Chapter 35: Self‑Destructive Tendency

After the matter ended, Tang Wulin and Huo Yutong followed several deans back to the Academy, crossed Haishen Hu, and arrived at the small island in the lake's center.

Haishen Dao appears to be about two square kilometers in size, uneven, resembling a small hill, with various pavilions and towers built upon it.

Mu En led the group along a stone path toward the center of Haishen Dao; when they reached the summit, a three-story building appeared before them.

This building looks ordinary, but on its door hangs a black plaque with gilded characters reading "Sea God Pavilion".

Mu En kindly said to Tang Wulin and Huo Yutong, "From now on, the two rooms innermost on the second floor will be yours; stay there. Attend classes normally tomorrow daytime, and I will teach you at night. It's getting late—go rest in your rooms."

"Yes."

Tang Wulin and Huo Yutong nodded and went up to the second floor together.

Upon reaching the end of the corridor, Tang Wulin looked at Huo Yutong.

"Huo Yutong, which room would you like?"

"I'm fine with either." Huo Yutong hesitated, then asked, "Wulin, may we talk?"

"Of course."

Tang Wulin opened the door closer to them, smiling slightly, and said:

"Come, let's go in and talk."

The rooms in the Sea God Pavilion are not large, but they are more than enough for two people; Tang Wulin pulled a chair for Huo Yutong to sit, then sat on the edge of the bed himself.

He asked curiously:

"What's on your mind?"

"Um…" Huo Yutong frowned slightly, thought, and said, "Actually, it's nothing—I just feel things are moving too fast, lacking realism, so I wanted to talk with you."

"Oh, I see. Indeed, I also feel it's unreal."

Tang Wulin gave a wry smile and nodded, showing he understood.

Two days ago they were merely ordinary students, but starting yesterday they were first ambushed, then unfairly treated, and just as they tried to quietly withdraw from studies, the Academy's upper echelons discovered them, resulting in their being brought to Haishen Dao, touted as the Academy's center.

The situation developed with such speed that in just one day their circumstances had become worlds apart.

No wonder Huo Yutong lacks a sense of reality—not only her, but even Tang Wulin doubts that upon waking tomorrow he'll find this all just a dream.

"Besides, I have one more thing I want to know." Huo Yutong hesitated a moment, then asked, "Why did you think of resisting the Academy? At the time I didn't even entertain that idea."

Saying this, she feared Tang Wulin might misunderstand, and quickly added:

"Ah, I'm not saying you did anything wrong, Wulin; I'm just surprised that I didn't have that kind of thought."

She felt utterly puzzled; looking back, Tang Wulin's actions were clearly correct, yet at the moment of the incident she had not the slightest inkling of such a thought.

Regarding her question, Tang Wulin's expression grew somewhat sorrowful.

He indeed knows the answer to this question.

"I suppose it's because you lack any sense of self‑love."

Huo Yutong froze.

"What do you mean?"

She believed she already valued herself enough.

Tang Wulin sighed.

"Actually, I've been feeling lately that you truly treat your own affairs lightly."

Whether it's overexerting her mental power in class to help Tang Wulin win, or in the assassination attempt where she herself was more seriously injured yet kept regretting she couldn't protect Tang Wulin.

She consistently places the concerns of those she values above her own.

If Wang Dong's lack of resistance stems from greed for money, with the focus on the high value of medicinal pills, then Huo Yutong's reason for not resisting is that she deems her life worthless, the focus being her contempt for her own life.

She has a slight self‑destructive tendency, essentially disregarding her own life; Tang Wulin even suspects that if someone said they could exchange her life for the extermination of the Duke's Mansion, she would agree without hesitation.

Tang Wulin believes the root of her worldview lies in her childhood upbringing.

Apart from her mother, no one valued her or regarded her; consequently she subconsciously placed her own status very low.

Although she subjectively esteems her own dignity and dislikes being insulted, objectively she unconsciously looks down on herself. Huo Yutong appears utterly bewildered.

"Even if you say that to me, I…"

As Tang Wulin suspected, Huo Yutong subjectively fails to grasp her own meaning; this is a shadow cast on her nature by her childhood.

Precisely for this reason, she feels lost.

What one cannot even realize cannot be changed.

"I understand." Tang Wulin said earnestly, "Leave this to me; whenever you unconsciously demean yourself, I will immediately remind you, and I will do my utmost to change your character."

In fact, he has been doing just that all along.

When he learned that Huo Yutong was overexerting her spirit yet still wanted to cultivate, he took her to Shileke Cheng to relax and play.

When he discovered that Huo Yutong lacked the will to resist the Academy, he personally took her hand and rushed toward the outside world.

What a person says doesn't matter; what matters is what they do.

Upon hearing this, Huo Yutong's eyes widened in astonishment, sparkling with a moving light.

"In other words, are you willing to stay by my side forever? Are you willing to accompany me for a lifetime?"

"Hmm, that's only natural."

Tang Wulin nodded firmly.

He knows that only gradual, subtle change can be effective, so he will use long‑term companionship to change her.

"……"

Huo Yutong's eye rims instantly turned slightly red.

She hastily wiped her eyes, speaking with a hint of a sob:

"Sorry, even though I just cried this morning, now I've let you see me embarrass myself again."

"It's fine; this is quite normal."

Tang Wulin said gently.

He didn't mind; rather, seeing Huo Yutong so moved by his words made him feel satisfied as well.

Huo Yutong broke into a smile through tears.

She reached out her hand to Tang Wulin.

"Then we have a deal—you'll always be with me, help me change myself, and I'll always be with you, never betraying you, okay?"

Moonlight streamed through the window into the room, falling on Huo Yutong's face.

Her eye rims reddened, a tear slid from the corner of her eye and traced down her cheek, yet she looked not at all sad, because her expression was so happy.

"Mm, we have a deal."

Tang Wulin said softly, hooking his little finger with Huo Yutong's.

This was their lifelong promise.

Aside from that, little Huo girl's favorability continues upupup; I personally think Old Huo has always had a strong self-destructive tendency.

When I was in elementary school reading manga, the scene that left the deepest impression was him saying to Wang Dong, "Even if I die, I'll bite a piece of flesh from your body" (the manga drew it very impactfully), and also all kinds of training intensity where he didn't treat himself as human; my feeling was that as long as he could succeed in revenge, he'd do anything.

Of course, that was just my impression early on, and as his companions around him increased, this feeling of his grew weaker (except when Mu En died, during which time it actually became more severe); however, later on, when Dong'er had an accident and Qiu'er sacrificed herself, his self-destructive tendency was no longer just my impression but had been explicitly stated multiple times in the original text, (including but not limited to Ming Dou Shanmai, Jiu Dao Shi Ba Dong).

Perhaps it's precisely because this impression is too strong; although Huo Yutong's personality is completely different in my two books—the previous one had a touch of tomboyishness as a heavy female, while this one is a youthful version of Huo Yun'er—but this self-destructive tendency is the core I crafted.

The protagonist Lin Xi of the previous book brought redemption to Huo Yutong and Dai Yutong, the two girls, but failed to teach them self-love; I hope this book can be different.

Besides, after thinking about it, I should still create a book group for this book; we need to communicate more about the book's future direction.

See the book group in the introduction.

(End of chapter)