Chapter 23

In the Nine Abyss Land, although everywhere was pitch black, within the darkness there was a faint alternation of day and night. On the boundless plain, a huge army was encamped. Light beams formed by magic shone above the troops, actually illuminating the gloom as if it were daytime.

Pei'er hid in the darkness, her heart feeling as if cut by a knife.

She had sneaked out. Two days earlier, Death God Mu Ze defeated the Fire God and Wind God, then led his troops to the Pure Black Land for an appointment. She and Luo Shan also went along. The thirty thousand members of the Evil Spirit Death God Clan wielded various weapons; although their attire was chaotic, under Mu Ze's command they resembled an army. Luo Shan and Mu Ze were sworn brothers, naturally they wanted to lend him a hand; over these two days they discussed battle plans, thereby neglecting her. But for her, this was also a good thing.

She couldn't forget Mu Ze's words that day: "You die, she lives; or she dies, you live. Besides that, I don't know if there's any other way." If they wanted to escape this grim and terrifying Nine Abyss Land and return to the human world, one of them would have to die. She was deeply moved by this answer. They could not stay here; whether it was Luo Shan or herself, if they remained, even if they didn't go mad, they would eventually become one of these evil spirits, forever accompanied by slaughter. Such a life would be better off if they had just died at the start.

But if they wanted to escape, one of them would have to die.

This is such a terrible verdict! She naturally did not want Luo Shan to die; if necessary, she was willing to sacrifice her own life for Luo Shan. But if that were the case, all her long-held hopes and concerns, her humble yearning for a beautiful future, her tiny right to pursue happiness would all vanish with death, scattered like smoke and ash. Such an ending would be too cruel for her.

Perhaps. She secretly thought. Perhaps they would just never return to the human world, spending their whole lives in the Nine Abyss Land; that would also be a solution. If so, many of her worries would be resolved. Here, only she and Luo Shan would exist, with no outside interference, no worries of separation; she could naturally have him, possess all of him, nothing could take him from her side. This is selfish, and Pei'er herself admits it. But what's wrong with exchanging this little selfishness for a lifetime of happiness?

No. Not possible. If she sacrificed Luo Shan for her happiness, sacrificing his right to return to the human world, forcing him to forever accompany death and darkness, she would never forgive herself.

If that were the case, it would be better… better to let her die.

Pei'er staggered a few steps, her heart suddenly aching. Yes, there was no better way… she could only sacrifice herself… use her life to exchange Luo Shan's chance to return to the human world. In his heart, she probably never held much status. He wanted to save his parents, he wanted to become stronger; and even if not for that, in Luo Shan's heart there had always been a girl, which Pei'er clearly understood.

If she wanted to forever possess this youth, she could only do so in the Nine Abyss Land, isolated from the human world. Yet even if she obtained such happiness, it would be destined to be cursed. Pei'er would not allow herself to have such a thought.

Forget it. She despaired. If that were the case, then she could only let go.

Pei Er! a familiar voice suddenly sounded behind her. She blankly turned around, and the handsome youth's face appeared before her eyes. "What are you doing running out alone? The troop is about to move forward." "Troop, what troop?" Pei Er forced a bleak smile on her face. "Those are Mu Ze's people; even if they go to war, it's his business, his tribe, his land, his Nine Netherworld—what does it have to do with you? Why do you care so much?" "Pei Er." Luo Shan fell silent for a moment. "I know I haven't cared enough for you these past days. But Mu Ze is my sworn brother; his affairs are naturally mine as well. With battle imminent, Mu Ze is at a disadvantage—I absolutely cannot stand by and do nothing."

Fine, then go help your sworn brother. Why are you meddling with me?" Pei Er shoved Luo Shan away angrily. "Sworn brother… your so-called sworn brother never treated you as an elder brother! That time, he clearly knew I was with you, yet he still tried to kill me. If you hadn't blocked him, would I still be alive?" "Mu Ze has obtained the power of the death god; a bad temper is understandable." Luo Shan sighed. "I never expected him to become this bloodthirsty… but, brothers are brothers; the more he is like this, the more duty I have to help him." "Fine." Pei Er sneered. "Then tell me, in your heart, who is more important—me or Mu Ze?"

