Chapter 72: A Dreamy Heart

"... Other than the Sweatpants, I am wearing nothing else."

I tried throwing a Needle at the back of the head of the woman who was clinging tightly to the tree trunk; her ears were bright red, and she made a baffling declaration of resolve, but as usual, I would not be surprised if she had eyes on her back. I clicked my Tongue as I always do.

Illumi thought about escaping again, taking advantage of the fact that she had finally emerged from the belly and was frustrated by the self-inflicted humiliation, but even if she escaped, as long as her mindset recovered, this woman would catch up to her again. I knew it would happen, so I decided to stay put, thinking it was better than showing embarrassment in front of the family like before.

I decided to stay, but of course, I had no motivation to wait for Sora's shameful suffering to end, so I threw a Needle again.

"Noisy! I like this sexual harassment Noh mask!"

"If what I'm saying is sexual harassment, then what are you?"

In a sense, this was a straightforward description of Sora, but the person who said it gave the impression of being far removed from Sora's essence. I retorted, but Illumi also grabbed her own Needle and replied in surprise.

When Gon and the others told him the exposure was too high, Sora insisted that he was just wearing clothes sold at a clothing store and didn't mind at all; it seemed she correctly understood the gravity of the issue of a woman taking such an indecent stance toward an opposite-sex partner.

Perhaps, remembering that when he was jumping and wrestling to seize Illumi's mount, it was even more dangerous than riding a horse on his stomach, and he was still in a state of "guessing," he turned even redder; I tried to hide my chest, covering my stomach with both hands while screaming while naked.

"I am not a slut!! These are just clothes you usually see in a clothing store, the same as what the models wear. I don't know why, but I'm doing this just because I can't be picky about this outfit and hairstyle!!"

Illumi was surprisingly loud, annoyed by Sora who was screaming like a puppy and defending herself, but unexpectedly, she listened quietly.

I watched while listening.

Comparing the current Sora, whose hair might have grown into a ponytail reaching near his chest, the current Sora, of indeterminate gender, and that winter Sora, standing on the edge of his vision as usual, provoking him.

Shorter than the current Sora, but unlike when he met him later, the two-toned hair was slightly past his shoulders.

Silva did not understand why Sora's current attire was interpreted as "avoiding pick-ups," but Illumi thought, "This guy must be stupid," yet was convinced.

I knew from the beginning that if this woman kept her long hair, I would be able to tell at a glance that she was that woman with flowing long hair.

"... Ah? Hey... what?"

Sora, who had been defending himself with tears in his eyes for a moment, realized that Illumi was listening silently without attacking him, which was rare, even impossible.

However, even when Sora asked, Illumi still did not react, eyes fixed on her, not quite sure where she was looking, making Sora retreat further.

Illumi silently continued to look at the retreating Sora.

This man had heard almost nothing from Sora from the beginning.

However, he tried to recall by comparing the past and present Sora, Sora who was burned and continued to regenerate at the edge of his vision.

What was I thinking at that time?

In that snowy crowd, why couldn't I take my eyes off this woman?

I was wondering why I was still dreaming and unable to wake up.

The first thing I thought was that she was too beautiful, but she immediately denied it.

It was an embarrassing fact, but I admitted that this woman's appearance was miraculously perfect. Even so, I couldn't take my eyes off her, but this was not the reason for Sora's hatred of "not seeing" her.

If he had been captivated by Sora's appearance, if that was all Illumi wanted, he would not have hated Sora.

No matter how stupid this woman was, no matter how stupid the things she said were, no matter if she noticed her disguise or remembered her voice, she would not be interested in herself; even if she had never seen the light, it should have been fine.

As long as her looks were not damaged, Illumi would absolutely not care about Sora's words and deeds, or Sora's personality.

Then why was I so obsessed with this woman that day, even though I only met her gaze for a moment?

Exploring the reason, Illumi finally spoke, comparing the still confused and bewildered Sora, the moment that day, and the moment their eyes met.

