Chapter 5: Main Text: Underwear Martial Arts

Main Text: Underwear Martial Arts

From this moment on,

Li Yijie finally understood what is called:

Loneliness like silk, permeating the heart and spleen!

After a slight sense of loss,

Li Yijie awoke from loneliness,

He believed that one day,

He would also meet his beloved,

Together hand in hand, standing at dusk,

Together they drink wine and talk of mulberry and hemp……

Now,

Let's first take the ancients as teachers!

He wanted to see,

How exactly did those two manage to speak so eloquently,

They talked about what marvelous things,

He also wanted to see,

The legendary form of love!

Just as he finished thinking,

His ears prepared first, a step ahead of his eyes, to welcome this sacred moment.

His eyes, of course, were not willing to lag behind,

Immediately he exerted effort to focus his spirit.

Not focusing would have been fine,

But as soon as he focused, he felt a wave of dizziness sweeping over heaven and earth.

Inside the city of his brain cells, it was already in utter chaos,

One could say the dizziness rain came, and the sky darkened on its own!

His eyelids, in the dazed confusion, shut his eyes in confinement.

Only then did the brain kingdom escape the calamity of dizziness.

But just as one calamity passed,

another wave rose again.

After Xiao Yijie returned from his tour of the realm,

Who would have thought Li Yijie would find everything changed before his eyes:

The curtain top remained as before,

But the person's shadow had completely vanished!

All blame Xiao Yijie,

This guy who gets faint at the mere talk,

Always abandoning love without regard,

No wonder twelve years have passed,

He's still a single dog.

He doesn't know when,

His frank and straightforward nature will only then clear the eighth aperture of love!

Li Yijie also felt very strange,

What single dog,

What eighth aperture of love,

The old man never taught him that,

The books he has read never contained such outlandish words,

Yet he seems to naturally use them like that,

Could this be what the heretical transmissions say:

A genius like this, self-taught without a teacher!

To think what others cannot think,

To achieve what others cannot achieve!

What further baffles Li Yijie is,

He always feels,

He might be a single body with two souls,

Xiao Yijie might not be solely his!

It seems there is another voice,

That constantly tells him some strange and bizarre ideas.

When others encounter this situation,

Nobody fails to feel extraordinary fright,

But he instead feels,

He should be exactly like this!

It could be because Xiao Yijie's key chain fell,

The silver‑haired youth and the pink‑haired maiden had long vanished,

The fire of curiosity was like a bucket of water poured over the head,

A penetrating chill arrived!

A faint sense of loss seized the opportunity to strike.

After Li Yijie endured the entanglement of bizarre dreams and the bewilderment of the strange bed,

His abundant vigor also became exceedingly fatigued,

He couldn't help but slump down,

Absentmindedly he once again surveyed the surroundings of the strange bed,

Attempting to find a way to break the bed!

He saw curtains that flowed like mist, swirling in a water‑wave pattern,

Encircling the space inside the bed into a naturally shaped round barrel,

North and south indistinguishable, left and right unrecognizable.

Your Li Yijie's forlorn little heart,

Has been made to look terrified and uneasy.

After it slightly calmed,

Li Yijie thought to himself:

All this must be the mischief of that naughty old Taoist!

Thinking of this,

Li Yijie also recalled his childhood when the old man used to tease him:

He began apprenticeship under the old man at six years old,

Though he often retorted to his master verbally, his respect endured in his heart!

He still remembers that first day:

It was a dawn when the cold wind cut like a knife and snow flew for thousands of miles,

In his dream he rode a tiger of nine brilliant colors,

Majestically striding with head held high among countless mountains and valleys,

As if the emperor of the mountains were touring his clan!

"Coward" Little Monkey,

Bravely climbed the highest and most perilous peak,

Solely to present him with that remembered pine‑needle‑shaped peach.

That peach—how to describe it?

Its color like a cherry, its stem like a pine needle, its leaf like a banana leaf!

That taste,

Two words: soul‑destroying!

Put it in a dragon's words:

It melts upon the mouth, leaves fragrance, the scent reaches the heart and soul,

Soul tethers to dream, recalling the peach and the monkey, the monkey plucks the peach!

How many times in dreams Li Yijie is:

Waiting for the monkey to pluck the peach,

One peach erases all past worries!

