Chapter 29: Choice

As soon as Kurapika entered Zebil Island for the fourth phase of the exam, he squeezed through the bushes, especially while watching his back.

Kurapika landed on the first level before his target Tonpa; even though it was only a matter of seconds, he was still able to enter the island before his target.

If you do not know your target, but you know it and it will enter soon, you know you can hide near the bay and follow your target.

This is also the reason why Kurapika temporarily gave up on following Tonpa.

Considering Tonpa's nasty nature, it is not bad to be attacked while tailing and then flee to Tonpa.

A twisted, intelligent person obsessed with driving someone into despair for over 30 years is very likely to use that attack to provoke him. Hide yourself.

If there are many obstacles, her jewels are hard to see, which is a disadvantage for us.

Even if I try to hide myself with obstacles, if those eyes are used, trees and even rocks will be cut down. In that case, I decided it would be better to fight in a place with good visibility from the start.

I did not sense any signs. However, I know for sure.

Without a doubt, Kurapika was certain that she was doing what he intended to do.

I am deeply convinced, but at the same time, I cannot get rid of the thought of "Why?"

With regret, Kurapika checked the Number Plate in his pocket again.

No matter how many times I look at it, I know this is not a mistake, and the number will not change, but I still want to believe that something is wrong somewhere.

The number tag Sora gave on the ship, rather than something that indicates your target.

No matter how many times I look at it, it says Kurapika's examinee number, 404.

Since it is an exam, anyone should regard him as a competitor; I know the thought of "Why?"

Nevertheless, Kurapika did not expect Sora to become an enemy.

First of all, she does not want to be a Hunter for some reason. Completely, that woman wants a license like a driver's license.

So, if it is a test like this, not just Kurapika, if Killua or someone close to you is the target, then you either hunt the three people other than the target, or give up from the start—"This is too troublesome." I have no doubt it is one of these.

On the contrary, I am worried about the situation where I have to preach, "Don't give up! Show me the spirit to win by kicking down the target, whether it is me or someone else!!"

Kurapika asked himself: "Why?"

"Kurapika. Needless to say, I am yours."

I remember what Sora said on the airship four days ago, when I was holding Kurapika, as if clinging to his back.

Mad devotion.

She does not want to die, because if she does not do something for others, she cannot help but feel uneasy.

Because of her, Kurapika is firmly convinced that Sora will never become an enemy, will not be conceited or arrogant.

Sora has no reason to want or have to be a Hunter.

That is why she cannot hinder someone with a clear purpose, even if they do not have a specific purpose.

Just because she wants to live, Sora even eliminates her own sanity to hinder her.

On the contrary, he will always cherish those who are especially close to him, those who make him more than just a creature, preventing him from being a human.

Kurapika knows better than anyone that Sora's "self-sacrifice" is the madness that can destroy her more, but it is also Sora's only remaining humanity.

So, if Sora puts herself before Kurapika and eventually kicks Kurapika down to become a Hunter, Kurapika would happily take out his own Plate to exchange for the kindness he has received from him so far.

But what if not?

If Sora gains and recovers humanity other than "self-sacrifice," if he achieves some purpose, then so be it.

But if that is not the case... if Sora's primary desire as a creature, "I don't want to die," and the contradictory "self-sacrifice" that drives Sora, then what is Sora's purpose? I do not know, Kurapika.

"Kurapika. Good luck."

Kurapika does not know what she was thinking when she said that, leaving with that Number Plate, with a smile on her face that she hoped would last forever.

If he did not want to hunt Kurapika, Sora would have told him the truth on the spot.

So Kurapika understands that this is definitely not an encouragement to hit a troublesome target, but an encouragement for him to fight hard against himself.

However, I do not know what happened besides that, what Sora's true intentions are, and what Sora was thinking when he turned into Kurapika's enemy, even saying: "You can do whatever you want with yourself."

... Clearly understanding Sora's true intentions, but also unable to fight her without hesitation, Kurapika kept asking himself questions without answers.

"Kurapika. Mei is gone."

"!?"

I kept asking myself meaningless questions, without answers, but I never let my guard down.

However, in a place Kurapika did not expect at all, with no signs of killing, Sora, who fell as he said, ambushed him.

