Chapter 25: A Peaceful Dream

"... Kurapika, are you so tired that you're running a fever?"

"What are you talking about?"

Kurapika's unusually frank words caused Sora, who had been blushing and whose voice had frozen into that of a small bird, to reach a mysterious conclusion after a dozen seconds or so, and he began to worry.

"Because I'm used to being told I'm pretty or handsome, and I've known that since I was born, but I'm tired of being cute, and my eyes are hazy..."

"Whether you are mocking yourself or are confident."

Kurapika sighed, and Sora continued to explain with a serious face why he had reached such a conclusion.

I think there is a cuteness to it, but I am surprised that Sora, who breaks it, is not twisted, but Kurapika thinks it is better to keep it for a longer time compared to its usual serious breaking, so he is severely poisoned by Sora.

"You say I'm not overconfident, but full of confidence; Kurapika also thinks I'm pretty and cool, right?"

Kurapika pretended not to hear, and Sora, having returned to his usual tone, asked with a smile.

Because I know at least that if I return to my usual state, I will have no chance of winning, and I have no choice but to waver.

Sora, ignored by Kurapika, pouted.

"... Hmm, boys grow up really fast."

"Don't play with me."

Kurapika frowned unhappily at Sora, who still wanted to tease him.

"Ahaha, sorry. But Kurapika has really grown up; you've grown taller."

If Kurapika said this while his hair was being stroked and ruffled, he couldn't even complain about "don't treat me like a child."

With cheeks slightly flushed, I silently let Sora do what he was doing, staring at eyes that were almost as high as my own.

Kurapika wasn't particularly short three years ago, but Sora is tall for a woman, so I was happy that the face I looked up at was on the same level as Sora. As a man, I was a bit embarrassed.

Will I grow taller too? After thinking about it, "... you've changed too," I reached out to Sora's hair.

Kurapika asked while pinching with his fingertips the white hair that was about the same length as his own, but thinner and softer.

"What's the problem with this? Did you sleep with bleach for a night?"

"If you did that, the roots would be smoother than the color, right?"

Kurapika's Sora is a possible possibility, and if possible, she denies the hope that it should be a stupid reason, laughing jokingly.

"You don't have to worry, this is just the price you pay for escaping from 'that side' to 'this side.' When I was separated from Kurapika, my roots were already pure white."

Sora smiled, in a "it's no big deal" tone, still not giving Kurapika anything.

She never told me about the horror of turning her shiny black hair (once described as wet crow feathers and greenish-black hair) into the opposite of pure white.

Was it just that there was no time, or was it a trauma that couldn't be spoken of even after three years?

Or do you think that speaking for yourself is insufficient and unreliable?

Just like that, Sora let go of the hand stroking his own head and held Kurapika's hand that was touching his hair.

Just like that, he placed it on his own hand to check the size and laughed happily.

"To be honest, the only thing I've changed is this hair, but Kurapika has changed a lot."

I grew taller, my hands got smaller. I made friends and colleagues, I started laughing. He became strong enough to help me.

You really have become stronger. As expected of a boy."

Seeing an unknown side of Sora, who looked like a girl of the same age, Kurapika was reminded that it was just an illusion, or just that one side.

I thought I wasn't strong at all. Just like in the past, during the Hunter Exam, I was reminded many times that I was always protected, shielded, relied upon, and helped by Sora, and I hated myself.

But she said with a smile,

Kurapika happened to be lucky, because he was able to calm down a little, so he could only react better than three years ago, but he said: "He helped me."

I didn't have the strength to fight yet, and could only rely on Sora and my friends.

As if reading his mind, Kurapika's tear ducts loosened inadvertently when he suddenly received the words he wanted, but his pride inexplicably tightened the loosened tear ducts, returning those dishonest words as usual.

"... Nevertheless, who thinks I am your younger sister?"

"It's a pity that Kurapika is still too beautiful!"

