[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"origin-i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te":3,"chapter-i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te-i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te-chapter-164":6},{"origin":4,"title":5},"chinese","I'm in Warhammer, Please Don't Praise the Doraemon Machine God",{"chapter":7,"nextChapterSlug":19,"prevChapterSlug":20,"totalChapters":21,"novelImage":22},{"id":8,"novel_id":9,"title":10,"slug":11,"index":12,"content":13,"wordcount":14,"created_at":15,"updated_at":15,"volume":16,"translator":17,"content_hash":18},2264987,4422,"Chapter 164: Immortals Stand Like Hemp in Rows","i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te-chapter-164",164,"\u003Cp>“Old sir, why not give it a try? Saint Doraemon is incredibly effective!” Lag said to Zhou Yun with sincere expression.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun’s lip twitched uncontrollably.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Did he himself not know whether it was effective? How could he possibly make someone give birth to eight children at once?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Noticing Zhou Yun’s expression, Lag quickly added:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Truly, Brother Zhou Yun, if you pray to Saint Doraemon, the efficiency of many machines doubles—even broken ones temporarily resume operation. A six-shot pistol can fire seven rounds. Saint Doraemon is truly sacred!”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Shut up. I’ll judge for myself whether it’s divine or not!”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun waved him off, cutting short his preaching; every inch of his skin prickled at Lag’s words.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>For a moment, he felt a strange kinship with the Emperor—no wonder the old man had been so stubborn, refusing outright to admit he was a god.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>But the Emperor truly was a god, while Zhou Yun knew he was not.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>How could a man from the twenty-first century be the god of the fortieth millennium?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Look at the gods of 40k: delusional, schizophrenic psychopaths; supernatural trash and toilets; hyperactive, antisocial maniacs; drug-addicted sex addicts; paralyzed, failed fathers; obese, alien versions of Guilliman; two hyperactive mushrooms; corpses gutted by medieval knights; galaxy-scale autists; sprout versions of hyperactive antisocial maniacs; divine toilets that are toilets; reclusive clowns; multi-species stitched-together weaklings.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Truly, immortals stand like hemp in rows,\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>and if Zhou Yun had to stand beside them, he’d rather climb to the top of the Terra Imperial Palace and leap to end all his sorrows.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun took a deep breath and looked at Lag. “Tell me about yourself.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Brother Zhou Yun, do you remember that flask of Aksema wine?”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag fell silent, a bitter smile creasing his wrinkled face:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“That wine was fucking awful—the worst I’ve ever tasted in my life.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“About thirty or forty years ago, I was a greenhorn just joining the gang. The old brother who trained me spent his whole life dreaming of taking one sip of Aksema wine.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“He told me every day how delicious Aksema was—how smooth and silky on the tongue, how sweet, ha ha—but he’d never tasted it himself. He’d only heard stories.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“But he told it so well, I got infected—I wanted to taste Aksema too.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“He later fought desperately to seize a new territory for the gang, using his reward and savings to have someone buy a flask of Aksema from the Upper Hive. But before he could drink it, he was ambushed and shot to death. The flask was shattered by bullets.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag scratched his old face, embarrassed by recounting his past:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I stared at his bullet-riddled corpse, at the shattered wine flask, and I was terrified—I feared that by the time I died, I’d never even tasted a drop of Aksema.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“So I fought with every ounce of will, used every bit of my brain, just to survive—I had to live long enough to drink one sip of Aksema.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“And then you let me taste it—and I realized I’d spent my whole life doing terrible things, just to drink this awful shit.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag pressed his chest, gasping for breath:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I felt sick—never in my life had I felt this sick. I felt like my whole body had collapsed. Soon I fell ill, nearly died aboard the ship.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun studied Lag’s face—there were clear traces of illness upon it.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“When I told Lady Leina about this, she said this was the absurdity of life—that all earthly pursuits might turn meaningless, and only faith in the Emperor could endure forever.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“But I’m old now. Even if I believed in the Emperor, he wouldn’t let my soul return to the Golden Throne.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“And people like Lady Leina, like you, Brother Zhou Yun—you have power, you have ability. You can do so much for the Emperor. I can only survive—I know nothing else.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Then Sister Dichi appeared, preaching faith in Saint Doraemon. I was nearly dead then, didn’t care about worshipping dead gods anymore—I clung to her like a lifeline and converted to Saint Doraemon. And then—I got better.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag’s face glowed with devotion as he cupped his hands into a circle over his chest:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“At that moment, I finally understood—Saint Doraemon possessed true divinity. I recalled everything that had happened in Asford, and realized an invisible circular hand had guided it all—it must have been Saint Doraemon protecting us!”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Hearing this, Zhou Yun’s face twisted sharply—he suddenly understood.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Because of Leina’s psychological conditioning, Lag could never connect Lehn Russ, Doraemon, or any of Zhou Yun’s aliases to Zhou Yun himself.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>This left certain events inexplicable in Lag’s mind, so he naturally attributed them to the invisible circular hand of Saint Doraemon.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Add to that his mysterious recovery, and his faith became unshakable—he truly believed Saint Doraemon was divine.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“And then?” Zhou Yun raised an eyebrow. “How did you get to this point?”