Sora suddenly appeared in front of him, hanging upside down, and Kurapika felt a slight pain in his neck.

He hurriedly jumped away, keeping his distance, holding the Wooden Sword in his right hand, and placed his free left hand on his neck.

Far from bleeding, it might not have even turned into a bruise. The pain was nothing more than a stick or something pressing hard against it, but Kurapika was breathing heavily, as if he had sprinted at full speed, and cold sweat was pouring down his whole body.

"Ah, it's okay, it's okay. I just touched it a little, there are no 'lines' or 'points' on Kurapika's throat."

Sora, hanging upside down on a tree branch like a monkey, fell to the ground as usual, smiling brightly, showing Kurapika what he had attacked with.

A Ballpoint Pen with a cheap pen cap.

Sora pointed at it and said.

"But you know how dangerous that is, right? Humans don't have eyes on their backs, so if you're going to raid them, it's normal to attack from behind. This is what you should be most careful about, but why are you staying away from the front? What are you going to do?"

"If you are paying attention to your back, then it is natural to attack from a direction that seems to have no attention, right? If it is not a trap, please stay vigilant in all directions. If it weren't for me, I would have died long ago."

"... If it weren't for you, it would likely have been avoidable."

Kurapika answered Sora's sermon or Suggestion in a hoarse voice.

This is not a loser; this is a relatively true intention.

Sora's words are correct; Kurapika was certainly wary of the rear, and most of his attention was focused there, but as Sora said, his eyes were in front of him, so he had zero awareness of things in front of him. None.

Kurapika did not react, and the reason he was attacked head-on by the Ballpoint Pen was that Sora did not show any signs of murder or hostility.

Setting aside these signs, he likely had no bloodlust or hostility from the very beginning. The fact that they did not do anything that could be called an attack is good proof of that.

But at the same time, this also proves that Kurapika's concerns were justified.

"... Sky."

Kurapika asked a question between uncontrollable breaths, releasing his hand from his throat, gripping the Wooden Sword with both hands.

"Why... why won't you attack seriously?"

"You couldn't possibly do that."

Just as Kurapika feared, the answer was immediate.

After all, Sora did not want to kick Kurapika down and become a Hunter. This woman was still alive, barely maintaining her humanity amidst a contradictory madness.

Nevertheless, Kurapika asked.

As if obsessed, as if struggling desperately, knowing it was impossible, he repeated the words as if begging.

"... Sora. This is... a test."

It was not a lie, but a repetition of an untrue statement.

With these words, I truly wish for you to see yourself as a "target." I wish for him to be a person who, for the sake of his goals, kicks away those weaker and less mature than himself.

Although I want to live, I do not want her to live in a way that scrapes away everything she is.

However, Sora looked straight at Kurapika with eyes the color of the night sky and asked in return.

"Kurapika. Then, as you wish, if I really came to steal your Plate, what would you do?"

Kurapika could not answer the question immediately.

The answer had existed from the very beginning. However, I also knew that the answer was not the one Sora wanted.

Far from not wanting to, he even understood that this was her anger.

But I cannot even lie.

Although Sora is always honest with me and says, "I will not lie, I will keep my promise," I do not want to repay this sincerity with dishonesty.

Kurapika understood that even if this was the answer she least wanted to hear, what Sora wanted was the truth, not the false answer she wanted to hear.

So I answered in a hoarse voice.

"............ I would pass the Plate without resistance..."

Hearing Kurapika's answer, Sora lowered his eyes and sighed.

This gesture, which looked both surprised and disappointed, must have predicted Kurapika's answer.

"Kurapika."

Sora took a step forward.

He stepped forward and drove the Ballpoint Pen deep into a tree growing beside him with a forceful strike.

"Get angry."

I looked at Kurapika with sky-blue eyes.

Kurapika stood motionless, sky-blue eyes staring at him.

Even breathing stopped for a moment.

Just as he said himself, I know he has no intention of launching a serious attack on Kurapika.

Even knowing this, the biological instinct rang an alarm, telling me to run away quickly.

Just by being seen, one's own "death" was dragged to the surface; although Kurapika's instinct was screaming loudly to escape those eyes, Kurapika's body itself had given up, and even his fingertips were twitching as if accepting "death."

Seeing Kurapika like this, Sora pursed his lips and said.