I patted Sora's head, Sora puffed out my chest, and looked at Kurapika's sarcasm with a triumphant look and retorted. I was neither angry nor in pain. Kurapika himself laughed a little at this exchange, just wanting everyone to think so.

The frustration that arose when talking to Leorio... the youthful jealousy that had accumulated in my chest for so long because I felt that Sora had been taken away by Killua and Gon had completely disappeared.

"I really want Sora to take care of me, I just want to talk to her like I did three years ago," Sora said.

"Oh, there is one more thing about Kurapika that hasn't changed."

Saying this, he hugged Kurapika's back without hesitation.

"!? What are you doing!?"

Sora hugged me with his chin on my shoulder, and Kurapika started lecturing with a blushing face again, but this time he politely refused to listen.

Sora looked very happy and joyful from a very close distance, and declared with a bright smile that he had always wanted to see and give it to him.

"It's natural, Kurapika still loves me, and I'm very happy too."

"What!?"

Kurapika's face was flushed red, and he remembered the topic he had forgotten because he wanted him to forget it.

Now, at this time, I cannot see Sora's bright smile.

"Well, I really want that perverted clown to die, but I'm really grateful that I can see Kurapika's rare deer."

"Forget it! Kill that memory immediately!"

Kurapika was ashamed and wanted to run away, tossing and turning under the quilt, but was hugged tightly from behind by Sora, and Kurapika resisted in vain while saying unreasonable things.

"Ahaha~, no matter how you beg, I absolutely refuse, I have always treasured it in my heart."

"Turn it off!!"

"Then, will you also delete the various things about me just now from your brain?"

"………………"

In the end, Kurapika gave up resistance with the consent of both parties.

What is certain is that even many years later, people will still use what happened today to tease me, but given Sora's personality, the only salvation is that he definitely won't reveal his remarks in public. While I was persuading him, Sora, who was still hugging me, spoke.

"Kurapika. Needless to say, I am yours."

"……Sora?"

Kurapika was embarrassed, because he masked his embarrassment, he could not get angry.

Sora rested his chin on his own shoulder, head lowered, so I couldn't see his expression very clearly.

However, I felt the strength of the arm holding me tighten slightly.

Sora lowered his head, expressionlessly saying his own face to Kurapika.

"I belong to you, you can dispose of me as you wish.

Aside from 'it's easy to use, I like it, but it's a pity,' no other feelings are needed. I sincerely hope the tool is used and used and then discarded.

But don't forget this. I am yours, a tool you can use as you wish, but I decided to become it, and it is my will that I will become it. No matter what you do, you cannot interfere there. Purely out of my own will, I am yours.

Do you understand, Kurapika? I mean, you can leave me at any time. But as long as you keep thinking I am the same, even if you throw me away, I am yours.

Even if I am broken, even if you throw me away, I am still yours."

An abnormal devotion that could be called dependence or obsession.

Perhaps, if she did not live for others, or if she had no clear life goal, she would eventually sacrifice everything just to live.

No matter how much his daily life has no problems, even if he seems fine, he never disappears or fades away.

Although he correctly recognized that his devotion was abnormal and crazy, he was still mocking himself, thinking: "I am not the kind of person who hopes someone would do this to me."

Even if she is crazy, I want her to stay by my side, and I want to stay by her side.

"……Are you stupid? You are"

Kurapika placed his hand on Sora's hand, wrapping both hands around his neck.

"……Is there any reason to throw it away? Even if it's broken, no matter what happens, I will never throw you away.

We both know we are in a quagmire of mutual dependence.

Nevertheless, we know we are no longer alone, so we cannot let go.

Kurapika trusts Gon and Leorio just as Sora does.

Even Sora thinks Killua is as important as Kurapika.

Even so…… Kurapika will definitely choose Sora when the time comes, just like the quiz from the old woman he met before the exam.

No matter who is sacrificed, he only chooses Sora.

