Chapter 271: A Gentleman Stays Away from the Kitchen

"Still eating? Here to collect you~"

Before dinner, after taking a bath and seemingly having nothing to do, Bai Liang was bullying the Mushroom House dogs.

The little h and little o, poked into a daze, watched their food bowls being carried away by Bai Liang with eager, longing eyes.

Good dogs, bad people.

Fortunately, there was still the kind and beautiful Sister Zhao to stand up for them.

Sister Zhao had also taken a bath, smelling all nice~

The hair she'd tied up earlier for the rice-planting was let down again, and the air of a leading lady about her grew heavier.

But this bit of pressure amounted to nothing as far as Bai Liang was concerned.

To him, Sister Zhao hadn't really changed at all.

Even her scolding posture was the same—hands on hips, mouth opening and out it came:

"How old are you, bullying little puppies?"

"That's unjust, Your Honor~"

Bai Liang put on an innocent face and said he'd only been running his mouth; what he actually wanted was to give the dogs an extra meal.

When they were fishing earlier, the dogs had actually helped out too—well, helped by barking a bunch, which counted as cheering them on.

No merit but still hard work, right? So naturally they deserved their share of the fish.

Chocolate and the meat were already being eaten over on the other side.

"Can they eat fish?"

"My grandma's little dog ate whatever she ate, and she raised it really well."

After giving the dogs their extra meal, Bai Liang went to the kitchen again to check on Teacher Huang, who was still busy cooking.

Then he damn well saw the guy pouring yellow wine into that pot of Buddha Jumps Over the Wall like there was no tomorrow.

One bottle wasn't enough—another one!

Finally he put the lid on, satisfied as could be.

It made Bai Liang's eyelids twitch~

Oh right, the fact that Teacher Huang likes to add yellow wine when stewing things, even up to the "lethal dose," was actually the fault of that guy Chen Chichichi.

He was the one who tricked Teacher Huang into doing it.

This also shows that our Little Chef Huang's cooking is actually just pretty average home-cooking level.

Otherwise, Chen Chichichi dared to say it, and he actually dared to listen.

A real chef would still take orders from an amateur?

Because of Lin and Gen Xin's relationship, Bai Liang and Chen Chichichi were also somewhat acquainted—had had drinks together a few times, played games twice.

So he knew this guy was a pure damn drunkard!

Lin and Gen Xin used to always drink with him and a host named Zhu Zheng; they were all neighbors in the same community.

He was so worn down by these people's drinking that he didn't even dare answer their calls anymore.

Later, out of options, once he simply called Bai Liang over and asked him to help "teach these guys a lesson."

After all, Bai Liang had the track record of drinking Wu Jing—that daredevil who chugs a whole bottle of baijiu—straight into the hospital.

The "lesson" went very smoothly, of course, but Bai Liang also got to see just how much these people loved to drink.

So when Chen Chichichi tricked Teacher Huang into madly adding yellow wine to the Buddha Jumps Over the Wall, was it to make it taste better?

That guy just wanted to drink!

Case closed.

So the question is, can Miss Jing Tian and Sister Zhao's alcohol tolerance hold up against this pot of "lethal dose" yellow wine?

They won't get drunk and go crazy, will they?

Sister Zhao standing nearby watching also felt a bit of lingering fear, on one hand because when she came to "Longing for Life" last year, she'd already been burned once.

Back then she was still a sweet girl, naively believing Teacher Huang was really a great chef.

She also had psychological trauma from that time she bought fake alcohol and almost hospitalized herself.

After that incident, she basically hadn't touched alcohol at all.

"Sister, how about I cook noodles for you? I'm young, I can handle it."

"Why do the words you use sound so weird?"

Sister Zhao shot Bai Liang a look. "My alcohol tolerance is fine, you should worry about Tian Tian instead—why don't you cook noodles for her~"

Bai Liang was baffled: "Why can't I care about both?"

"Pah!" Sister Zhao turned her head to look into the distance, giving him a cool back view.

Miss Jing Tian would absolutely never eat instant noodles; her head was full of that big fish they'd caught that afternoon.

Girls actually hold grudges pretty well—she still remembered the grudge from that slap!

I'll eat you up!

But she didn't know how she'd ever repay Bai Liang for all these grudges. It's not like she could eat him too~

This little dilemma naturally wouldn't trouble Miss Jing Tian at this moment.

She was really happy today.

This was the most enjoyable variety show recording she'd ever done.

So, retreat step. The retreat step wouldn't come out.

The place where the retreat step should have been used most was on that lake-center island.

But since it was a lake-center island, where could she retreat to?

One careless moment and she'd fall right into the lake.

Better to enjoy the present first, and happily get through these days.

Her films have flopped for so many years, yet she's still kept herself plump and smooth — that can't be for no reason.

"Duck duck! Extra meal!"

