Chapter 3: This Is How to Teach a Cat

()The lab's white mice — if put nicely, they have a generally mild disposition; if put bluntly, they're collectively stupid, possibly due to inbreeding.

Recently Zheng Tan often heard these mentioned in Associate Professor Jiao's genetics lecture PPT, so when he saw that cage of white mice, he felt it really matched what Jiao Ba said — he indeed saw no fear in the mice's eyes; they might even have thought the feeder had come, bustling to beg for food.

Jiao Ba took a white mouse out of the cage and put it on the table, telling Zheng Tan: 'Watch it, don't let it run around.'

Zheng Tan looked at the mouse, utterly unaware of its impending doom, and lifted a paw to press its tail. The mouse with its tail held down didn't struggle much, just showing a posture of wanting to crawl forward.

Look, this is the difference between wild and domesticated: if those outside mice had their tails held, they'd either struggle desperately to break free or turn and bite.

Jiao Ba put the cage holding the remaining four white mice into an empty cardboard box so they couldn't see what was happening outside.

'I don't know how you cats catch or kill mice; I'm just going to tell you the method we commonly use.'

Saying that, Jiao Ba took the mouse from under Zheng Tan's paw.

'Let me tell you, in domestic labs we basically use the cervical dislocation method; it's also the least painful way to euthanize white mice. If done skillfully, they feel no pain, and it aligns with what foreigners call animal welfare...'

Zheng Tan crouched nearby, quietly watching. He knew Jiao Ba had entered teaching mode; sometimes at home, after preparing a teaching PPT, Jiao Ba would do a trial run, with Zheng Tan as the listener. So whenever Zheng Tan heard Jiao Ba say 'Let me tell you,' he knew Jiao Ba had slipped into teaching mode again.

'Cervical dislocation, in plain terms, means dislocating the cervical vertebrae to sever the spinal cord from the brainstem. One hand uses a tool or directly clamps the mouse's neck, the other hand grabs its tail, and both hands pull hard — that's it. This is one method; another we often use, you can try it too, watch...'

While speaking, Jiao Ba used his left hand to grab the mouse's tail, and with his right thumb and forefinger pressed down on the mouse's neck as he moved there.

Then, there was no 'then'.

Zheng Tan looked at the motionless mouse on the table, then at Jiao Ba wearing a 'I've got my eye on you' expression, and flicked his ears.

'Look, the operation is actually simple; even if you've never caught a mouse before, it's fine — just get the hang of it. I've seen your speed when you beat up A Huang; chasing a mouse will definitely be no problem.'

The A Huang that Jiao Ba mentioned is a yellow tabby cat, one of Zheng Tan's mischievous friends since he became a cat. Unlike 'Jingzhang,' A Huang always does things that are both annoying and amusing; Zheng Tan often feels like giving him a beating, but lately A Huang hasn't shown up, and he doesn't know why.

Jiao Ba caught another white mouse and let Zheng Tan try himself.

Zheng Tan killed this first mouse only after pressing it three times, finally letting the poor creature expire completely.

When killing the second mouse, Zheng Tan used too much force, but at least the mouse felt no pain before dying. Zheng Tan also felt increasingly glad he'd become a cat rather than a mouse — going down one step on the food chain means facing another layer of hell.

'Cervical dislocation is easy; the mouse's cervical vertebrae are fragile, you just lack skill,' Jiao Ba called out from the side, 'Don't hesitate when you strike; succeeding in one try is best, otherwise the mouse will suffer greatly. But note, you must pull apart the spinal cord and brainstem, not simply yank off the head — this requires controlling force: enough to break the neck vertebrae but not so much as to pull the head off. Some of my former students, due to force issues, directly raised intraocular pressure in the mice, causing their eyeballs to burst.'

Zheng Tan: '……'

Holy crap, that's terrifying!

Zheng Tan glanced at Jiao Ba, whose face remained calm as he spoke those words, and suddenly felt a cold light flickering in Jiao Ba's eyes.

Zheng Tan recalled a time when he and his drinking-and-meat friends hung out at nightclubs, discussing this topic; someone once said: 'Actually, the most formidable assassins aren't those who look fierce and vicious on the outside, nor those who wield big knives, covered in tattoos and nose rings, looking tough, nor those who constantly flash knives and guns to show off how badass they are — but those who appear completely ordinary yet can effortlessly reap lives in the next moment without changing expression.'

Thus some senior lab staff, from a certain angle, say their demeanor is somewhat similar to that of assassins.

Lab staff in experimental mode are truly damn scary!

Zheng Tan thought, perhaps Associate Professor Jiao is the only person in the world who teaches his own cat how to kill mice using the short-neck method.

When killing the third and fourth mice, Zheng Tan's feel improved markedly; at least he gave these two a more dignified death compared to the first two.

Of the five white mice, Jiao Ba demonstrated by killing one, and the remaining four were killed by Zheng Tan.

After disposing of the five dead mice, Jiao Ba turned and went into the inner room, soon returning with a slightly larger cage containing five white mice, only much bigger in size.

'These are rats; the lab's white rats are an albino variant of the brown rat. We still use the same method, just need a bit more force — find the right spot, control the strength, and one strike will do it. Do you need me to demonstrate?'

Zheng Tan shook his head.

'Good kid.'

Zheng Tan: '……'

As Jiao Ba said, the rats were just a little harder, but after trying the five, Zheng Tan also became proficient.

'Want to practice more?' Jiao Ba asked.

Zheng Tan shook his head.

'Great, we'll stop our mouse‑killing practice here. Let me tell you…'

Zheng Tan flicked his ears: '……' Here we go again.

Although the mice were all killed, Jiao Ba's teaching mode obviously hadn't fully withdrawn.

'In our lab, besides the common cervical dislocation method for euthanizing large and small rodents, there are also decapitation, exsanguination, blunt trauma, anesthesia, and gas euthanasia, etc. For frogs we use the myelotomy method — just a needle. Um… next week I happen to be dissecting bullfrogs in the animal anatomy class, so I'll bring one back to demonstrate. Oh, and there's something you should pay special attention to: most methods used in the lab to euthanize cats and dogs are air embolism.' He paused, then looked at Zheng Tan and asked, 'Do you understand this?'

Zheng Tan shook his head, his muscles a bit stiff, the fur on his back and tail still puffed up; he felt the ambient temperature was unusually low.

'Put simply, this method is injecting air into the venous system.'

Zheng Tan shivered. Even if his knowledge in this area was weak, he understood what would happen if air were struck into the meridians.

While speaking, Jiao Ba suddenly thought that mentioning the Titanic to a cat would probably be useless, so he turned back to the topic and summed up: 'So you must always watch out for danger and know how to save yourself.'

After practicing the mouse‑killing technique, tonight's goal was essentially achieved, and Zheng Tan felt he had it figured out. Although catching mice was frustrating, being a cat now meant only a cat that catches mice would be acknowledged; even the useless A Huang could do it, so Zheng Tan believed he could surely manage.

When Zheng Tan returned to the East Jia Residential Compound, he saw a familiar face beside a vehicle parked in the open space, wearing a military badge.

That being the case, Fatty had also finished visiting relatives and returned.

While Jiao Ba went to the parking shed to park his car, Zheng Tan jumped onto the second‑floor balcony and peered inside.

On the windowsill desk lay a bag of instant noodles, on which a slightly plump tabby cat was squatting.

On the desk by the window lay a bag of instant noodles, and on the noodles sat a slightly plump tabby cat.