Chapter 165: Regret

"The King does not understand the human heart..."

"Wow... Tristan, are you talking about this?"

"No, I can understand the feeling of saying this from this guy's perspective..."

"Oh, my heart already hurts. It really hurts, because there is no villain."

Watching the television screen and her friends discussing their thoughts, Sora peeled an apple as a dessert after dinner.

Gon and Killua, while helping Flat exchange prank books, said casually, "I have homework to write a movie review," so Sora said, "I have a recommendation. DVD. I have the movie, so do you want to watch it at dinner?", and I have been watching the movie since dinner started.

"This movie is much better than I expected."

Kurapika watched without a word, and when I handed over the peeled apple in the shape of a rabbit, he muttered to himself.

If the movie I recommended was praised as "better than I expected," I would rather be angry, but in this case, there was no help for it, and even Sora thought so after watching the movie. A lot, so I smiled bitterly and agreed.

"I only went to see it because it was Gray's film debut, so my expectations were zero, but I liked it because my expectations were betrayed quite well."

Gray is Sora's friend and the actress who plays the lead role in the movie "Legend of King Arthur" that I am currently watching.

... Right, that is the "actress" who plays the "protagonist" in the "Legend of King Arthur." This is also the biggest reason why Sora, although Kurapika and his friends were all in it, did not have high expectations for the content of the movie.

This movie is a unique work produced with the background that "King Arthur is a woman named 'Artoria'."

Furthermore, Gray, who plays the protagonist "King Arthur" a. k. a. "Artoria," was a very cute teenage girl when filming began, and before the release, she stated, "The influence of the setting alone can attract customers based on the popularity of the actress." It was viewed as a "movie," but after its release, its perception and evaluation changed completely.

Promotional footage like advertisements initially only used comedy scenes and flashy battle action scenes, so the impression given was that this would be an easy-to-watch, hollow movie, very faithful to the Legend of King Arthur.

Of course, since the setting is "King Arthur is a woman," there is a painful balance. The relationship between King Arthur and Mordred, the illegitimate child with her sister Morgan, is quite representative.

The movie is rated roughly R12, but that is because there are war scenes, and the depiction of sexual relations is quite vague and difficult to understand.

According to the description I cannot understand, the model for this work seems to be "a Homunculus created by Morgan using semen obtained from Artoria, who was made male through Magic." This seems to be a painful setting that makes almost no sense.

However, conversely, there is no such painful balance other than Mordred.

Artoria in the work hides that she is a woman and performs government duties as the King, so King Arthur, in addition to being able to basically follow the original plot, pretends to be her gender to rule the country. The reason for the King's fate and the cause of the original's resentment were resolved, so this movie received favorable reviews from fans of the original while they smiled bitterly.

"Although there are many parts where King Arthur is a woman, the aftertaste is still relatively poor, but strangely, compared to the original, there is no accumulated pressure, or rather, it doesn't drag on..."

"Ah, I understand. The aftertaste itself is not good, but the disgusting parts have disappeared."

Kurapika, who knows the original "Legend of King Arthur," spoke about his impression of the original, and Leorio, who only knew the plot, agreed with him and voiced his own interpretation. Sora nodded deeply.

"In Artoria, there is a lot of room for sympathy regarding the infidelity of the war criminals Lancelot and Guinevere. Right?"

"The story about Gawain's marriage was not forced upon her because she was a girl."

"Well, if it were a man, that would be normal trash. Don't force it on your subordinates just because you are an old witch."

Sora nodded while mentioning the "disgusting parts" that were removed after turning King Arthur into a woman, and he laughed, remembering the scene with Killua at the beginning.

"Also, in the original work, the reason for the collapse of the Round Table was a lack of communication, or rather, a lack of communication between all parties... Anyway, it would have been better if everyone trusted each other a little more, right? In the movie, the reason for the misunderstanding at the Round Table meeting is explained as the reason for misinformation, which is also why it doesn't make you angry while watching it, even though the aftertaste is bad."

Even if you lie about your gender, if you are a woman, you cannot obtain the throne.

"And, since his subordinates didn't know about Artoria's situation, their distrust of her was not unreasonable. Because there was no room to enter, the feeling of seeing it in a state of abandonment was good."

