Chapter 6: The Chongzhen Emperor's Incognito Inspection

After staying obediently in the palace for a few days, the Chongzhen Emperor, whose head was aching from handling official business, finally couldn't stand it anymore.

Even if I were an IT shut-in, what exactly are your intentions in constantly annoying me with these trivial, meaningless little matters? Do you want me to drop dead from exhaustion a bit sooner?

If every problem requires me to handle it personally, then what use do I have for the Grand Secretariat and the Six Ministries?

The Chongzhen Emperor, unable to stay put, decided to leave the palace and take a page from that pockmarked Kang guy who was always going on incognito inspections — not necessarily to stir up trouble, but at least to get some fresh air and clear his mind, right?

Look at that pockmarked Kang — never doing proper court business day after day, only preoccupied with incognito inspections.

Of course, Brother Pockmark's incognito inspections were really just about sightseeing and chasing women from the very start — remember Xia Yuhe by Daming Lake?

The one who waited foolishly her whole life, yearned her whole life, and on her deathbed still wanted her daughter to go acknowledge her father…

If even someone like Pockmarked Kang could be hailed as an emperor par excellence through the ages, the Chongzhen Emperor asked himself — no matter how bad he was, how much worse could he possibly be?

The Chongzhen Emperor resolved that from now on, he would not only be diligent in state affairs but also diligent in incognito inspections, letting his legend spread throughout the land — like those rogues of the old Liu clan in the mighty Han, he would inspect his way to his own power base and reputation!

As for chasing women like Pockmarked Kang — forget it. The quality of the beauties in the Great Ming's rear palace was something those horse-faces of the Manchu Qing couldn't compare to…

Though, that does explain why Pockmarked Kang liked leaving the palace to chase women — basically any woman outside the palace was prettier than the ones in his rear palace…

But then again, historically speaking, Brother Pockmark was definitely not the number one when it came to loving to go out and play — when it comes to having fun, the old Liu clan of the Former Han, from emperor to crown prince, all loved this sort of thing.

Look at Emperor Jing of Han — that fellow rated as an enlightened sovereign, the one some big-eared fellow later kept calling himself the great-great-grandson of Emperor Xiaojing — he smashed the Crown Prince of Wu's head in with a chessboard on the streets of Chang'an, which led to the King of Wu refusing to attend court at Chang'an, and Chang'an still had to put on a pleasant face for the King of Wu.

If the King of Wu hadn't later rebelled, no matter how outrageously he acted, Chang'an would have had to hold its nose and accept it — after all, the Crown Prince of Wu had been smashed to death with a chessboard by the then-reigning crown prince, the later Emperor Xiaojing…

For the Chongzhen Emperor, going on an incognito inspection was naturally the simplest thing — just as those crown princes of the old Liu clan would call themselves the young master of such-and-such a lord or marquis when they went out, the Chongzhen Emperor simply arranged for himself to be his own brother-in-law, the second young master of State Elder Zhou's household.

After a round of disguise and dressing up, the Chongzhen Emperor, now virtually indistinguishable from the genuine Second Young Master Zhou, led his crew of henchmen, slipped past the Grand Secretariat, and sneaked out of the palace.

Wandering aimlessly down the streets, Chongzhen saw a side of things he had never seen in memorials: a peddler haggling with a customer over a single copper coin, then gazing hopefully after the customer left, longing for the next one;

a girl from a pleasure house leaning on the railing, waving her handkerchief and calling out to him, "My lord, come on in!" — that voice, it could melt a man's bones from the inside out;

he also saw an innkeeper driving away a little beggar, saw that most of the commoners on the street wore looks of hunger, and saw that nearly all their clothes had been patched and mended again and again before being worn.

What truly piqued the Chongzhen Emperor's interest was seeing several Eastern Depot runners leading a group of military auxiliaries down the street, walking straight into a restaurant, then coming out with a cloth pouch and hanging a placard at the shop's entrance with the two characters "Chrysanthemum Moon" written on it.

The transmigrator who had fully inherited the original Chongzhen Emperor's memories knew that "Chrysanthemum Moon" meant the ninth month, and according to the reports Cao Huachun had submitted, a hanging placard meant this shop's protection fee for September had already been paid.

As for anyone daring to forge one? Highly unlikely — the ferocious reputations of the Embroidered Uniform Guard and the Eastern Depot were enough to stop a child's night-time crying; who would dare risk their head by counterfeiting a placard issued by the Depot and the Guard?

