Chapter 104

The whole Siheyuan.

As for the Jia Family and Xu Daming, their conflict is the deepest.

Even without Third Aunt and Er Da Ma as witnesses, Xu Daming would still direct his suspicions at the Jia Family.

During the period when Xu Daming kept running to the toilet, Jia Zhangshi constantly directed sarcastic and harsh remarks at Xu Daming, the meaning being that Xu Daming had offended the Jia Family, heaven could not stand it, and sent a plague god to deal with Xu Daming.

The flies in the toilet.

The Jia Family is simply seeking death.

Shazhu casually threw the croton bean powder to one side.

Even a sheep is let out to graze.

Even two pigs are also raised.

Just before leaving this morning, Long Laotaitai from the back courtyard suddenly showed up, carrying a half-jin piece of pork, saying she hadn't eaten Shazhu's cooking in a long time, knowing Shazhu had to support Yushui and life was tight, she brought the pork and asked Shazhu to help cook it.

Dozens of neighbors right in front of them.

Long Laotaitai again came bringing pork.

Shazhu really couldn't refuse.

Besides, he had something to ask Xu Daming for advice on.

In the morning he offended the deputy station chief, Old Fu.

Then that's just a pure villain.

In the future he will definitely have to scheme against him.

Shazhu plans to nip the threat in the bud, not waiting for Old Fu to gain momentum and deal with Shazhu; Shazhu intends to act first and eliminate Old Fu before he gets going.

Zhao Benshan once said this line in his skit 'Selling Crutches'.

Need to aim ahead.

Knocking Old Fu down is Shazhu's lead.

Xu Daming is a pure villain; in the matter of overthrowing Old Fu, Shazhu, unable to think of a method for a moment, could only ask Xu Daming for advice.

Shazhu turned and greeted He Yushui, who had just come home from school, asking her to help soak the piece of pork that Long Laotaitai had brought in this brine, saying he wanted to make a salted meat dish for Long Laotaitai.

Then he and Xu Daming whispered to each other.

He Yushui, who had already become a little fat pig, following Shazhu's instructions, put the pork into the iron basin, then scooped several ladles of cold water into the iron basin. While looking for salt, she saw the castor bean powder that Shazhu had casually thrown on the table without a second thought, mistook it for salt, and He Yushui evenly smeared the castor bean powder on the pork, also imitating how He Daqing used to cook, using a thumbtack to poke many tiny holes in the pork to ensure the castor bean powder she thought was salt would flavor the meat.

Shazhu, whose back was turned to He Yushui, had no idea that, because of the mistake, he would make a castor bean pork dish for Long Laotaitai, causing Long Laotaitai, like Xu Daming, to have diarrhea all afternoon, her legs going weak as she collapsed into the outhouse, eating it with great delight.

That is a later story.

Now Shazhu truly regarded himself as a diligent elementary school student, earnestly seeking Xu Daming's advice on this despicable method.

People have their own way.

Ghosts have their own way.

To deal with the petty old deputy, we need the petty Xu Daming to devise a plan.

"Xu Daming, the matter is just this; if it were you, what would you do?"

After Shazhu finished explaining the situation, he looked at Xu Daming hopefully.

Xu Daming is now Shazhu's lifeline.

If it were someone else.

If there is a way, there is a way; if there is no way, there is no way.

Xu Daming, however, went against the grain, asking outright whether Zhou Xianghong was good-looking, whether she was a very pretty girl, and whether she had the beautiful reputation of the 'scrap flower'.

His lustful nature.

There's no hope.

Shazhu, whose head was as big as a bucket, had no leisure to discuss with Xu Daming whether Zhou Xianghong was good-looking or had the reputation of the 'scrap flower' beauty, and anxiously said, "Xu Daming, talk about serious matters."

"I'm talking about serious matters too." Xu Daming gave a ill-intentioned look, pointing at Shazhu, "Shazhu, truly worthy of being my brother, in some aspects we are of one mind."

"Stop pulling that nonsense, do you still want me to cook for you? If so, hurry up and think of a way."

Xu Daming's old talk.

He again steered the conversation toward Zhou Xianghong's looks.

"Is Zhou Xianghong good-looking?"

"Can you live without women?"

At the sight of Shazhu's expression, it was clear he had misunderstood; Xu Daming squeezed out a look of disdain.

"You, as my brother, are really reaching beyond your station; the old deputy kicked his original wife, and upon seeing Zhou Xianghong he expressed his wish to become lifelong partners with her—this guy is definitely a Zhu Bajie."

"What do you mean?"

"Buddy, how are you still muddled? The old deputy likes women; if Zhou Xianghong is a pretty girl, she invites the old deputy to a meal—would he come? After the meal, should he see her home? Halfway there, if Zhou Xianghong shouts, what do you think the result would be?"

Shazhu sucked in a breath of cold air.

Dealing with the old deputy.