Kurapika said "It's easy" for some negative reason, and Sora smiled bitterly.

I wanted to tell him not to relax because of this, but Kurapika's opinion was too spot-on, so I could only answer with a bitter smile.

In the original work, there is a strong impression that the fall of the Round Table and the fall of England were the result of a series of misaligned buttons decisively twisting and creating unfillable chasms.

Precisely because there is room for imagination for salvation, those trivial misunderstandings become unforgivable and depressing in the eyes of readers and viewers, but the misunderstandings and misinterpretations that appear in this movie are "King Arthur is a woman, and those around her basically don't know, so it's inevitable that it will happen, so there is no salvation, but it is definitely still an abandonment, and the mood is better."

... But that is from the viewer's perspective.

A very irresponsible impression, which can only be said to be an unrelated third party.

"If the ending was decided as a tragedy, I shouldn't have worked so hard."

Of course, this impression is a responsible word from someone who cares about the characters.

Naturally, Kurapika and the other three men widened their eyes, looking at the person who said they completely denied the actions of the characters in the movie.

Sora also cast his gaze in that direction, but there was no surprise in his eyes. Without any reproach, without any sad helplessness, she just cast her gaze toward her sister who was silently eating an apple.

Hami, who was peeling the apple skin and eating it herself, did not hand the apple to anyone, ignored the gazes of the five people, and remained silent until she swallowed the apple into her mouth, watching the screen at her own pace.

After swallowing the apple, she finally continued to speak. Her deep blue eyes just stared coldly at the tragedy on the screen.

"Setting aside the infidelity of Lancelot and Guinevere, the demise of England was so unchangeable that even becoming a woman could not prevent the birth of Mordred."

I don't know if it's fate, no one is a bad person, everyone did what they thought was best, yet it didn't lead to a tragedy, and no matter how hard they tried, they couldn't change the ending."

"Don't you think the result of not being rewarded in the process is meaningless?"

No one can be called evil. In the legend of King Arthur, there doesn't seem to be a single villain who is "if he wasn't there" or "if he was defeated."

That is why, even if the audience is on the verge of giving up, it is painful for the people involved. I cannot give up. On the surface, one can see at a glance that there is no other ending but tragedy, but those involved must have been dreaming of a mirage-like happy future.

To them, who believe in an illusion that cannot be grasped and does not exist, and are trapped in a tragedy of ridiculous proportions, Hami's impression of "I wish I hadn't expected it from the beginning" is cold, but kind.

To that kindness, Sora lowered his head for a moment before answering.

"I don't think so."

Regarding the process that Hami called "meaningless," he said, "There is a meaning."

Facing her sister's answer, Hami shook her thick black hair, and her face became slightly more feminine than her sister's.

Sister Sora turned, expressionless. Like a calm sea, she asked with loving eyes.

"Why?"

I asked about the meaning and value of the "process" that decided the tragedy.

Sora looked straight at his sister with sky-blue eyes and answered.

I answered the "dream" that I thought went beyond the tragic ending.

"Hello."

Merlin gave a gentle and refreshing smile like a spring breeze to the four people who reappeared.

He did not seem surprised that the four of them did not bring General Motors. I thought he had moved a little, but Merlin was sitting on the tree stump where Sora had been sitting, rather than just outside the forest.

However, Karna and Gon did not have expressions of surprise; their eyes both carried a hint of pain.

To them, this was not strange. Rather, even if he were not in 'Avalon', he could not go anywhere else; he looked with pity at the dreamer trapped in his own 'sins'.

Although he looked at me pitifully, Merlin did not seem to care, smiling calmly. It was not that he did not notice the emotions directed at him, but that he lacked the humanity to react to such emotions in the first place.

Karna, humiliated by the pity, turned it into anger and stood up; even more pitiful was the inability to turn this humiliation into the will to move forward, but if his spirituality was far from that of a human, then Karna would use that. He opened his mouth.

"Merlin. Wake up the master."

First, he made a request.

"I cannot do that."

And Merlin smiled and refused the request.

Killua stepped forward and opened his mouth, but Karna stopped him and asked, "Why?"

"You understand, Killua, you can no longer achieve your goal, you have already made a fundamental mistake, so why haven't you let go of Master yet?

