Chapter 61

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Characters:

Shaowei

Liu Qi

"First going to Xian Tai Gong might not be a bad thing," Lady Shentu mused. "Zhu'er no longer recognizes people. If we keep this child at home but don't let her see her mother, she'll inevitably feel constrained and troubled, isolated and uneasy."

Marquis Lu agreed at this point, nodding as he said: "The immortal arts practiced in Xian Tai Gong mostly involve contemplating the natural way of heaven and earth. This child has suffered so much hardship; if she can use this opportunity to cultivate herself, calm her mind, and nourish her inner self, that would be best of all. Within these four years, she can travel and observe along the way. If Zhu'er's condition improves, then four years later mother and daughter can reunite—that would be a happy resolution."

Lady Shentu: "Yes, if it can be so, that would be the best outcome..."

Seeing the expression on his wife's brow, Marquis Lu asked: "My lady, do you still have doubts?"

At this moment only the two of them were present, so Lady Shentu spoke frankly: "We've searched for so long, and everything matches up. By rights there shouldn't be a mistake... but Doudou cannot personally confirm it now, so I inevitably still harbor a trace of doubt."

She spoke plainly: "No matter who has been found, let alone that she doesn't resemble Doudou at birth—even if she is eighty percent like Doudou, no matter how much evidence is placed before our eyes, as long as Doudou cannot soberly recognize her own child for a single day, this trace of doubt in my heart cannot be fully dispelled for a single day."

"But this thought of mine, though common enough between you and me, is ultimately harsh placed upon this child. We actively sought her out, and she has already offered so much proof of herself. It's not right to keep pressing this ineradicable selfish doubt upon her, making a child bear it in vain." Lady Shentu sighed. "But now, everything concerning that place happens to be Zhu'er's taboo—something that cannot even be mentioned. Under these circumstances, even if we force Zhu'er to see this child, and she is stimulated into speaking, how can we fully believe her words? We must ultimately prepare for the possibility that Zhu'er may never regain her senses in this lifetime."

Marquis Lu understood his wife's feelings well. After a moment's thought, he said: "We've searched long and hard, and the evidence is before our eyes. For the child's sake, we should naturally acknowledge her—that was agreed upon before we began searching. But out of caution, before Zhu'er shows signs of lucidity, I will have people continue to investigate discreetly... Only my lady and I need know of this matter."

They would not shortchange this found child, but they must also retain a margin of trust.

Lady Shentu nodded: "That is precisely the reasoning."

Marquis Lu: "Since we are to acknowledge her, then her outward identity..."

The person had been found for a year or two, and this matter had naturally been discussed repeatedly.

Feng Xu had previously proposed that if this child could be found, she might be acknowledged as the child of his uncle, so that she could be raised and treated as Feng family flesh and blood, giving the child a respectable identity while avoiding outside gossip and finger-pointing.

Nowadays, women remarrying is common, but a marquis's daughter missing for many years returning with a child—though far from being condemned and spat upon—would inevitably attract some unusual attention, especially since Feng Zhu cannot withstand any stimulation at this time.

Feng Xu's proposal was practical and reasonable.

"Elder Brother has always been careful in his actions, values the family's reputation, and avoids trouble when he can—this is not blameworthy," Lady Shentu said. "But I've thought it over repeatedly these past few days..."

"If Zhu'er remains like this for her whole life, I'll have someone protect her in Shaoxian Ju for her whole life, and she won't hear those unpleasant bits of gossip from outside."

"If Zhu'er recovers one day, I believe my Doudou, having survived such a demon's den, would surely not deign to care about idle people's idle words."

"And that child, having suffered for so many years, must be anxious and uneasy. She knows who her Mother is, but her Mother no longer recognizes her. If we don't allow her to acknowledge her own Mother, but instead force her to call another woman Mother... that is truly asking too much. To find the person yet not acknowledge her original identity would be better than not finding her at all."

After hearing these words, Marquis Lu said: "Then my lady means—"

"Acknowledge her," Lady Shentu said, her voice not loud but carrying weight. "After all, such a child does exist. She should naturally be acknowledged in full. Whatever identity she should have, that is what she shall be."

Marquis Lu looked at his wife and nodded, saying "Good": "I will follow my lady's wishes."

His lady came from a noble clan, decisive and perceptive in her actions, with courage. In the past, when following the Former Emperor in his uprising, he was mostly responsible for fighting, while many decisions regarding rear affairs were made by his lady. It was his lady who taught him to read.

But since their daughter was lost, his lady was injured in body and disheartened, and in recent years she no longer concerned herself with any affairs. Now that their daughter has returned, his lady's former vitality and decisiveness are slowly returning as well.

Marquis Lu was suddenly moved by myriad reflections, his eyes moistening. For that trace of doubt in his wife's heart, he would continue to have people discreetly investigate everything about the child "Shaowei"... And the benefactor who saved Zhu'er must be found even more. That benefactor saved not only Zhu'er alone?

