Chapter 3

3 Again at the Door

In the middle of the night, he frantically scrambled up, slung his sister on his back—her face faintly purple—and ran to the hospital. After wrestling for over ten hours, Li Ang, eyes bloodshot, sat beside a filthy hospital bed, facing the window where the sunset glowed, watching his sister finally stop coughing, and asked in a low, complex voice:

“Anna, when did you stop taking your medicine?”

Hearing Li Ang call her by name—rare as it was—the pale, gaunt girl on the bed trembled slightly. She knew her brother looked calm, but was likely on the verge of madness. She lowered her head and confessed quietly:

“About… two months ago?”

Two months ago…

Li Ang recalled the date, clenched his fist so hard his dirty fingernails nearly drove into his palm.

Two months ago was exactly when he turned sixteen.

That day, the Kingdom’s Military Welfare Officer arrived on schedule, declared him an adult, and under the so-called new policy, forcibly terminated the death benefit payments meant to continue until he turned twenty-two.

That rare afternoon—clear, warm, sunlit, free of smog and dust—became colder than the frozen tundra in the hearts of his family of four.

To balance their overspent budget, the military had chosen to steal the death benefits to fill their funding gap, and that decision shoved their already barely-sustaining household right to the edge of a cliff…

Recalling that day, Li Ang bit down silently on his molars, his palms clenched until his knuckles turned pale.

Yes—his benefits had been cut by a quarter, yet the household expenses hadn’t dropped much; even their meals had barely changed… Damn it! How did I only realize this now?!

“Brother.”

Watching Li Ang, head bowed and silent beside her, the girl on the bed grew even thinner. After a pause, she turned slightly away and whispered in a voice as fragile as it might vanish at any moment:

“Maybe… just let me go?”

Li Ang shuddered violently, then snapped his head up, eyes blazing with bloodshot fury:

“You’re crazy—”

“Brother!”

She raised her voice, but it triggered a violent cough. She seized his right hand, veins bulging, steadied her bellows-like breath, and spoke as calmly as she could:

“I’ve calculated it carefully these past two months—even if my death cuts one more benefit, without my medicine, the two smaller ones’ benefits plus your extra day-labor jobs will barely cover raising them to adulthood.

Also, my registered age is one year younger than my real one. So when I’m… gone, you just avoid the patrols, slip out at night, dump my body into the city’s sewage river, hang my old clothes on the rack at home, pretend I’m still here—and you can keep collecting military benefits for another two years.

Brother, listen—I’ve already asked the folks in Veteran’s Alley. They’ll help us cover it up. If they help you fool the welfare officer… Brother? Brother, where are you going?”

To kill. I’m going to kill.

Hearing Anna’s suggestion, Li Ang trembled with terror—he realized, for a fleeting instant, he’d almost agreed. After three years in this world, he’d grown used to it.

As if a numb, icy version of himself was chasing from behind, ready to swallow the last flicker of his still-living self, Li Ang broke into a sprint, his blood surging hot and thick into his skull.

On the run, he violently knocked over a medical cart, snatched a blood-stained scalpel, and staggered out of the hospital,

heading straight for the Department of Public Works three streets away!

If those bastards at Public Works hadn’t approved the alchemy plant next to residential homes, you wouldn’t have gotten sick from the toxic fumes!

If they hadn’t colluded with the factory and issued a false report claiming no pollution occurred, you’d have had money for treatment!

If the Kingdom’s military hadn’t shamelessly stolen the benefits, my parents’ double death payout as a mechanic would’ve been enough to raise all three of you to adulthood!

And if this damn world weren’t rotten to the core, I wouldn’t be struggling like this—I could’ve lived like a human being!

…

Blood pounding, Li Ang clutched the scalpel, crossed three streets, and reached the Public Works plaza under a blood-red sunset—the same place where yesterday he’d stood in line like livestock, waiting to be chosen.