First of all, what you are doing is not something you personally enjoy, much less for the master or us; you gain no benefit whatsoever.

In that case, wouldn't it be a good choice for everyone if the master who can create the ending he likes is still alive?

Answer me, Merlin. Why haven't you released your master yet?"

If one discusses matters with emotion, even if you think the same ending is beautiful, you already know there will be a fundamental gap as a biological entity, so Karna spoke and inquired based on profit and loss.

The other party did not realize there was no benefit in killing Sora here, and I had no naive expectation that if I pointed this out, they would accept my request.

To be precise, it was precisely because he was so certain the other party understood as much as Karna asked, because he did not understand the true motive for trapping Sora in the Dream World.

"That's right. For me, it is better for Sora-kun to live like this, so that I won't feel bored. This has more advantages.

... But, the anthropological world is not like that."

Merlin stood up from the tree stump and answered the question.

"That child is both a source of Deterrence and an egg of a beast.

... What a terrifying irony. Because she loves the world and humanity, she must kill someone who is as loving as she is, and only then can she awaken that kind of love. And precisely because she loves him so much, by killing him, she becomes disappointed in humanity, falls into despair, and one day, she will surely degenerate into the 'Fourth Beast'.

If Sora-kun yields to the Deterrence, she will be stripped of all dignity as a woman and trampled upon, and even the 'family' she wants to protect will be used as a tool.

But even if she overcomes the Deterrence, there is no hope. This is how she prunes and cuts off the future with her own hands."

The answer—almost no one could understand what Merlin was talking about.

However, even though my eyes were further away than the moon, it reached me like moonlight. Only the emotion in those eyes made one understand that he was truly sad for Sora and was thinking of her.

Although he understood this, he thought of Sora, knowing that even a non-human wanted her happiness, but Merlin still had Gon, Killua, Biscuit, and a non-human lineage like his own; even Karna did not understand.

Knowing this, Merlin smiled like a spring breeze, rejecting them as they tried to understand their confusion.

Everything was useless to Merlin, because he was not close enough to make such a Compromise.

Merlin smiled and declared that he was troubled by useless and meaningless things.

"Thank you, Killua."

First, he smiled and thanked Killua. This was sincere. Everyone knew that these words came from the heart.

That was why the following words sent a chill down my spine.

"For me, expecting an answer from humans is truly foolish.

... So you are human, just like the hero in the story..."

He declared there was no room for negotiation and tapped the ground with his staff.

The world changed simultaneously.

The dense forest turned into a paradise blooming with flowers. The cloudy sky turned into a vast blue sky, as if it were about to fall to the furthest reaches.

The dense forest turned into a paradise of blooming flowers. The dark, overcast sky transformed into a vast blue expanse, as if it were about to descend to the furthest reaches.

We remained vigilant, but we all knew there was nothing that could stop him from shifting the world itself between the Dream World and reality.

Because they had given up on doing anything before activation from the start, each of them took out a countermeasure for Merlin's 'Avalon', and Merlin gave a somewhat admiring "Heh."

Gon took out a Stone he seemed to have picked up in the area, Biscuit looked like an ice pick, and Killua took out an illegally modified Stun Gun, which should have been used to Recharge. He tried to stab or pierce a spot that would cause him as much pain as possible and hinder the battle as much as possible, but just before that, Karna stopped him: "Wait!"

Gon took out a Stone he seemed to have picked up in the area, Biscuit looked like an ice axe, and Killua took out an illegally modified Stun Gun, which was supposed to be used for Recharge. He tried to stab or pierce a spot that would cause him as much pain as possible and hinder the fight as much as possible, but just before that, Karna stopped him: "Wait!"

"Calm down. This is not 'Avalon'."

I was going to open a big hole with Biscuit, but is it really okay for Gon there? I was about to hit him with a Stone around the temple, fortunately, I had no intention of harming his master's body, so I was stopped by Karna, who intended to endure it with my willpower, and I didn't end up getting hurt in vain.

The scenery was indeed the same garden as the other world I was trapped in at the beginning, but that abnormally comfortable drowsiness did not strike me.

Sensing this, Biscuit's face flushed slightly, as if she were embarrassed by her own actions, and I answered with a smile.

