Chapter 32: Pride

"When it comes down to it, today's harvest is this Plate that fell from the sky. No, I am truly lucky, but I fear I am too lucky; there is a trap."

In the forest where the Sun had completely set, Sora laid out a bed on a tree branch that would not budge even if one were to ride on it, and Sora dangled his legs and talked to himself.

Even if spoken in a whisper, pretending to know where one is during this exam is extremely foolish, but for Sora, who hates "loneliness" and "darkness," this is the only source of support.

Whether he realized he was telling himself that he was in a place where he couldn't even hear his own voice from a distance was a mystery, but Sora just kept playing with the fallen Plate with his Finger until he fell asleep.

"Hmm... when it fell, the momentum was great; someone must have thrown it, but I am quite sure it wasn't aimed at me. I didn't feel any bloodlust or hostility."

If there was, who threw it? It feels better than being robbed; did someone throw it with their last bit of stubbornness? Or was it thrown because it wasn't the target? No, even if it isn't the target, it's worth 1 point, so there is no such person... isn't there? Killua would very likely do such a thing."

Not expecting that I would actually guess the culprit, I felt a bit drowsy as I wrote down my messy thoughts into meaningless words.

On the first day, because of the interaction with Kurapika and the battle with the Needle Man, I was immersed in self-loathing and was so alert that I couldn't sleep at all.

"... Today... is... faster... I think I can sleep..."

Sora closed his eyes while talking to himself.

This time, in order to shift his gaze away from the darkness behind his eyelids, he just focused his ears and listened to the sounds around him.

The leaves rustled in the Wind.

The Owl hooted. The wings of insects.

Accompanied by the sound of a lullaby, when Sora's consciousness touched the edge of the Dream World, "that" happened.

"！?"

At the same time Sora opened his eyes, the birds flew away from a certain direction all at once.

Most birds are so weak in the dark that there is a saying "bird eyes." A bird on an isolated island, with no light source other than the stars and the moonlight, suddenly taking off in the middle of the night is nothing but an emergency.

Yes. Even if you cannot see the situation ahead, unless your instinctive alarm bell rings and you must leave here, it is impossible.

Sora as well.

More than birds, more than beasts, Sora, who is sensitive to life-threatening danger, unconsciously gathered Aura in his eyes to improve the accuracy of his vision.

In the pitch-black night, she blinked her sky-blue eyes, looked in the direction the bird fled, and muttered to herself.

"... Hisoka."

No Malice or hostility.

It is very different from what beasts emit for survival.

This is the pinnacle of human sin.

Feeling the murderous intent of pleasure, Sora's thoughts were dyed with "Escape!"

One could say this person is a madman, but because he has self-awareness and is willing to be mad, his only salvation is that although his temperament is extremely vile, his conversation and mutual understanding have been established to a certain extent. A little bit of salvation will disappear.

Determining that the Magician is now only looking for prey for his own desires. As a human, seeking reason is nothing more than a suicide attempt before being foolish.

If he appeared in front of such a guy, no, even if he sensed Sora's presence, that man would definitely point his fangs at Sora.

Somehow, he and Hisoka crossed paths in the first round, but Sora had absolutely no confidence in his own abilities.

Sora had no confidence in escaping from Hisoka, who had no intention of killing him, nor did he have the confidence to kill him with his eyes.

So instinct, the primordial desire, actually escaped beyond heaven and earth, sending out a struggle that could not be lost even if destroyed.

"Run away!!"

"... Noisy!"

Sora answered in a trembling voice.

Sora's instinct, his entire body, was shouting, "Escape from this place, escape from this island, no matter who you sacrifice." The self-appeal of existence.

"What about Gon?" Sora heard his own voice.

On the way to Zebir Island, Gon and Killua chatted about the third exam and showed each other their targets.

The two were speechless about Sora's "Number 404," but when Sora knew Gon's target, he couldn't help but say, "I'm sorry."

Gon's target was Number 44. It was Hisoka.

Rather than lamenting, it was more like some joy.

I know, if it were a head-on confrontation, I am sure I could do nothing. But he said it might just be taking the Plate.

The method of hunting the three people other than Hisoka is not in my mind.

Therefore, the possibility of Gon lurking around Hisoka is extremely high.

No wonder the cause of this murderous intent is Gon.

The possibility of becoming a victim of Hisoka's brutality is too high.

"... It's okay. It's okay. I believe we can still overcome this Obstacle!"

Sora was scolded by his terrified body, and while erasing his existence with absolute, he walked towards him.

Arriving at a place full of terrifying murderous intent.

