Chapter 495: It's My First Time Getting Married, You Know

"A wedding?!!!"

The moment Nazha finally found out what this episode's theme was, she let out a groundhog squeal on the spot.

If the camera could give her big eyes a close-up, it would absolutely capture what people call a "pupil earthquake."

And then came the great disappearing act!

Every single person present saw clearly how Nazha's fair, tender cheeks gradually turned red.

It felt as if the whole person had been blanketed in special effects out of nowhere.

One couldn't help but sigh inside: how on earth can someone be this cute?

All the guests and the production crew: there it is again—that "acting" Nazha could never possibly pull off.

This was genuine, explosive "acting" she hadn't even managed in "Intimacy," the drama universally recognized as the best she'd done since her debut.

If this moment were dropped into a TV drama, it would probably make plenty of girls watching unable to stop themselves from squealing like groundhogs too.

Luckily, it happened to be recorded by the camera on the show as well.

"Of course, this plan still needs your personal approval, Nazha. It's pretty last-minute, so we didn't discuss it with your manager beforehand. If you don't want to, we have a backup plan, and that bit just now will be cut out."

The director started patching things up in a half-hearted, perfunctory way.

In truth, variety show planners rarely pull this kind of sudden ambush on guests—back in the day, that's exactly how Han Gen and Mango TV fell out.

Still, not a single person thought Nazha would refuse.

Besides, this plan wasn't arranged without consulting her side—it just wasn't discussed with her personally; it had definitely already been communicated with her team.

It was just that, clearly, both her team and the production crew and the other guests all assumed she would definitely agree.

Naturally, Nazha didn't let everyone down.

She didn't even entertain the thought of pretending to hesitate—she went straight into a little chicken-pecking-rice nod.

As if afraid that if she nodded too slowly, this whole segment would be canceled.

At this point she couldn't help glancing at the little box holding the ring in her hand—could it really be this much of a coincidence?

Pre-arranged?

She really wanted to exchange a look with Bai Liang; with the chemistry between them, they didn't need to speak at all to get the answer from each other's eyes.

Only now, she didn't quite dare look at Bai Liang.

Don't ask—ask and the answer is "the nearer home, the more timid one feels."

Not only did she not dare look, she even started muttering inside: she couldn't show it too obviously, she had to restrain herself, restrain herself.

And so, at the filming site, there appeared a most self-deceiving scene.

Nazha deliberately turned her head away from looking at Bai Liang, but her body seemed to be fighting with her head—the head turned away, yet it was quietly closing the distance between her and Bai Liang.

A little closer and their hands would be holding.

The production crew: is there any need to add pink-tinted special effects in post?

As if to shift her own attention and cover it up, Nazha suddenly spoke up again at this moment, "Do you guys know the wedding procedures in Xinjiang? I can offer some info!"

The show's director: "Don't worry, we're very well prepared on that front."

"Really not needed? My older sister just got married less than two years ago—I have experience to reference!"

The production crew: really not needed.

Because they'd invited Nazha's actual older sister to provide input and planning.

Thinking about this, they found it increasingly absurd—wasn't this getting a little too real? The bride's family had even been brought in.

Had any past variety show gone this big?

Of course, before the "official wedding," there definitely still had to be game segments.

"Alright! Next up, what we need to decide is the groom and the bride."

Hearing this, Nazha immediately sensed something was off—candidates? What candidates?

The director chuckled, "The bride needs no explanation—we only have one girl here, Nazha. As for the groom, well, that gets picked from among the male guests."

"I get to choose?" Nazha blurted out.

"No, it's decided through a few game segments and competition." The director said, barely holding back his laughter.

Now everyone's expressions got interesting!

Oh-ho!

The groom isn't set in stone, is he?

"Doesn't that mean I have a shot at being the groom too?" Chen He chimed in, stirring the pot.

A second later he regretted it, because Nazha's gaze locked onto him like a shadow.