"No, I have no intention to Recapture my answer, but I am still sincerely praising you for considering Sora-kun.

So I felt it was too rude to unilaterally treat you in a place that was only convenient for me, or to keep running until time ran out, so I temporarily blocked reality to avoid any unnecessary side spears."

Biscuit knew best how amazing and unconventional Merlin was as a Nen user, creating and maintaining a world similar to Avalon.

That is why the tip of the ice pick she inserted was trembling. It was clearly shivering for the person who had become her enemy.

"... Is this your declaration to lick me?"

Even so, she did not give up her weapon. She kept a close eye on it.

As if his initial sleepy words were a lie, he maintained a sharp gaze and the composure of an adult, even if only on the surface, and continued to show his fighting spirit so that Gon and Killua would not feel uneasy.

"I am not underestimating you. However, you are indeed weaker than me.

I cannot be a happy ending maker. And this answer is mine, but it certainly cannot be said to be the answer I wanted and am satisfied with.

So at least if you think I am wrong, I hope you defeat me like a hero, just like the hero in the story.

If there is no happy ending in this world that I want or want to see, isn't it interesting that there are people like you who still don't give up? I think."

Hearing this answer, Biscuit widened her eyes this time and was speechless.

Upon hearing this answer, Biscuit widened her eyes this time, unable to speak.

He just made a face, as if he had seen something terrifying, opened his mouth as if to say something, but in the end, he couldn't say a word.

They got the chance, but it was too passive and romantic. Full of resignation, I was reminded that this was at least a dream.

The Goddess-like gaze encountered in Yorkshin, and the fact that Merlin had already given up everything, made Gon's heart ache.

That kind of pain was still struggling to find me.

When I lost it, I swore to find it. What Gon sincerely hoped to find was not just for Sora, but also for Merlin.

What had he given up, realizing too late that he had lost it somewhere one day?

And it was truly too late; he didn't want to think of it as something he couldn't have anymore.

He and I don't understand. Nevertheless, I hate it.

I don't want people to kill me because I can't understand them, because they aren't human, treating them like heroes from fairy tales.

I don't want Merlin to end up as a fairy tale "bad monster."

But Gon didn't even know how to stop it from ending.

So, even with things he wanted to do, Gon was stuck in a dead end and couldn't do anything.

"What is there to be excited about!"

It didn't draw anything from Gon's intentions.

It was just an expression of his personal frustration and anger.

Nevertheless—

"The reason you want to die, let's not use the others!!"

Screaming as he burned the flowers beneath his feet, Killua ran with purple lightning, and without hesitation, threw his custom 50kg yo-yo at Merlin.

He heard Karna's restraint and warning; this space was not Avalon, and even if he hurt himself, he wouldn't be attacked by an inescapable drowsiness, but he ignored it and just fired a shot at them. He himself. I kept pushing.

Only Killua, because this wasn't just a way to keep himself awake. The other two had to endure the Obstacle of hurting themselves, but Killua had no Obstacle.

Pain is pain, but one must move forward.

"You are a good child."

Killua used what she had taught him, along with her praise for him, to throw a crackling yo-yo at his face, a smile on his face, continuing to stimulate his nerves.

However, Merlin ignored Karna's words, noticing that he kept charging himself with the Stun Gun, so he struck the ground with his staff again.

The yo-yo was wrapped in high-power, high-voltage electricity, expanding and entangling Killua's yo-yo; even when blasted by electricity, it would sprout from the ends, grow branches, and try to throw Killua along with the yo-yo again.

But Killua didn't make the same mistake. This time, he didn't wrap the Ring tightly around his wrist but held it in his palm, so when he opened his palm, the yo-yo slid out easily, and Killua was free.

From the beginning, this yo-yo was meant to act as a decoy.

"! Hmm, as expected."

Merlin looked up at Killua, as if moved.

That he was interested in him proved that he looked down on him so much and hadn't dealt with him either.

After leaving the yo-yo, Killua jumped high, leaped over the tree that had entangled his yo-yo, released almost all his charge from above Merlin's head, struck him down, and then dropped.

However, Merlin didn't seem to be affected by the close-range lightning.

From Merlin's perspective, this was somewhat unexpected, but it shouldn't have been an unforeseeable move.