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I never expected it,” Lag said with a bitter grin. “It wasn’t intentional.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“After arriving on Baal three months ago, I started noticing something off about Dichi’s teachings—they were fucking terrifying, always talking about dying.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Honestly, I’m not afraid of death anymore. We all barely escaped the Asford swarms. Every extra day is a gift. None of us fear death—but we fear dying meaninglessly, without even a chance to reach the Golden Throne.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Many began to doubt: could Dichi’s teachings really lead us to the Golden Throne? We’d rather regroup and fight the swarm again—get some bloody revenge.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun nodded slightly. Dichi’s dogma was indeed abstract and absurd—most people couldn’t endure it.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag continued: “So Old One-Eye stepped forward. He gathered former members of the Ark Gang—including me—and founded a new sect, splitting from Dichi’s group.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I still can’t believe it—in the Ark Gang, I actually had some influence.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Brother Zhou Yun, do you remember when Lady Leina had me teach the brothers how to survive? Many Ark Gang members thought I taught well—they said they lived through the swarms thanks to me.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Plus, when we first arrived on Baal, survival was the top priority—and I knew how to survive. Old One-Eye trusted me, and over time, I rose to this position.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag looked at Zhou Yun, paused, then said:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I’m old, Brother Zhou Yun. I won’t live much longer. In what little time I have left, I want to do something for the Emperor—and for Saint Doraemon.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“But Brother Zhou Yun, I know I have no talent. Right now, the people of Asford need you.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“On the main planet of Baal, we found those bastards—the Jerks. We fought. Many died. But when the Angels arrived, the Jerks vanished into the desert, gone without a trace.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“We need you.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I have something more important to do, Lag.” Zhou Yun said softly.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He had to reach Angel’s Keep, find Saint Guilliman’s remains, and use that absurdly expensive artifact to resurrect him.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>!.read\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag blinked, then nodded heavily.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I understand. I remember what you said in Asford—that in this galaxy, everyone has their own duty.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Just as Lady Leina must go to Cadia, you too have your own task.”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“...Is there anything old Lag can help with? I’m doing well now—I can actually help you.” Lag grinned.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“I need a map—precisely marking the location of Baal’s main planet and Angel’s Keep,” Zhou Yun said, nodding slightly—he hadn’t forgotten his purpose.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag’s ugly face twitched. He rose unsteadily, walking slowly toward the cabinet behind him.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun observed Lag’s gait—his steps were labored.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>It seemed age had finally caught up with this old Asford veteran.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag pulled a scroll of parchment from the cabinet and handed it to Zhou Yun.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“There’s no map of Angel’s Keep—we’ve been here too short a time, and Angel’s Keep is the most important place on Baal. How could we possibly get its map?”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag shook his head.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun unrolled the parchment—it detailed the relative positions of Baal’s three planets and the locations of Old One-Eye’s and Dichi’s bases.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The map was detailed enough for the Gate to use.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Old One-Eye drew it—he was once one of the best PDFs,” Lag told Zhou Yun.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun nodded slightly, then reached into his fourth-dimensional pocket and pulled out the Gate.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag’s eyes went blank and dull.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Seeing the Gate would make him suspect Zhou Yun was Doraemon; suspecting Zhou Yun was Doraemon would lead him to realize Zhou Yun was Lehn Russ;\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Leina’s psychological conditioning kicked in again, locking Lag’s mind into a daze.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Zhou Yun watched this, his eye twitching—but Leina was far away on Cadia, likely already in the trenches by now. He couldn’t count on her to undo the conditioning.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And Zhou Yun himself didn’t understand psychic phenomena; the winged figure in Bai Guang could no longer offer advice.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Just... make do for now,” Zhou Yun sighed, shrugging at the dazed Lag.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Then he opened the Gate, stepped through, and vanished.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lag’s gaze regained its light after Zhou Yun left. He stared blankly at the empty room, scratching his head.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>“Where’d he go? How did Brother Zhou Yun suddenly disappear?”\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>This morning, GW released new 40k products: Krieg and Craftworld Eldar. Krieg came as a big box with cool miniatures, including a horse. Eldar got a huge update—models looked great, but the most interesting thing was the new Eldar Codex cover: a sprout stepping on the Emperor’s Son (the Emperor’s Son looks furious), with the Webway gate in the background—suggesting a connection to Wa Banxian’s storyline.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Then I glanced at AoS—they updated Goblins. The miniatures looked decent too. I play AoS miniatures, but I’m not familiar with the lore. I heard these Goblins believe Sigmar is the incarnation of the legendary Glorious-Face Fairy—something like... I think the Emperor is the God-Selected Master of the Great Hair?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>(End of Chapter)\u003C\u002Fp>",1633,"2026-06-19T20:02:14.192Z",1,"Qwen3-Next 80B","4b60869aa1624e9ccd171be5de78e22724c7185e9b6ab8ac48b46534a171de31","i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te-chapter-165","i-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-dora-te-chapter-163",711,"https:\u002F\u002Fnovelzhen.com\u002Fimages\u002Fcovers\u002Fi-m-in-warhammer-please-don-t-praise-the-doraemo-cover.jpg"]