Chapter 374: The Feeling of Being Held by the One You Like

The taxi started slowly, and the streetlights outside shone through the glass, flickering on Fei Fanjin's face where her tears were not yet dry.

Lin Yuan looked at her aggrieved expression, feeling as if his heart were blocked and uncomfortable, yet he still didn't know how to respond.

Lin Yuan chose silence.

Twenty minutes later, the taxi steadily stopped in front of Fei Fanjin's building.

The dim yellow streetlights shone through the car window, casting mottled light and shadow on her face where tears were not yet dry.

Lin Yuan got out first, walked to the other side and opened the door, reaching out to help her, but saw Fei Fanjin herself gripping the door frame and slowly rising, her steps staggering a bit before she barely managed to stand steady.

The taxi slowly drove away.

Fei Fanjin lifted her head, her eye sockets red as if soaked cherries, long lashes still bearing undried tears, her voice thick with nasal congestion as she spoke, each word sounding as if wrapped in shattered glass:

"Where… where am I lacking compared to Mu Lingxue?"

A gentle breeze blew, lifting the stray hairs by her ear and revealing the delicate skin on her neck, yet that fragility made one's heart tighten.

She stepped forward half a pace, her eyes full of resentment and grievance: "You were obviously so enthusiastic before, you remembered I don't like cilantro, you brought me hot coffee when I worked overtime… could all of that have been an act?"

Lin Yuan watched the light in her eyes dim bit by bit, his Adam's apple moving, and he finally whispered an admission: "Miss Fei, sorry, let me be honest with you… earlier, it was Director Su who had me… pretend to pursue you…"

Swish! Upon hearing this, Fei Fanjin's delicate body trembled; she stared at Lin Yuan in disbelief??

"What?!"

Lin Yuan let out a sigh and explained: "Earlier, Director Su feared you would defect to the Sun Licheng Faction, so she had me pretend to pursue you to test you… Later, Director Su confirmed you had not defected to the Sun Licheng Faction, and she felt relieved, so I also gave up pursuing you. Everything was at Director Su's direction… sorry…"

Boom!

At this moment, Fei Fanjin's mind went completely blank!

"Pretending…"

Fei Fanjin whispered those two words over and over, her delicate body suddenly going rigid, as if all strength had been drained from her, she nearly collapsed.

Her tears again fell with a "swish," landing in her palm, burning hot: "It's all fake… you're all deceiving me…"

Suddenly she shoved Lin Yuan hard, her voice suddenly rising, though tinged with sobs: "Get out! I never want to see you again! Men are all liars!"

Lin Yuan didn't leave; instead he stepped forward and gently embraced her——

He feared she might collapse from her heightened emotions, and even more feared she would break down alone in the dead of night.

Fei Fanjin struggled a few times in his arms, then went limp like a deflated balloon, clutching his shirt tightly with both hands, her shoulders trembling incessantly.

The next second, she suddenly lowered her head and bit hard into Lin Yuan's shoulder, her teeth piercing the thin shirt, sending a sharp pain through him.

Lin Yuan frowned, but didn't push her away; he merely patted her back lightly, letting her vent.

Only when she tasted a hint of blood in her mouth did Fei Fanjin finally release her bite, and upon lifting her head she saw that Lin Yuan's shirt at the shoulder was already stained with blood.

Her tears spilled again unbidden: "Why don't you yell in pain? Aren't you afraid I'll bite your bones off?"

Lin Yuan lowered his gaze to her and spoke softly: "As long as it makes you feel better, a little pain doesn't matter."

Those words were like a fine needle, instantly piercing Fei Fanjin's heart.

She could no longer hold back, reaching up to hook her arms around Lin Yuan's neck, tiptoeing, and gently pressing her tear‑stained lips to his.

At that moment, Lin Yuan was dazed.

He, was forcibly kissed by Fei Fanjin……

Her kiss was light, carrying the faint tipsiness of red wine and the salty tang of tears, brief as a gust of wind, yet filled with endless grievance and reluctance.

The tear on her lashes brushed against Lin Yuan's cheek, cool enough to make his heart tremble.

Lin Yuan's body stiffened, he dared not move, only hearing her whisper softly into his ear, voice as faint as a mosquito: "Lin Yuan… I really… like you…"

Lin Yuan's mind went instantly blank; the sudden soft sensation on his lips made his whole body go rigid, as if placed under a paralysis spell.

He instinctively wanted to raise his hand to push Fei Fanjin away, but the instant his fingertips touched her shoulder, he felt her body trembling——

Her hands clutched his shirt hem, knuckles whitening, as if she were grasping the last straw of salvation.

This kiss carried the mellow aroma of red wine, and was wrapped in a grief so deep it could not be dispelled.

Fei Fanjin tiptoed slightly, tears sliding down her cheeks to smear his shirt, spreading a small wet spot.

Lin Yuan stood frozen for a while, then gently took hold of her wrist and slowly pushed her away, his voice tinged with helplessness: "Fanjin, don't do this……"

Fei Fanjin's lips were still flushed, her tears falling even harder; she looked at Lin Yuan, her voice choking up beyond coherence:

"Am I really that inadequate? Do you find even a kiss superfluous? Do you especially dislike me?"

The hallway's sound‑activated light, having detected no movement for a long time, clicked off with a "clack," leaving only the moonlight streaming in from outside, which outlined her red‑rimmed eyes and trembling shoulders, making her look especially pitiful.

Lin Yuan let out a breath, shook his head, and spoke softly: "It's not dislike; it's that I can't delay you. My affairs with Mu Lingxue are complicated, I don't want to drag two people into it at once—that would be unfair to you, and I don't want to hurt you."