This time, when he didn't use his staff to step lightly on the ground, a birdcage-shaped tree grew around Merlin instead of Merlin; Killua's electric strike hit the birdcage-shaped tree and burned it.

My surprise attack was not a surprise attack after all.

Knowing this, he clicked his tongue, but Killua had no intention of stopping.

Just as he landed, Killua took out another Stun Gun and tried to push it toward him.

"The power of love is great; now I can't even hear that voice that binds you."

"What!?"

Killua blushed and dropped the Stun Gun.

"What are you talking about, you!"

"Hmm?"

When Killua was shouting with a face like a tomato, this time it wasn't as bad as Merlin, but a complete joke mode.

"Merlin, stop your annoying bad taste; even if it's just because I don't get along with you, the master is also in danger, I can't afford to kill Killua!"

"Now!"

Finally, Karna was a bit seriously angry, stepped forward to protect Killua, and scolded Merlin; however, this man was better than in the Yorkshin era, but Merlin didn't specifically bring up feelings for "who," and Killua forgot it was Sora's body kicking back at Karna.

Gon and Biscuit, who had been stifling their wings to stop him, couldn't fully defend against Karna, so they let go of Killua normally, their eyes looking at Karna with relief, as if saying: "Why did you say that?" Or rather, it might have been better if Karna had been killed by the Zoldyck brothers once.

Merlin burst into a fit of laughter during the exchange, and the initial tension was gone.

I let him follow up in an emergency, but if he came with me, he might make Merlin more cautious and run away, so even at this stage, just watching the GM troops fighting Merlin was unprepared. I held my head in.

However, perhaps because the one who destroyed the serious realized it, he wiped away tears from laughing too much with his fingertips and returned to the story.

"Hahaha, it's fine. After all, except for Sora-kun, everyone else is exposed. And Sora-kun already knows too."

Or rather, am I really impressed? You still deny my choice. You came to find me for Sora-kun's sake."

"Yeah!" Killua let go of her hand and faced Merlin.

The redness on his face from embarrassment had disappeared, but I could see the temperature in my eyes rising further. His eyes were so full of rage that the Kurta people would have thought his eyes had turned into scorching scarlet, reminding him of the fires of hell.

"... How much do you know?"

"Perhaps almost everything. I know things you don't know."

Killua faced Merlin and asked with a strange expression, and Merlin answered as easily as usual.

Killua raised an eyebrow with some disgust at his words and actions, but he didn't react like a child his age as he had before.

Killua was too angry to even have time.

"... No. You don't know anything."

The reason he was able to make the previous surprise attack was because of the target of the Spell echoing in Killua's mind; being able to face him was the effect of an ability he had not yet realized he possessed.

Killua braced himself, converting his Aura into electrical current while simultaneously manipulating the electrical signals that move his body. Even for Killua, who has the worst compatibility with the Manipulation System, he could do this unconsciously because it was the current generated by his own body and his own Aura.

If Merlin's mind hadn't been boiling with hot blood, he might have already discovered that his movements were much faster than usual, and he might have noticed the connection between his ability and the electrical signals; Killua cannot afford that right now.

So I didn't notice. I didn't realize that my Aura, the electrical signals, and the synapses sending commands to my body were sending what I truly wanted to do to my body faster than my brother's Needle and the Aura he implanted in my brain.

Although it is a Manipulation System, Illumi's stylus only contains Aura that doesn't hurt the brain, yet it realizes that the Aura turning Killua's entire body into electrical current simply cannot keep up with Killua's heart. If he realized this, he would realize the existence of the Needle implanted in his brain at this moment.

Killua did not notice.

If I could hear my brother's voice here now, I might have realized why I couldn't hear it before, but the blood rising to Killua's head did not cool down; instead, it was Burning with anger, and I just didn't notice.

The surprise attack just now was an unexpected advantage of Killua's ability, but he could not ignore the voice echoing in Killua's mind, "Do not fight an enemy you cannot beat." I didn't even realize such a voice was echoing in my mind because I was filled with enough anger to shake that voice off and burn it to ashes.

So, in that anger, Killua declared.

"You don't know anything, and no matter what you know, I will not accept your choice."