Though an hour remained before the official quitting time, Public Works employees were already streaming out of the brightly lit building, laughing and chatting as they passed Li Ang’s tattered clothes.

“Wang Erde’s theater troupe is coming to the capital next week—performing his famous opera at the Central Cross Theater. Are you going?”

“I’m not that refined. I like circuses, but operas? No thanks. By the way, why are you asking me about opera? Where’s your wife?”

“Her? She likes opera, sure—but she likes fancy handbags and shoes more. And the department store’s sale that day.”

“No wonder. Haha, then I wish your wallet good luck.”

Opera, circus, handbags, department stores… If I hadn’t heard them say this, I’d have forgotten this world isn’t barren or poor—and not everyone suffers like this.

Listening to the well-dressed Public Works employees laugh, Li Ang slowly lifted his head. His bloodshot eyes fixed on the brightly lit building before him.

Anna was right. The smartest thing would be to abandon treatment, let her die, dump her body into that sewage river full of shit and rot, and “cheat” the military for two more years of benefits to raise the other two. But…

I’m sorry… I just can’t hold on anymore…

After three years of working dawn to dusk, only to see his life not improve but plunge into the abyss, Li Ang pressed his cracked lips together, then stepped forward, mouth full of the metallic taste of blood.

Now was the time to slip in—Public Works was quitting. He’d head to the second floor, find the bastard who approved the alchemy plant, slit his fat belly open.

Then, in the chaos, rush to the fourth floor, find the liar who forged the certificate that denied compensation, that left Anna without treatment—and die with him. Let these bastards—

“Thud!”

“Are you blind? Don’t you watch where you’re going?”

The fat man glanced at the fallen youth, frowned, brushed dust off his coat, took a bite of his cheese-covered burger, and walked past Li Ang without a second look.

Li Ang rose, dazed. Seeing the familiar back, he froze.

That fat bastard from yesterday—the one who “selected livestock”!

Staring at the man’s broad, oily, repulsive face, chewing greedily on a double-decker burger, Li Ang’s mind exploded with noise.

As if possessed by some unseen force, his rage—nearly bursting—found its perfect outlet. His already bloodshot eyes turned crimson. He gripped the cold scalpel and lurched after him.

If he’d just let me through yesterday, I wouldn’t be this desperate! If he’d just let me through yesterday, I might’ve saved Anna! If he’d just let me through yesterday…

“Daddy~”

Just as Li Ang reached the man’s side, ready to act, a clear child’s voice rang from his side.

With the chime-like call, the man’s arrogant, cold face softened instantly. His weariness vanished.

He sucked in his bloated belly, then struggled to kneel, arms wide, smiling as the little girl sprinted into his embrace.

“… ”

Watching the girl, laughing like a swallow, fling herself into the man’s arms, Li Ang slowed his steps. He turned, confused, and saw a slightly plump middle-aged woman standing a short distance behind, smiling warmly at them.

Even in this garbage, fucked-up world, the way she looked at her husband and daughter held a happiness so enviable… just like Anna’s smile at him during last night’s dinner.

“… ”

“Fuck!”

Muttering something meaningless, Li Ang loosened his grip slightly. The bloodied scalpel clattered to the ground, drawing the fat official’s suspicious glance.

Ignoring the painfully happy family, he spat again at the polished stone floor, then turned calmly, stepped with his usual heavy tread, and walked toward the Cleaning Bureau, hidden in shadow.

Killing the enemy and dying outright would feel damn satisfying—but sometimes, even when you want to die, you have to live… at least until your death has meaning.

Standing before the heavy, black door of the Cleaning Bureau, Li Ang paused. He reached out, gripped the polished brass handle, and pushed hard.

Yesterday, the red-haired interviewer had said the Cleaning Bureau was an auxiliary unit under the Police Department. As an external duty unit, if he died on duty, he’d leave behind a substantial death benefit.

So if one of us four had to die so the other three could keep crying through life… let it be me.