me why I went into the forest. I tell you, it was to prove I am not cowardly! To prove my bravery! Even, I secretly hoped to die beneath the sharp fangs and claws of the black panther. Why wasn't it stronger? Why weren't its claws and fangs sharper? Why wasn't it more ferocious? To tear me open, to swallow me whole, to tear me into pieces!"

"The black panther died. When I broke its throat, I was very happy because I defeated it with my bare hands! I proved my bravery; I am not cowardly! But secretly, I felt a wave of sorrow. I realized I would continue to endure fate's torment! In the end, I cannot escape its curse..."

"Now, it has finally revealed its most ferocious face. It has forced me to a dead end—no, what path is there? Even a dead end is a path! But as for me? I don't even have a dead end. Even death is so luxurious..."

If death could solve all problems, she would die without hesitation. But if she died, the only obstacle standing before the Evil God fragment would vanish. It would immediately become the master of this body, and all of humanity would be its food.

And her living on—was merely lingering, dragging the progress of its steps back a little, like a cancer patient watching helplessly as they are consumed bit by bit, with the final outcome remaining the same.

She saw no hope, because she had no way.

How she wished she were an optimistic fool, holding blind optimism, hoping that when the boat reaches the bridge, it will straighten out naturally. How wonderful that would be... But she knew what the result would be if things continued as they were. The planet with two blood moons, the planet full of yellow sand, had already clarified humanity's future.

What Wade said was right. Earth civilization is not great, and humans are not the chosen ones of heaven. The universe is survival of the fittest; humanity is an accident.

And now, this accident will be ended by her.

"Do you know? I have no way. I have absolutely no way!" Her empty eyes looked at Thomas, yet as if looking through him at many, many people.