I vaguely believe Sora would be the same. I didn't think for a second that I was conceited.

That is why this word.

Devotion to the point of madness.

Unlike Kurapika, unlike Sora, Gon and Leorio both ran away in disgust, and even Killua has a place to return to, and family waiting for his return.

Even though I know we are interdependent, if we didn't have one person there, if we hadn't met, there would be nothing, no one, we are all lonely, so we cannot let go of each other.

I don't want to live alone, to die alone with regrets, I want to die with regrets like others, licking each other's wounds.

That is why I told him that it is not just Sora's responsibility that he cannot let go, and then corrected it.

"And…… Sora is not a tool."

Now there is almost no name that can be attached.

Affectionate, a relationship name.

"……It was you who said we should be a family…… Don't forget, you idiot."

It is currently unclear which one will play which role.

Even so, this is undoubtedly a relationship name necessary for us to be Together forever, to stay connected even when separated, and to not be threatened by anyone.

"……Yeah. That's right. Sorry. That's right."

The strength of Sora's arm holding Kurapika relaxed a little.

As if relieved, as if finally understanding that he didn't need to snuggle up to her, Sora continued to hold Kurapika for a while.

Kurapika felt his anxiety dissipate as Sora gently hugged him.

I was afraid of falling asleep. The moment I saw Sora again was a dream, I couldn't help but fear that she wouldn't appear again when I woke up next time, but I don't think this is a dream anymore.

I thought she was actually here.

The Sora I met in my dreams was also real, but the real Sora is more unconventional, disorganized, and unexpected than the real Sora created by Kurapika's memory and imagination. Even if you are broken, you still choose me.

"……Sora"

Through Sora's every word and action, this is not something my mediocre imagination could produce, the anxiety Kurapika craved finally disappeared, I want to return what was entrusted to Kurapika three years ago to me.

"Sorry, I dragged it out too long."

I took off the small Earring hanging on my left ear, but I could tell at a glance that it was an exquisite gem, and held it up in front of Sora to shake it.

A memento of Sora's sister, she used Kurapika's arm that was torn off three years ago to perform a large-scale healing Magic called "Joining," and the Mana was exhausted.

The only things Sora left in the different world were perhaps only herself and this.

Seeing this, Sora rested his chin on Kurapika's shoulder and said.

"Hmm? What is that?"

"………………Hey……"

Perhaps Kurapika's low voice finally reminded him, Sora panicked: "Ah?

On the contrary, this reaction is not the usual ignorance of emotions, but proof that I completely forgot about it.

"It must be my sister's memento! How could you forget!? Who let you keep it, it's so important that even I couldn't do it!!"

Kurapika unconsciously shook off Sora's arm, turned around, and shouted sharply.

I knew from the beginning that I couldn't give it to you, so keeping it by my side was a way to make Kurapika leave that place, but it seems this was more of an excuse than Kurapika imagined.

However, no matter how much Kurapika insisted on his own argument, he could not defeat Sora.

Completely forgetting about giving the sister's memento to Kurapika seemed a bit awkward, but Kurapika annoyed Sora, and Sora proudly puffed out his chest.

"I am important to you, even you couldn't do it, but it's impossible for me to be less important than you, so what's wrong with forgetting my existence as soon as I meet Kurapika!!"

I know this is a provocative sophistry, but even with this sophistry, I know that what I said is the true content of what I said and a promise that I will not lie to myself. Turning red again, I am at a loss for words.

After all, even after many years, Sora is still better than many people.

Killua, whose hair was soaked with sweat and a little blood, clicked his Tongue.

"... What is this... you..."

Even Killua himself didn't know what he wanted to say or what to complain about.

I was just irritated. Compared to the Hunter Association chairman who continued to mock himself without using his right hand and left leg, the two couldn't help but like the scene before them.

Sora and Kurapika were sleeping wrapped in a blanket.

If that's the case, it's fine.