"Stingy" Little Hualu, of course, does not yield to the monkey queen,

After brewing the hundred flowers into honey,

She works hard for him!

Just as the peach is being plucked,

Wine fills the cup,

Surrounded by blossoms,

In a most pleasant moment,

The dream's flow was mercilessly cut off by the old man.

Having lost the blanket‑covered bed,

It was as if it turned into the frontier of a snow country,

No matter how masterfully Li Yijie's "Translocation Stretching Technique" performed,

It could not escape the poisonous hand of being frozen awake!

In the bitter winter of the twelfth month,

Great Qing, early dawn,

The blanket was lifted,

Even if you are a little baby, you dare to throw a grown‑up tantrum,

But before Li Yijie could even blink his eyes,

He was ripped out, even his belt torn,

The long‑brewed harsh words,

Instantaneously froze and fled in panic.

That feeling, that sensation,

Is life any joy, is death any suffering, ah ah ah…

Helpless,

Only can go barefoot on tiptoes,

With a reddened little nose,

Clutching the white underpants, scrunching and hopping, hurriedly rushing into the house,

While the return‑sleep has not yet awakened,

Heaven is vast, earth is vast, the supplement sleep is the greatest!

If you don't hurry you won't know; a hurry startles you,

The dilapidated wooden door is shackled by a big iron chain, creaking and clanking,

The drafty wooden window is also patched with several large planks, rendering it silent,

It is Heaven that wants to doom Li Yijie!

Oh, vast sky,

Oh, great earth,

What sin have I committed?

My return‑sleep can no longer be slept,

Little Yijie at that moment was standing atop the heart's summit,

Enduring the howling west wind,

Roaring, questioning the heavens and the earth, longing to wildly hammer the old man.

However,

Li Yijie knows that it is not Heaven that wants to rebuke him,

but the old man is being mischievous.

The fury has long united within the atrium and ventricle of the heart,

Bursting through the membrane's restraint,

Roaring, moving against the blood upward,

In an instant, the hair stood up,

The eyes reddened, and a graceful fist was clenched.

With a turn,

The brows locked onto the old man a few zhang away,

Originally assuming the old man must be wearing a thick brocade hat and sable fur,

Paired with a pot of warm old wine,

Standing there waiting to laugh at him.

Who would have thought,

That day the old man escalated his mischievousness to a new height,

In Li Yijie's stunned pupils, he only saw:

A huge red underpants,

Fluttering back and forth amid the swirling snowflakes,

Sometimes to the left as if to battle the sky eagle,

Sometimes turning right as if to bind the flaming‑sea red dragon,

Silver radiance covering head to shoulders to ground,

Also dancing with the underpants in a strange dance,

The bare upper body moved with flowing grace,

Seemingly contesting the endless white snow in a duel of courtesy,

A kind of indescribable,

With sky, snow, and wind,

Dancing with a seamless, celestial elegance,

Unfolding in a sweeping wave!

It also shockingly left Li Yijie's uncontrolled fury inexplicably shaken.

However,

Though the fury is cold, the resentment still remains!

Li Yijie's six‑year‑old little mouth,

Already shows the budding potential of a resentful hidden dragon.

He thought again:

If the bright duel fails, I'll make a figurative rebuke!

So he clapped his hands and praised,

"Well done, dance well!"

Truly can be said,

"Snow flies ten thousand miles, a chrysanthemum blooms;

The white‑blank world, amidst countless snow a single red point," ah!

Little Yijie, I truly feel ashamed, truly ashamed!

I ask, in this vast snowy wilderness, who can command rise and fall?

Only my old man's big red underpants can truly set the style!

Even before the words are spoken, they already hold three parts of sarcasm.

Though the tune isn't loud, it's like a sharp blade that wounds.

The old man's ultimate state of the 'Underpants Dance in Snow'

It also shattered with a boom.

The twisted rumor goes:

A sharp tongue cuts tofu heart like a hard blade.

It's reasonable, yet inexplicable!

The old man is also flesh and blood,

Naturally, he cannot withstand these terrifying words!

From the moment Li Yejie burst into laughter,

the old man knew something big was wrong.

After forcing a stop,

his face flushed green and white,

retorting back is also not an option,

not retorting leaves resentment unresolved,

This is also not his fault,

The sect's inheritance is just like this,

It's not that he deliberately mocks to show off!

