Chapter 106: Court Flogging

Of course, nothing could ever go as perfectly as Yuan Chonghuan imagined, nor could everything simply follow the Chongzhen Emperor's wishes. Just as Chongzhen was sharpening his knife for Yuan Chonghuan, a memorial from Ma Weiyin, Prefect of Xi'an, sent Chongzhen's heart straight to rock bottom.

"Your servant Ma Weiyin, Prefect of Xi'an, prostrates himself in mortal terror before Your Majesty: in the third month of the first year of Chongzhen, all of Shaanxi has turned blood-red, with great drought and no rain.

The common people are restless, and a failed harvest is now certain. Your servant is incompetent and can only beg Your Majesty to decide on a course of action at the earliest."

Looking over Wen Tiren, Shi Fenglai, and the other assembled Grand Secretaries and heads of the Depot and the Guard, Chongzhen signaled Wang Cheng'en to pass the memorial around for Wen Tiren and the others to read.

Then he spoke: "Gentlemen, let us first hear your thoughts on how this matter should be handled. Tomorrow we will discuss it at court and settle on a course of action as soon as possible."

Wen Tiren said: "Reporting to Your Majesty, your servant believes we could first allocate some grain for relief, and then have local officials organize the people to dig wells for water to save themselves. That should suffice.

In addition, Your Majesty could remit three years of taxes in Shaanxi, so that the people may clearly see Your Majesty's love for them."

Chongzhen, however, asked Shi Fenglai: "What does Minister Shi think?"

Shi Fenglai said: "Reporting to Your Majesty, your servant also agrees with what Minister Wen has said. It is only this matter of remitting taxes that still requires some deliberation."

Hearing this, Chongzhen was rather curious. He had seen plenty of tax remissions and tax exemptions used to win hearts in the television dramas of later ages — why did it require deliberation when it came to Shi Fenglai?

So he asked: "Why? Is remitting three years of taxes not an act of loving the people?"

Shi Fenglai said: "Your Majesty, if the taxes are not remitted, the men below must go out and collect them. What they collect belongs to the state, so they will not press the people too harshly.

But if the taxes are remitted, then whatever the men below extort from the people goes into their own pockets. When that happens, it is inevitable that unscrupulous wretches will seize the chance to line their own purses."

Chongzhen grunted in acknowledgment, then remembered the ever-normal granaries he had ordered the previous year, along with the demand that the various countries of the Southern Seas pay tribute and trade grain.

He asked: "What has come of the ever-normal granary arrangements from last year? Are the granaries in Shaanxi all full?"

Wen Tiren replied: "Reporting to Your Majesty, judging from the reports sent up from below, they should be full. But whether there is any padding in those figures is hard to say."

Chongzhen turned to Xu Xianchun and asked: "What does the Embroidered Uniform Guard have to say?"

Xu Xianchun bowed and said: "Reporting to Your Majesty, from the reports sent up by the various Centurion stations below, the ever-normal granaries in Shaanxi — some are full, but more are not. Most of the grain has been secretly sold off. As for where it went, an investigation is underway."

Chongzhen let out a cold chuckle and said: "Excellent. What did We say last year? The state treasury paid silver to buy grain as emergency relief for the people — and they dared to sell it off just like that? Just to line their own pockets? What colossal gall!"

Wen Tiren, Wei Zhongxian, and the others hurriedly bowed and said: "Your Majesty, please calm your anger."

Wen Tiren said: "Your Majesty, please calm your anger. In this matter, your servants have been remiss in oversight and bear responsibility as well. I will organize men to conduct a thorough investigation, and will certainly give Your Majesty and the realm an accounting."

Chongzhen sneered: "No need for an investigation. Xu Xianchun."

Xu Xianchun bowed and said: "Your servant is here."

Chongzhen's sneer did not stop: "Compile the list of these bastards. Arrest them by the list. Exterminate three degrees of kinship. If a single one escapes, We will hold you personally answerable. Tian Ergeng."

Tian Ergeng also hurriedly bowed and said: "Your servant is here."

Chongzhen continued: "Keep a close watch on affairs among the people in Shaanxi for Us. Make sure the men there stay alert. If anything is amiss, report it immediately. We grant you leave to enter the palace at night to report."

Tian Ergeng said: "Your servant obeys the decree."