However, the two of them didn't just happen to sleep Together, they slept very close, Sora leaning on Kurapika's shoulder, and Kurapika leaning on Sora's head.

Hands held firmly.

Sora said that if she were Together with someone, she would want to sleep while feeling their warmth and touch.

That body temperature didn't specify who it had to be.

I knew it from the beginning.

For so long, it's impossible for Kurapika not to know his own weakness, even if it was only about a month three years ago, and she had been with him longer than she had.

... I can feel Killua's insight, which doesn't suit his age.

Kurapika must have been the first to solve Sora's fear of sleeping alone.

At least Sora only held hands with her and didn't even sleep in the same bed. All I wanted was to hold your hand in the position where I might fall asleep at the desk.

It was too close to me, and I couldn't fall asleep.

I didn't lean my head on anyone else's shoulder.

Compared to Killua, Sora's appearance proved that he was open to Kurapika.

Killua wanted to do the same thing to the defenseless sleeping Kurapika, just like that student who bumped into him in the hallway just now, tearing him to pieces because he couldn't help Netero.

When I did that, I couldn't imagine how Sora would react, what kind of face he would make, or what he would say.

I don't want to imagine.

No matter how I think about it, I don't think he will forgive me.

Flaunted by Sora's priorities, when someone called him, Killua clicked his Tongue and turned to leave the scene.

"... Killua?"

Half-asleep, Sora was still looking at Killua.

"What, are you still awake? If you stay up late, you won't grow tall."

"... Too noisy."

Perhaps because he had just woken up, Sora said in a low voice so as not to wake the Kurapika beside him.

Just like that, I wanted to leave the side of these two people no matter what, so I moved my feet, but when I took a step, I was stopped.

"Wait."

Ignoring Sora's voice behind him, he tried to walk forward, but Killua's legs didn't move. The moment I tried to move it, I flinched.

"Killua. Wait."

Your eldest brother and Hisoka radiate a creepy, unrecognizable, unpleasant feeling. Its Malice, killing intent, and intimidation are far less severe, but it radiates a strange power that makes Killua almost reflexively Fixed.

Watching his back, Sora sighed and skillfully pulled his head out from between Kurapika's shoulder and head so as not to wake Kurapika. Back.

"Killua. I smell blood."

Killua did not answer.

Sora waited a few seconds for Killua's answer, but soon gave up and sighed again.

"Take a bath, take a bath. I'm mostly guessing, but Gon can really smell it."

I didn't even scold him, I was just worried about Gon and gave him some Suggestion.

I still don't want her to dislike me, don't want her to let me down, and can't help but hate myself.

After being shown Sora's priorities and realizing that she cares more about her than herself, the woman who still won't let Killua give up said to Killua, and she didn't answer any questions.

"Killua. Think about it, I didn't explain it during the day."

"... What are you talking about?"

Killua answered bluntly without looking back, but the question was real.

Sora answered the question.

"There is a difference between you and Hisoka. It is the difference between murder and killing."

Hearing this, Killua turned around.

The night-sky-colored eyes looking straight at me met my gaze.

Seeing Killua, Sora smiled.

I can't let go of Kurapika by my side, but I'm sure I was just looking at Killua.

"Murder is people killing people."

Killing is carried out under the condition of not acknowledging the other party as a person equal to oneself, or under the condition of not considering oneself a human.

Slaughter is like killing pigs or cows, or like a child picking at the legs of an insect. This is an act that does not acknowledge them as the same living being and does not involve a sense of guilt."

Sora narrowed his night-sky-colored eyes and spoke.

In Killua's view, the difference in language was at most equal to the number of people.

"Killua is different from Hisoka.

You certainly lack morality, common sense, good judgment, or a sense of guilt, but that does not mean you do not possess these. The Zoldyck family, including you, does not slaughter simply because of the environment in which they were born and raised.

Your family has a sense of guilt. I know the price of taking a life."

I said no to Killua, who had just killed someone out of revenge and anger ten minutes ago.