Just because it's not in the way, or too far away, I won't let you get away with the excuse of "I don't understand you."

Tell him what he is angry about, why he disapproves of Merlin's sincere choice, or why he cannot forgive him.

I know what Sora is afraid of, crying so much and apologizing. Killua himself feels that he is happy.

However, Killua still refuses.

Unacceptable.

"Don't just decide for yourself. I, I regret being sharp-tongued—"

At Killua's words, Merlin tilted his head in confusion.

This reaction convinced me that my words were not persecutory delusions.

"If you are surprised that I disapprove of your choice, you think I will regret it, right? Even if you don't do it now, do you think one day you will regret meeting Sora?"

I think you will regret meeting Sora and making him feel that way, so you are trying to be kind in your own way... not just for Sora, but for me. So now you are going to show that killing Sora is a dream where he can be happy without hurting anyone!!

Because Sora is still alive, and because I am ugly and regretful and cannot give up, you must be pitying me, thinking it doesn't matter if Sora is gone!!

... I am not joking. You know nothing about people, so don't think I will regret it!!"

If it were a choice made only for Sora, I would neither approve nor forgive him, but I have never been this angry before.

Killua's anger is not for Sora. He is just angry at himself because he doesn't like himself.

Unlike Merlin, who thinks of others, he hates his own selfishness, but he cannot just give up on it.

"I don't understand," I don't let go.

"I am! My life is full of regrets!

If I could go back to the past, I would want to go back and redo everything; if it were just because I love my family, I would have gone through such a hard time that I would rather have been born earlier and born into an ordinary family, instead of the Zoldyck family or an assassin family!!"

I don't regret meeting Gon and becoming friends with him, but if he were hurt because of me, or because of my family, I would definitely regret it! I want to pretend it never happened; if I can't do that, I really like Gon, I care about him a lot, so if I hadn't met him, I might have done something for him, and I would regret it. This is a regression denial without confidence!!"

But... but! That is why I never regret meeting Sora!"

My feelings are so cruel that they intrude into reality in a way that hurts Sora more than Killua.

Even so, Killua still cannot forgive Merlin's choice because there are still things left undone.

"Even if I were born into a completely different family and grew up in a completely different way, no matter how many times I am reborn, I would definitely have met Sora on that Airship during the Hunter Exam a year ago!!"

Likewise, even if I hurt him here and realize I'm an idiot, I will be destroyed in reality! Even so! Even so, I don't want to lose anything Sora gave me, so I will do the same stupid things over and over again!!"

The memories carefully hidden in the back of my mind, overflowing with things I don't want to lose, vividly come back to life in my mind.

"You are strong enough to choose your means and methods."

He said this because he wanted to show that he was stronger than that child, that he didn't need to kill him, but that was the very reason he wanted to kill him.

"... You just need to fall in love with the person you want to love. Therefore, please face each other properly. Killua."

Because I ran away from my family, I was able to touch her wounds. I could see her scars.

We were able to face each other.

That is why I fell in love with the person I wanted to love.

"Guilt is Conscience. And 'Conscience' is 'punishment'."

According to the crime one has committed, the burden one's values impose upon oneself. That is 'punishment'."

I could not win the game.

At this time, although I did bad things that made me want to give up, she still said: "Come."

"Really, although you aren't very obedient, you are also truly spoiled."

The fourth exam, with no murderous intent, she threw a small Stone with a sense of mischief, and I didn't let go.

"Are you okay? Big sister will help you."

Trying to kill the one I wanted to be killed by, I wanted to kill her.

I waved my hand because I wanted to give up and break it with my own hands, rather than have it stolen from me.

"Killua. I am going to cast a Spell on you."

When I had to go home alone, she cast a Spell saying "I am fine."

He said he would become stronger. He said he could go anywhere. He asserted that because of that Magician, the future he wanted was possible.

"Happy 12th birthday, Killua."

She was soaked, looking like a monster, but as usual, she told me with the most beautiful smile in the world.

Even though he himself was in danger, he tried to properly celebrate Killua's birthday that day. Not according to Killua's wishes, but according to her own.

"May Killua go anywhere."

He gave me a Stone with that wish.

May your dreams come true. Killua didn't even want to do anything, so he had to find a suitable Stone to make her wish come true.