Sure enough, Miss Jing Tian, just out of the bath, spotted a muscovy duck perched on the wall, and her eyes lit up at once.

The only one who answered her call, though, was Chocolate, who had just eaten her fill.

Chocolate really can understand!

The little thing, upon receiving the order, wiggled its butt and charged straight at that muscovy duck — only to find the thing could fly, and was instantly dumbfounded.

"Hey hey hey, Sister Tian Tian, that's our Cai Deng, a member of the Mushroom House — you can't eat it."

He He He He Laoshi hurriedly stopped Miss Jing Tian's impulse to add to the meal.

Bai Liang also said a fair word: "There's no time to deal with the duck now, and Teacher Huang's had a pretty tiring day."

"Dou Xiao Bai, you want to eat our Cai Deng too?" He He He He Laoshi said, suddenly a bit "unhappy."

Bai Liang grinned: "Actually, I think those sheep over there look pretty nice too~ little lamb skewers look kinda cute."

"Little lambs too? Let me go check~" Hearing this new angle, Miss Jing Tian felt she had a whole new bit of fun.

He He He He Laoshi got anxious: "You can't eat the little lambs either, 嗷~ No, I have to go over and keep an eye on things."

"Don't worry, once she actually plays with these little things for a while, she'll immediately lose her appetite for them — otherwise why do they say a gentleman keeps his distance from the kitchen?" Bai Liang said with a smile.

He He He He Laoshi paused, "Hey, what you said is kinda interesting — then let me test you on it."

Bai Liang: Then you've really hit the nail on the head.

He really had researched this stuff — it helped him keep himself from slipping into a "won't eat beef" state.

Looking at Miss Jing Tian, who was crouching outside the sheep pen giggling and teasing the little lambs, Bai Liang rested his chin on his hand and said: "For a gentleman, when he sees the creatures of the wild, he cannot bear to see them die; when he hears their cries, he cannot bear to eat their flesh. That is why a gentleman keeps his distance from the kitchen."

"So that's what 'a gentleman keeps his distance from the kitchen' actually means?" Sister Zhao said, a little surprised.

"What did you think it meant?"

Sister Zhao, rarely, looked a little embarrassed: "A gentleman doesn't go into the kitchen to cook."

"Well, that's not wrong either — saints are easy to be, people are hard to be."

"Dou Xiao Bai, at your young age, how do you already give off this 'seeing through the mortal world' vibe?" He He He He Laoshi laughed.

Bai Liang blinked, leaning against the railing: "Not at all — I'm actively integrating~"

The sun set in the west, a layer of gold seeming to gradually dye the earth.

Only the figure leaning gently against the railing seemed, somehow, unexpectedly out of place.

Though it's a bit impolite, He He He He Laoshi really, for no apparent reason, thought of that book, "Shuangzi's Book."

He suddenly understood a little why, in that book, Shuangzi would express that strange, almost servile attitude of "serving the gods."

Fortunately, with a shout from Miss Jing Tian not far off, he walked back into the mortal world again.

"Aren't you coming to see the little lambs?" "Coming~ let me see my little lamb skewers — extra cumin, less chili~"

"Don't, the little lambs are really cute."

"Then how about we eat its mama?"

"Uh—"

"You actually went for it — what a scary woman!"

Miss Jing Tian's eyes went wide — wow, turning the tables on me?! It was clearly that guy who suggested it!

She chases, he flees, she can't catch him~

Watching this scene, He He He He Laoshi couldn't help laughing, but at the same time instinctively glanced at Zhao Liying, his gaze carrying a few shades of complexity and oddness.

At that moment, however, Zhao Liying checked the time, pulled a hair tie from her pocket, and started tying her hair into a ponytail.

"Ying-bao, your hair isn't fully dry yet~ what are you up to?"

Sister Zhao smiled, tilted her mouth toward Bai Liang's direction, and said, "Going to fry an egg for this little nemesis. He wants two packs too — a total rice bucket."

He He He He Laoshi: Sigh, just keep spoiling him~

Chef Huang, who had been busy in the kitchen all day, suddenly felt like ordering takeout.

No errors, no missing content — read it all here!

It's just that, watching the two girls "burst into" the kitchen full of enthusiasm, his brow furrowed and a very bad premonition rose in him.

Zhao Liying was still fine — she might not be some master chef, but boiling instant noodles was definitely no problem.

But Miss Jing Tian, who had taken over the egg-frying job, was a bit of trouble.

Her whole sequence of moves made Teacher Huang's eyelid twitch nonstop.

Oil splashing everywhere, the eggs reduced to a total mess — in no time at all, the kitchen looked like a battlefield.

No one knew how she did it, but damn, the stove top was blackened.

Still, although Miss Jing Tian was flustered at first, in the end she actually managed to fry two perfectly decent eggs.

Anyway, when it was brought over together with the bowl of noodles Sister Zhao had cooked, Bai Liang really couldn't tell anything was off.