Chen He swore he'd never seen eyes so full of killing intent! And the most terrifying part was—they belonged to a girl.

Right now Nazha was looking at him the way you'd look at a dead man, as if she were already deciding where to bury him.

This made his next attempt at being funny die in his throat—he didn't dare utter so much as half a syllable more.

In his heart there was only one thought: this woman's gone mad.

Even if you brought in Shuangzi, whom everyone had long ago agreed was "crazy," Nazha's "mania" at this moment would probably surpass hers!

Chen He couldn't help casting a sympathetic glance at Bai Liang: Immortal, you picked this one—look out for yourself, and good luck.

And the production crew couldn't care less about any of that, even though every guest knew the groom spot was reserved for Bai Liang.

When this episode aired, the audience would see this and know who the groom was almost certainly going to be.

But they couldn't say it now.

After all, there were games to play~

And right now there were indeed some "fearless" ones—Deng Chao pulled down his sunglasses, a cheeky grin spreading across his face, "May the best man win! You can be the groom, so can I. So, how are we competing?"

"Given that some of you are a little too... multi-talented." The director glanced at Bai Liang, the targeting extremely obvious, "for the sake of fairness, the first segment is singing and dancing."

Good good good!

Go for exactly what Bai Liang is bad at!

Even if it's rock-paper-scissors, that weirdo's probably gonna sweep the whole room easily.

But singing and dancing—everyone knows Bai Bai Daxian can do everything, except singing and dancing, which he truly can't.

And here, Lu Han is a former top idol who lives for singing and dancing; Deng Chao is even more of a show-off—he dares to go wild on the Spring Festival Gala; Wang Mian always carries a guitar wherever he goes; Chen Chichi looks like the weakest, seemingly useless at everything, but he actually has some real singing chops—he's even been on "Cross-Border King of Singing."

If it's truly about singing and dancing, the worst here is definitely Bai Liang.

Oh right, there's also Tian Yu—both of them suck.

Na Zha was now frantic!

Unfair! Why pick what he's worst at? Is the production team picking a fight? Are they picking a fight?!

But as Na Zha's gaze turned murderous toward the director, the director seemed to sense it and quickly added:

"In the Xinjiang wedding ceremony, singing and dancing are crucial! You have to dance three times a day."

Na Zha: Though I hate to admit it, that's true.

Damn it!

This time she couldn't hold back—her eyes locked onto Bai Liang, as if scolding: For years, why haven't you practiced this? You're so amazing at everything else!

Bai Liang: What's the rush? I've got a secret weapon~

This segment is mainly for Deng Chao and the others to settle old scores.

After all, Bai Liang came in and swindled their "blood and sweat money."

In this world, you always have to pay back.

For the other guests, the pre-wedding challenges are all about making Bai Liang's life hell.

After all, this is still a variety show, not a real wedding.

But someone took it too seriously—

As the recording continued, the judges entered!

All of them were Xinjiang locals.

Now Na Zha wanted to pull a little trick—she sneaked up quietly beside a fellow villager, trying to whisper something in her dialect.

Honestly, even though encrypted calls are allowed, everyone knew exactly what she was up to.

Deng Chao jumped out right away as the "snitch": "Director! She's trying to rig this!"

"Na Zha, don't do shady stuff right in front of us—get back to your seat!" the director barked through a megaphone.

"I haven't been home in so long—I'm so happy to see everyone," Na Zha said, eyes wide, her beautiful face radiating sincerity.

Director: Bad acting. Out.

Compared to her previous "acting," what she showed now was so pathetic it insulted everyone's intelligence.

No one could be fooled.

After her plan to help Bai Liang cheat was exposed, Na Zha stomped her foot in frustration, her cheeks puffed up like little buns.

What do we do now~ Husband, think of something quick!

Bai Liang: Huh? We're not even married yet.

As if to prevent Na Zha from further disrupting the "competition," the director immediately assigned two female staff members—one on each side—to guard her.

