Chapter 7.7

Silvio froze. His true feelings rose to his throat. No. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay with me, like now, always together.

But he couldn’t say such things. He swallowed his words and tried to speak casually.

「Yeah, of course.」

「…」

Zenovio looked at Silvio silently. Silvio tried not to avoid his gaze. He had to appear as a supportive friend.

「It’s a great opportunity. No one else in the monastery gets such a chance.」

「…」

「If you become a knight, you’ll be recognized. Then you can get a title, a nice house… and live there.」

「…Is that what you want?」

Zenovio silently watched Silvio.

Silvio turned his gaze to the ceiling, lost in thought. Answering Zenovio’s question helped him organize his complicated feelings. If Zenovio left, he would have to sort out his own emotions.

‘If I distance myself and abandon these ugly feelings and desires.’

Then maybe, after some time, they could become real friends. Not having erotic dreams or reacting to Zenovio. A truly platonic friendship. That would be the best thing for Zenovio as a friend.

As he thought that, Zenovio, lying beside him, nodded lightly.

「Alright, fine.」

Ah.

Silvio gripped the blanket tightly, convincing himself he was happy if Zenovio succeeded.

‘Yeah. Then I’m happy too.’

I should be happy. We’re friends. He thought that and closed his eyes.

⌗ • ⌗ • ⌗

After Ellena left, Silvio fell asleep again. Without Zenovio next to him, he could finally sleep soundly, but soon he felt a hand brushing his hair and opened his eyes. Zenovio, now back and dressed for going out, sat on the bed.

"…Zeno."

"Did you sleep well?"

Silvio felt the gentle touch on his hair and slowly blinked. He had no idea how much time had passed. The curtains were drawn, making the room dark, so he couldn’t tell the time.

"Get up for a moment. See what I brought."

Silvio thought Zenovio seemed unusually excited and got up with his help. His lower body was sore, so he moved slowly. Zenovio propped up the pillow for him to lean against.

While doing so, Silvio glanced between himself, wearing only a large chemise, and Zenovio, dressed sharply for going out.

It was absurd that he was still too exhausted to care about what he was wearing, while the one who caused it all was dressed so well. Yet, he couldn’t help but think Zenovio looked great in his black top and robe draped over his broad shoulders.

Silvio also noticed his rosary around Zenovio’s neck. Seeing the rosary he had bought while thinking of Zenovio now on him felt strange. He hadn’t intended to give it to Zenovio, but it suited him as if it found its rightful owner.

While Silvio quietly stared, Zenovio placed a white box with a gold trim in front of him. When he opened the box, Silvio’s eyes widened.

"Oh…"

Could it be?

"Do you know what it is?"

Silvio nodded. When Zenovio opened the box, it revealed the familiar sweets.

"You bought these as a gift the first time you went on an errand."

That autumn, when Zenovio first went to the city on an errand under the abbot’s orders, Silvio had waited at the monastery entrance early in the morning, eager to see him return.

Despite the cold wind, he didn’t go inside, and Zenovio returned earlier than expected, handing him an envelope, calling it a gift.

Inside were small, round, flat cookies. They were made with almond flour and had a soft cream filling.

Back then, Silvio ate the cookies in Zenovio’s arms, who shielded him from the cold with his black cloak. The cookies were so sweet they almost stung his tongue. He had never tasted anything like it before.

In truth, Silvio was happier about Zenovio bringing him a gift and thinking of him while choosing it than the taste of the cookies. He pretended his joy was from the sweet cookies, unable to hide his smile.

"Try it."

Zenovio picked up a cookie and fed it to Silvio. Now, knowing these treats were luxuries for nobles, Silvio thought he shouldn’t eat them so casually, but he couldn’t resist. The cookie crumbled in his mouth with a crisp sound.

"Is it good?"

Without realizing it, Silvio nodded.

"It’s really good."

The cookies were still sweet and delicious. Or maybe it was the situation feeling unchanged from back then. Or perhaps he was touched that Zenovio remembered that day.

Just like that day, an uncontrollable smile spread across his face. His eyes felt hot, and his cheeks were warm.

Zenovio watched Silvio’s blushing smile and gently cupped his cheeks with both hands. Then he leaned in and kissed him. Silvio closed his eyes. Zenovio’s tongue slipped in, stealing the cookie from his mouth. The sweetness, softness, slipperiness, and warmth are all mixed together.

In this overwhelmingly sweet moment, Silvio thought to himself. He shouldn’t get lost in this sweetness. It would melt away and disappear, a taste he shouldn’t crave again.

But he couldn’t pull away or refuse. In the past, he was only moved by the sweetness of the cookies, but now he shared that sweetness with Zenovio, and he didn’t want to break this moment.

Zenovio licked Silvio’s lips and kissed them repeatedly before finally pulling away. The longing in his movements made Silvio blink repeatedly.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Zenovio chewing and swallowing the cookie he had taken. He licked the remaining sweetness off his lips from their shared saliva and said,

"Yeah, it’s good."