"... Why did you abandon me at 'that time'?"

"Yes?"

The sudden question made Sora even more flustered, but he still confirmed first.

"Hmm... the first time... it doesn't seem like it, was it in that basement?"

"That's it."

Illumi still couldn't remember their first contact; she agreed, while annoyed that she thought the hostility at work was her first meeting, standing in front of the sitting Sora, looking down at her and asking.

Even if I looked down, she looked up at me, smiling.

I smiled and said, 'Are you okay?' he asked.

"The reason you tried to get rid of the 'memory' currently placed on me is because you were asked to treat it as a job, because Kalluto was worried about you, and because if I died, someone you have a bad relationship with..."

But "that day" was different, wasn't it?

This was the first time I met you; you might not care about being an employer, but let alone convenience, I wanted to kill you with all my might, so I was just an enemy.

Unlike you now, you thought it was a good opportunity, had a reason to kill you, a reason to abandon me, but instead, you had no reason to help me. Right?

If the reason wasn't "pity," then what was it?"

I thought it was mercy.

I felt sorry for the ugly, fallen Illumi; I could only think that Illumi was out of sympathy, so Illumi chased around immediately after being abandoned until he lost all the Needles he used as weapons.

... However, before Sora could deny it, I already felt that was not the case.

After all, even if Sora wanted to kill him seriously, he had the ability to escape, but that didn't mean he was high enough to sympathize with Illumi.

On the contrary, Illumi might be better in terms of ability.

This woman used her eyes, which could only be described as filthy, and her crisis-detection ability—a level of precognition gained at the cost of her humanity—to defend and escape; otherwise, I would have been killed. In that mode, I almost forgot about defense and prioritized reducing the number of people here through suicide attacks, so if the same situation happened again, I was confident that Illumi could take advantage of it.

In terms of defense and escape, Sora might be superior, but in terms of combat, he was not arrogant, he was not stupid; he had the eyes of an Assassin, which the rest of the family acknowledged.

So I knew a long time ago.

"'Are you okay?'"

The truth is, I knew that smile and those words that day were not out of pity.

But Illumi shook that realization out of her mind.

Telling them it was "regret."

If not, I would have expected it.

I could have expected that this woman might have felt the same way as Illumi, who stood in the snowy crowd and continued to turn away.

However, today, Illumi, who had shifted her gaze away and been denied by the other party for what she considered "pity," finally decided to shift her gaze away.

That is because, at the same time Sora asserted "this is not regret," I was certain that the "expectation" I did not want to have was as impossible as me wanting to commit suicide.

I know this woman was not looking at me, "Illumination," but I realized once again that I was persuaded, and I felt that I could finally throw away that ghostly "expectation" that clung to me even when I wanted to throw it away.

So Illumi asked.

If what Illumi did not want to do was not "regret" or "expectation," then what is "are you okay"?

Illumi asked why he saved the person who came to kill him, smiling and saying: "That's fine."

Facing this question, Sora was still confused, completely confused.

From the beginning, he looked at Illumi with a face that seemed to be saying: "What are you talking about, this guy?"

A long time ago, Sora's eyes returned from a solid azure to their usual indigo.

The same eyes as that day, the moment in the crowd, the same eyes as when we met.

Unlike the Pitch Darkness of the night sky, there was light somewhere, but the deep eyes, whose light source was unknown, reflected the illumination and the answer.

"... No, is there no other reason?"

As if affirming that answer, the color of emotion in those eyes was only confusion.

There was no other desire than being confused about how to answer Illumi's question.

Illumi herself did not show any emotion or impression in his eyes.

The eyes were too colorless and Transparent.

That was Illumi's "answer."

Those were colorless and Transparent eyes, just like a Stone on the roadside.

Like Illumi, the reason he raised his head should have been "for some reason," but even so, he looked at it with his own will, and even when their gazes met, Sora's gaze still fell on Illumi without any emotion or impression, and I passed by without looking back, recognizing it as a Stone on the roadside.