Pei Er, don't be willful." Luo Shan felt impatient in his heart. "You are my friend, you saved my life, and Mu Ze also once saved my life—when I was struck by the enemy and fell into this Nine Netherworld, without him I could never have returned to the world of the living, let alone met you." "In that case." Pei Er felt a pang in her heart. "I… I am merely dispensable in your heart?" "Pei Er, what's wrong with you?" Luo Shan frowned. "To me, you are certainly important as well."

Then." Pei Er turned to face him. "Compared to that girl called Qin Yan, who is more important to you?"

Such a direct question left Luo Shan momentarily at a loss. He was no fool; over this long time he had naturally sensed some of Pei Er's feelings for him, but since his heart already held Qin Yan, there was naturally no room for another woman. Thus regarding Pei Er's feelings, he had always avoided them. Yet now he could no longer escape.

Luo Shan, tell me.

Pei Er." Luo Shan lowered his head. "I don't know how to answer you."

Is that so." Tears glimmered in Pei Er's eyes. "You really like that girl, right?"

Yes." Luo Shan nodded. "From the moment I first saw her."

Luo Shan." Pei Er closed her eyes. "But do you know that I also fell for you from the first time I saw you? From then on, every minute and every second until now, during the days we were apart, I have never stopped worrying about you. The days we spent together, each day felt insufficient; I wished the sun would set later. I love you, I love you to the point of dying for you—do you know that?"

Yes… she had finally spoken it. But why, you ask, do we end up blurting out words we originally knew we should swallow, without regard for consequences? Pei Er-Andrea-Avensi, you foolish girl… why couldn't it remain an eternal secret in each other's hearts, silently sleeping, dying quietly in the embrace of the blankets? Why, why must we awaken it now, in this utterly chaotic moment?

Deathlike silence, darkness where you can't see your hand before your face, in the vastness as if magical beams of sun, moon, and stars—all this, though grim and terrifying, is also a kind of beauty and romance. If there were a beloved companion beside you. For memories, this would be a perfect moment, but… everything shouldn't be like this. Feelings are romantic, yet at the same time immature and fragile; when these long-cherished sensations and affections are dragged out by rummaging through one's own entrails, the fragile heart is torn at the edges, bleeding profusely. What's worse, once these things are unearthed, they come alive, roaring and raging to rush out into that vivid world, forgetting that they are like terracotta warriors buried for a thousand years that cannot see the light—like beasts about to burst from a cage that can never break free, or rather, cannot get out. Once they break free of their original shackles, they dissolve in the distance between them. Even if it's only a hair's breadth, to them it is eternity.

Luo Shan, do you like me?

Although we already know how it will end, we still must bravely try; otherwise, life would have no meaning.

After all, even if it is destroyed, this feeling will still be cherished in her heart.

Pei Er.

Luo Shan gazed at the girl before him; in an instant, countless scenes from long ago sprang to life, rushing into his heart. The attentive care at her sickbed, sword practice and chat by the Linquan River, life-and-death struggle amidst the flames of Linquan Town, the shocking battle at Luofude Mountain Villa—these days had already left an indelible mark of Pei Er in his heart. Yet this feeling… is ultimately different.

What he loves in his heart is forever only that white-clad girl who stood before him when the Makas arrived, waking him from darkness; it will always be her, never anyone else.

Pei Er. I'm sorry.

After a long silence, he could only respond in this way.

Fine." Pei Er's heart was as dead ashes, yet a faint smile still lingered on her cheeks. "Since your answer is like that, I won't say anything more. Luo Shan, you little idiot… it doesn't matter; who you like is your own business, you don't need to feel sorry for me… you… all right, don't look at me." She hastily wiped her eyes, turned her head away. "You… you go find your Mu Ze brother. I want to be alone for a while."

Pei Er, take care of yourself." Luo Shan stood there, watching her receding back, his heart also aching involuntarily.

You don't need to worry about me." However, Pei Er merely reached her hand behind her and gave a light shake.

What should be said and what shouldn't have been said—by this night, all had already been spoken.

So, what she should do is now also clear, right?