Just by taking a step closer, cold sweat broke out all over my body.

My heart was shouting that I hated it, I was scared, I didn't want to go, I wanted to run away.

Even so, Sora frantically ran through the night forest, following another desire that drove Sora.

In the third exam, he managed an Escape.

If I suddenly ran away in that place, the Needle Man and the others would be left behind, but my body ran faster than my thoughts.

I couldn't make any promises. I wanted to do it, I wanted to appease him, but I had no confidence to protect him, and in less than an hour, I was covered in blood.

He doesn't just kill people; he uses it as a tool for his own survival.

"A person can only kill another person once. A person can only die as a 'human' if they kill themselves at the last moment.

A person who has killed someone other than themselves cannot die as a 'human' anymore. Lonely and desolate, I have to dissolve into the void."

The words of my friend's mother, who taught me the value of being a "human" rather than a "Magician," I thought of.

I already know that I am completely tainted by sin.

I know I am deeply in debt, because I have exhausted the right to commit suicide, she said, a long time ago.

Now, even if I close my eyes, I will remember, even if Sora survives, one day, in the end, in the end, there will be no choice but to merge into "".

Even so... even so, if he lives in the present, if he truly exists here, there are always things he cannot let go of.

Even if this is nothing more than something that makes one collapse and drives one crazy.

Because I found meaning and value in it.

Because someone found meaning and value.

So Sora struggles.

I am a cowardly runaway.

I have no confidence.

Despite this, Sora still ran to save Gon.

The moment he found it, he managed to stop himself from screaming "Gon!"

Gon fell down.

However, he did not die, but reached out and crawled over, even catching up to a person.

It seems Gon has no visible wounds, and judging by his body movements, it seems he is paralyzed by pain rather than unable to move, so Sora decided not to go to Hisoka, but to find someone else, presumably Gon. Target student. Assuming you were attacked.

In that case, the thought that I should escape this place as soon as possible struggled with a more dangerous thought for a while, and the latter won.

He knew that a few seconds before Sora found Gon, that terrifying killing intent had subsided for a few seconds. This is not reassuring information, it just implies that the worst-case scenario has already happened, so I searched for it.

And although the Discovery was fine, Sora also noticed that Hisoka was nearby, walking towards him.

If his bloodlust subsides, even if Hisoka finds the injured Gon, he is very likely not to interfere. Sora reluctantly understands that he is not a madman who cannot see the future and would destroy a genius who has the potential to grow into a toy he likes.

However, since she also knows Hisoka's obsession with her, if she comes out to meet her, she doesn't know what to do, so Sora decided not to approach Gon until Hisoka leaves.

He has already learned what to say to Sora, and how to make his barely concealed sanity collapse and go crazy.

If Gon made up his mind "If he can seriously fight Sora, destroying him now is nothing," he could see that he would kill him without hesitation, so Sora prepared to jump out at any time with a suitable branch in his hand. I just watched Gon try to chase the opponent who stole his Plate, holding my breath, trying to move forward.

(Sorry! Sorry, Gon! If he leaves, I will immediately help and treat him! I will help him get the Plate back!!)

While Sora thought his decision was not wrong, he also knew it was an out-of-control decision, and apologized to Gon in his heart.

And saw the surprise.

"I'm surprised."

Hisoka came, with butterflies clinging to him.

As the name suggests, many "Bloodthirsty Butterfly" that prefer animal blood over nectar live on Zebir Island, and they fluttered their wings around him as if they were floating.

I was injured in Trick Tower, but is it still enough to cling to me? For a moment, Sora was a little confused, but when he saw what he was holding in his hand, which was his blind spot, he understood.

Without a doubt, he was hanging a human head he had cut off himself.

At first, Sora didn't know who it was. The victim of that terrifying killing intent? I thought.

However, Gon's words to the fallen Gon made sense.

"Have you been waiting for an opportunity? The moment I attacked someone else?"

Sora looked at the content of Hisoka's lines, and the admiration and adoration contained within them, and widened his eyes.

Gon was really aiming for Hisoka, thinking about how even he, in a low position, could snatch the Plate of Hisoka, who was in a high position.

"The timing was also just right... the killing intent when I made my move."

Hisoka threw something into Gon's hand and smiled sincerely and generously, as if looking at his own beloved disciple.

It was two Plates.

This was Gon's Plate, and also Hisoka's own Plate.

Gon widened his eyes in confusion, but Sora comforted him: "Ah, it seems like it's fine this way."