I realized this was the first time I had seen such a person.

Due to the nature of the family business, apart from the family and the Maid, clients and targets are basically the only people involved. Besides that, it is rare, but at the client's request, I temporarily worked with a trader.

In the case of clients and peers in the industry, he knew from the beginning that Illumi was a member of the "Zoldyck family," so he viewed Illumi as "one of the legendary Assassin families," full of expectation, jealousy, and awe.

Knowing that a target has come to kill you would, of course, fill your eyes with fear and despair.

Moreover, the Zoldyck family basically does not leave the house on Kukuroo Mountain except for work, and even when going out, being recognized as "another mature person," I have no complaints.

What's more, even Illumi, who possesses disguise skills, would not disguise herself with a Needle and walk around with a bare face unless there was a clear reason that "it is not good to be bare-faced," because it is tiring.

Because of this, in addition to her beauty, there is an inorganic expression and atmosphere that makes people feel it is strange that she is not a doll. Although different, it is unique enough to be compared to Hisoka, so as an Assassin, it is quite problematic. It attracts the attention of men and women.

Even if Illumi does nothing, even if she does not say a word, those who "see" her will always see the impressions they formed before knowing Illumi, and the emotions they felt from those impressions, all living in those eyes.

I had nothing to consider.

On the contrary, I had never been aware of such a thing.

No matter how others see her, even if it is the only family she cherishes, Illumi does not intend to change her thoughts and actions.

No matter what others think, no matter how insignificant the impression given is, it does not matter to Illumi.

As long as I understand myself, that is fine.

... But that day, Illumi met an "eye" for the first time that had no thoughts about her.

If I did not view Illumi as an individual, her eyes were naturally colorless and Transparent, and Illumi would not care about anything.

She said Sora was of course of her own will, and like Illumi, even if it was "somehow," she definitely had her own will to look up at Illumi to confirm her existence, but those eyes did not have that from the beginning. It was an eye looking at a Stone on the roadside, colorless and Transparent, without any emotion or impression.

Even Illumi was annoyed, but the first impression was "stunningly beautiful," but Sora did not think anything and turned to leave.

I did not even see the top.

Without leaving any impression, and without creating an image of the existence of "Illumi" in myself, I just left like that.

I still do not know why I did not like it so much, and why I was so annoyed that this woman did not "see" me.

No, I know. I know, but I still cannot find the "why" for thinking this way.

That is why Illumi rejected "the reason she did not like it."

From the "expectation" I realized that day, why did I not like the "pity" in those eyes, making me feel like I was seeing myself for the first time, and why was I humiliated? My eyes, pretending not to see, pretending it never happened, I locked the Abyss deep in my heart.

What kind of "self" would those colorless and Transparent eyes see?

Because those were colorless and Transparent eyes, like pure fresh water, without any bias or prejudice.

Thinking this way, Illumi concluded that there was no staring at his back at all, and his back never looked back.

Ignoring the fact that I could not do it, the Illusion City of dreams I could not wake up from kept replaying, as well as the giggling hallucinations.

The mockery of the phantom was a mirror image of oneself, and the real one, still empty, became disgusting being pointed at by him like this. Ask again.

"... Would you go to help someone who wanted to kill you for no reason?"

"Hmm? Yes."

Sure enough, Sora answered expressionlessly immediately.

After answering immediately, perhaps feeling that this answer was a bit strange, he crossed his arms, tilted his head a few times, and came up with a convincing addition.

"I mean, hmm... In my opinion, if there is no reason to kill him, then the only choice is to let him live."

Just as Illumi said, even if I abandoned you at that time, you would not become my Ghost. But that did not change the bad aftertaste. That is what I thought, so I got rid of it... perhaps?

Yes, sorry. After all, when asked why, there was nothing special. I was there, and I can only say that I did it because I was able to get rid of it."

I figured it out, but perhaps thinking this was an afterthought, although there was no need to apologize, Sora apologized to Illumi for a moment.