He went to Xu Daming for ideas, and he really found the right person.

The legendary 'fairy leap'.

It can also be called 'law enforcement through entrapment'.

Using Zhou Xianghong to lure the old deputy out, when Zhou Xianghong suddenly shouts, these people will rush out, and the old deputy will probably end up being a complete fool.

Absolute.

Now there is a difficult problem.

How to persuade Zhou Xianghong.

That girl also has a violent temper; this morning she slapped the old deputy, turning his face into a pig's head.

Shazhu, do you think this plan of ours will work?

Yes.

When the time comes, we'll go together with you.

Shazhu stared intently at Xu Daming, now doubting Xu Daming's motive for going along—whether it was to ensure the plan's proper implementation or to pursue Zhou Xianghong.

Old Fu is a Teddy.

Xu Daming is also a Teddy.

Shazhu, look at the boy?

Xu Daming. Shazhu gave a thumbs-up, "You're the one."

I suddenly thought of something—why are you asking me for ideas?

Know yourself and know your enemy, and you will win a hundred battles; to deal with petty people, you must devise schemes against them.

The smile on Xu Daming's face.

It vanished in an instant.

Damn Shazhu.

Next time I won't give you any ideas.

Don't pull a long face; I'll make you a cabbage soup in a bit, a cabbage soup specially for treating diarrhea.

Shazhu, thinking he might need Xu Daming later, employed the slap-then-sweet-date tactic, feeding him the lie that cabbage soup cures diarrhea.

He used Xu Daming and Shazhu as test subjects.

He stood up and shouted toward He Yushui, who was pounding pork not far away.

Yushui, is the meat soaked?

Done.

Put the meat on the cedar board, pour out the water in the basin, and I'll cook.

All these misunderstandings, the old lady dragging misunderstandings home—it's just misunderstandings piling up.

Amid all kinds of coincidences.

Shazhu turned the salted meat slices into croton-seed meat slices, and just as he was about to cut off two taels of pork with his knife, he suddenly, inexplicably, dismissed the idea of keeping the old deaf lady's pork for himself.

A single thought's difference.

To avoid himself and Yushui ending up like Xu Daming, to prevent Xu Daming from being drugged again, and to let the old deaf lady bear everything alone.

The old deaf lady ate the pork that Shazhu had sent, which had been soaked in croton-seed water for over ten minutes, eating every last bit, and then, still unwilling to give up, licked the meat bowl clean with her tongue.

Xu Daming was also knocked down by the croton seed.

What's more, the old deaf lady, who already had one foot in the coffin, after Shazhu went to work, sat at the elder aunt's house chatting with her, her stomach churning, she began to fart—one continuous fart after another, muffled farts, huge stinky farts.

The farts were filled with the smell of pork.

The elder aunt silently cursed in her heart.

Damn old lady, not a good thing—half a catty of pork all went into the old deaf lady's belly, and she didn't even say to split any with the elder aunt and Yi Zhonghai.

The elder aunt's grudge isn't about this bit of eating and drinking; she feels her efforts haven't been rewarded appropriately.

From the siheyuan to the hutong, everyone knows the old deaf lady's daily life is looked after by the elder aunt; the old deaf lady carries half a catty of pork and asks Shazhu to help prepare it.

This amounted to an invisible slap in the face for Yi Zhonghai and his wife.

In the steel plant he's a fourth-grade technician; in the siheyuan he's a patriarch; the old deaf lady's act of carrying pork and asking Shazhu to help cook is her way of telling countless people that Yi Zhonghai and his wife mistreated her, didn't give her meat, forced her to buy her own meat, and beg Shazhu to cook for her.

This was unbearable for Yi Zhonghai and his wife, who always cared about saving face and maintaining their image; at lunchtime, although Yi Zhonghai didn't explicitly say it to the elder aunt, she could see from his expression that he was dissatisfied with the old deaf lady's having Shazhu prepare meat dishes for her.

She inexplicably felt a bit pleased in her heart.

Regarding the matter of adopting a child,

The biggest obstacle actually came from the old deaf lady, who kept instilling in Yi Zhonghai the idea that adoption is inferior to finding someone to support them in old age.

Old lady, are you alright?

The particle 'ba' had just left his lips.

A sudden jingling sound came from the elder aunt's earlobe, and immediately the house filled with a pungent odor.

Visible to the naked eye.

There was this faint yellowish substance, dripping down the old deaf lady's pant leg.

Even if the elder aunt were utterly stupid, she would now understand what was happening.

The old deaf lady had diarrhea.

Amid the chaos, the old deaf lady changed her pants, and just a few minutes later she ran to the toilet back and forth several times; finally, her legs gave out and she fell into the latrine—if she hadn't been spotted in time, she would have surely met a miserable end in the pit.

In the courtyard there was just a bunch of meddling old women who loved to gossip; they'd go fish the old deaf lady out of the latrine, say they couldn't, and even if they could, they'd still say they couldn't.

