Chapter 808: Tell You All My Secrets

Cai Xiaotang was too nervous to speak; all that remained in her ears was the sound of her own chaotic heartbeat.

And her body, which grew only stiffer the more she tried to control it.

Really... this time she was really going to be with Li Xiao...

Could she do it...

Was it really okay...

Their burning bodies pressed together; although she was wearing a swimsuit, it didn't seem much different from wearing nothing at all.

"Relax..."

Li Xiao kissed the side of Cai Xiaotang's neck lightly, coaxing her in a low voice.

But he immediately noticed that even Cai Xiaotang's eyelashes were trembling slightly, and her brows were tightly furrowed, as if... as if she were enduring something.

"Xiao Tang?"

Li Xiao tentatively called her name softly.

Cai Xiaotang, however, seemed not to hear him, only breathing in short, nervous gasps as fragmented images flashed incessantly through her mind.

A hallway where the sunlight could not reach, a closed door, and the intermittent sobbing of a woman coming from inside.

Cai Xiaotang saw her younger self standing outside the door, staring at that room with a blank expression, not moving for a long time.

The crying in her ears seemed to grow louder, mixed with a jumble of other noises.

But just then, an untimely voice intruded.

"Cai Xiaotang!"

Li Xiao's anxious voice suddenly shattered the scene before her.

Cai Xiaotang snapped her eyes open, a mist of water already gathering in them.

Li Xiao felt a pang in his heart; he hurriedly bent down to lift her from the edge of the hot spring pool, pulled her into his arms, and patted her shoulder soothingly, feeling a vague sense of worry in his heart.

He hadn't seen wrong.

Just now... her eyes had been full of fear.

But... why?

Today, it was clearly Xiao Tang who had wanted to...

Cai Xiaotang lay in Li Xiao's arms, her heart still thumping, unable to recover from the emotions of a moment ago.

She hadn't expected to be interrupted again in such a situation; her expression couldn't help but turn somewhat helpless and conflicted.

As expected... it was still like this.

She couldn't bring herself to take the final step.

But Li Xiao...

Cai Xiaotang's earlobes burned, and feeling the scorching temperature against her thigh, she felt a bit guilty.

"Li Xiao..."

She pulled back slightly, looking at the man before her with some apology.

"Hmm?"

Li Xiao hummed softly. Seeing that her expression had calmed somewhat, he reached out to stroke her hair and asked gently, "Feeling better?"

"Mm..."

Cai Xiaotang pursed her lips, her eyes full of apology, yet she hesitated.

Should she tell him about the past?

That was the thing she wanted to forget most; even her brother didn't know...

Just as Cai Xiaotang was thinking this, she suddenly heard Li Xiao ask with some hesitation: "Xiao Tang, are you... very afraid of me?"

He weighed his words, asking with a hint of caution.

Cai Xiaotang was stunned at his words, suddenly feeling even more guilty.

The two of them had already been together for the second time...

If this continued, she was afraid she would destroy Li Xiao's self-esteem!

Didn't men care quite a bit about this sort of thing...

Cai Xiaotang took a deep breath and suddenly, as if resigning herself to fate, took his hand.

"Don't overthink it; it's not your fault, it's my own problem..."

She spoke in a low voice, paused for a moment halfway through, and then continued: "I... have some psychological trauma regarding this kind of thing..."

【Note: This line is a continuation of the previous sentence.】

"Trauma?"

Li Xiao's brows locked tighter instantly, and he immediately imagined ten thousand possibilities.

Having trauma regarding this kind of thing...

Could it be that she had been hurt before?

A dark glint flashed in Li Xiao's eyes, and he clenched his fists.

"Let's sit down and talk..."

Cai Xiaotang pulled Li Xiao to sit down in the hot spring.

Feeling her whole body enveloped by the hot water, she finally felt a sense of security and slowly continued: "Didn't I tell you before that my mother was forced by my father, and it was only after he used some methods that she was brought back to the Mu Family?"

"Mm."

Li Xiao nodded, feeling somewhat puzzled as he heard her bring this up.

"Sigh..."

Cai Xiaotang sighed and suddenly closed her eyes.

Li Xiao did not urge her either, waiting quietly for her to compose her emotions.

After a long while—Cai Xiaotang spoke again.

"That kind of coercion... occurred from time to time for a long period, from when my mother entered the Mu Family until she passed away... When I was very young, once, I heard crying coming from my mother's room..."

Li Xiao's expression changed, his eyes widening slightly, as he already sensed what was coming.

Cai Xiaotang, however, had a calm face, only her eyes revealing a fragility and helplessness she rarely exposed to outsiders.

As if thinking of something, she lowered her eyes slightly and stopped again.

After a few seconds, she continued, "I didn't know what was happening, so I wanted to go over and see, but the door was locked, and no one answered when I knocked. I was worried, so I stayed guarding the door; for as long as she cried, I stood outside. Later, I saw an old man come out of the room. I wanted to go in to see my mother, but he called the nanny and forcibly took me back to my own room..."

"Xiao Tang, don't say any more..."

Li Xiao held her hand.

Only then did he discover that, despite being in warm water the whole time, her fingertips were ice-cold.

Cai Xiaotang shook her head.

She forced a smile, picked up the wine glass she had placed to the side, and took a sip.

"I have never told anyone these things, not even my brother or Baobao know."

Li Xiao was stunned upon hearing this, unable to help feeling a bit happy, but feeling even more heartache.

Cai Xiaotang adjusted her emotions, then feigned a relaxed tone again.

"I was never an obedient child growing up, so from then on, whenever I saw the old man go to find my mother alone, I would hide outside and eavesdrop. Every time, I heard my mother crying. There were also a few times when I snuck in to find my mother after the old man left; she knew I was outside the door, and she would terrify me with warnings not to come again, and forbade me from going to argue with that old man, telling me to pretend I hadn't heard anything. Later..."

"Later, as I grew older, I unintentionally found out why my mother was in the Mu Family, and I understood what was happening in that room, why she cried, and why she wouldn't allow me to go reason with the old man. I felt disgusted... that my biological father was such a person. For a time, I even felt that my own heart was twisted..."

"I began to be hostile toward all men, feeling that intimate relationships were the most terrifying thing in the world. At my worst, if a man accidentally touched me, the skin there would break out in rashes. Later, I felt this wasn't good, so I forced myself to see a Doctor, deliberately taking the subway to and from work, which was... a forced desensitization, I suppose. After that, I really recovered. Even if a pervert tries to take advantage of me, I can beat them up! I thought I was already better, that there were no problems at all, and no one could tell I had ever had a problem, but..."

"..."