Chapter 47: As Long As She Is Willing

Nan Xueyin felt this bowl of medicine seemed especially large; she had been kissed by Xiao Youlan until her mind was in chaos, her heart pounding like a drum, and her eyelashes could not stop trembling.

Throughout the entire process, Wei Nian and Feihong stood by the side without a sound.

Finally, the feeding was finished, and Xiao Youlan spoke first: "Changling, you go back first."

Wei Nian could not bear it: "But..."

"Go back." Xiao Youlan repeated simply, carrying an indisputable majesty.

Wei Nian had no choice but to leave after a long sigh.

"Feihong, you go out too."

"Yes."

The room quieted down, leaving only Nan Xueyin and Xiao Youlan.

Right in the midst of this stillness, Xiao Youlan spoke slowly: "Aren't you awake?"

Nan Xueyin paused; how did he know?

As if hearing her inner thoughts, Xiao Youlan added: "I felt it just now when I was feeding you the medicine."

Nan Xueyin recalled it a beat too late; it seemed she had moved her tongue just now.

There was a little bit of shame, but fortunately, Nan Xueyin's body was still very weak and lacking in Qi and blood, so she did not blush.

She steadied her mind and slowly opened her eyes.

Xiao Youlan sat before the bed, still wearing the round-collared robe he had on when he rescued her from the Dali Temple Prison; he seemed to have lost weight, visibly pale and haggard.

She looked at him for a while without speaking, then shifted her gaze behind him to observe the surroundings.

This was not the Eastern Palace.

"This is a villa I bought outside the city," Xiao Youlan said.

Nan Xueyin looked at him again.

"Doukou, Lin Chunxia, these are not your names," Xiao Youlan stared at her, "You are an Assassin sent by Xiao Mingyu. But you were not sent to kill me, but to investigate my hidden illness."

Nan Xueyin did not speak and lowered her eyes.

Yet Xiao Youlan's gaze remained fixed on her for a long time, "That is why you served me so diligently, said those things to me, and saved me on Ziwei Street. That day, your hand was scratched; I looked again a while later, and those marks were slightly different. I thought I had seen wrong, but in fact, your scratches healed rapidly, and the new marks were ones you made yourself."

Nan Xueyin knew that once she disappeared from the Eastern Palace, these truths would gradually surface.

He spoke very slowly, his tone revealing neither joy nor anger; Nan Xueyin could not tell if he held any resentment or hatred.

Xiao Youlan seemed to fall into some kind of memory, speaking slowly: "My mother and father were a couple from their youth. When their love was passionate, my father made many beautiful promises to my mother, and she believed them all. However, after marriage, my father soon had other women and bore children with them. Especially after ascending the throne, my father's women became more and more numerous. My mother was therefore always depressed. My father said that as an emperor, choosing and taking Concubines was often unavoidable, and he asked my mother to be more tolerant. My mother later told me that it wasn't that she didn't understand, she just couldn't control her sadness.

"Actually, before giving birth to me, my mother was pregnant with a child. At that time, she lived in Qianqiu Hall, and the Virtuous Consort was still a little palace maid serving under her. At the Mid-Autumn family banquet, my father got drunk and favored the Virtuous Consort in the side hall. My mother was five months pregnant; she waited and waited but didn't see my father, searched everywhere, and finally saw that scene in the side hall. That day, my mother lost that child, and after waking up, she had a big argument with my father. After that, my mother acted on her own, moved out of Qianqiu Hall, and refused to see my father for a long time. My father was angry with her and conferred the title of Zhaoyi upon the Virtuous Consort; soon after, the Virtuous Consort gave birth to Xiao Mingyu, and my father then promoted her to Virtuous Consort.

"My father must have had feelings for my mother, but my mother could not get past that hurdle in her heart. It wasn't until later, when the Imperial Concubine relied on my father's favor to make things difficult for my mother, even presumptuously withholding charcoal and food from other Concubines, causing scandals like miscarriages and poisoning. My mother had no choice but to finally bow to my father. Soon after, my mother became pregnant with me.

"With me as her son, my mother's status as the legitimate Empress could no longer be shaken, and life in the inner palace became much easier. However, my mother's body did not recover well after her miscarriage, and giving birth to me exhausted a great deal of her energy; her health plummeted, and she relied entirely on medicinal soups to hang on.

"When I was eighteen, my father held a selection of palace maids, and the youngest among them was a year younger than me. After that, my mother became even more ill. She always told me that if I liked someone, I should treat her with all my heart; a person's sincerity and devotion have nothing to do with whether one is born into an imperial family. I have always remembered her words, and I have always done so. Therefore—"

Xiao Youlan looked at her, his Adam's apple bobbing, "Even if you approached me for unspeakable purposes, my liking for you is not fake. I do not blame you for anything, I don't care if you are an Assassin, nor do I care who you worked for in the past; I can even tell you plainly what secrets I have."

Nan Xueyin was stunned.

Xiao Youlan, however, spoke in earnest: "I have had Face Blindness since I was a child; I cannot recognize or remember what others look like. My mother said this condition is not fatal, but it is dangerous, so she kept it hidden and taught me to recognize people through accessories, stature, and other things, and taught me to hide my emotions, speak less, and wait for others to speak first so I could identify them. Later, my condition improved slightly; I could barely recognize the faces of men, but all women still had the same face. My father sent you all to me, but in my eyes, you all looked exactly like Cui Mama."

He paused, then tugged at the corner of his mouth, "But you are different. You are different. I told you before, your eyes are different. Your eyes are the only bright color I have encountered in my twenty-three years of life, and the only appearance I have remembered.

"The moment you saved me on Ziwei Street, my heart beat very fast; later I thought, that must be what it means to be moved. It was also from that day on that I wanted you to be my wife, my only wife.

"I had considered earlier that if they felt your status was not enough to be the Crown Princess, then I would not be this Crown Prince.

"Now I know, you were sent by Xiao Mingyu; he wanted to know what hidden illness I suffered from, so as to enter the Eastern Palace. I have told you my hidden illness; you can tell him, and I can also cede the position of Crown Prince to him. As long as..."

To like someone, to not care about her status, to forgive her faults, to accept everything about her, to take out one's true heart to show her, and even to be able to give up the position of Crown Prince for her.

As long as what?

As long as she is willing.

Nan Xueyin's heart was beating wildly, her throat felt dry, and she had the urge to shed tears.

But she tightened her lips, refusing to speak.

"Are you not willing?" Xiao Youlan looked at her cautiously, "Is it because you have no feelings for me? Or is it because of Xiao Mingyu? You, toward him..."