And—

"... Killua. Can I stay by your side?"

I cannot even imagine how much it hurts.

She, who had originally hoped for Killua's dreams to come true, had to tell him that her own dreams would not, and she could only imagine how painful it must be for Killua, whose dreams were not shattered.

I understand now how afraid and guilty he was, yet he still wished to be by my side.

I have hurt her countless times because I was foolish.

Looking back, it is no wonder I could be abandoned at any time, but she has always stayed by my side.

Because I did foolish things, I received countless lovely things.

"... I don't want to hurt him."

I obtained all of this because I deceived myself many times! Unless I am an idiot, if I cannot help but hurt him, I want the same thing no matter how many times I hurt him!!

Because I want to give back something as irreplaceable and important to him as what he gave me, because I want to repay the happiness of hurting him twice over! That guy... I want to make Sora happy, so I decided to be Together with him!!"

Although it hurts, he still wants to be with me.

Even though I am reminded that my dreams will never come true, I still do not want to let go.

I cannot see anything regarding the future, but it is certainly continuing right now, and I am glad it will continue, so that is why it is painful. He complained that he continued to suffer.

It is not painful because I regret it.

Even though I have lost the path I should have walked, I still regret changing the memories of the past because of my dreams.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts, then the water overflowed from the bowl again, almost gone, and because I did not want to regret it, I finally found the thing I could not regret. Telling you.

I point it at someone who knows nothing, point it at my own weak self.

"I regret it, so I am not here because I want to make up for it!

I cannot regret it! I still love you! From now on, I will love Sora forever! I cannot regret falling in love with you, so I am Together with you!!"

No matter how much I was hurt, no matter how much I suffered, I am still satisfied with the process I walked and built, and I still have not produced any results, so everything you did is unnecessary concern!!"

Turning a blind eye, pretending it never happened, regretting it endlessly, saying he would Stick to it.

If you are hurt, if you are hurt, you will want to start over, but if you do this "start over," what you have built, what you have obtained, what you have gained will all be destroyed, then "start over" "wait."

For Killua, the days spent Together with Sora are irreplaceable.

Because I believe that one day, even if that dream is shattered, it will become something irreplaceable.

Because I want you to believe that I swear it will be so, I am by your side.

Admittedly, he is selfish, thinking only of himself, but he insists on such selfishness and therefore obtains the best results. A close friend, appropriately, because I know.

As selfish as I am... the same "like" but a completely different "like," so I know there is no choice but to hurt each other, yet she still says "I want to be Together with you," the same selfishness."

So you can pass without hesitation.

To put it bluntly, my mood at the time was desperate, "Since you are all doing it, can I do it too?"

Even if the process and the result are not a set, I still want to experience a happy process and get a happy result, so I will not end it here.

I will not let Sora die.

"Killua... Yes! If you are Killua, I will definitely continue to walk the path you will not regret! I will support Killua instead of Kurapika, let's do our best!!"

"I mean, seriously, what happened to you at Mandrake... That proud tsundere is twitching, but he's also going crazy..."

"Master is a fruitful person, not just Kurapika, but someone who cares so much."

"You all use the Stone here now to erase your memories!!"

Fortunately, he got rid of the hesitation that had accumulated in his heart since the Mandrake incident, but Killua, who had just shouted everything out with great momentum and exposed his true feelings too much, noticed this in the reaction of the people on the field, and even now he was blushing. Then, he threw an absurd thing at the three people behind him.

Then, with tears in his eyes, he turned to face Merlin.

I am disgusted with myself for ignoring my own good feelings, and then being taken care of by the direction the next day, but no matter how much I want to say, no matter how much I want to say, no matter how much I said, no matter how much I say, no matter how much I say, no matter how much I say, no matter how much I say, no matter how much I say, no matter how much I say, people don't understand why I don't regret it. I didn't expect it.

So Biscuit behind was suspicious, but at least Gon and Karna didn't mean anything, I think I only understood the part that didn't want to be inserted, and thought I could be teased there.

... But the more I know this person, the less I understand him.

The other party did not run away, but approached, closing the distance, but moved away as if there was a malfunction in the connection in space.

That is what Killua thought.

"... This is a lie."