If, at that time, Marquis Changping had sent back not the living Zhu'er, his lady might not have been able to endure. And if his lady were gone, he might not be able to live alone for long either.

The deeper he reflected on this kindness, the deeper it became. Therefore, the whereabouts of this benefactor—even if it were like seeking a needle in the sea—he must continue to search.

"Speaking only of the present, being able to find this child smoothly is ultimately a good thing." Lady Shentu raised a hand, smiling: "Go see Doudou. Though we cannot say much to her about this, go see her."

Marquis Lu replied gently, supporting his wife's raised arm, and they went toward Shaoxian Ju.

There were not many servants attending in Shaoxian Ju. Besides Pei, there were only two maidservants and one old servant who had raised Feng Zhu.

Feng Zhu was very afraid of being surrounded by too many people, and even more afraid of being stared at regarding her injuries.

Her lucidity and madness existed in reverse to ordinary people. When she occasionally regained lucidity, she would inevitably fall into fear and self-harm. And at this time, though she appeared calm enough to the eye, she was actually a chaos within, unable to distinguish day from night.

Marquis Lu often thought that if his daughter continued to "calmly" forget like this, it might not be a bad thing. But his lady still persisted in seeking doctors everywhere. His lady said their Doudou had been intelligent and kind-hearted since childhood and would surely not be willing to remain trapped forever in this chaos and confusion. As her mother, she absolutely could not let go of this hand trying to pull Doudou out of the chaos.

The famous doctors invited by the marquis's mansion for Feng Zhu numbered no less than dozens. Feng Zhu took medicine every day, but she was unwilling to drink it, so Lady Shentu would slowly coax her.

Besides this, Lady Shentu accompanied her daughter every day to talk and play. Several famous doctors had instructed that the injured person should as much as possible feel safe and relaxed, and the mother was the one in this world most able to provide this need for intimacy.

In Shaoxian Ju, several opened boxes were placed in the hall. Pei supported Feng Zhu to look at the things inside.

Inside the boxes were several bolts of fine silk, bamboo slips of travelogues Feng Zhu loved to read in her youth, some stationery, and even a brightly colored paper kite.

When Marquis Lu reached the hall gate, he saw them and asked the maidservant in a low voice: "Where are these from?"

The maidservant's voice was very soft: "Replying to the Marquis, they were just sent by Yan Xiangguo."

Marquis Lu was unwilling for Yan Xiangguo to meet his daughter. Yan Xiangguo had requested many times before Marquis Lu reluctantly agreed to let him occasionally send things over.

He did not expect that two years had passed, and this Prime Minister still missed her so. On New Year's Day, he even wanted to personally send these things to cheer Zhu'er up.

Marquis Lu sighed and ordered a servant to go inquire, only to learn that Yan Xiangguo's carriage and horses had not yet left.

Inside the carriage parked outside the side gate of Marquis Lu's mansion, the charcoal in the small burner had burned out.

Yan Xiangguo, dressed in dark blue common robes, sat cross-legged in the carriage. Through the carved and latticed carriage window, he quietly gazed at the courtyard walls and high towers of Marquis Lu's mansion. His sight could not reach that far, but what he looked toward was the direction of Shaoxian Ju.

The sky was already completely dark. Bright lamps hung high all around, and firecrackers for celebrating the new year sounded one after another.

The burner charcoal had cooled, and a chill gradually arose in the carriage, but the servants dared not speak to urge him.

Not long after, the tightly closed side gate of the marquis's mansion creaked open. A maidservant walked out in neat, quick steps, holding a lamp. She bowed across from the carriage and respectfully said: "The Marquis and my lady invite the Prime Minister to enter the mansion for a meeting."

Inside the carriage, Yan Xiangguo's gaze sharpened. Before the servants could move, he immediately lifted the carriage curtain and stepped out quickly.

The decision to let him enter the mansion for a meeting was Lady Shentu's.

The intentions harbored in youth were always too bright. This bright color was hard to completely fade, and because of losing and regaining, it added a few points of stubbornness. If he could truly meet once, and with his own eyes see the gap between imagination and reality, perhaps he would then give up, and no longer need to miss her for so long.

But it was only a meeting, not a reunion. Lady Shentu dared not let her daughter's emotions fluctuate too greatly, nor did she want to see any reaction in the other's eyes that would damage her daughter's self-esteem.

The back door of Feng Zhu's residence opened, connecting to a garden. In the garden was a water pavilion, where fish were raised and lotuses planted in the water. Bamboo curtains and gauze hung on all four sides of the water pavilion.

Whenever summer came, Feng Zhu most liked to cool off by the water and read. This pavilion was the place she came to most often.

At this moment, no lamps were lit in the water pavilion. The bamboo curtains were rolled up. The person in the pavilion, separated only by a layer of gauze like clouds and mist, saw that figure separated for over ten years.