"Even you cannot talk about people.

It's not because it's an invincible opponent, but because it is 'me,' right? Even if it were Hisoka, you wouldn't pass the Plate without resistance. Absolutely, I know you would resist as much as possible."

His tone and level of tension were about the same as when he pointed out that "the front has already left," so he did not look angry.

However, Sora of the sky-blue eyes continued to speak, his gaze not leaving Kurapika, who was in the state of a frog stared at by a Snake.

Looking at Kurapika's terrified expression, even if it weren't Kurapika, one could tell that Sora was truly angry because he did not follow through.

"... Kurapika. What do you want to do?"

Sora asked while spinning the Ballpoint Pen, not waiting for Kurapika to answer.

"You, did you fight the fake Phantom Troupe Spider in the third exam? I heard a little from Killua and Gon.

I know it was a fake, but I was angry, so I beat him to death, so I have nothing to say. When I see an insect Spider, I am still angry, and it can't be helped. It's just that your heart was deeply hurt.

But you regretted it after you hit that fake, right? I hit an opponent who had already conceded, with the intention of killing him without mercy.

Are you depressed? Although I knew it was a fake, I said I was glad I didn't forget the hatred for the Spider that made my blood boil, but I hated myself for not being able to stay calm and almost killing the other party. Right?"

How much did Sora hear from the two of them?

Once again, he let out a sigh of disappointment.

"Kurapika. Do you remember what I said?

I gave you a choice. If you choose, I will not deny revenge. If the fact that they are still alive hinders your happiness, then I approve of revenge.

But Kurapika. I confirmed that I gave you a choice because I want you to be happy. Because I want your ending to be happy.

No matter how tragic and bloody the process is, if you can laugh at the end, I will accept and affirm anything.

However, if you think you shouldn't be happy because of your guilt, if you just can't suppress your emotions for a moment, sweep through on the spot, lose control, and only regret it... If you don't choose an option that makes you happy, then I won't give you any more choices, nor will I affirm them."

Saying so much in one breath, Sora suddenly kicked the tree where the Ballpoint Pen was stuck.

The tree hit at the "dead point" did not look like it was dying, just a tree with a hole punched cleanly through it, but it was snapped by Sora's kick; instead, the trunk shattered and turned into a piece of wood, and the leaves, still green, fell like rain.

It was an abrupt move, but Sora's figure was obscured by leaves and wood chips; Kurapika's paralysis was lifted by the eyes of the Death God himself, and he immediately jumped backward.

One voice told me to turn and run, another told me I couldn't turn around, and that everything would end when I couldn't see her. I no longer knew which voice was Kurapika's survival instinct.

"... I know someone who looks like you... someone who admires the 'Justice Alliance'."

A sky-blue Death God jumped out from the wood shavings and leaves I had kicked into a daze.

The purpose of blinding him was not to hide in the shadows of other trees or bushes to launch a surprise attack, but simply to break Kurapika's paralyzed state.

As always, Sora had no killing intent or hostility. His anger had already vanished into thin air; if Sora hadn't spoken to him, Kurapika wouldn't even have had time to react head-on.

"That person also lost the town he lived in, his family, and everything else in a great fire. The shock made him forget his memories before the fire, and even his own name.

But that person would never forget the guilt of being the sole survivor. There are some stupid, annoying Lobo programmed to be like that, who think they are human and want to become human.

A Ballpoint Pen and a Wooden Sword.

Although they are not weapons that can be compared in terms of distance and power, when Sora swung the Ballpoint Pen, Kurapika's hand went numb, while Sora himself gently tilted the pen to block.

Even so, Kurapika's Wooden Sword was not split in half like cutting tofu, so Sora was not being serious about anything.

Gritting his teeth, she blocked the attack that Sora couldn't even call an attack, and while looking at the Kurapika who was being handled, she continued to speak as if looking at someone far away who wasn't here.

"However, that person and you are definitely different.

After all, he was chosen from the very beginning. I chose the future of the 'Justice Alliance', crushed and destroyed all other options by myself, and then threw them all away.

When I heard his goal was to become an ally of justice, I said to him: 'You are an idiot.' I mean, I still think so.

