Chapter 382: Lingering on in a Hopeless State

The suction tube is a few millimeters in diameter, slightly rigid in texture, and is inserted from the oral cavity into the pharynx.

The moment the suction tube touched the nasopharyngeal mucosa, "I" reflexively began to cough violently; countless secretions seemed to surge out at the same time, overflowing from the nasal cavity and eyes, feeling unbearably miserable.

The suction tube hissed and rattled, and Ji Xiang also knew this was the negative pressure suction removing the liquid accumulated in the respiratory tract to make breathing a little smoother.

That may be true, but the stimulation caused by the suction tube entering the airway is extremely intense; Ji Xiang could not feel any pleasure from smoother breathing, but instead entered a state of feeling like he was dying.

The sensation of impending death made "my" limbs twitch, using the last bit of strength to try and stop the nurse from suctioning the phlegm.

Ji Xiang never imagined that after experiencing so much, a small suction procedure would make him wish he were dead.

The level of this pain is no less than that of other illnesses.

"Hold the patient down," the nurse said.

Ji Xiang felt a bit sad.

The words the nurse said were ones he had said himself, and even having experienced this, he would likely say them again the next time he encountered a similar situation.

But "I" am truly miserable; treating an illness and making the patient feel a little more comfortable have created a sharp contradiction.

My daughter immediately held down my upper limbs, saying with a sobbing tone, "Dad, bear with it, it'll be better once the phlegm is suctioned out."

Subsequently, the suction tube was inserted deeper, passing through the nasopharynx and directly into the airway.

The suction tube, which was originally only slightly rigid, felt like a wooden stick in "my" perception; Ji Xiang felt his airway was completely occupied by the wooden stick, unable to inhale even a sliver of fresh air.

And that wooden stick continued to suck away air due to the negative pressure, making me even more miserable.

This is not saving me!

Ji Xiang felt he was already oxygen-deprived, his mind a blank slate. Although logically speaking, there shouldn't be signs of oxygen deprivation in such a short time, this was the real sensation.

The hissing sound of the suction continued, "my" upper limbs were held down, and despite trying with all his might to avoid it, he simply couldn't.

Fortunately, it did not last long; after about 20 seconds, the suctioning was finished, and they began to suction saline to flush the tube, washing down the phlegm inside the suction tube to prevent clogging.

"There is too much phlegm, remember to pat the back more." The nurse was quite attentive; she repeatedly taught "my" daughter how to turn over, pat the back, and clear phlegm.

Although these procedures were also done at home, the daughter still listened patiently and asked about technical details.

Ji Xiang knew "my" daughter loved me; she couldn't bear to let me go just like that.

While parents are alive, the home is still there. If the parents are gone, the home is gone too.

On this journey of life, parents are very important coordinates.

But "I" really do not want to be a coordinate anymore.

It is not just about Empathy; if one has to suffer like this to stay alive in reality, Ji Xiang would rather give up.

At this very moment, Ji Xiang had no heart to dwell on how the Pneumonia came about; he was only constantly calculating how quickly he could leave this world if the consumption was severe.

The daughter's attachment to me and her efforts to keep me in this "abominable" world felt like a form of torture.

Ji Xiang wanted to tell her that he was very miserable, but the current strength could not support a conversation.

He was like a fish thrown onto the shore, breathing hard, gathering strength, preparing to say goodbye to his daughter.

But "I" was still thinking too optimistically.

Less than half an hour later, the nurse came again; this time she brought a nasogastric tube.

Inserting a stomach tube, pumping liquid food into the stomach... Ji Xiang was clear about the upcoming procedure, but clear as he was, he could not accept it.

A tube, slightly softer than the suction tube but a bit thicker, was inserted through the nose.

Even though it was very soft, "I" felt extremely uncomfortable. Especially when the stomach tube passed through the oropharynx and the nurse and daughter kept shouting in my ear to swallow, Ji Xiang truly did not want to continue.

But no matter how unwilling Ji Xiang was, the stomach tube was still inserted.

Every time he swallowed saliva, the stomach tube would rub against the pharyngeal mucosa, making Ji Xiang feel quite unaccustomed to it.

He remembered a story a senior fellow student told during his internship—a patient with Esophageal Cancer could not tolerate the stomach tube after surgery; after all, having a tube in the pharynx, which caused irritation with every swallowing motion, made the patient feel miserable.

The patient removed the stomach tube by themselves at night.

Because the Esophageal Cancer surgery had just been completed, inserting the stomach tube again might lead to an Anastomotic Leakage, so the Doctor and nurse did not dare to insert it again and could only explain the situation to the patient and the Family Member.

At this point, the patient knew fear and begged bitterly, wanting to live.

But the conditions at that time were limited, there was no other way, and the Doctor and nurse were helpless, having to leave it to fate.

In the end, the patient was lucky, and on the day of discharge after stitches were removed, they even sent a silk banner.

Ji Xiang still remembered the words the senior used to mock the patient—if you had known today would come, why act as you did back then?

However, only after experiencing it personally did Ji Xiang understand that the stomach tube is truly miserable; although it did not exceed his pain tolerance threshold, this feeling was different from previous illnesses.

Whether it was stones, fractures, or other diseases, when using Empathy, Ji Xiang would be impatient to see the Doctor, to see that Zhou Jiaoshou.

Yet in the current situation, even if Zhou Jiaoshou came, he would be powerless; Ji Xiang was very clear about this point.

"I" am already on the verge of death, and any more external force can only delay it for a while, but cannot make "me" fully recover.

The key is—the longer this final period drags on, the more "I" suffer.

These days have no end; for the first time, Ji Xiang was lost in Empathy.

A phrase appeared in Ji Xiang's mind—lingering on in a hopeless state.

He completely forgot the purpose of his coming; how the Pneumonia was contracted was not important, he only cared about how "I" would be gone.

He still remembered that when he was in school, the teacher mentioned that Mr. Ba Jin was in great pain before he passed away, and the people around him told him that everyone who loved him hoped he would live.

For this reason, Ba Jin had to force himself to show that no matter how painful, he would cooperate with the treatment.

But the immense pain caused Ba Jin to mention euthanasia many times, and after being refused, he even got angry at his family, saying they did not respect him.

Mr. Ba Jin even said things like "I am living for you all" and "Longevity is a torture to me."

During class, Ji Xiang could not understand what the teacher said, but now he gradually understood; not only did he understand those words, he also understood why Mr. Ba Jin would say such things.

The pain continued to extend, a life worse than death.

The damn stomach tube would deliver nutrition every day, and combined with intravenous fluids, Ji Xiang felt "I" had no chance of dying quickly in the short term.

This had turned into a nightmare, deep and profound, leaving "me" nowhere to escape.

The final outcome had already been determined—death.

But before death? Must one suffer so much? Ji Xiang did not want to.

(End of this chapter)