Apparently, rather than killing someone, he seemed happier that the prey he had his eyes on grew up to be as delicious as he expected, or even better than he expected, so he continued to speak in a good mood.

"It seems the poison from the blowpipe is a muscle relaxant, it generally takes about 10 days to recover."

"There are four more days, you should be able to move."

After saying this, Hisoka turned and left Gon.

This time, Gon couldn't believe what he was doing, widened his eyes, moved his Tongue, which shouldn't have been turning, with force, and stuck out his Tongue.

"Wait... you came to... get the Plate back, didn't you?"

"No, I just came to compliment you."

Hisoka immediately answered Gon's question.

Hisoka pointed to the Number 384 tag stuck on it, instead of his own Plate, and answered in a very good mood.

"He is my prey, so I don't need that anymore."

Just lifted the head of the man he was holding, stared at Hisoka and smiled.

"I don't want to either..."

Gon did not relax in the lucky situation.

After being told that he had the chance to kill him seven thousand times with an air gun, his pride did not allow him to pass, because of Hisoka's kindness, forgetting that he was also in a position of being hunted.

Even being praised in this situation was nothing more than sarcasm to Gon.

"Don't say that, borrow it, hope you can return it one day."

However, although Gon was young, Hisoka didn't care about Gon's pride at all, and casually forced him to borrow it.

"It's not like that."

As usual, Hisoka said goodbye in an incomparably happy voice and turned to leave.

Sora has not left yet.

I set aside my concerns and watch the situation unfold.

Goodbye.

I am doing the same thing, but now for different reasons.

It is not that Hisoka is Hidden, but rather that Gon did not notice him.

I am not going out to collect the Plate now, and it is not because I do not want to provoke Hisoka.

To protect Gon's pride, Sora chooses to do nothing.

I watch with my own eyes as Gon, whose knees were about to buckle, stands up with a strength that should not have been there.

"Borrowed... it's a mapira... now... I will return it."

Although it is already amazing that he can speak now, Gon still stands up.

I grab Hisoka's Plate to return it to him.

Hisoka looks at her with eyes of surprise and admiration... and then smiles.

His peculiar smile, with eyes and mouth narrowed like lines, always makes one feel disgusted, but the chill that Gon and Sora feel in their spines at this moment is not just from the aversion to that shape.

The instinct for survival sounds an alarm for the joy in the Demon smile, which is something I have never seen before, but if it still exists, I am certain its shape would be the same.

"Jajanken... I refuse."

This time, you have obtained Gon's pride.

After saying this, Hisoka laughs while trampling.

Hisoka throws away the severed head in his hand and tells Gon.

"The current you is being kept alive by me.

I will let you live until you grow into a more valuable user."

Hisoka appreciates Gon and is satisfied with his growth.

However, he still does not acknowledge Gon as a creature equal to himself.

Hisoka's left hand is buried in Gon's right cheek, and he tells the child who cannot remember that he is a toy that he is a child who possesses the power to grant life and death.

Hisoka lands a brilliant left hook, ignoring the fact that he is poisoned to the point of being unable to move, and without even looking, he is blown away; Gon, who cannot bring out his Hatsu, walks away as Hisoka speaks.

"If I can hit my face, I will accept it, just as I see it now."

Displaying an overwhelming difference in ability, he shatters and tramples Gon's pride, but even so, he does not give up fighting, does not give up becoming stronger, does not give up his goal, and firmly ties an invisible chain around his neck.

"Before that, I will leave that Plate to you."

Gon obtains a Plate worth 6 points.

Even so, I still have a feeling of failure; it would have been better if I had not passed the exam.

Although I know I am a competitive loser, I cannot feel the urge to stand up and punch him in the face as Hisoka said.

The pleasure and sense of accomplishment from taking Hisoka's Plate a few minutes ago highlight his failure and weakness, and his shattered pride turns into sand.

The feeling of failure turns into a feeling of helplessness, and I collapse on the spot, not wanting to do anything.

I lie there.

"Gon."

Until I am called by a gentle voice.

"What are you doing?"

White hair and eyes like the night sky.

A voice that both adults and children can hear.

I do not look like the others, but I notice someone who looks like someone else is looking down at me with a bright smile, just as the name implies.

I do not know why, but that smile always makes him feel at ease, yet now he cannot help but feel that he does not want to see her.

"... Sora..."

"Yeah. It's Sora. Even so, you look terrible. Who did you kill?"

When I call his name intermittently, he squats down playfully as usual.

Sora's hand touches the cheek where Hisoka was punched, but whether it is the Poison or the mental shock, he feels no pain at all.