And he probably knows that too. That person is plagued by the greatest contradiction: 'Justice gives birth to great evil; it only gains meaning for its existence when someone is hurt and becomes unhappy.'"

... But... even so, I still think that person is stupid, but I think he thinks 'I want to stand on the side of justice.' I don't think that's a mistake. Choosing the option I want is not a mistake.

That person, now, then, and from now on, will always be shrouded in failure and mistakes. Everyone knows that... but this is not a mistake.

... Do you know why? Kurapika."

Sora asked Kurapika, and Kurapika, crossing his Wooden Sword and catching a cheap Ballpoint Pen at the critical moment, smiled.

This time, he squeezed against each other at the last moment, waiting for his answer.

Not knowing where Kurapika's slender arms came from, Kurapika ignored the Direct Death, enduring the power that could snap the Wooden Sword even with a moment of relaxation, and answered.

"............ The desire to save and protect someone cannot be wrong."

Kurapika is definitely a twisted person, and I think he made a very stupid choice.

However, I don't think Kurapika is wrong either.

I want a world where no one is hurt, sad, or crying.

I want to save and protect those who are hurt by the unreasonable and absurd and are crying.

Such a hope cannot be wrong.

Kurapika's answer made Sora smile even deeper.

"Yes. But, Kurapika. This is a prerequisite."

He smiled and said this was correct, but it was not the answer.

The barrel of the Ballpoint Pen had a crack. Sure enough, it cleverly blocked the damage from Kurapika's Wooden Sword, but it was a dollar-store prop after all. The strength seemed to be at its limit.

However, Kurapika's arm, unable to withstand Sora's attack power as skillfully as Sora, was already nearing its limit.

Was it the Ballpoint Pen that made a crisp sound and shattered first, or the numb Finger that could no longer hold the Wooden Sword?

Neither of them flinched. Sora smiled gently while giving Kurapika an answer, as if he couldn't believe he was in the middle of a battle.

"Even if he knew his dream would never come true, that dream, that ideal would turn into a burden, a shackle, and he would drown without knowing it, he answered, 'This is not a mistake.'

He knew very well that without that choice, he wouldn't be happy. Even if I ended up being betrayed by everyone and was far from becoming an 'ally of justice', I could confidently say that what I could save was valuable, and I was happy to live there. He made that choice.

That is why the choice that person made is not a mistake.

This is the key difference between you and me. Kurapika."

At the same time as a light sound, Sora's legs jumped up, and the toe of Sora's stiff Engineering Boots landed on Kurapika's wrist. The numb Finger reflexively opened and let go of the Wooden Sword.

The other person tried their best not to let go, but Sora, who immediately threw away the broken pen, used his free right hand to grab the tip of the Wooden Sword, his hand still twisted to numbness. I let go of my weapon so easily.

Now that his weapon had been taken away, Kurapika had to retreat. At first, Kurapika was just thinking about withdrawing.

So, Sora did not try to take back the weapon, but immediately leaped backward to escape from a distance, but at the same time, Sora stretched out his left hand and pushed Kurapika's chest with his palm.

Kurapika's Wooden Sword pierced the left and right sides of his neck as Kurapika lost his balance, and he slammed hard onto the ground from his back.

Kurapika's Wooden Sword crossed and pierced into the ground, and Sora completely dismounted, looking down with sky-blue eyes.

I was no longer smiling.

"Kurapika. Unlike that person, you cannot choose anything."

Sora said with a sad face, without pity or disappointment.

Sora got on top of Kurapika, held the weapon against his neck, and looked down to speak.

"Even if you know it's fake, even if it's a bug, you go crazy when you think of the tragedy that happened four years ago. Even if it's fake, I can't forgive you, but you hate violence so much that you can't forgive yourself.

In order to regain the sight of your comrades-in-arms, you would become a Contract Hunter for a little money, wouldn't you? But the 'Hunter' that comes out of your mouth is a proud person, just like the protagonist of the many stories you've read, and you can recite it with your best friend.

I cannot help but choose. You are different from that person. Unlike that person who was born and raised in peaceful Japan, I know it was hard for you to live until today. I know I don't have time to think about these things!

But... but, Kurapika..."

From beginning to end, the surprisingly calm Sora raised his voice for the first time.

She bit her lip hard, blood oozing from her lips, and she screamed while regretting a terrible thing.