"I don't care about fairness! And I'm not afraid of being hurt!" Fei Fanjin suddenly raised her voice, then quickly softened, her tears splashing onto the ground,

"I only care about you… even if it's only for now, I want to hold on."

Having said that, she gave Lin Yuan no chance to respond, once again tiptoeing, wrapping her arms around his neck, and bringing her lips to his.

This time Lin Yuan did not push her away.

He could clearly feel the tear on her lashes brushing his cheek, cool; he could feel her kiss was light, tinged with a hint of timidity yet utterly steadfast.

His arms remained stiff at his sides for a while, then he slowly lifted them, loosely encircling her back, the motion as light as if he feared breaking fragile glass.

The kiss didn't last long; Fei Fanjin was the first to let go, leaning against his chest, her shoulders shuddering as she cried: "Lin Yuan, I feel… I really can't forget you."

Lin Yuan raised his hand and gently patted her back, like soothing a wronged child: "It'll pass; you deserve someone better."

Fei Fanjin said nothing, merely burying her face in his embrace and weeping; after she had cried enough, she slowly straightened, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, her gaze holding a trace of weary clarity: "I understand… please walk me inside."

Lin Yuan nodded, supported her arm, and helped her pull out her key to open the door.

Fei Fanjin's fingertips trembled as she inserted the key into the lock, and with a "click" she turned it to open the door.

Without waiting for Lin Yuan's reaction, she suddenly turned, grabbed his wrist, and, using the brute strength of her intoxication, pulled him inside.

Lin Yuan stumbled in after her, not yet having taken in the living‑room layout, when Fei Fanjin lunged forward with him……

The two of them collapsed together onto the soft beige sofa, the cushion sinking into a shallow dimple.

Fei Fanjin pressed against Lin Yuan, her hair falling to sweep his cheek, a fresh sweet scent instantly flooding his nostrils—

It was her usual gardenia-scented shampoo, blended with the faint tipsy aroma of red wine and a whisper of white jasmine perfume—gentle and enticing.

Before Lin Yuan could speak, Fei Fanjin's lips pressed on again, more urgently than before, her alcohol-laced breath blowing on the corner of his mouth, her fingers tightly gripping his collar as if afraid he'd run off.

Lin Yuan instinctively tried to push her; his fingertips touched her back, feeling the warm skin beneath her silk pajamas, and the scent seeping through the fabric grew stronger, causing his motion to falter.

"Fanjin, don't do this…… your parents will notice…… this is your home……" Lin Yuan's voice muffled against his lips and teeth, still trying to warn her.

Fei Fanjin merely lifted her eyes a little, a film of moisture in her gaze, her nose tip brushing his, her voice soft and hoarse:

"My parents don't live here…… I'm the only one living here……"

Having said that, she kissed him again, this time more freely; her fingers slowly loosened his collar, slid to his wrist, and lightly twined around his fingers, as if she were being coquettish.

Lin Yuan's heart pounded faster and faster, his nostrils filled with her mixed fragrance—clean sweetness laced with alcohol—making him feel light-headed.

Fei Fanjin's movements gradually lost rhythm, her cheek pressed against his side of his face, her breathing growing heavier, she whispered softly:

"Lin Yuan…… don't push me away…… just this once……"

Her fragrance seemed to bore into his bones, mingling with the post-alcohol heat, causing Lin Yuan's previously clear mind to grow foggy; his hand pushing on her back unconsciously eased its pressure.

The warm yellow wall lamp in the living room bathed the two of them, casting overlapping shadows; the alcohol stirred their emotions into a surge, and even the air seemed to carry an ambiguous, restless atmosphere—no one mentioned the word "restraint" anymore.

It was clear…… the two were about to cross the line……

Lin Yuan suddenly regained his composure, sobering up.

Lin Yuan's fingertips pressed against her shoulder, light yet firm, slowly pushing her away a little.

He looked at Fei Fanjin's reddened rims, his Adam's apple bobbing: "No, Fanjin, we can't do this…… it's too unfair to you…… you'll regret it when you sober up……"

Fei Fanjin didn't release her grip; instead she clenched his shirt collar, her body swayed, her nose tip reddened—she sounded pitifully choked.

"What regret…… I only know now that I want to keep you……"

Her tears fell onto Lin Yuan's hand back, scalding hot and shocking: "Do you think I'm casual? But I…… I just like you too much……"

Lin Yuan watched her thin shoulders tremble violently, recalling she had drunk too much earlier and now seemed to run a low fever, feeling hot; his heart softened, and he withdrew the motion to get up.

"I don't think you're casual," he said softly, "I'll stay to keep you company; we can talk after you wake up, okay?"

Fei Fanjin blinked, as if she hadn't heard clearly, then suddenly lunged forward, her whole body pressing onto him, her cheek against his chest, her scorching breath mixed with alcohol and a faint fragrance—

It was her usual white-tea-scented perfume, now made more lingering by the alcohol fumes.

"Just tonight, once……"

Her voice broke into fragments, tinged with sobbing as she rubbed against his shirt: "I won't let you take responsibility, truly…… I just want to know what it feels like to be held by someone who likes me……"

Lin Yuan's chest felt oppressed by her weight, his nostrils filled with her fragrance, his heart felt as if something were tugging at it.

He could feel her body trembling, and the hand gripping his shirt, clenched so hard the knuckles turned white, even his breath carried a resentful choke.

"Fanjin, calm down, wait for the alcohol to wear off……" He thought to raise his hand to support her……

Fei Fanjin lifted her head, her eyes blurred with tears, lashes still wet, her cheeks flushed abnormally from alcohol and grievance, even her lips swollen from crying: "I can't calm down…… Lin Yuan, please……"