If he is different from Hisoka, then he is not the same as that madman, not just himself, but his own family as well.

"'Guilt' is 'Conscience', and 'Conscience' is 'Punishment'.

According to the crime one has committed, it is the burden one's own values impose upon oneself. This is 'Punishment'."

To Sora's words, Killua answered with his true thoughts.

"Sounds like an idiot, does my family... have such an auspicious thing?"

Although sincere, Killua's voice was trembling.

There was no way to refute it; it should have been a natural premise, without any loopholes or flaws, but I felt it could be easily broken.

I feel that something within me is being rearranged from the ground up.

But I cannot think of a way to escape it.

Of course, if this premise I took for granted is broken, if the things that constitute me are rearranged, I know I will not be able to return to my original state.

Nevertheless... Killua waited for Sora's words.

"There is."

Just as Killua had thought, she reacted immediately.

"'Conscience' can be replaced with 'Happiness'.

The more people know about happiness, and the more they feel it, the more they see their own 'sin', and it becomes a burden; they suffer.

Do you know the saying 'The sins of the parents are visited upon the children'? This is a proverb from my country. It means that it is not always you who will atone for what you have done.

If you are Killua, because of your work, you often see examples, don't you? For instance, in order to make someone suffer more out of revenge, the one they are asked to kill is not the criminal, but an innocent person important to that individual.

Killua. Why do you think it doesn't apply to you?"

At the final question, the last face of the person Killua had killed surfaced in his mind.

He had once killed a child younger than himself in front of the parents. That was a request.

This was after despairing of the true target, demanding the death of the parents.

Far from being related to the cause of the target's resentment, even if the child's mother and the target had not yet met when the resentment was born, the child was still killed.

I remember the face of the target whose child was killed; it could express nothing but "despair".

"I feel that the Zoldyck education policy is full of absurdity, but there are also many things that are helpless. At the very least, his love is sincere.

That family knows their sins. We are well aware that we do not know when or where our karma will return to whom.

That is why I say don't make friends, and don't leave home except for work. Even if you aren't involved in any assassinations, there will be people who call you 'Zoldyck'.

It doesn't matter if Fate returns it to me, but I hope—I do not want it to return to my precious family.

Kikyo and Illumi as well."

Killua clicked his tongue and spoke the name of the person who would bind him and deprive him of his freedom.

I knew this from the beginning. Although I knew it, although I knew I was being loved, he had always averted his gaze from his selfish self who was not satisfied with that love, but Sora turned his head.

"The happier you are, the more afraid you are of that happiness being destroyed, being on edge about things you shouldn't normally do, not being able to make friends normally, not being able to play outside—isn't that 'Punishment'?

So Killua and Zoldyck are certainly different from ordinary people, and there are indeed various dangers, but you are completely different from Hisoka.

Because I have no interest in anyone other than myself, it is impossible for karma to return to others. I mean, I don't know. Even if it returns directly to me, I would be happy, so looking forward to its retribution is a waste of time."

Approaching the end, Sora said that something had happened to Hisoka again and spat it out with a look of disgust, but after the story of Hisoka ended, Sora smiled gently again.

"Killua, don't make excuses like that, don't waste your sins, bear the burden of punishment.

I cannot say don't kill. My hands are already dirty, and I don't think every person's life is equally precious. I believe some people can only contribute to society through death.

But no matter what you do, you must not commit 'killing'. Every time you kill a person, you always feel guilt, no matter how small or superficial. This guilt deprives you of your choices for happiness and reduces them.

If you understand what you are doing at the cost of what you are doing, I have no right to interfere.

But... just watching them go nowhere... I can't do that."

In the end, Sora did not blame or reproach Killua for his "murder".

Killua only answered with one word, Sora worried about the future of the stranger Killua, even though he tolerated "murder".

"Good person."

"Often said."