My vision is severely distorted, and although I have no sense of reality anywhere, for some reason my mind is still relatively clear.

This is the reason I noticed.

"It looks painful; for now, do you want to move?"

Sora asks with a smile as usual, and only then do I realize he has not come yet.

Even Gon, who has mostly only seen Kurapika and Killua, knows that Sora is pretending not to know about her after seeing all his interactions with Hisoka.

If Sora really did not know what happened, he would definitely be sadder. Gon knows he is a person who suffers like himself, and he looks at him with a worried expression as if he is about to cry.

Because I remember that to protect Kurapika, I knelt on the ground again and again to attack me, and although I said I did not care, I kept apologizing with tears in my eyes.

Because Sora saw all his interactions with Hisoka, he knows he respects Gon's pride and cares about him.

Therefore, Gon, who is too tired to even move his fingertips, says hurriedly.

"... Let go... let go..."

I know you care.

But now, even with such kindness, I can only regret my own weakness and sympathy.

I know my thoughts are abnormally paranoid, but there is nothing more.

His pride is shattered and trampled, leaving only Gon's young and meaningless stubbornness.

"No."

However, the stubbornness of such a child is easily overlooked.

"You might want to be alone, but you don't like me.

Sora sat on the ground with a triumphant expression, placing Gon's head on his lap.

Then he suddenly grabbed Gon's injured cheek.

"Yes!"

As expected, Gon let out a short scream and jumped for a moment due to a spinal reflex, so Sora truly laughed.

As he spoke, he still laughed amusedly at Gon, who was glaring at him from below, slightly resentful.

"Even so, this was a spectacular failure.

It was all about you anyway; you completely forgot that you were also in a position to be hunted, didn't you? Ah, in that case, aren't you still a total failure? The worst part is, if you died, it wouldn't be strange."

That face was still smiling. But the final words did not make his eyes smile.

Night-sky-colored eyes stared straight at Gon.

In those pupils, there was something familiar.

Although they were completely different, there was only one similarity.

Since I first met you, I have always thought you and Sora were similar, for some reason.

"Gon. In this test, even if the Plate was stolen, you had a chance to get it back. So the fastest way to prevent that situation was to kill your opponent. This isn't

... Gon, do you know how lucky you are?"

This time, Sora stopped smiling.

I am angry.

He was angry that he had completely forgotten he was in a position to be hunted, focusing only on stealing the Plate from Hisoka.

Gon finally understood his anger.

At that moment, he understood that the "seven thousand times" mentioned by the student who hit him with an air gun was not the number of times to snatch the Plate from Gon's hands, but the chances to kill Gon.

I realized how much I had exposed my life to a defenseless situation.

"You are so foolish."

Sora looked ahead, making an irrefutable affirmation.

"Although you could have stopped his movements with Poison, is your pride so important that you argued with Hisoka and threw away the life that saved you so much?

You did what you shouldn't have done, even making others cry when you die; is that the pride you must protect?"

I have something to say.

But even that rebuttal disappeared silently, leaving only one sentence: "You made people cry when you died; is this the pride you want to protect?"

Hearing this sentence, the first thing I thought of was the grandmother who raised me.

Just because I wasn't born from that person's womb, I couldn't say anything, because the tearful face of the important figure who was surely a mother figure floated into my mind.

"... Gon."

Additionally, Sora's hand touched Gon's cheek.

This time he didn't pinch me, but gently stroked me with his warm, soft hand, covering the wound that had been struck.

As expected, the night-sky eyes stared straight at Gon.

Imagining Mito's crying face, remorse flashed in Gon's eyes, and he was about to cry, Sora said while crying.

"Pride is important.

If you want to live, even if it has no meaning, even if it has no value, everyone has something they Stick to. So I can imagine your feelings, your frustration.

But that is because it is still alive. After death, that kind of pride turns into the sorrow of those left behind."

While rebuking Gon's actions, Sora acknowledged the pride Gon wanted to protect.

Sora could do nothing, such as deny it.

Even if it were meaningless, even if it were worthless, Sora would hold onto that kind of "pride" to maintain a momentary sanity, a fragile humanity.

So Sora did not reach out.

At that time, Hisoka was convinced that even if he hit Gon, he wouldn't kill him, but instead of Hisoka, it was Sora.

In the end, Gon thought he was just living by someone's whim and preference.

Sora said so.

I took Gon's left hand and placed it on his left chest, where my heart is located.

I will give a child whose pride has been shattered and who is empty the strength to walk again.