"Kurapika, I'll wait for you.

If you don't know which path to choose to be happy... no matter how long it takes, I will wait! I will wait for you! I want to wait for you!!

But except for me, no one can wait for anything!

... Time flows equally to everyone, depriving you of the choices that should have been yours. As time passes, new choices may appear, but as time passes, the amount of loss will be greater.

... I want to wait for you. I want to protect all your choices until you make a choice!

But I can't! You must choose!"

Even though it was Sora who held the other's life and death in his hands, it was he who was begging for his life, shouting and screaming.

Unfortunately, Kurapika was someone who could do nothing, unable to move.

"... Now, this is the fourth Hunter Exam. If we pass one or two more exams, Kurapika will become a 'Hunter'."

"That would expand your range of choices, but... I see you are so serious, you will surely display a strange sense of responsibility."

"Even though you already have the guilt of a survivor, and the sense of responsibility of being proud as the last member of the Kurta, you are destined, but you will certainly shoulder the responsibilities of a Hunter, right?"

"Hey Kurapika. Can you be bound by it, carry it on your back, and make the choice that makes you happy, truly, purely, and unswervingly, with your own will?"

Kurapika looked at himself in Sora's eyes, on the verge of tears, feeling that he was making a pathetic expression, and it felt very wrong.

If I don't think about these trivial matters, I'm afraid I'll look even more miserable, so I thought about escaping reality.

When I looked straight into Sora's sad face, strangely, she wasn't crying; she had no right to cry. I wasted my choices, and even now I am still wasting them, but I feel like I am going to cry recklessly.

That is why Kurapika looked at those terrified sky-blue eyes.

"Hey, make a choice, Kurapika."

The hand with which Sora pointed the Wooden Sword at him trembled slightly.

Although he himself said "there are no 'lines' or 'points' on Kurapika's neck," he was still worried that something would go wrong.

Trembling slightly as if in refusal, Sora did not let go.

"Choose! Revenge, taking back the gaze of your allies, the adventure you promised to your best friend, or anything else!"

"You can absolutely tell your best friend, 'Are you having fun?' Choose a path that leads to an ending where you can answer 'Yes'!!"

"Even if it is your original intention, do not be swayed by things that are not your true intent, and do not choose a path that will only lead to regret!"

"By your own will, choose a future that makes you happy, rather than atonement!"

While forcing and demanding a choice, Sora still did not say what he wanted.

She bit her lip, screaming and begging, as if she felt guilty even for seeking Kurapika's happiness.

"... Any choice is fine. As long as it makes you happy, I will help you no matter what. Anything that hinders your happiness, anything that can take away your happiness, guilt, or hatred, I will kill you." A god who only gives you this kind of Fate.

"So... so, choose."

I feel like I'm about to cry, but it is the crystal-clear sky-blue eyes, the sky from the dry eyes.

Sora's dry eyes seemed to have long since run out of tears, and Sora laughed and cried as she asked Kurapika.

"Even so, if you don't choose me, if you don't make me happy, then I will kill all the paths I choose that I don't want you to take."

"If you don't like that... if you don't want to be killed, if you don't want to die, then struggle."

Kurapika could no longer escape his choice, nor could he look away.

"... That, La... I, I..."

Kurapika answered in a hoarse voice, trying to overcome his own instincts that were still fearful and afraid.

The answer had been given from the beginning.

"I... don't want... to fight you..."

Just as Sora said, Kurapika did not choose anything.

It is conceivable that even if I prioritized revenge against the Brigade and killed them with my own hands, there would be no satisfaction or sense of accomplishment, only the guilt of "murder" to carry. It can never be left alone.

Precisely because they are still alive, the hatred that dyes your vision red will never disappear, so if you choose to capture them instead of killing them, you can even imagine going crazy and forgetting them when you meet the Brigade.

I don't want to imagine myself flattering those who use the eyes of comrades for their own purposes as comfort, even if I tell them that my dreams and pride are insignificant in the face of the pain and regret of my comrades.

Even so, I still cannot give up on revenge or taking back the scarlet eyes, and continuing the adventure with the Flame Soldier that I dreamed of.

He blamed himself for not doing anything for his slaughtered compatriots; no matter what adventure he went on, his promise to the Flame Soldier would never be fulfilled.

