Chapter 6: Against the Routine, the False Gentleman

Xu Damao, don't move—I, He Yuzhu, lay down my words: from now on you, Xu Damao, are my brother He Yuzhu's brother; I won't hit you or scold you, we two will treat each other as brothers.

Shazhu looked at Xu Damao with a sigh.

A sincere look that you, Xu Damao, are my brother.

But Xu Damao didn't believe it.

They thought Shazhu harbored ill intentions.

"You think I'm a three‑year‑old, believing your nonsense offhand, Shazhu—I, Xu Damao, won't buy your act. Are you trying to numb me, Xu Damao, so that when I let my guard down you'll wipe me out like the Eighth Route Army attacking little devils? Don't even dream of it."

Shamao

"Shazhu." Xu Damao glared, Shazhu called him Shamao, "Who are you talking about?"

"Talking about you."

"Shazhu, are you looking for trouble?"

"What does 'looking for trouble' mean? I said we two are brothers; you call me Shazhu, I call you Shamao, then we two are equal—we're both of the Silly generation." Shazhu turned his face to Liu Guangqi beside him and said, "Liu Guangqi, we're still missing one; why don't you join too, call you Liu Silly."

"Get lost, who wants to be with your Silly generation? Let go."

"Let go of your fart, come on, today's a good day—brother, I'll treat you to a meal."

Shazhu, relying on his slightly greater strength, put his arm around Xu Damao's neck and walked outside.

Xu Damao struggled a few more times.

He couldn't break free.

"Shazhu, you're sick."

"Shamao, you're right—I'm sick, do you have medicine?"

One sentence.

The retorting Xu Damao didn't know what to say, and it also made Yi Zhonghai and Liu Haizhong stare wide-eyed.

Could it be that Dad ran off with a widow?

This child will grow up to be stimulating.

Thinking of the Liu family elder, Liu Haizhong hesitated whether he too should find a widow.

He thought better of it.

He Daqing's wife is dead, but Liu Haizhong's wife is still alive; his gaze fell on the nearby feather duster, and after a while he would give the elder a good lesson, letting him know what 'killing the chicken to scare the monkey' means—this feather duster can totally support Liu Haizhong while he disciplines the second and third.

Yi Zhonghai, speechless as if he had swallowed a dead fly, let out a loud yell.

Shazhu, you must not become friendly with Xu Damao.

"Zhuzi, stand still for me."

He Daqing's matter is not yet settled.

What reconciliation are you seeking with Xu Damao?

Xu Damao is your rival; only if you oppose Xu Damao—if you strike Xu Damao—can I, in the guise of an old good person, favor you Shazhu, thereby keeping you under control.

"Elder, do you have something?"

He looked up at the sun in the sky.

A flash of inspiration.

"Zhuzi, it's only past eight in the morning; what meal are you treating Xu Damao to this early?"

"Having breakfast."

Shazhu's tone was especially relaxed.

I'll treat you to breakfast.

Will that work?

"Shazhu, do I need this breakfast from you?"

"Then how about dinner? I'll treat you to dinner, okay?" Shazhu said to Xu Damao, "Please come to Dong Lai Shun tonight for hot‑pot lamb."

"Really?"

"Shamao, I He Yuzhu speak without deceit; cheating you would make me a grandson."

Xu Damao looked dubiously at Shazhu, his face still showing some disbelief.

"Shazhu, you damn well aren't trying to screw me over, are you?"

"Exactly, I just want to screw you, Xu Damao—just say whether you dare to come; if you admit you don't dare, then from now on when you see me you'll avoid me."

"Cut the crap, I Xu Damao won't be afraid of you, Shazhu—tonight at eight at Dong Lai Shun, no show, no leave; whoever doesn't come is a grandson."

"Xu Damao, just wait till you call me grandpa."

Xu Damao took the opportunity when Shazhu's arm wasn't exerting force, broke free from Shazhu's grasp, ran to a place five or six meters away from Shazhu, and said to Shazhu, "Shazhu, it's you who called me grandpa—this grandpa is settled; tonight's lamb is mine to eat."

The words spoken.

He took off running.

His tone of speech, his manner of acting—completely Xu Damao.

Just as he was about to go out, he didn't watch his step and fell flat on his face on the street.

True to its name, a face‑plant.

Shazhu saw Xu Damao fall flat on his face.

Worried that Xu Damao might suffer some injury from the fall, like developing infertility.

So he thought of going out to help Xu Damao up.

Lovers' feelings turned into a man‑eating beast.

Seeing Shazhu jump out of the courtyard, Xu Damao did a kip‑up from the ground, didn't brush off the dust on his clothes, and ran off down the main road.

Shazhu too was left speechless.

Being human is too difficult.

I wanted to treat Xu Damao to a meal, politely asking him, but Xu Damao said he wouldn't come no matter what, and in the end I still used this bet to goad my grandfather into achieving the goal.

"Eldest Uncle, just wait for Xu Damao to call you dad; this is settled."

Yi Zhonghai was stunned.

Hearing those words felt somewhat uncomfortable.

He didn't think much about it.

His thoughts were now entirely on Shazhu, wondering how to get Shazhu to go to Baocheng to find He Daqing.

Shazhu also wanted to see how the hypocrite would behave.

The turtle took a liking to the big tortoise.

"Eldest Uncle, you just said you had something to ask me?"

"There is."

"Is it secret?"

Yi Zhonghai looked at Shazhu with a gloomy expression.

That's what was asked.

Too beastly.

It left Yi Zhonghai not knowing how to answer.

"Alright, alright, let's talk inside."

Shazhu invited Yi Zhonghai into the house, poured half a basin of boiling water into an enamel basin, first tasted it himself to see if it was hot, then pushed the enamel basin from which he had taken a few sips toward Yi Zhonghai.

An expression of Shazhu being filial to Yi Zhonghai by offering him hot water.

"Eldest Uncle, the weather is cold; drink some hot water to warm yourself."

Yi Zhonghai lowered his head and saw the enamel basin still faintly stained with Shazhu's saliva.

He paused for a few seconds.

He lifted his head and gazed at Shazhu, whose face was full of expectation as he waited for Yi Zhonghai to drink water.

He hardened his heart.

He didn't drink.

"Shazhu, Eldest Uncle feels fine; it's not that cold."

"Alright, then I'll listen to you; tell me what the matter is."

Shazhu went straight to the point.

He wanted to see what medicine Yi Zhonghai was selling from his gourd.

"Nothing much, just about Xu Damao."

"Eldest Uncle, you don't even believe I treat Xu Damao as a brother; I swear by the light bulb, I guarantee I will treat Xu Damao as a brother."

Yi Zhonghai's heart.

Whoa, chilly.

"If you treat Xu Damao as a brother, how can I still favor you, Shazhu, by using you to hit Xu Damao?"

"Shazhu, let's not talk about Xu Damao; let's talk about your affairs."

Yi Zhonghai thought for a moment.

He realized the matter was still within his plan.

"He Daqing has left; only you remain at home."

Shazhu finally understood why he had kept the saying from his past life, 'feed one person and the whole family won't go hungry,' on his lips.

Yi Zhonghai constantly instilled this idea into him.

"Eldest Uncle, you're wrong; I still have Yushui as my sister."

"Shazhu, I'm speaking metaphorically; I'm worried you might not take it well."