Chapter 187: What Am I to You?

At dinner, Chris asked, "Why don't you like dogs?"

"Is that important to you?" Yang Yi's tone held a faint sarcasm. "Are you worried I can't get along with that dog named Charlie?"

"No, dear." Chris put down his fork and looked at her helplessly. "I just want to understand you—your likes, your dislikes, everything about you! That is important to me!"

Yang Yi's expression softened; she smiled, as if apologizing for her earlier overreaction.

"I've heard dogs are hierarchical creatures. Towards their masters, they flatter and grovel; towards equals, they compete, fight for territory, and establish status; towards those weaker than themselves, they bully the weak..." She seemed to imply something more, then suddenly shifted her tone. "Have you ever thought that when that dog licked your hand, it wasn't to comfort you, but to test if you were dead so it could eat your corpse?"

Chris realized she had never once said Charlie's name from start to finish, referring to it only as "that dog."

"Why would you think that?" Chris wasn't angry, only puzzled. "Isn't that just a preconceived prejudice?"

"Thinking dogs are kind, gentle, friends—isn't that also a prejudice? A projection stemming from human emotions itself? In truth, it just sees you as the leader, a powerful, unchallengeable master who can continuously provide food and shelter." Yang Yi casually speared a piece of steak from her plate. "Dear, the reason you rose again from your despair came from within yourself; you gave yourself the courage to persist, not from a dog. You simply projected your emotions onto that dog, viewing it as your partner and friend, when in reality it did nothing."

Chris's heart skipped a beat; a sudden unease sent a chill up his spine.

"Just as I once was so infatuated with you, seeing you as the only colorful, beautiful thing in my gray life, yet you didn't even know I existed." She smiled, her tone light and casual. "I was just using an unattainable fantasy to satisfy myself, projecting emotions onto a perfect illusion that would never hurt me."

Chris felt his mouth go dry; the food that had been delicious moments ago suddenly tasted bland. "Then," he said, "what about now? Does the real me disappoint you?"

Yang Yi looked at him steadily, then suddenly smiled. "No. You are much more real than I imagined."

"Real"—she used a neutral adjective, not comparative words like "better" or "more perfect." Chris sensed this keenly.

"If you don't like Charlie," Chris said, "I'll send it to my mother's or my sister's house; they would both welcome it."

Yet after saying this, he felt angry at his own quick compromise—he clearly realized he already cared too much about her, was too afraid of losing her, and had chosen to retreat, retreating without any bottom line, before she had even expressed dissatisfaction! She hadn't even explained why she hated dogs!

"No need. It has accompanied you far longer than I have." Yang Yi said indifferently.

This indifference only made Chris angrier; he threw down his fork, the metal clashing against the plate with a sharp, grating "ting."

Yang Yi looked at him with a mix of surprise and unease.

"Yang Yi." He called her full name, syllable by syllable. "What am I to you, exactly? A gemstone you couldn't afford before but now jumped into your hand? A luxury item bought to compensate your former self after sudden wealth? Or just a little toy to pass the time?"

His chest heaved as he looked at her sadly.

The thread of reason told him he was acting too hastily, too aggressively, likely provoking her defensive reaction, perhaps even making her hate him, causing her to leave and never return—but he had no time to consider these things. Unease, panic, mixed with a strange self-loathing, made him unable to endure any longer.

Yang Yi was stunned; first she felt a bit angry because his sensitivity struck the hidden baseness deep in her heart. Although she hadn't deliberately thought about it, there was no doubt she had indeed approached their relationship with that mindset at the very beginning.

But immediately after, a dark sense of triumph rose in her heart—Ah, if he brings this up, doesn't it mean he has already fallen deeply? And I am the one leading this relationship! I can control everything about him!

When she realized these contemptible thoughts, she quickly severed both lines of thought.

She pondered for a moment in her mind, then asked, "You want to know why I hate dogs, want to know my past, yet I have always avoided answering. Has this annoyed you?"

"I confess everything to you, yet you keep yourself tightly wrapped! I have taken ninety-nine steps forward, yet you are so stingy you won't take a single step..." Chris's tone was agitated; this was already an extremely restrained result.

At this moment, he inappropriately thought of his ex-girlfriend Deborah. Before their breakup, she had cried and accused him of being heartless. At that time, she had fallen completely into that relationship, deciding to give him everything: her career, her future life, even her life, while he had only tasted that relationship lightly, ignoring her anxiety, unease, and panic, never truly investing himself.

How similar he was now to Deborah back then!

His words stopped abruptly; looking at the girl across the table, he suddenly clamped his mouth shut.

She looked so fragile; her face was as plain as usual, plain to the point of being dull.

From infinite love, a bit of hate suddenly sprang up in him, hating her indifference at this moment.

"Fine, I'll tell you why I hate dogs."

After an unknown amount of time, Yang Yi finally spoke; she leaned back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest.

This was an unconscious defensive gesture—Chris suddenly analyzed subconsciously amidst his intense emotions.

Yang Yi's expression was calm, yet before the words even left her lips, her breathing quietly became slightly disordered: "When I was a child, I was tied up in a dog kennel, kept with dogs, fought with dogs for food, and treated like a dog—no, my status was even lower than a dog's. At least that big yellow dog could eat human leftovers first, while I could only eat the dog's leftovers. That is why I hate dogs."

Chris was stunned as if struck by a club, standing frozen there.

His Adam's apple bobbed up and down several times; he seemed to want to say something, but no sound came out.

Yes, if it were a good memory, why would she have always avoided answering? Even eating grass shoots found in the ditch as snacks, she had treated as an interesting thing to tell you. Why pry open her scars? To spy on her privacy? To truly understand her past? Or to win a round back on the emotional battlefield where she had already fallen behind?

"Is that enough?" Yang Yi's gaze was steady, though her tone held a faint sarcasm: "I have many more shameful pasts; do you want to hear them?"

Eye to eye, they silently looked into each other's eyes for a long time.

"Alright, Chris," this time Yang Yi compromised first; she pulled out her chair, came to Chris's side, held his face, and said softly, "Look at your expression; you are about to shatter!"

Chris wrapped his arms around her waist and placed her on his lap as if handling a fragile treasure. "I'm sorry, really... I, I am such a jerk!" he said incoherently.

"No, Chris, you are the best gift this boring world has given me." Yang Yi buried her head in the crook of his neck, inhaling the fresh citrus scent on him, feeling the strong heartbeat in his chest; her heart was very calm.

Chris held her, as if embracing the entire world.

They leaned on each other like that for a long, long time, long enough to forget the passage of time.

"Let's go! I'll take you somewhere!" Suddenly, Yang Yi said.