Chongzhen did not even glance at Tian Ergeng, but turned to Wei Zhongxian: "Send out your Western Depot men as well. Watch Shaanxi closely for Us.

Whether it is unlawful conduct by the Embroidered Uniform Guard or any stirrings among the people, report everything to Us. If there is any failure, watch your dog head."

Wei Zhongxian immediately fell to his knees and declared his loyalty: "Rest assured, Imperial Lord, this slave will keep a death-grip watch. Whoever dares to transgress, this slave will report it to the Imperial Lord at the very first moment."

With all arrangements made, Chongzhen finally said: "Tomorrow at court, we will discuss the exact plan for disaster relief in Shaanxi. We have only one requirement: not a single commoner in Shaanxi may starve to death, and no disturbances may break out!"

It was only at the court session the next day that Chongzhen came to fully appreciate the shamelessness of the Ming civil officials.

No sooner had he finished speaking about the Shaanxi drought than a Censor immediately jumped out: "Reporting to Your Majesty, your servant risks death to remonstrate.

Your servant believes that since Your Majesty ascended the throne, there has been much killing, with extermination of nine degrees of kinship at the slightest offense. This is Heaven's warning to Your Majesty."

Chongzhen was angered into laughter. Warning my ass — a bit of natural disaster and you want to smear shit all over the emperor's head, is that it?

Though inwardly furious, Chongzhen still smiled and said: "Then in the Minister's view, should We issue an edict of self-reproach?"

At the words "edict of self-reproach," the court chamber erupted as a swath of officials dropped to their knees. Led by Chief Grand Secretary Wen Tiren, the assembled ministers cried out: "Your servants deserve death ten thousand times over."

Chongzhen did not bid them rise, but let them kneel as he sneered: "A warning from Heaven? Are you saying We have failed in virtue?"

The Censor, hearing this, removed his official cap, placed it on the ground, and kowtowed: "Your servant would not dare. Your servant merely believes that Your Majesty should embody Heaven's will, reflect upon yourself, and then wind and rain would come in their proper seasons."

Chongzhen sneered: "We issued the edict that taxes shall never be increased — is that a failure of virtue? We drove back the Jianzhou barbarians — is that a failure of virtue?"

The assembled ministers said in unison: "Your Majesty is wise and benevolent. Long live the Emperor, ten thousand years, ten thousand times ten thousand years."

Ignoring the flattery, Chongzhen continued: "The place where We have failed in virtue is that We have killed too many people? Then let Our Lord Censor tell Us — which of them did not deserve to die?

Did Zhou Yanru not deserve to die? Did those two who cut living children apart not deserve to die?

Or did Zhang Pu not deserve to die?"

The Censor was no fool. How could he not hear the murderous edge in Chongzhen's tone? He immediately said: "Your servant is guilty. Your servant is terrified."

Chongzhen continued: "Terrified of what? If We had you flogged at court today, by tomorrow you would win a fine reputation for daring to remonstrate to Our face, wouldn't you?

The Shaanxi drought you cannot see. Official corruption you cannot see.

Yet when We kill a few men who deserved to die, that you can see? In that case, We shall grant your wish!"

With that, ignoring the Censor's horrified expression, he said directly to Wei Liangqing: "Strip off his official robes. Drag him out. Eighty strokes of the court flogging."

And what sort of fine fellow was Wei Liangqing? As Wei Zhongxian's son, he had long since mastered the art of reading the imperial will.

He immediately accepted the order: "Your servant obeys the decree." With that, he brought several burly Embroidered Uniform Guard officers and dragged the Censor out.

Before long, Wei Liangqing returned to report: "Reporting to Your Majesty, the Lord Censor could not endure the punishment. He has passed."

Chongzhen looked at the officials still kneeling on the ground and said: "The Master did not speak of strange forces and disorderly spirits — have you all forgotten?

Since We have received Heaven's mandate and become the Son of Heaven, and since We have no failing of virtue, would Heaven blame Us without cause? Think carefully about how to properly carry out what We have ordered.

If anyone dares to spout nonsense again, beware — this is your example!"

Recommending a book: Jiang Fan's "Three Kingdoms: Super Summoning." This guy is a troll — every time he teases his female editor he drags the Tyrant into it, then deletes the message, getting the Tyrant muted N times. Of course, the Tyrant trolled him back once too. Manual smirk.

(End of Chapter)