Watch her!

Na Zha, furious, muttered under her breath in her dialect, cursing the production team to high heaven.

She just wants to choose her own husband—what's wrong with that?

Even if she took it to the United Nations, she'd still be right!

Next came the talent showcase segment.

Everyone took turns performing!

Na Zha had thought they'd at least pretend—just go through the motions.

Actually beat Bai Liang?

But reality proved these guys were all truly evil!

Deng Chao nearly brought out Jiu Er's true form again, but though he didn't literally turn into a woman, he truly sang and danced with zero mercy.

Gogogo~ Let's go!

Not to mention, his stage presence was truly excellent—the atmosphere he created felt like a full concert.

Right after him, Lu Han showed Na Zha exactly what a former dominant top idol's power looked like.

Ever heard of the lead vocalist, lead dancer, and visual ace of a once-Asia-famous boy band?

Though he always loses to Bai Liang, he's never lost on stage to this guy.

Full power! Not a single drop of mercy.

Today there was no joking around—only a burning desire for victory.

The scene was wildly lively; Na Zha's expression slowly froze—her hand gripped the chair arm so tightly it looked like she'd crush the solid wood handle.

Luckily, the next performer was Tian Yu, which eased Na Zha's heart a little.

Teacher Wang still showed some face.

Tian Yu: I'm not trying to show face—I just genuinely can't do it~

If it were a live theater performance, he'd definitely give it his all, no holds barred.

But she didn't get to relax long—Chen Chichi's emotional Cantonese ballad and Wang Mian's self-accompanied guitar song immediately made her face drop again.

None of them are good people!

Not even as well-behaved as my little treasure!

Cats are good, people are bad!

And when it was finally Bai Liang's turn to take the stage, not to mention the production crew and the guests, even the "general audience judges" present today had their eyes light up.

How the others performed was really just for fun.

What everyone really wanted to see was this "Xinjiang son-in-law"~

In fact, Nazha was clearly overthinking it. Although the production crew wanted good effect, they wouldn't really pull such a big stunt.

If the groom at the end wasn't Bai Liang, this show would probably have to do a time-rewind on the spot and re-record.

But the scenario where everyone collectively threw the match and let him become the groom effortlessly still seemed a bit "bland," not interesting enough.

How could that compare to the current plot of finding a way to break out of the encirclement by skill and "wed" the one in his heart?

The key to this question is whether Bai Liang actually has that "skill."

Not much needed, just a little is enough. The on-site "general audience judges" would give him a friendly score without Nazha needing to cozy up or pull strings.

Bai Liang: Silly, my advantage was laid out long ago~

"Wang Mian, lend me your guitar for a bit."

"Liang-ge, you know how to do this too?"

"Actually no, I play pretty averagely, and I've only learned one song." Bai Liang said quite frankly.

"Awesome!" Nazha cheered him on without a care, as if she hadn't heard Bai Liang's "I play pretty averagely" line at all.

He actually wasn't lying. He'd only learned this thing for a few days, but his super brain and incredibly coordinated limbs let him pick up anything quickly.

Guitar isn't exactly a particularly difficult instrument either.

Of course, this isn't the real killer move. The real killer move is—

A Xinjiang song, for everyone.

The viewers in front of the TV probably mostly won't understand, but the general audience judges on site will find it very familiar~

Average guitar playing, average singing—these don't matter, because the judges aren't professionals either.

Everyone's mainly watching for the fun and the sincerity.

And this sincerity, even viewers who don't understand the language will be able to feel it when the show airs later.

"The Great Immortal is hacking again." When Bai Liang was halfway through his song, Deng Chao shook his head helplessly and sighed.

This outrageous language talent is really too rule-breaking.

You play technique with them, they play feelings with you—who can compete with that?

"Sincerely convinced." Lu Han also sighed.

Honestly, he had a very strange feeling right now.

Namely, if Bai Liang were also interested in singing and dancing, he himself would very likely get crushed in that area.

