Chapter 16: We'll Be Waiting for You!

Mao Wenlong said to the man who was sweating from pain yet still grinning through gritted teeth, "Brother, I imagine you Embroidered Uniform Guard fellows must have ways to get a message to the palace quickly?"

The man said proudly, "Rest easy, Grand General. If you send me to Dengzhou and Laizhou, this news can reach the capital within a single day."

Mao Wenlong said, "Good! In that case, I must trouble you, brother, to wait a moment.

I will draft a memorial at once, and trouble you to send the secret report and memorial swiftly to the palace, to be presented to the Son of Heaven. Military intelligence is urgent as fire — I won't keep you.

Once the physician arrives and dresses your wound, go eat, then set out at top speed. How does that sound?

I will send a fast boat to take you to Dengzhou and Laizhou; you can reach there in under two days."

The man said, "As the Grand General commands. Go write your memorial, Grand General; I will wait for the physician myself."

Hearing this, Mao Wenlong set his mind at ease and went to draft his memorial:

"Your subject Mao Wenlong prostrates himself a hundred times:

By Your Majesty's great fortune and Heaven-sent might, the Liu brothers originally arranged with your humble general to coordinate from within and without on the third day of next month, to receive the Liu brothers and their followers back to the nation and seize Jinzhou.

However, we have learned that the Liu family matriarch, unwilling to burden the Liu brothers, has already hanged herself. The Liu brothers have decided to use the matriarch's funeral as cover, feigning a campaign against the Ming, and lead their forces south to return.

The slave chieftain Hong Taiji has also resolved that after the Liu brothers raise their troops, he will dispatch fifty thousand Jianzhou barbarian troops, circle north around the Mongols, and strike directly at the capital.

Your subject Wenlong risks death to report: I wish to turn their own scheme against them, abandoning the seizure of Jinzhou and instead raiding it briefly before withdrawing.

I also need Dengzhou and Laizhou to cooperate — after the Liu brothers raise their troops, they should abandon coastal defenses and pull back, to lull the Jianzhou barbarians.

Once the barbarians march, I will immediately join forces with the Liu brothers and strike straight at Shenyang.

Ninth month, first year of Chongzhen."

By the time the man's wound was dressed and he had finished his meal, Mao Wenlong's memorial was also written. Mao Wenlong immediately dispatched men to send this fellow on his way to Dengzhou and Laizhou.

When Chongzhen received the secret report Tian Ergeng presented, he had just spent two days "relaxing" in the rear palace and was in rather good spirits — but the Chongzhen Emperor, working a late shift in the imperial study, flew into a rage on the spot: "Those dog Tartars won't even let Us have a peaceful New Year!

You won't let Us celebrate the New Year? We'll make sure none of you ever celebrate another New Year again!"

Furious, Chongzhen swept the brush, ink, paper, and inkstone from the study desk crashing to the floor and said wrathfully to Wang Cheng'en: "Summon Wei Zhongxian of the Western Depot, Cao Huachun of the Eastern Depot, Chief Grand Secretary Wen Tiren, Minister of War Cui Chengxiu, Minister of Revenue Guo Yunhou, Minister of Works Xue Fengxiang, Tian Ergeng of the Embroidered Uniform Guard, and the seal-holding eunuch of the Inner Palace Armory to see Us!"

The inner and outer ministers who hurried into the palace upon receiving the imperial summons saw Chongzhen's face, so dark and clouded it seemed water could be wrung from it, and their hearts trembled — they had no idea what matter had once again provoked the Emperor's displeasure.

And when the Emperor was displeased, people died — the straw man made from the skin of former Chief Grand Secretary Huang Liji was still damn well hanging at the Meridian Gate!

Everyone looked at each other. Finally, Chief Grand Secretary Wen Tiren spoke: "Your Majesty, may we ask what has happened?"

Chongzhen flung the secret report sent by the Embroidered Uniform Guard from Liaodong at them and raged: "All of you, read this. These dog Tartars are deliberately trying to stop Us from celebrating this New Year! Tell me — what should be done?"

After the ministers had passed it around and finished reading, Wen Tiren was again the first to speak: "Your Majesty, had we not known of this matter, it would be one thing — but since we do, we can order Ligdan Khan to intercept them in Mongol territory.

If the Tartars' advance meets resistance, they will inevitably withdraw."

In the end, it was a eunuch like Wei Zhongxian who best grasped the Emperor's mind. Thinking back to before he entered the palace — if he learned someone was looking for trouble with him, he would most likely go find trouble with them first.