That figure was extremely slender; even wearing a fox fur coat could not hide her frailty. The maid supported her as she walked slowly, yet one could still see she had a leg that walked abnormally.

Though veiled by this layer of mist, one could still see that face had lost its youth. Under the bright lamps, her features were mottled and weathered, her whole being like a winter lotus beneath the water pavilion—fragile and withered, only a single lotus stem still propping her up, as if at any moment it would snap and fall into the cold water.

Yet the expression on that mottled face was the exact opposite: dazed, innocent, and bewildered. She craned her neck to look toward the pavilion and tentatively asked, "Mother, who is inside the pavilion?"

Her voice was timid; though puzzled, she dared not step forward to investigate on her own.

Yan Xiangguo nearly took a step forward, but Lu Hou reached out and stopped him.

Lady Shentu faced the dim pavilion: "I suppose it is your father in there."

Hearing it was her father, Feng Zhu wanted to step forward, but Lady Shentu grabbed her daughter's sleeve: "Don't go. The waterside is iced over—cold and slippery... Let's just watch the lanterns here in the garden, all right?"

Hearing the word "slippery," Feng Zhu immediately drew back her lame foot.

But as she turned, she unconsciously glanced back into the pavilion and suddenly asked, "Mother, why did Quan Shan only send gifts and not come in person?"

Yan Xiangguo's given name was Yan Mian, his courtesy name Quan Shan.

The two had been childhood sweethearts, deeply devoted, on the verge of discussing marriage; Feng Zhu's memory clearly remained stuck at that time.

Hearing this childhood name, Quan Shan, no longer young in the pavilion, suddenly had a glimmer of tears appear in his eyes.

"I remember. They say today is New Year's Day... so he must have gone back to his ancestral home in Hongnong Commandery." Feng Zhu murmured, "Mother, just a few days ago we had a quarrel."

Lady Shentu went along with her: "What did you quarrel about?"

"I painted bird makeup, the very latest fashion." Feng Zhu stopped walking and seriously argued this small matter with her mother: "I painted it in front of the mirror for a long time. When he saw me, he said it looked like two mosquitoes had been slapped dead on my face, and told me to wipe it off quickly, otherwise he wouldn't go on a spring outing with me!"

Bird makeup meant first blending two patches of pale red on either side of the powdered cheeks, then painting two symmetrical flying birds within them. The birds were painted extremely small and in dark blue-green, truly testing one's skill.

Teased like this, Feng Zhu ignored him for several days.

The small childhood anger, she remembered very clearly. Though time was now in complete disorder, speaking of it now still made her somewhat angry, showing she had dwelled on it.

Yan Xiangguo in the pavilion couldn't help but smile at these words, yet tears had already filled his eye sockets.

"What does he know about bird makeup, daring to criticize..." Lady Shentu walked forward with her daughter: "Playing the lute to a cow. Next time my son won't paint it for him to see."

Feng Zhu smiled slightly, nodded, and soon cast the matter aside, instead being attracted by a flower lantern hanging ahead.

The flower lantern used bamboo for its frame and silk for its skin, made into a lifelike tiger shape.

This lit tiger lantern looked majestic and also had a touch of endearing, unaware cuteness. Feng Zhu felt very close to it and pointed, saying, "Mother, I want that lantern! I want to take it back to give, to give..."

Her words suddenly faltered, her expression confused. She... who was she going to give it to?

Looking at the tiger lantern again, Feng Zhu's eyes suddenly became panicked and evasive, her body trembling uncontrollably. Pei Cha noticed and hurriedly held her tight: "Miss!"

But it was already too late. Feng Zhu, without warning, cried out in pain, struggling and running about. Her screams reached inside the pavilion. Yan Xiangguo hurried to step forward, but was still stopped by Lu Hou.

"This is normal, Prime Minister," Lu Hou told him in a solemn tone.

Yan Xiangguo's eyes twitched, and he tightly gripped Lu Hou's arm.

If this was normal, then just how much suffering and torture had she endured?

Feng Zhu could not find calm all night. She curled back into the bed inside the house, and for as long as the firecrackers outside sounded, she cried for that long. No one knew what she was crying about, and she herself could not explain.

After New Year's Day, past the middle of the first month, when the Lantern Festival arrived, a group of carriages and horses returning from Donglai Commandery hurriedly entered Chang'an City.

Lu Hou and his wife, accompanied by Feng Xu, left the mansion to see the child who was about to go to Xian Tai Gong.

Today a ritual altar had been set up in Xian Tai Gong. All who bore the Tianji Star's fate were required to participate, with no delay. This child had no time to return to the Hou Mansion to meet them and needed to go to Xian Tai Gong as soon as possible.

Stepping down from the carriage was a slender girl, probably because she had lived for a long time in a fishing village by the sea. Her skin was slightly darkened by sun and wind, she had a slightly round face, black and spirited eyebrows and eyes, and an attitude somewhat anxious.