Chapter 79

Bai Xinya looked at An'an and Su Ruo; her eyes held envy but no jealousy.

Su Ruo coaxed An'an for a long time; only then did An'an agree to go out to play with Li Zhaodi.

She walked over and said to Bai Xinya: "I never expected you would voluntarily bring An'an back."

Bai Xinya sighed softly: "If An'an were willing, I would really like to take her back to the Imperial Capital, let her forget you, and from now on belong only to me, but she is not willing."

I know that if I wanted to, with the power of the Bai Family and Zhou Family, I could indeed forcibly take An'an away, but then An'an would never be happy afterward; she would hate me.

And I don't want An'an to hate me; I only hope she can be happy and joyful, even though I know the person most important in her heart is not me—never in the past, not now, and never will be.

But what does it matter! As long as I can stay by her side and just watch her, that's enough.

These days I've thought it over repeatedly; I am not as good as you. If someone tried to take my child, I would fight them to the death, even if I knew that would be better for the child, I would not let go.

Someone once told me, happiness is like sand in your hand; if you grip it too tightly, it will slip through your fingers.

Back then I didn't understand; only now do I realize. Before, I was too obsessive. From now on I will try to be a good mother, accompanying An'an to grow up together with you, hoping you will give me this chance.

Su Ruo said with an indifferent expression: "You don't need to thank me; I'm doing this for An'an as well."

Su Ruo brought An'an to read books; because of this separation, An'an has become even more clingy to her, unwilling to take even a step away from Su Ruo.

Since the daughter went missing, the wife has never entered the kitchen again; all her time is spent in self-torment. If it weren't for Su Ruo, the wife might spend her whole life unable to emerge from the pain of losing her daughter.

Zhou Feng looked at his wife's smiling face in the kitchen, walked over to Su Ruo, and said sincerely: "Thank you."

Bai Xinya cried for a long, long time; after crying, she seemed to suddenly feel relieved.

When Bai Xinya saw Zhou Feng, she could no longer hold back and burst into loud sobs. These years she has been tormenting herself over the daughter's matter, tormenting herself, and also tormenting Zhou Feng and everyone around her.

Before, Zhou Feng thought An'an could have a better life only by following him; now he thinks that with Su Ruo as a mother like that, An'an's future achievements will certainly not be lacking.

Su Ruo said nothing and left silently; she is accustomed to being cold-hearted and unfeeling, and if today's matter were not about An'an, she would absolutely not interfere with advice.

If one day she unfortunately passes away, she certainly would not want me to torment myself in pain; she would surely wish for me to live well.

I love An'an, but I love myself even more.

In this life, parental ties, marital bonds, filial ties—no one dares say they will always accompany you; the only one who can truly walk through life with you is yourself.

Actually, from the moment the child is born, it is destined that one day she will separate from us; all we can do is give her strength, hope she can be happy, and then silently see her off.

Su Ruo frowned slightly: "You should know that An'an is not your daughter, and your life is not only about An'an; you also have County Magistrate Zhou, and I can see he loves you very much."

Other people's family affairs, Su Ruo could ignore, but Bai Xinya's obsession with An'an is too deep, and that is not a good thing.

Bai Xinya and Zhou Feng have been together from school uniforms to wedding dresses; she once loved this man deeply, but now there is a rift between them, and even if Zhou Feng treats her better, it cannot be healed.

Zhou Feng, accustomed to deceit and intrigue in officialdom, is genuinely grateful to Su Ruo, for she not only saved his wife but also saved their precarious family.

I can give everything and all my love for An'an, but if one day she leaves me, I will still live well.

So there are some things she must say: "But An'an will surely grow up one day and leave you! We must learn to let go and separate."

Su Ruo said firmly: "An'an won't, because she knows I love her, and I also know she loves me."

Zhou Feng suddenly laughed, realizing he really is growing more fond of this little girl: smart, independent, aloof yet kind-hearted, always knowing what she wants, and disdainful of pretense.

If I feel sad, she will only feel even sadder.

When she is here, I love her well; when she is gone, I will love myself well, together with her share, and live on better.

Su Ruo's heart ached faintly; how could she not understand: "Even if one day misfortune occurs and I lose An'an, I will still live well."

She thought that only her suffering could be the best memorial for her daughter and the greatest punishment for herself, and only thus could she ease her longing and guilt for her daughter.

Zhou Feng said: "The people who kidnapped An'an last time—I have had people investigating these days, but the other side is too well hidden, and I haven't found many useful clues."

Zhou Feng, worried about his wife, hurried over and, upon hearing Su Ruo's words, felt his heart shaken violently, thinking that after living over thirty years he is not as clear-headed as a child.

So far I have only found out that the other party comes from Kyoto and possesses great power, with connections to many families.

Zhou Feng, accustomed to dealing with old oil-slicks in officialdom, feels unprecedented ease when interacting with Su Ruo.

Bai Xinya was shocked, her mouth unable to close for a long time; she seemed to hear a faint sound coming from her heart.

Because my life, my existence, is only my own!

That noon, Bai Xinya and Zhou Feng stayed behind; Su Ruo not being good at cooking, so Li Zhaodi and Bai Xinya took charge of the cooking.

I am not demanding of you; I am asking you, because my life has only An'an.

Bai Xinya said: "You have never lost a child, so you will never understand that kind of pain."

Bai Xinya realized for the first time: Could it be that I was wrong all along? Her little dream (Xiaomeng) is so obedient and sensible, so loving toward her; if she knew I was tormenting myself like this, wouldn't she also feel sad?

Bai Xinya looked at Su Ruo in astonishment; she never expected Su Ruo to utter such "cold-blooded and heartless" words.

Her little dream is so good; how could she bear to see her suffer? Looking at her like this all these years, her daughter must surely also be feeling terrible!

"Could it be that you're not afraid An'an will hear these words and feel hurt?"

Bai Xinya did not answer her first question, but instead said: "But at the moment his mother deliberately lost little dream, I could no longer love him."

At this moment, her long-closed heart seemed to crack open a little, and some sunlight shone through the gap.

But now someone tells her that the one who truly loves you only wishes you well and will not be sad because you forget them.

Su Ruo frowned slightly, but did not offer advice; some pain is known only to the person experiencing it, and she also does not wish to intervene in others' karmic ties.

Zhou Feng saw his wife's shoulders trembling, walked over, and embraced Bai Xinya in his arms.

When Zhou Feng got down to business, his face immediately darkened; he had sent out so many people, yet up to now he still cannot ascertain the other side's true identity—someone whom even the Zhou and Bai Families combined cannot uncover—showing how formidable their power is.

Zhou Feng simply cannot fathom why such a formidable figure would target An'an, an orphan girl.

Zhou Feng does not know, but Su Ruo does, and she also knows that the other side will certainly not let it rest; they will surely seek another opportunity to strike again.

Su Ruo's guess was correct: that black-robed man is currently hiding in the village, spying on everything about Su Ruo, and because of his previous failure, he has devised an even more vicious method to deal with Su Ruo.