Of course, these mental processes,

Half is based on Li Yejie's,

his many years of antagonistic experience with the old man, mentally filled in,

the other half is after later entering the master,

only then understood.

Li Yejie's precocious heart knows,

Before the retort storm comes, first stay silent!

What the old man lacks is merely an opportunity,

Thus after he retorts, he secretly prepares defenses.

Indeed,

The old man truly lives up to being a master of the retort way,

He again launches the method of counter-retort,

also differing from others,

Li Yejie only sees the old man after he takes several big breaths,

with his head full of silver radiance raised,

the wolf howled,

The howling sound spread across the entire desolate mountain snowy ridge.

"Strange, strange, truly strange,"

Is the old man going to retort the wolf?

It seems he wants to first practice the 'Ha Retort' technique with the wolf,

Only then dare to come and debate heroes with me via one retort!

Li Yejie pondered thoughtfully.

He of course also thought about the old man's wolf cub heart:

Nothing more than luring the wolf over,

then eat him.

However,

What he cannot figure out is,

The old man, being an old cub,

When the wolf comes, won't it first take him to test its teeth?

Not yet waiting for Li Yejie and Little Yejie,

to fight out a one-two-three-four act,

the wolf then locked onto them from afar.

At this time,

Li Yejie also discovered the opponent's miraculous gaze!

Just one glance,

Li Yejie was then captured by that wolf,

by its good-looking skin, which attracted his eyes.

Only seen between several vast white mountain peaks,

it sprang out its upper body,

black and profound,

Like a night without stars.

In the fleeting coming and going,

It seemed to possess a ghostly illusory speed!

At the second glance,

A small hill was just shaken off by it,

The lower half of its body clearly appeared in Li Yijie's pupils:

Four tendon-like legs, pure white as snow,

Five small toes distributed exactly like plum blossoms treading snow,

Along with that uneven slope,

It actually gave Li Yijie the illusion of a wolf flying on the ground!

At that time,

Li Yijie then felt,

The old man's secret weapon of this move "Offend Three Thousand, Self-Offend Eight Thousand",

It's really hard to put into words.

However,

Could the old man's brain be that paste?

Of course not!

Now it's Li Yijie who's become the paste.

Because the Offense Art once said:

Embarrassment and danger often hide within the terror of the unknown,

Not understanding oneself is not frightening,

But frightening is,

Not understanding your enemy even more!

Just thinking of these,

Li Yijie's body hairs were so terrified they closed their follicles,

Leaving only goosebumps on the outside,

Stiff to the point of being at a loss for what to do with hands and feet.

But on his delicate face that could be broken by a blow,

yet it seemed as if a layer had been applied,

the spirit of "regarding death as if returning",

calmly gazing at the old man,

wanting to try once more before feeding the wolves,

a deep and complex "eye farewell"!

To be buried in the jaws of a wolf of such appearance,

even a six-year-old body would die without regret,

Being able to perish together with the old man in the wolf's jaws is not bad either!

Sometimes,

Li Yijie is exactly such optimism,

Optimistic to the point of being like his smile!

He looked at the old man,

the old man was also gazing at him.

Afterward,

the old man told him,

said:

At that moment,

He seemed like another person,

like an old monk accustomed to life and death,

and like an old Daoist who has understood the world,

his gaze profound enough,

that even he dared not stare closely,

like an abyss,

like an ancient tale,

and like the legendary figure in the apocryphal tales!

However,

When Li Yijie asked who that person was,

and what story there was,

the old man not only avoided speaking deeply,

but also furrowed his brows tightly,

seeming very nervous,

as if afraid others might hear something!

Li Yijie also knew better and never asked again,

He is just like that:

What you are willing to say,

No matter how big the secret,

I will guard it for you unto death,

What you are unwilling to say,

No matter how great the curiosity,

I will kill it myself!

When they sympathize with each other,

The wolf also couldn't wait,

came dashing over,

It stood in an open place on the mountainside,

And the old man and Li Yijie were not far down at the mountain's base,

"At the moment of life and death, even a salted fish will turn over,"

Li Yijie's hair turned black again,

His eyes grew large,

He clenched his fine fist,

Without a word,

He lifted his leg and went up,

Against the falling snow all over the sky,

A large white undergarment ballooned,

Like a flag wildly shaking,

Just like a chrysanthemum blooming,

The flower draws strength from the pants, the pants draw vigor from the flower,

Two sounds suddenly echoed,

He rushed toward the mountainside!