"Gon. You weren't saved by Hisoka. The only thing he could do was kill you, not save you. This is the same for everyone. The only person who can save anyone is themselves. Your own power." Move this heart, breathe, think, and live.

... So live. Your life is absolutely yours. Ignore that fake clown.

When you die, your pride is far from meaningless or worthless; your pride will turn into a fetish, making those left behind think, 'I wish I didn't have this,' but if you survive, you might find some meaning in it. There might be some value.

... Even if you yourself cannot find meaning or value, there might be someone who says there is meaning, there is value.

So live. Don't Curse that I am still alive now; you feel lucky."

A person sternly rebuked with his words and eyes, thinking of Gon, worrying about him.

It looks really similar.

He taught Gon everything important as a human. Mother Mito.

He saved Gon Freecss's life, taught his father, and gave him a dream. Benefactor Kite.

Gon was scolded by someone very similar to the people who shaped the boy Gon, affirming and denying what he was worried about.

Gon was in tears, sobbing, turning his weak body over, burying his face in Sora's lap, whimpering.

A childish will without meaning or value.

Nevertheless, I still couldn't let go of the pride I needed to live.

"... Sora... it's so painful... I... don't want to die... but... still... it's so painful."

"Yes."

"Even if I didn't kill you... it's okay... I think... this is very frustrating."

"Yes."

"Seven thousand times... I had a chance... until I took Hisoka's... Plate... I missed it... it's frustrating."

"Yes."

"... Hisoka... said... he let me live... I can't say... that was wrong... that is why... I cannot immediately fight back... that is why.................. I am frustrated!

Depressed, depressed, depressed..."

"Yes."

While listening to Gon's words, Sora gently patted Gon's back.

Having just received a pleasant relief from the touch of his hand, Gon let out a faint sound.

"... I don't want to become weak... I want to become strong..."

"I wish I could."

You didn't tell me you could.

Gon knew, while pushing it away, that this was an affirmation that "it's okay to be weak."

Because I hear a lot from them, he is someone who accepts everything and never narrows down his choices.

"Gon, you should become who you want to be. Forget Hisoka's words, except for what you want to remember."

"... That is harder than forgetting everything."

Hearing Sora's words, I smiled slightly as usual.

Sora smiled even more happily than Gon, continuing to gently pat Gon's back.

"What you want to forget is just a dream, and that's perfect; I will give you a Spell so you won't have nightmares."

"... Is it a Spell?"

I felt it was a bit childish and disgusting, but Sora said: "Yes. It is a Spell to make you lose your fear and calm down. I am a Magician." After being told, the aversion disappeared.

I know, my aversion disappeared just like that, which proves I am still a child. However, I ignored it because I wanted a Compromise between my spoiled child self and my adult self that didn't want to be honest.

Once again, Gon buried his face in Sora's lap, and Sora stroked Gon's Hard hair, singing.

"—The air is light in weight, weak, the chest trembles, good, fast.

The light is ticking in front, the Shadow is late, in a hurry or in a rush."

Repeating the same rhythm in a matter-of-fact way. I don't understand those lyrics that seem to have meaning.

"The birds in the sky fly east, the fish in the sea swim, you run over there, dealing with things in a rush.

Doubt and anxiety are ticking at the bottom of the bag, the first step of the journey is the dawn making a request."

A Spell written in a voice as gentle as a lullaby.

Perhaps, it is convenient to call it a Spell after all, or it might really just be a lullaby.

"The shining stars fall smoothly, stars will always appear in the sky, now in your heart forever, forever."

Still, it was nice.

Even Gon didn't care if it was really a Spell.

However, I didn't want to leave this warm, gentle place that made me feel safe and secure, so I just wanted to listen.

Due to the repetitive, monotonous chanting, Gon's consciousness had reached its limit, and his eyelids sank into the Dream World.

When he began to hear the sound of calm breathing, Sora stopped stroking Gon's head and stopped chanting.

Then he muttered somewhat awkwardly.

"... I got my Spell wrong."

I really like the Spell, because it makes me feel like it's a story, but halfway through I realized it was an unsuccessful Suggestion, which made me feel uneasy, but originally I didn't want to use Magic, so I switched to using it as a lullaby. Sora said defiantly: "Well, no," and continued to stroke Gon's head like a mother.

The final "Charm" Spell was chanted by Aoko in "mahoutsukainoyoru". Sorry, I

was wrong (laughs).

I don't know the correct answer.

At first, I intended to do something that looked like Magic from the moon, and then make it work normally, but I got a bit tired of continuing to be serious, and I really wanted to add a punchline, and the result was this.