Of course, Illumi's frustration could not be resolved with such a light apology. On the contrary, I was angry again.

"Really, your entire existence is annoying."

"Yes, yes, sorry.... Even so, you are in a good mood today."

"Hmm?"

When I tried to express my frustration with words, Sora thought it was troublesome, but then he looked up with a surprised expression, as if he had noticed something.

In Illumi's view, that "realization" was a fresh idea about the location and method of her own misunderstanding, so she unconsciously raised her voice in surprise from the bottom of her heart.

"... Other than seeing 'death,' is your eye a knot hole? Do you think you'll eventually be hit by eight points?"

I asked back in surprise, indicating that because of you, Illumi's mood is at its worst, but Sora quietly explained why Illumi was in a good mood.

"Because Illumi, you don't want to kill me right now."

Hearing this answer, Illumi rolled her eyes and fell into silence.

Sora looked back at Illumi and said indifferently.

As usual, I couldn't believe he had any emotions or impressions.

"Different from usual, you basically don't want to kill me today, right?"

"Noisy, shut up, die, disappear."

While making her usual three simple requests, Illumi threw a Needle, but after it was easily caught, Sora did not keep his distance as usual.

Admitting this is really annoying, but I suspect this woman's ability to detect killing intent is a serious Prediction or mind reading. I know very well that I am not speaking based on simple intuition, because I have already been shocked by this perceptual ability.

That is to say, although he didn't realize it, it also made him realize that his "killing intent" toward Sora was not sympathetic to the point where this woman didn't need to run away, which made him even more frustrated.

However, despite being very annoyed, Sora still kept his distance from Illumi and did not try to run away.

Illumi demanded that Sora come back, hoping she could get a little revenge because she really didn't like her today, because she didn't want to kill her, and even if she was frustrated, she didn't like it.

"... Speaking of which, why don't you bring the Maid and your father over? Not to mention the Maid, your father and the others usually cooperate to capture me, because that is their family's business."

"Because if you ask Silva and the others, you will definitely run away and become more stubborn than before."

However, Illumi's question did not turn into revenge.

I know that Sora, who has been running around everywhere just like me, would chase me instead, and if I had my father and grandfather to help me, at least my survival rate would increase significantly, but no one knows. I think I would point out that it is too "impossible" just like Illumi, but in Sora's view, unlike Illumi's giving up a year ago, this is an act with a clear reason.

"The reason you didn't bring the Maid is because you knew that bringing him would only increase your meat Wall, but you didn't want to be abandoned by me to the point of discovering that I am here, right?"

I have no motivation to prioritize your stupid stubbornness, you'd better be dead, but if you, a person who loves your family, are so stubborn even though I know you are a big trouble for them, I will at least respect you a little."

To Sora, who answered immediately without hesitation, Illumi asked with a strange, childish tone and a puzzled expression: "... Why?"

Hearing this question, Sora smiled slightly and stood up.

In his originally colorless and Transparent eyes, there seemed to be emotional colors living there.

"Illumi. Unlike you, I hate my own house and I hate my family, except for one person."

This is the same as how you view Killua and the way you act.

"That is why I respect you so much, you truly care about and love your family."

"... Nevertheless—"

A soft, deep blue light like the night sky reflected in the depths of Illumi's eyes, and Sora's right hand touched Illumi's left cheek.

"I hate you more than you imagine."

Just like the "mercy" he cast toward his younger brothers, those eyes were slightly blue.

Suddenly, a Finger slid from Illumi's eyelid across her brow, tearing open the Illusion of the mark, killing her.

However, a "dream" was still branded in Illumi's field of vision.

Just like that day, for a reason completely different from that day, Sora "looked at" Illumi and smiled.

"There's a gap!!"

"That is why."

But Sora did not distort.

After finally killing Illumi's Hatsu and giving it up, the first thing I did was take revenge by blinding Illumi.

Illumi of course would not allow it, so she grabbed Sora's slender wrist to stop him.