That wolf is also divine,

And also employed the 'standing technique' of waiting at ease to tire the opponent,

A pair of yin-yang eyes, left green, right yellow,

As if looking down from a high position,

Looking at this silly little melon,

What surprised Li Yijie even more was,

That wolf,

The corner of its mouth slightly turned up,

A blatant contemptuous smile,

It blossomed between its sharp fangs!

"You flower bag grain,

bullying people too much!"

His steps became even more hurried,

Soon,

He stood before the wolf, about three meters away as agreed,

He was really too tired,

And anger attacked his heart,

Upon reaching the wolf, he went limp,

At this moment, the wolf's full face was revealed:

A tuft of white fur shaped like six lozenges,

Like a sexy beauty mark,

Adorning the wolf's face,

Decorated so as to captivate hearts at a glance,

And to enthrall souls on a second glance!

A pair of flower-attracting ears,

Black and white interlaced, charming as the night sky,

Made Li Yijie's vital energy-knotted heart,

Made his heart go soft upon seeing it,

He thought: If I throw this punch,

Would there be no such beautiful wolf left in the world?

Forget it,

It currently isn't doing anything,

Maybe it came here admiring me?

How could I let down its good intentions?

After all,

Getting one person to like another is already difficult enough,

let alone a romance that crosses species!

It's so beautiful,

its heart must be very kind!

Isn't the rumor that says:

The heart can affect the face,

and the face can reflect the heart.

I've made up my mind,

as long as it stays still,

I'll let it go!

"Ssssss…

Li Yijie, are you being foolish,

could the legend be wrong?

Is he really that person,

even Lao Ben can't tell!

And that wolf,

also acting stupid,

wanting to eat but not quickly,

still playing at smiling with bright eyes,

did I summon you for this?

Could it be that Xiao Jiezi, when descending the mountain,

took advantage of my inattention,

and instantly learned some trick?

Is it the Wolf-Confusing Technique?

Didn't they say it has been lost for millennia?

Could the young wolf have already taken notice of Xiao Jiezi?

If that's really the case,

the future will be terrible!"

The old man, seeing a person and a wolf like this,

couldn't help but start wild speculation.

Of course,

what the old man was thinking then,

Li Yijie didn't know either,

and didn't want to know,

he only knew he wanted to watch the wolf more,

he always felt the two of them would share a story,

his heart was delighted!

He couldn't help but start daydreaming…

The little him,

besides being top‑notch at giving people a hard time,

his daydreaming skill was far from ordinary.

Just as Li Yijie was about to,

hug the wolf friendly,

who knew, the old man let out a sudden strange voice,

the wolf also seemed to lose its interest,

and swatted the foolish little one who had just tried to touch it,

with one paw flipping him over,

then another paw striking up,

repeating this a couple of times,

Li Yijie's stunned little heart,

finally fell from the beautiful dream into reality.

Li Yijie shook his head,

feeling his hips dampened by the snow,

and so he hardened his heart,

determined to avenge this "insult beneath the hips"…

Later on,

there was no later.

Many stories are just like that,

and finally,

And that's the end,

Most endings are simply:

A fresh unresolved conclusion!

However,

Li Yijie's childhood, of course, had a later part,

The later part was unbearable to recall,

Being forced helplessly,

He practiced the "Underpants Martial Art" every day from the crack of dawn,

And the one who loved to push him,

was not the old man he wanted to vent at,

but rather the beautiful delicate wolf he once wanted to embrace!

A wolf's heart is unfathomable, the world is as cold as frost!

Thus,

under the coercion and temptation of an old man and a wolf,

his "Underpants Martial Art" also began to acquire a decent flavor,

His body and bones were no longer,

the once‑fragile things could now be shattered!

Whenever I think of these,

whenever I think of the old man,

the little monkey and the little fawn,

and that beautiful delicate wolf,

and that leaky broken window,

that always imperfectly sealed little wooden door,

that pavilion, that dusk,

and that creek, that unfinished game of chess,

and the just‑now silver youth and pink maiden…

These, those,

are like settled in,

the beautiful dreams of bygone years,

separated by stretches of distant time,

etched into the rings of life,

circling these loops,

we can perceive the meaning of living!

The activity in my heart just began,

The wolf also stirred.

At that moment,