Undoubtedly, with such a move deployed, if Bai Liang still lost, that would be the real "rigging."

And winning this way could be considered something that satisfies everyone, including the show's later viewers.

But the director team clearly still had more tricks up their sleeve.

"Next segment."

"There's still a segment?! I've put up with you for way too long!"

Nazha refused. Bai Liang had already won—how could there still be other segments?

She jumped right out, looking ready to blow up at the director on the spot.

Look at what place this is? This is Xinjiang! It's her hometown~

And there are so many fellow townsfolk here too.

Push her too far and she'll raise her hand and call for a group beating on you!

She absolutely wouldn't let anyone bully her on her home turf!

The director genuinely felt a sense of his life being threatened, but being afraid of death isn't in the Chinese nature!

"Actually there are two more segments."

"Two?!"

"Nazha, Nazha, calm down a bit. Once the show is recorded, we'll quietly put a sack over his head together—I've been wanting to do that for a long time."

"Yeah yeah, we've even prepared the sack. When the time comes, just give the word and we'll start."

Deng Chao and the others hurriedly stepped out to "mediate," barely managing to calm the furious Nazha down for the moment.

At this point, the production crew had already decided on the post-production caption: "For show effect, please do not imitate."

The director wiped the sweat off his head and quickly explained the next two segments.

Actually they're simple. One is to learn a local dance, the other is to have everyone go buy gifts. This one is the most subjective—scoring the gifts according to the bride's personal preferences.

This time Nazha was much more comfortable.

Xinjiang dance, hey hey—she's taught Bai Liang before~

As for gifts?

Hehehe!

She had a ring tucked in her pocket right now~

But now it was Deng Chao and the others' turn to have stiff expressions.

Even so, the director still wouldn't let them off. "The wedding is tomorrow evening, so after you buy the gifts, you still have to work."

"You're not making us work to pay for the wedding banquet, are you?!" Lu Han couldn't hold back and asked.

"You can't afford that—just earn enough money to set up things for the wedding." The production crew said very "considerately."

Damn!

The guests' defenses instantly shattered.

This is practically treating them like Japanese people.

"Naza, let's do it. You give the word, I'll lead the charge, and the brothers will beat up the director first to get things going."

"Yeah! I really can't take it anymore! This is too much! We actually have to work!"

"."

Watching the crowd's fury rising, at that very moment Naza "defected."

Where is this? Her hometown!

With her here, no one can touch our beloved director!

"I think what the director said actually makes some sense. Thanks for your hard work, everyone~"

"Naza, you weren't like this just now."

"It's my first time getting married, after all~" Naza blinked playfully.

Damn!

The show's effect for this final episode was a little too good.

But it's a wedding, after all~

Someone has to be the glamorous, blissfully happy one, so naturally someone else has to be the one trudging forward under the weight.

By now, no one could tell that Naza had just been in that "furious" state—who could blame her, when she was the one in charge of the blissfully happy part~

One could only sigh and say women are such fickle creatures!

But what Naza said was also quite interesting.

This is her first time getting married?

Where did that all-important "in the show" prefix go?

Those who understood exchanged a knowing smile; no one would say it out loud.

However, Lu Han suddenly noticed that Bai Liang was deep in thought at this moment, wondering what he was thinking about.

"What are you mulling over?"

"Mulling over a very important question—it's been bothering me a bit." Bai Liang scratched his head.

"There's a question that can bother you?" Lu Han asked curiously.

"I have a friend named Wang Yanlin, who's supposed to be getting married next year. He said he wants me to be his groomsman."

"Just do it then~" Lu Han said offhandedly.

But after saying that, he felt something was off. He stared at Bai Liang with wide eyes. "What's the requirement to be a groomsman again?"

Bai Liang did a little bear shrug. "Unmarried, of course~"

Now this is great!

Can he actually be this groomsman or not?

Naza: Of course not!

(End of chapter)