Chapter 197: We Wish to Borrow Your Head!

Bang—a thunderous crash rang out as the rear gate of the Lantian County yamen was smashed open. The two fallen doors kicked up a huge cloud of dust.

A group of yamen runners trapped in the rear courtyard figured this was their moment to prove their loyalty, each grabbing a blade and charging over to see who had the gall to smash the yamen's back gate—once the County Magistrate learned of this, they'd be in for a hefty reward.

But the moment they saw the fully armed soldiers of the Capital Camps, the several dozen runners decisively threw down their blades, without Zhang Zhiji even needing to open his mouth to warn them.

What kind of joke was this—fully armed troops smashing down the yamen gates? Anyone could guess just how terrifying the backing of these roughnecks must be. Best not to provoke them. Best not to provoke them at all.

Seeing that these runners were all quite sensible, Zhang Zhiji could not be bothered to say more. He merely waved a hand behind him and ordered, "Go in, seize the men—not a single one is to be let slip. No one is to move about."

The Vice Regional Commander behind Zhang Zhiji cupped his fist in acknowledgment, then led his troops charging in.

For a time, the entire Lantian County yamen was in utter chaos, with shouts of abuse and wails of weeping ringing out now and then.

Only after the better part of half a shichen had passed did the rear courtyard of the yamen fall quiet, and Zhang Zhiji's Vice Regional Commander returned to report.

By now the street outside was already packed with onlookers, every one of them craning their necks and poking their heads, trying to see what was going on inside—how had soldiers dared to surround the county yamen?

Chongzhen paid no mind to whether these commoners were watching or not. Hearing that the sounds inside had gradually died down, the Chongzhen Emperor lifted his leg and strode toward the rear courtyard of the yamen.

Once inside the rear courtyard, his expression having returned to its usual calm, Chongzhen asked, "Where is the Lantian County Magistrate? Take Us to see him."

Zhang Zhiji's Vice Regional Commander was ordinarily a sly, mischievous sort. Hearing this, he bowed and said, "Reporting to Your Majesty: when your humble general entered to seize the men, the Lantian County Magistrate was in the rear courtyard feasting and drinking with someone."

The corner of the Chongzhen Emperor's mouth twitched. He ordered, "Lead the way," and headed deeper into the rear courtyard.

When they reached the place where Shen Xiuting and Wu Qi were drinking, Chongzhen looked at the table laden with wine and dishes, then at the two men forced to kneel on the ground at swordpoint by the Capital Camps soldiers. He merely gave a cold snort and sat down on a stool.

Though Shen Xiuting was forced to kneel on the ground at swordpoint, the moment he saw that Chongzhen was dressed like a young nobleman, he figured this must be the scion of some aristocratic house.

He stiffened his neck and said, "May I ask which house this young master hails from? You should know that leading troops to storm a county yamen is a crime tantamount to rebellion!"

At the threatening tone in Shen Xiuting's words, Chongzhen was nearly amused into laughter. Damn it all—rebellion? Was he supposed to rebel against himself?

The Chongzhen Emperor, finding this utterly ridiculous, said coolly, "No matter. Let alone merely leading troops to storm a county yamen—even if I led troops to storm a prefectural yamen, it would be no issue. You need not trouble yourself over that."

Ignoring the look on Shen Xiuting's face that clearly said he thought he was dealing with an idiot, Chongzhen continued, "And this esteemed gentleman—what is your honorable surname? How should you be addressed?"

With a blade at his throat, one had no choice but to submit. Shen Xiuting answered, "Your humble servant is a jinshi of the third year of Tianqi, surnamed Shen, given name Xiuting. I have the unworthy honor of serving as County Magistrate of Lantian County. May I ask who this young master is?"

Chongzhen, in the mood to toy with him, said, "What a coincidence. This young master's surname is Zhu—the imperial surname. On the day I was born, my father picked up a great big lump of lard on the street, and so he named me Youjian."

Shen Xiuting, not catching on for a moment, was tickled into laughter. "A fine name, young master—Pig Lard Pickup, Pig..."

Suddenly, Shen Xiuting realized exactly what that name signified. No matter how unbelievable it was, and though he had no idea how the reigning Son of Heaven had ended up in a wretched place like this, the sight of Capital Camps soldiers guarding him on all sides told him it must be true.