Merlin muttered so much.

Like praying for something, like an obsession.

As if frightened by something, he held his lowered head with both hands and muttered to himself.

"This is a lie... I can't believe I didn't regret it..."

Killua's words, no matter how hurtful, denied what you wanted to Stick to. Hope is a lie.

However, Killua had no resentment towards this sentence. Instead, the constant anger turned into a daze.

No matter how you look at it, Merlin could not understand that he did not regret what he said to Killua, so he did not want to refute it as a lie, but thought from the bottom of his heart that it was a lie.

I don't know the distance between the eyes that can be seen from the gap between the head and hands.

However, there was terror in her eyes, as if complaining that she would not be able to breathe after accepting this fact.

I was frightened by something, I imagined that time, when Killua said: "None of them are the answer as a human being." When it was a rice field, that kind of thing was not just despair.

As if that fear spread, the space changed, which can be described as colorful.

The flowers under Merlin's feet were gradually withering and falling at a speed visible to the naked eye.

The color of the sky was cloudless, but the sky itself, not the clouds, was gradually repainted in a muddy dark brown, looking like a mixture of various colors on a palette.

"Huh? Hey, what's next?"

Biscuit also blinked and asked, but Killua, who only knew that his words were the culprit, could only answer: "I don't know!"

"This space is probably Merlin's own psychological landscape. Obviously, Killua's words touched Merlin's soft side more than I imagined."

"Where is that! I don't know this guy's landmines!!"

Karna spoke at his own pace while looking up at the unnaturally changing color of the sky above, and Killua became angry.

However, even if Killua interrupted, Karna would continue at his own pace, shifting his strange eyes from the sky to Merlin.

"……Merlin. I agree with Killua.

Master, of course, do not use us as your reason for dying."

Merlin, who had been muttering "This is a lie," was silenced by Karna's words.

Karna understood that this was not an attitude of listening, but of refusal. If it were the Karna from before Sora summoned him, he might have adopted a strange posture and said "If you don't want to listen," and ended up saying nothing, but now Karna said everything, even the unnecessary parts.

For the current Merlin, it was unusual that he did not realize that "I will not say anything more" was a valid concern. Even if they realized this, it was doubtful whether they would remain silent.

He was unusually angry at Sora, but regardless of Sora, Karna was somewhat angry at Merlin.

"I don't know when or to whom you did what kind of 'irreversible' thing.

……Because I have realized the 'irretrievable thing,' even if one desperately wants to die, it is painful, but if one admits 'that,' the premise of despair will collapse, and a new hope will appear…… but do not underestimate Killua's determination to turn a blind eye, fearing the despair you are not prepared for."

Killua said, "Do not use others as a cause for death," out of anger.

However, unlike Gon, he did not sympathize with Merlin, nor did he have any motivation to do anything for him.

Killua saw through it; from the gap created by the stabbing injury, Karna displayed enough insight to sublimate the Hatsu "Poor Insight," further seeing through and exposing the depths.

But that was something even Karna could see through.

Merlin himself did not realize that the surface Merlin had hidden had long since disintegrated, and there was nothing left to hide.

"……Hey, Mr. Merlin."

It was Gon who pointed this out, not Karna.

He did not realize it because he wanted to do something for Merlin, but he discovered it in the gap where Killua had hurt him, grabbed it, and exposed it.

I brought up something so terrible that Merlin could not accept it and wished it were a lie.

"You and, you don't regret it, do you? The past itself when I met 'someone'."

＊＊＊

"You are free to come and see what is truly beautiful."

Saying this, I intended to congratulate him and send him off.

But the words that came out of my mouth

"This is nothing but a useless death, so why don't you stop?"

It was true. I simply couldn't believe it would happen.

I knew that if I said this, I would be angry and overly stubborn.

I knew that if I said this, it would lead to me dying in vain, and it would accelerate my death.

So I regretted what I said. I have been regretting it.

But…… but——

"Hello. Nice to meet you, Star Pioneer."

If I could regret that meeting, I know I wouldn't have this kind of regret.

I did not regret it, so I know I will continue to regret those irretrievable farewells.

I don't want to see the result of that process, because I do not regret it.

That is why I truly know that the result of continuing to refuse is the present.