"Pretty impressive, right!" Miss Jing Tian even came to claim credit from Bai Liang.

"You've got something~ I definitely can't do it."

"Then you're not as good as me~"

Frying two eggs had made Miss Jing Tian terribly proud of herself.

Teacher Huang, off to the side, wore a touch of grievance on his face: she had wrecked twelve eggs before finally succeeding with these two, and nearly set the kitchen on fire in the process.

Honestly, at this moment Chef Huang suddenly felt — since our show is already called "A Longing for Life," ordering takeout wouldn't be bad either.

Luckily he didn't say that out loud, otherwise Bai Liang, having caught the keyword "order takeout," would have had to show off a thing or two.

He's actually really good at ordering takeout.

Teacher Huang: "I can tell — every one of you has some hidden skill."

It was basically like forcefully beating all the 'dad energy' right out of him.

"Time to eat!" Once He He He He Laoshi had laid out all the dishes for the evening, he started calling everyone over.

They waited for everyone to take their seats one after another.

"Before we eat, there's a question I have to ask!" Xu Zheng's face was deadly serious, leaving the others a little uneasy without knowing why.

Peng Yuchang was the most nervous of the bunch — he didn't even know where to put his feet.

But his eyes were fixed on the dishes on the table. He swallowed.

If He He He He Laoshi had an "eating-everything-under-the-sun" quirk, Peng Yuchang was just plain starving.

A kid's growing body — he'd really put away anything.

"What's up?" Teacher Huang sat there catching his breath. His workload today really had been intense — actually getting that fish cooked had nearly killed him, and afterward Miss Jing Tian had put him through the wringer too.

"This Buddha Jumps Over the Wall — how much yellow wine did you put in?"

Hearing the question, Teacher Huang grinned, a little proud of himself: "At least two jin. What about it?"

Xu Zheng slapped his own forehead. "I'm done for. Lost the bet."

"Lost what? You made a bet with someone?"

Honestly though, Teacher Huang's brain really was sharp — no wonder the guy had the nickname "Human Calculator" on *Go Fighting*.

He really does think on his feet.

Xu Zheng looked helpless. "Yeah~ why'd you pour so much yellow wine into your Buddha Jumps Over the Wall?"

"That's how Buddha Jumps Over the Wall is supposed to be made!"

"Alright, a bet's a bet — later Peng Peng's going to wash Director Xu's hair for us!" Bai Liang said, clapping his hands.

Peng Yuchang: "Huh? Me?"

"Of course you, Ip Man. You don't think it's going to be me, do you?"

Wasn't Peng Yuchang looking at Xu Zheng's head — was there even a single hair on it that needed washing?

And him doing the washing? Wouldn't that be a little too presumptuous~

Xu Zheng, who knew a thing or two about good TV, played along: "Use facial cleanser~ that works better."

The hair-washing, of course, was the entertainment after dinner.

Before that, they had to deal with tonight's food first.

Teacher Huang was feeling pretty accomplished at this point — whether it was the Buddha Jumps Over the Wall or that big fish, he'd finally managed to get them sorted in the end.

He was now sitting in a chair with a teacup in hand, grinning as he watched the others pick up their chopsticks and get ready to dig in.

That said, it was pretty normal for the cook, after all that smoke and fire, to lose his appetite.

But Teacher Huang often finished cooking without eating any of it himself. Bai Liang always felt this would become one of the things everyone "attacked" him for in the future.

"You know it tastes bad, so you don't touch it yourself, right~"

"This fish is absolutely incredible!"

A line like that — even if you stripped away the voice, you'd still know who said it.

Bai Liang, who was poking at his instant noodles, looked at He He He He Laoshi. He He He He Laoshi looked back at him. The two of them snickered.

At the whole table, maybe only Miss Jing Tian was genuinely full of anticipation.

She'd been sitting there obediently, waiting for the meal to start.

"Fishy~ I'm coming to eat you now!"

"Tian Tian was amazing today — she caught such a big fish together with Xiao Bai." He He He He Laoshi kept the emotional support coming with a smile.

"Hehe." Jing Tian basked in her daily dose of "glorious praise" while eagerly stabbing her chopsticks in for a bite.

But once she got the fish into her mouth, the expression on her face suddenly turned strange.

Three parts suspicion, three parts bewilderment, three parts resignation — the remaining ninety-one parts were all respect for the camera.

She forced herself to swallow, as if she were swallowing down something bizarre.

"Delicious," she said blankly.

What on earth did it feel like?

As if that big fish that had long since croaked had somehow come back to life on the plate after being cooked — and then slapped her across the face.

Today's Miss Jing Tian had been slapped by the same fish — twice!

Twice!

Is that reasonable?

She wanted to call her mom and dad right then: "I got bullied by a fish! Twice!"

Her eyes turned to the Buddha Jumps Over the Wall. She figured she needed some soup to wash it down.

(End of chapter)