Silvio looked down at the box with a flushed face. He wanted to taste more, but a monk shouldn’t indulge in such luxuries. As he tried to resist, Zenovio closed the box.

"Save the rest for after dinner."

Silvio felt relieved when Zenovio took the box away.

Zenovio placed the box on the nightstand, looking pleased. Silvio recalled the questions he had buried in the past and the words Ellena had said before he fell asleep.

He couldn’t help but ask, with so many things on his mind. Zenovio seemed to be in a good mood, so maybe he would answer honestly.

"Zeno… Do you remember Marco?"

"Marco? Who’s that guy?"

Zenovio replied indifferently. Silvio thought he wasn’t answering like that because he genuinely didn’t remember.

"About Marco getting bitten by a dog. Does it have anything to do with you?"

Zenovio furrowed his brow and looked at Silvio. He narrowed his eyes and asked,

"Did someone visit?"

Silvio didn’t answer, just as Zenovio hadn’t. Instead, he asked another question.

"Before, about Monk Giotto."

"What about that?"

"Getting expelled from the monastery… Was that really not your doing?"

When Silvio left St. Benedict Monastery to become a monk after coming of age, he worried he might run into Giotto again at another monastery. Giotto was surely at some monastery, and if he was still on a pilgrimage, they could end up at the same one.

However, after moving to a monastery in the south and becoming a novice monk, Silvio never saw Monk Giotto again. He hadn’t heard any news about him either.

He asked out of curiosity, but Zenovio replied with a frown and indifference.

"He must have been expelled for committing a sin."

Silvio realized Zenovio had no intention of answering. Yet, strangely, his suspicions grew stronger. Anyway, what mattered to Silvio now wasn’t the past.

"The festival is over, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then… what about the priest? Anna is safe, but the priest is locked up."

Ellena had informed him of this, so Silvio was sure Zenovio wasn’t entirely neglectful. But it wasn’t enough.

Zenovio sighed and said,

"You’re really interested in other people."

"Don’t be sarcastic. You saw what the priest tried to do."

Silvio grabbed Zenovio’s sleeve.

"That priest seemed to have done bad things more than once. If he doesn’t plan to stop, at least hold him accountable."

Silvio thought that if Zenovio didn’t plan to stop being the leader of Rosano, he should at least correct the scandals. Change the stigma of being a heretic and a demon, and try to prevent any danger. Whether it was possible or not, that was the best he could do for now.

'God, if I do this…'

Could he be forgiven for what happened? Could Zenovio be forgiven?

But Zenovio just looked at Silvio silently. Frustrated, Silvio shook Zenovio’s sleeve.

"Zeno."

"Hmm…"

Zenovio, who had been watching with an uneasy expression, leaned on the bed and took a relaxed posture. Tilting his head, he spoke with a crooked attitude.

"I don’t care about other people. But, Silvio… If you want something, try persuading me. Make me interested."

Silvio sighed unconsciously.

"I’ll do whatever you want, so please listen to me."

At that, Zenovio raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever?"

"Yeah."

When Silvio nodded, Zenovio straightened up and looked into his eyes, as if checking his sincerity. Silvio didn’t avoid Zenovio’s gaze. Zenovio examined Silvio’s face and spoke seriously.

"Look at me and touch yourself."

"…"

Silvio frowned. Zenovio chuckled and reached out, gently scratching between his furrowed brows. Silvio pulled back.

"Don’t joke around."

"Does it sound like a joke?"

Zenovio withdrew his hand, glancing down. Silvio felt an urge to hide his lower half under the blanket. Wearing only the chemise Zenovio had put on him, his lower body was completely exposed if the blanket was pulled away.

"Why… do you want to see that?"

"Don’t you want to see me touch myself while looking at you?"

"…I-I don’t."

"That’s disappointing."

Silvio was confused, unsure if Zenovio was teasing or serious. Watching with trembling eyes, Zenovio tilted his lips and brushed Silvio’s hair back.

"I’ll start by investigating the Bella Rosas. Holding the priest accountable comes after."

Saying that, he pressed Silvio’s head down and lightly kissed his forehead before pulling away. Feeling the soft touch of his lips, Silvio felt relieved. At least that was something.

He nodded, feeling reassured, but Zenovio looked at him silently. Silvio met his gaze, feeling uneasy. No way. No way…

Unconsciously, he gripped the blanket tightly with both hands. Zenovio, watching, raised his lips higher.

"Did it sound like a joke?"

"…"

Silvio’s face burned. He bit his lip, looking at Zenovio, who showed no sign of backing down or changing the subject.

In the end, Silvio slipped his hand under the blanket. Zenovio didn’t pull it away, watching the movements beneath it with amusement. He watched Silvio with a pleased expression.