His heart turning ice-cold, Shen Xiuting hastily prostrated himself on the ground: "Your servant, Shen Xiuting, County Magistrate of Lantian County, kowtows before His Majesty, ten thousand years, ten thousand years, ten thousand years!

Your servant has recklessly spoken the Son of Heaven's personal name—a capital offense, a capital offense."

Chongzhen, however, said dismissively, "A mere name—what is there to speak or not speak? The commoners of Lantian are probably all cursing Us as a dog of an emperor by now, are they not? Calling Us by name outright is far better than outright cursing. It is of no consequence."

These words scared Shen Xiuting half to death.

Although the Chongzhen Emperor had said it was of no consequence, anyone who failed to catch the key point—that the commoners were cursing him as a dog of an emperor—was a genuine idiot, all right?

But how had the Emperor learned that the commoners were cursing him as a dog of an emperor? Sneaking a glance at Chongzhen's attire, Shen Xiuting suddenly understood—this fellow was imitating his ancestor the Zhengde Emperor, traveling incognito!

It was said the Zhengde Emperor had loved traveling incognito to prey upon his ministers' wives!

Convinced he had now grasped the truth of the matter, Shen Xiuting prostrated himself once more and declared, "Your Majesty loves the people as His own children, and your virtuous name is known far and wide—how could any commoner be unaware?

What Your Majesty spoke of just now must surely be the slander spread by unruly folk!"

You really are a goddamn talent, aren't you! If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes and heard it with my own ears, I might actually have believed that load of horseshit!

Chongzhen ignored Shen Xiuting's load of horseshit and asked directly, "When We entered the county seat, We saw the corpses of commoners who had starved to death being carted to the mass burial ground outside the city. Magistrate Shen, We want an explanation."

Shen Xiuting's eyes darted about, and he replied, "Reporting to Your Majesty: Lantian County has a population of roughly twenty thousand. The relief grain allocated here is barely sufficient.

However, in recent days many refugees fleeing famine from other regions have arrived, and your servant could not simply ignore them. Thus, inevitably, there are some who have been overlooked.

Your servant already reported to Xi'an Prefecture yesterday, requesting an additional allocation of grain."

Chongzhen said, "What Minister Shen says is quite true. But distant water cannot quench a present thirst. Every day of delay means more commoners in this Lantian County starve to death. Does Minister Shen have any good plan?"

Shen Xiuting, hearing this, merely bowed and said, "Your servant is incompetent and cannot share Your Majesty's burdens—a capital offense, a capital offense. However, your servant also knows the principle that an official must bring prosperity to the place he governs.

It is for this reason that your servant invited this Young Master Wu here beside us to a banquet. Young Master Wu has already agreed on his father's behalf to donate five hundred dan of grain to relieve the disaster victims of Lantian County."

Chongzhen glanced at this rather delicately handsome Young Master Wu and said flatly, "Young Master Wu's patriotic heart gladdens Us deeply. However—how long will it take for this grain to arrive?"

Seeing that Chongzhen was addressing him, Wu Qi hastily kowtowed and said, "Reporting to Your Majesty: this student's family grain should reach Lantian within the next two or three days."

Chongzhen shook his head and said to Shen Xiuting, "It seems Minister Shen still does not grasp Our meaning. We just said—how to solve the problem of Lantian County's commoners starving to death right now, not in two or three days.

If We could wait, We could simply wait for Xi'an Prefecture to allocate more grain."

Shen Xiuting's heart gave a thump. It was not that this matter had no solution. If he simply recovered the grain he had sold to Young Master Wu, let alone Lantian County—even adding another county's worth of disaster victims, it would be enough to keep them alive.

But with the Chongzhen Emperor pressing him like this, not answering was not an option. Shen Xiuting could only lower his body even further: "Reporting to Your Majesty: your servant is incompetent. I beg Your Majesty's forgiveness."

Chongzhen said flatly, "Enough, enough. We do have one method that can resolve the situation before Our eyes immediately. It merely requires borrowing something from Minister Shen."

Shen Xiuting asked curiously, "May I ask what Your Majesty wishes to borrow? Whatever your servant possesses, I am willing to donate it all for Your Majesty's use."

Chongzhen suddenly gave a cold laugh and said to Shen Xiuting, "We wish to borrow your head!"

(End of chapter)