No matter what kind of path Kurapika chose, he could only see himself regretting it. From there, it was always a dead end, and he could think of nothing else.

I don't know what to do to make myself happy, even if it is about me.

It is still the same.

Even if I let Sora go this far and let myself become like this, I still cannot choose.

An unmistakable, unshakable choice, where you decide not to look from beginning to end, give up other choices, and never regret or let go.

"I... don't want... to fight you..."

"Why?" He struggled uglily, asking himself some meaningless questions; if he really betrayed himself, he couldn't think of anything other than handing over the Plate without resistance.

When Kurapika placed his hand on Sora's hand holding the Wooden Sword, she trembled.

Only now did Kurapika finally understand why Sora had no intention of snatching the Plate from Kurapika's hand, and why she had gone this far to force him to make a choice.

Kurapika said to Sora, "Your hands are as beautiful as always." He smiled happily. He also said "Thank you."

However, she still did not forgive herself.

She must have used Direct Death to kill the prisoner in Trick Tower.

A choice I didn't want to make was swept away by a momentary emotion, and I made a choice that was not my original intention.

I learned about Kurapika from Gon and Killua; even though he knew the battle with that prisoner Majitani was fake, he was still angry.

Kurapika knew he hadn't chosen anything yet.

That is why she forced Kurapika's enemies to make a choice, so they wouldn't make the same mistake.

This is also the reason why Kurapika could not choose.

I couldn't choose revenge, taking back the eyes, or my youthful dreams, because no matter what I chose, I could only see a future trapped in a dead end of regret.

So I answered.

If he didn't choose this one choice, Kurapika couldn't go anywhere; he would be unable to move due to regret and would be unable to live happily in the future.

"... Sora... I... with you... only you... no matter what happens... I don't want to be your enemy... I don't want to hurt you... I don't want to hurt you... I don't want... no one... to kill anything... I don't want to."

"Sora... I... I... walk the same path as you... I want to live."

Large raindrops fell from the cloudless blue sky, wetting Kurapika's face.

"... That's too terrible. Kurapika, that's a foul."

To Kurapika's answer, Sora responded with these words.

Tears overflowed from Sora's dry eye sockets, yet she was still smiling.

Sora did not answer with a smile better than a crying face, but with a crumpled smile and tears, his eyebrows arched as if he had encountered some trouble.

"That's right, me too."

"I'm sorry, Kurapika."

Saying this, Sora wiped his tears with his fist and stepped down from Kurapika.

"Sora!!"

After being released, Kurapika woke up and called her name, but did not follow.

Although crying, although somewhat distressed, still very happy, although smiling as if saved, but seeing her smile, still felt somewhat lonely, not knowing what to say. Say.

Regret and unease suddenly had an Emergence in his heart; he did not know if his answer was good or bad, but even so, Kurapika could only answer that.

Seeing the speechless Kurapika, Sora wiped his tears, and his slightly red eye sockets smiled again.

This time it was his usual sunny smile.

A brilliant smile and midnight blue eyes. The usual Sora spoke as cheerfully as always.

"I'm sorry.

But this is good. Kurapika chose me."

Sora smiled at Kurapika's finally postponed decision.

If Kurapika truly chose out of his own will, she would approve.

However, she narrowed her brows slightly as if she had encountered trouble, and continued to speak.

"But please remember. Please remember what I said today.

I can wait, but when you must make a choice, you never know what your choice will be.

However, if it is the path Kurapika chooses, as long as it can make you happy, I am willing to help.

After that..."

A Suggestion, a reminder not to carry anything alone, and...

"I love you, Kurapika."

Kurapika only responded to Sora's words.

"... I know."

Answer and smile.

Kurapika knew from his blurred vision that he was probably smiling just like Sora right now.

Now I understand why Sora made that face.

I feel like I want to cry; I am a little embarrassed from being so happy.

I want to be happy, I want to be happy, but even if I have found the answer, I still have not found any path leading there.

A story paying tribute to "Murder Consideration (Before)".

"I don't want to die" and "I want you" criminal about I like the scene of "I want to".

Sora's expression in the "Strive" scene is exactly the expression "criminal about when I say 'I want to do', I imagine the same face.