Once the Eastern Depot runners and military auxiliaries had left, the Chongzhen Emperor walked straight into this placard-bearing restaurant and called out, "Proprietor! Bring two of your best dishes and warm a pot of wine!"

The waiter serving the tables had a sharp eye — seeing Chongzhen's attire and Wang Cheng'en and Fang Zhenghua in attendance, he knew Chongzhen's status was extraordinary. He first informed the proprietor, then hurried to the back to tell the kitchen to prepare dishes and warm wine.

Seeing the waiter had notified the proprietor, Chongzhen didn't stand on ceremony and said to the proprietor, "Proprietor, come over here."

The proprietor hurriedly trotted over and asked, "This young master looks quite unfamiliar — may I ask what instructions you have for this old man?"

It seemed the anticipated scene of the proprietor looking down on him so he could slap his face with a show of power wasn't going to happen, so the Chongzhen Emperor simply asked, "Proprietor, this young master just saw Eastern Depot runners leaving your establishment and hanging a placard at your door.

What is that about?"

The proprietor was honest enough and answered directly, "In reply to the young master, those gentlemen from the Eastern Depot came to collect something called a management fee from this humble shop. As long as this humble shop honestly pays up, they hang a placard like that at the door."

Seeing the proprietor wasn't being clear enough, Chongzhen asked outright, "How much silver did they collect from you? And what is this silver collected for? It doesn't look like they only collected from your shop — are you all willingly paying it?"

The proprietor, sensing from Chongzhen's tone that he didn't take the Eastern Depot seriously, was a bit uncertain of Chongzhen's background and hesitated, not daring to speak.

Seeing this, Wang Cheng'en barked, "When my young master asks a question, you will answer honestly. My young master is the second young master of State Elder Zhou's household.

Even if Cao Huachun, the Director of the Eastern Depot, came in person, he'd still have to address our young master as 'His Excellency the Imperial Brother-in-Law'!"

After secretly curling his lip, the proprietor said, "This humble one greets His Excellency the Imperial Brother-in-Law. In answer to His Excellency, the men from the Embroidered Uniform Guard and the Eastern Depot take fifteen percent of this humble shop's profits.

I hear they take twenty-five percent from foreign and barbarian merchants.

As for what this money's for, they only say it's some management fee.

This humble one has little experience and doesn't really understand what rules this management fee follows, but from what they say, if some ruffian causes trouble in the shop or eats and drinks without paying, just go find them, and they'll sort it out.

This humble one's shop is small — there's no choice but to pay. If we don't pay, they come and make trouble every couple of days, and business simply can't be done. Paying this money is buying peace.

I've heard from people at other shops that this money truly isn't taken for nothing. If someone causes trouble and you call them in, they really do side with us small folk. If that's truly the case, then this silver is paid willingly enough — just treat it as paying the commercial tax."

Cursing them inwardly as a bunch of spineless wretches, the Chongzhen Emperor pressed on, "So they only collect from small shops like yours? Those establishments with connections to the great officials at court — do they dare go collect from them too?"

The proprietor replied, "In answer to Your Excellency the Imperial Brother-in-Law, the Eastern Depot are the household slaves of the Son of Heaven.

When they collect money, unless someone has heaven-reaching backing like Your Excellency or connections to the current Chief Grand Secretary, who would dare refuse to pay?"

After hearing the proprietor out, Chongzhen turned to Wang Cheng'en and asked, "I recall our family also has a shop nearby. Have you heard anything about this protection fee business?"

Wang Cheng'en instantly felt his entire being turn unwell.

My Lord of Ten Thousand Years, how would this slave know whether the Imperial Brother-in-Law's family has a shop nearby?

You'd have to ask the Eastern Depot runners about that — and besides, wasn't this protection fee something you, Venerable Elder, ordered the Eastern Depot to collect in the first place?

But you are the Emperor — if you say there is one, then there certainly is; even if there isn't, there must be. Wang Cheng'en immediately replied, "In answer to the young master, it is indeed nearby. Shall we go take a look in a moment?"

Chongzhen promptly said to Wang Cheng'en, "You settle the bill. We'll go take a look."

After the bill was settled, Chongzhen began swaggering down the street — I'm going to see how the Embroidered Uniform Guard and the Eastern Depot collect their money! And see if there's any blind fool who dares refuse to pay!

(End of chapter)