Chapter 21: A Ming Emperor More Shrewish Than a Shrew

Chongzhen looked at the fellow shouting below the wall — he figured this was the Ming dynasty's number-one arch-traitor Fan Wencheng — and promptly laughed: "Fan Wencheng? I hear the new concubine you just took was bedded by Hooge?

And your wife was bedded by Dodo? How does that leftover bathwater taste?"

The moment Fan Wencheng heard this, his lungs nearly exploded with rage. Ignoring the dark-faced Hong Taiji beside him, he roared back: "Dog emperor! You can crow all you like today — once the city falls, we'll take your harem and draw up a full inventory!"

Chongzhen paid no mind to the shouting Fan Wencheng — if the city did fall, I could harden my heart and hack my own wife to death, and take my daughters down with her! What were a few shouted taunts worth? — and so he turned to Hong Taiji: "Slave-dog Hong Taiji!

We hear your junior wife, Dorgon's little sweetheart Dayu'er, is quite the beauty. Why not send her into the capital?

We'll have her properly trained up, then deliver her to the capital's biggest brothel, the Pleasure Red Courtyard, to be the top courtesan. How about it?"

Having spoken, he ignored Hong Taiji's reaction and addressed the many soldiers atop the wall: "If that day really comes, will you all go and patronize her?"

The common soldiers, after all, were awed by the imperial presence and dared not answer casually. Only Man Gui let out a hearty laugh and said: "Replying to Your Majesty, your subject will certainly go and patronize her.

Only, if it's just Dayu'er alone, it would be a bit dull. Better to wait until we've captured the wives and concubines of Hong Taiji and the rest of the Jianzhou barbarians, and throw them all in together?

Your subject is in fine health — I can take three at a time!"

Man Gui's words exactly suited Chongzhen's taste. Chongzhen raised his voice again: "My dear Man, you may not know this, but those dog Jianzhou barbarians are truly a disorderly lot — they even swap wives to get by. So telling whose wife or concubine is whose is really no easy matter!"

At this, the soldiers all burst into roaring laughter. Man Gui chimed in playfully: "Your Majesty, since it's hard to tell whose is whose, why not just round them all up together?

The little Jianzhou whelps we'll castrate and send off to be teahouse pimps — that way it'll be a one-stop Jianzhou family shop! And we'll go and have ourselves a Han–Jianzhou one-big-happy-family with them!"

Below the wall, Hong Taiji was so enraged his heart and lungs felt ready to burst. He immediately drew an eagle-feather arrow from his quiver, nocked his bow, and shot it straight at the Chongzhen Emperor atop the wall.

But by the time the arrow reached the top of the wall, it had grown weak and spent. Man Gui, standing beside Chongzhen, casually brushed it aside, and it fell to the ground.

Chongzhen thought to himself: "No wonder that oaf Man Gui can never get promoted — the man has no sense of timing. That pathetic arrow — I could have caught it with my bare hand! What a perfect chance to show off, and that idiot Man Gui ruined it!"

Though inwardly he was thoroughly disgusted with Man Gui's lack of perception, his tongue never stopped. He spoke again to Hong Taiji: "Hong Taiji, did you overexert yourself again yesterday?

Only, I wonder — on which wench? Dayu'er?

Harjol? Or Jeje?

Or perhaps, you sick degenerate, what you really like is men like Fan Wencheng?"

Hong Taiji was beside himself with fury and roared back: "Dog emperor! You just wait for this Khan!

Bark all you want now — once the city falls, this Khan will surely hand your harem over to the central army for every man to defile! And when we break your capital, ten days without sheathing the blade!"

The Chongzhen Emperor's face instantly darkened. He raged: "Slave-dog Hong Taiji!

Come on! Come on!

Or else you're no man at all! You wait for Us — We swear, one day, We shall personally lead a campaign to Liaodong!

We shall claim justice for the common folk who have died unjustly under your Jianzhou blades all these years! If We break this oath, let Heaven abhor it!

Let Earth cast it aside! Mark it well — and be sure you don't die too soon!"

He turned his head and roared at Fan Wencheng: "Fan Wencheng, We shall dispatch men to compile a Record of Han Traitors, and you, Fan Wencheng, shall be in it! When We personally campaign in Liaodong, your Fan clan — not a chicken or dog shall be left alive!"