Since the eyelids and eyebrows were touched when recalling, it seems that closing the eyes at the beginning was not the recollection she spoke of, but just Sora wanting to do it himself.

"What is it that you truly want?"

"No, when the hell did you blink?"

Illumi pinched Sora's wrist without hesitation, but Sora "Hard"ly held his grip, and with a serious face, he started whispering incomprehensible things again.

This is incomprehensible.

Afterwards, Illumi seriously thought that if she couldn't understand what he was saying, it would be better.

"In what world did you say blindfolding is humane?"

"Only to you, you clearly opened your eyes like this, if you are still living as if you are always sleeping, then why don't you wake your eyes up?"

Sora pulled Illumi's hand away from his wrist and answered Illumi's words, but it was just a reflexive reaction, irritated by the careless, absurd remarks.

"Are you sleeping?"

"Open your eyes wide" is a common saying, so I don't care about anything, but that is why Illumi tilted her head with an expression she had never had before.

To be honest, perhaps Sora was a little happy, which is rare in front of Sora, and Sora also answered in front of Illumi with a funny, happy laugh.

"Illumi. I know you love your family and your house, just like I said before, I respect and envy you."

However, it doesn't have to be as much as Killua, so why don't you pay more attention to the outside and other things? It's just that the awake world is interesting, so isn't it a waste to keep dreaming in a closed environment?"

Sora's expected reaction was that she would immediately say, "You don't have to bother me, you hypocrite," and then throw a Needle at me.

However, there was an interval of a few seconds, and when Sora thought "Huh?", it exploded.

"!? What is going on!?"

Saying this, Sora jumped away to escape with her reaction.

The moment Sora flew away, countless needles, large and small, pierced the place where Sora had originally stood.

Facing Illumi's attack, a killing intent suddenly erupted as usual; he knew he had said something the other party didn't like, but more importantly, he knew he had said something he himself didn't like. Sora didn't understand why Illumi, who had no killing intent, had turned into the usual Illumi, so he asked:

Sora's question fueled Illumi's killing intent and caused it to erupt further; Illumi blurted out that this level of ignorance would last a lifetime.

"Shut up! Be quiet! Whose fault do you think it is that you're dreaming!?"

"Eh!? Is it my fault!?"

My mouth slipped and I said something that would last a lifetime, but fortunately for Illumi, as usual, Sora couldn't escape unless he focused on running away, so he rushed in. I didn't dare look at Illumi's face because I was doing my best.

Just as her mouth slipped, Illumi's complexion was as pale as a corpse's as usual, but Sora didn't know that her expression was exactly the same as Killua's when Sora greeted her directly.

I know without being told.

This is just a "dream."

I know without thinking that dreams will one day be replaced by reality.

I cannot reach the stars.

This is even more true if it is a meteor burning itself up as it passes through.

A meteor can only be seen from afar.

When you find it, it will no longer fall upon you.

Even if you find a fallen meteor, it is no longer the brilliance of that instant that illuminated the night sky.

It is just a Stone.

Perhaps it is a mineral that does not exist on this planet.

It might have some value.

However, such value is known.

After all, a fallen meteor is nothing more than a piece of wreckage that has been worn down, burned, and lost everything.

I know that nothing is as valuable as what I saw in the "dream."

Nevertheless, I still chose to dream for a while longer.

Even if I know it won't fall in love with me.

Even if you know that what falls is nothing more than trash.

Even so, the radiance of the meteor is still burned into it.

So even if I know I can only be happy until I wake up, that is why I will dream for longer.

Because once I wake up, I will never have the same dream again.

Illumi chose to see a single "dream" until the day reality was briefly broken.

I really like the words Zelretch gave to Ark, "One day you will realize. As long as you are awake, your life will be very interesting." I also like Illumi's story, so when I put it Together, Illumi really became a romantic.

You are pushing me too hard, this guy.

Next time it's Kurapika, please read the book while eating coffee beans and cocoa beans (laughs).