So he memorialized to Chongzhen: "Imperial Lord, since these Tartars dare to come, we should teach them a harsh lesson! Why not order the Guan-Ning Army to strike out on their own initiative and go find trouble with the Tartars first?"

The other inner and outer ministers each sided with their own faction. The outer ministers mostly sided with Wen Tiren; the inner ministers mostly sided with Wei Zhongxian.

Chongzhen watched the two factions about to start quarreling again. Although inwardly he was secretly pleased they could not unite, now was not the time to let them argue.

Chongzhen slammed the imperial desk.

"Enough! All of you, stop quarreling!" — so intimidating that the men hurriedly begged forgiveness.

Chongzhen's expression eased slightly. He addressed the assembly: "Since the Jianzhou barbarians want to come to the capital, let them come! We shall join Hong Taiji for a hunt at the capital!"

Hearing these words from Chongzhen, the two factions stopped quarreling and united their spears against Chongzhen. Wen Tiren knelt and memorialized: "Your Majesty, you must not!

Since ancient times it has been said: a man worth a thousand gold does not sit beneath the eaves. Your Majesty's person is worth ten thousand gold — how can you take such a great risk?

In this old minister's view, let Ligdan Khan intercept the Tartars in Mongol territory while the Guan-Ning Army simultaneously strikes east, putting pressure on the Tartars and forcing them to withdraw. That will suffice!"

Wei Zhongxian also knelt and said: "Imperial Lord, you absolutely must not do this! It is this old slave's incompetence that has subjected the Imperial Lord to such humiliation. Let the Guan-Ning Army handle this matter; the Imperial Lord must not take such a risk!"

Chongzhen said angrily: "We summoned you here precisely because We have a thoroughly considered plan. You need say no more!"

His expression softening somewhat, Chongzhen said to Minister of War Cui Chengxiu: "Summon Qin Liangyu and Ma Xianglin of Sichuan to bring the White-Pole Troops to the capital.

Order them to travel by night and hide by day, avoiding populated areas so the Tartars do not detect them. But they must arrive at the capital before the end of the month!"

Then came a rapid succession of orders:

"Order the Governor of Dengzhou and Laizhou and the Circuit Intendant's office to coordinate with Liu Xingzuo and Mao Wenlong: withdraw coastal defenses twenty li. If Liu Xingzuo raises troops and attacks, fire cannons into the air only — do not actually engage them!

After the Tartars march, the Embroidered Uniform Guard will send word to Ligdan Khan to open the road for Hong Taiji. Once Hong Taiji has passed through, block the Tartars' retreat and lie in ambush! We will let him come!

Additionally, Minister Wen and the Ministry of Revenue will take charge, with the Eastern Depot and the Embroidered Uniform Guard giving full support. Evacuate all commoners from the capital's environs into the city.

Those who refuse to relocate will be forcibly relocated! Tell the commoners to bring their money and grain; everything else is to be set ablaze!

We will use the privy purse to compensate the commoners afterward! The Eastern Depot and the Embroidered Uniform Guard will keep records — anyone found falsely reporting household property will be dealt with severely!"

He then turned to the Minister of Works and the seal-holding eunuch of the Armory and said: "The moment you two return, immediately inventory all weapons in the armories for Us! Any found substandard are to be melted down and reforged at once!

We do not care about whatever dog-fart shady dealings you had before, but this time, if any soldier's weapon fails on the battlefield, We will not merely take your heads — not one member of your nine degrees of kinship will remain!"

Having rebuked those two, his fiery temper turned next upon Minister of War Cui Chengxiu, this Minister known as the number-one running dog of the eunuch faction: "Minister Cui, upon your return, immediately tally how many battle-ready troops the Capital Camps and the Five Chief Military Commissions can field!

Before the Jianzhou barbarians arrive, assemble them at the capital under the pretext that We wish to hold an imperial military review!"

After arranging everything for the various men, Chongzhen added: "Cao Huachun, purge the palace. Anyone daring to communicate with the outside is to be beaten to death with staves!

If any word of today's proceedings leaks and affects Our great enterprise, no matter who it is, their nine degrees of kinship shall be exterminated without exception! If the nine degrees are too few, make it ten!"

After the ministers had all left the palace, Chongzhen thought to himself: Perfect. Use this opportunity to squeeze out a wave of funds first.

But he had to settle things with State Uncle Zhou first. Thinking of this, Chongzhen said to Wang Cheng'en: "Escort Us to Kunning Palace.

We are going to the Empress."