I did not deny my family and my family business; although I am not as honest as Hisoka, I was able to return it to the person who said I was together with the light of Gon Freecss, but I could only do this. Accept and wash away these words with an open smile.

I am happy that he has not denied everything Killua has done until now, even though he never gave up on Killua's choices, and even continued to be an assassin while showing things other than an assassin. I cannot honestly express my joy.

This is because of Killua's own personality, and the man sleeping defenselessly beside Sora.

Even after being told to this point, even after getting what I wanted, I am still frustrated that I cannot obtain the "beside Sora" that Killua wants, and I am jealous of Kurapika who monopolized it.

So Killua tried to go somewhere else. I don't want to be in pain anymore.

"Killua. The Shower Room is not that way."

However, even though she gave me the words I wanted as if she could read my thoughts, at times like this, she really didn't read the atmosphere.

"... I'm already sleepy, I'll go take a shower in the morning."

Killua tried to leave quickly after Sora stopped him with a suitable excuse, but Sora tilted his head skillfully so that Kurapika's head would not fall from his shoulder.

"?" Then why aren't we sleeping here?"

As the words fell, fresh blood rushed to his head.

Whose fault do you think it is that you can't stay here?

Who is it that makes me feel so uncomfortable?

For a moment I almost shouted at him, but when I looked back at that scene, the blood that had suddenly risen dripped down, giving me a start.

Sora, in the guise of a so-called young girl, tapped his own knees and said, "Come here."

It was too natural; he invited Killua to a place he couldn't go, to be taken away, and to be told from the start that it wasn't his place.

"What's wrong, Killua? I don't know what to say, but my thighs are known for being very comfortable."

"You're like this with everyone!?"

I instinctively rushed into my usual reverse Harassment, and fortunately, perhaps because I was too tired from the exam during the day, I shouted quite loudly, but Kurapika and the surrounding students did not wake up.

And Sora did not seem offended by Killua's push, speaking boldly.

"Sorry, my pillow isn't that cheap; it's only for those who want to be Together with me."

Killua seriously doubted that this woman could really read people's hearts.

However, Sora did not seem to care about Killua's suspicion and tilted his head again.

Seeing her like this, I looked like an idiot.

I felt like I had been subjected to a Robbery, and I mocked myself for feeling frustrated and depressed because I thought I had been told from the start that this wasn't mine.

"...... This might be very cheap."

Killua walked to Sora's side with a mocking laugh and turned over.

I rested my head on Sora's lap without any defenses.

"...... A bit expensive. My neck hurts."

"Sorry. I don't have a weapon right now."

"Why don't you shave your own thighs! If you do that, I'll be in trouble!"

Killua whispered while using Sora's knees as a pillow, and closed his eyes.

If the neighbor is taken, if it was Kurapika's from the start, then just take the neighbor across the way.

If she doesn't come to you, then you should walk to her yourself.

However, Killua finally realized that that was all there was to it.

Just like that, all the irritation in my chest disappeared.

The next morning, Leorio woke up, and the first thing he saw was Kurapika's head resting on his right shoulder, while Sora was awake but unable to move because Killua's head was resting on his lap.

"...... You're very popular."

"Well. Are you envious?"

"No, not really."

Sora said with a triumphant look on his slightly sleepy face, and Leorio answered honestly.

Furthermore, after yawning, he asked about anything that was bothering you.

"So, did you sleep?"

I don't know how long it had been since I had been squeezed so tightly on the left and right, but no matter how you looked at it, Sora could be sure it was difficult to fall into a deep sleep.

However, Sora still maintained that posture and answered with a refreshing smile.

"I really didn't sleep much."

After Sora finished speaking with an even more triumphant expression than before, he smiled gently, placed a Finger on his lips, and said to Leorio.

"So this is a secret between the two of you."

"You're a good person."

Having said such an obvious thing, Leorio shouted to the two who had not yet left Sora: "It's morning now."

I like the story of "punishment" that Mikiya tells in "Residual Pain".