Hong Taiji saw that negotiations had completely collapsed and that if they went on, this dog emperor would only curse more foully. So he lashed out at Fan Wencheng with his riding boot, said nothing, and spurred his horse back toward his own lines.

Once back at the main army tent, Hong Taiji felt that the looks Daishan, Yoto, and even Hooge and the others were giving him were all wrong — it was this Khan who bedded Dorgon's girl! This Khan was not cuckolded by Dorgon!

Even if he were, this Khan would still choose to forgive her! And furthermore, this Khan is no cut-sleeve!

He has never traveled the dry road!

With a bellyful of pent-up fury and nowhere to vent it, Hong Taiji spotted Fan Wencheng following him in,

so he raised his riding boot and lashed at Hooge, cursing as he struck: "Worthless wretch! From now on, you are forbidden to harass Master Fan's family again! If you do, this Khan will flog you to death alive!"

Seeing his young master taking a beating, Fan Wencheng hurried forward to restrain Hong Taiji, fell to his knees weeping, and cried: "Great Khan, quell your anger! That dog emperor seeks to sow discord and deliberately provoke the Great Khan's wrath!

The kindness the Great Khan has shown this slave — this slave knows it well in his heart! Great Khan, quell your anger!"

Hong Taiji lashed Hooge two more times with the whip, then seized the slope to dismount the donkey, roaring: "Get out and storm the city! Pass the word — once the city falls, ten days without sheathing the blade! This Khan will have the barbarian emperor's head made into a drinking vessel! Get out!"

After Hooge fled the tent in utter disarray, Daishan said to Hong Taiji: "Great Khan, the barbarians have now strengthened their walls and cleared the fields. They have burned all the surrounding villages and the like to the ground, and even felled the forests to the last tree!

Now our Great Jin can obtain no supplies. The provisions we prepared before — if we simply drag this out here with the barbarians, I fear they will not last ten days' needs!"

The truth was, the land of Liaodong was bitterly cold, the Jianzhou barbarians were not skilled at farming, and on top of that, Mao Wenlong at Dongjiang would raid and harass them from time to time.

These ten-plus days' worth of provisions already represented a very large portion of the Jianzhou barbarians' household reserves. If they had brought any more, and some problem arose in Liaodong, they might well starve a batch of their own people to death!

Hearing this, Hong Taiji replied: "No matter. This Khan long ago anticipated this point.

On this campaign, Dorgon at Xuan–Da bears the responsibility of liaising with the Shanxi merchants. As long as we give enough silver, those barbarians would sell their own mothers — let alone a mere bit of grain.

It is simply a matter of silver and coin. Once we break the barbarians' capital, there will be wealth in abundance."

They discussed matters further. After Daishan and the other Jianzhou men had left, Hong Taiji said to Fan Wencheng: "Master Fan, this Khan feels something is not right. How did the barbarians destroy everything in the surrounding area so quickly? Could there be a trick?"

Fan Wencheng thought for a moment and said: "It should not be. Most likely, the beacon smoke from Xuan–Da and Xifengkou earlier put the barbarians on alert.

After all, the barbarians' main forces were previously drawn away to Deng–Lai, and the Capital Camps have long been rotten to the core — they could hardly stir up any waves.

Still, to guard against any contingency, we should have Beile Dorgon speed up contact with the Shanxi merchants and purchase a batch of provisions as soon as possible."

Hong Taiji mused: "Quite right. That is exactly what should be done. Have Dorgon press the Shanxi merchants urgently. Raising the price a bit more would not hurt."

Yet the moment he thought of Dorgon, Hong Taiji still felt a surge of disgust in his heart. He wished Dorgon would just drop dead right now — Bumbutai at fourteen, what a dewy-fresh cabbage!

It should have been this Khan doing the nuzzling! As for Dorgon, let him go die!

The words the Chongzhen Emperor had cursed from the top of the city wall had, after all, taken effect!

PS: Strongly recommend a book — "The Beginning of Wuxia," by Liu Shaochong. The overall style is utterly unrestrained. Read "The Beginning of Wuxia" and learn new positions!

Rowing without oars, advancing entirely by riding the waves — Liu Shaochong, whose integrity was shattered long ago.

Liu Shaochong — a man who lacks Linghu Chong's integrity but rivals his wild debauchery, a truly wanton creature!