The old deaf lady fell into the latrine.

No matter what, they needed to find a man to help.

The elder aunt ran to the steel plant to call for Yi Zhonghai.

A couple married for over twenty years.

She knew what Yi Zhonghai wanted.

The old deaf lady's fall into the latrine was a perfect opportunity for Yi Zhonghai to boost his reputation; the elder aunt would surely seize it, and upon hearing that the old deaf lady had fallen into the latrine, Yi Zhonghai dropped what he was doing and sprinted back to the siheyuan.

May.

Spring warm, flowers blooming.

Even the latrine was no exception.

The smell was unbearable, and just looking at it made one nauseous.

Yi Zhonghai, not knowing what he was thinking, had someone go to the scrap yard to call for Shazhu.

Shazhu, thinking at the scrap station about why Zhou Xianghong hadn't come, heard Yi Zhonghai send someone to call him back to fish the deaf old lady out of the cesspool, and suddenly the heaven-defying idea arose.

The deaf old lady fell into the cesspool.

The fake gentleman called for Shazhu to come back.

Even just using your toes to think, you could figure out why the fake gentleman called you back: besides going down to fish out the deaf old lady, there must be something else, right?

No.

Soldiers come, oppose them with generals; water comes, block it with earth.

Shazhu, citing that work was busy, decisively refused the proposal to go back and fish out the deaf old lady.

Refusing was his true intention, and also a ploy; Shazhu used the refusal as a pretext to test the old deputy who was present, wanting to see what the old deputy would do.

It was to pretend not to have heard, to hide hatred in his heart, and slowly plot.

Or to seize the opportunity to take revenge, not letting it linger overnight.

Based on the old deputy's reaction, determine how to carry out Xu Daming's plan to frame him with a feces-filled chamber pot.

Among the two choices A and B in the answer.

The old deputy chose B.

That is, the latter.

The old deputy, who had been scolded by Shazhu all morning with indirect insults, thought this was an excellent opportunity to deal with Shazhu, and, smiling, morally blackmailed Shazhu, spouting a bunch of irrelevant nonsense like 'saving a life beats building a seven-story pagoda' and 'patriotic feelings,' etc.

Upon learning the answer, Shazhu also took the graceful exit, riding his bicycle away from the scrap station.

He did not go back to fish out the deaf old lady.

Only someone with water in their brain would go back to fish out that stupid piece of shit, the deaf old lady.

Shazhu rushed toward the nearby pharmacies.

In the morning, Xu Daming had diarrhea.

In the afternoon, the deaf old lady had diarrhea.

At noon, Shazhu cooked the meat dishes that the deaf old lady liked.

Do this as early as possible.

Shazhu learned the answer he wanted from the pharmacy nearest the Siheyuan; Xu Daming's guess was correct—the owner of the croton powder was Jia Zhangshi; Laoqianpo resented Xu Daming, gave him half the medicine, and besides being seen by the Siheyuan neighbors entering Xu Daming's home, she also threw the remaining half of the croton powder at the scene.

Pure pig brain.

Buying croton powder to harm Xu Daming.

Yet she bought the croton powder at the pharmacy nearest the Siheyuan, leaving her real name: Jia Zhangshi of the Red Star Courtyard.

If criminals were all as stupid as Jia Zhangshi, the public security comrades would have much less to worry about.

Shazhu intercepted a little schoolgirl on the way, casually dealt with her outside, and then slowly returned to the Siheyuan.

Even holding a meeting requires a full stomach.

Only with a full stomach does one have the strength to fight those bastards.

In Shazhu's understanding.

Tonight's Dayuan meeting is destined to be anything but ordinary.

Riding his bicycle, carrying He Yushui, he returned to the Siheyuan.

The scene before him was exactly as Shazhu had anticipated.

Besides the appearance of holding a Dayuan meeting, the Siheyuan also had faces twisted with gossip to the extreme; among the crowd, the most eye-catching person was naturally the hot-tempered fake gentleman, Yi Zhonghai.

Clearly someone had been sent to call Shazhu, and his superiors even said to let Shazhu come back to fish out the deaf old lady, yet Yi Zhonghai stubbornly stood by the cesspool waiting for Shazhu for a little less than an hour; had he not been worried about damaging his reputation by waiting, Yi Zhonghai would have had to personally go down into the cesspool and lift up the deaf old lady whom even dogs despise.

During the time he was lifting the deaf old lady.

Yi Zhonghai truly suffered greatly.

Some of the trash on the deaf old lady's body fell onto the fake gentleman's head, and some even got into his mouth.

After rescuing the deaf old lady.

Yi Zhonghai washed in the bathhouse for a full hour, yet still couldn't wash off that foul stench.

Watching the crowd distance themselves from him.

Yi Zhonghai felt depressed.

Do I really stink that much?