Chapter 138: Don't laugh at the foolish slave, you fool

The kitchen was dim, only that bowl of egg yolk reflected a warm light.

Just one breath.

Just that breath.

Du Shanü suddenly understood why Chen Weifang, upon looking at her just then, saw eyes that weren't eyes and a nose that wasn't a nose.

She felt a bit dumbfounded, and she held Chinu as she sat down.

Perhaps because of the wound, perhaps because of the pain.

Chinu slowly leaned his head over, pressing it against her shoulder.

The stove fire crackled, the dim yellow light flickering, casting his side profile in alternating light and dark.

His breath spread above her collarbone, one puff, then another.

That breath was warm and humid, brushing her skin with a slight dampness, like a feather's tip lightly sweeping over, making her feel both itchy and tingling.

The firelight danced; as long as she lowered her head slightly, she could see the fine shadow beneath his slightly trembling eyelashes.

In the stove, a piece of wood collapsed, sending sparks flying up, then falling down.

Neither of them moved.

Chinu simply leaned there, like a civet that has drawn in its claws, hiding all its sharp, dangerous parts, exposing only its soft belly.

From beginning to end, Du Shanü merely held him.

After a long, long while, she finally found her own voice.

She did not pretend to ask how the wound came about, nor did she reveal the intense concern that lay on the surface.

She simply asked:

"Ah Nu...... do you have anything you want?"

The fire hissed, the world was hushed.

That breath.

Again, that breath.

Du Shanü was certain that this sentence had exhausted all the patience she had in her life.

In the next ten years, twenty years, even a hundred years, she could never again have such a gentle moment.

She loved Chinu.

She simply, very much loved Chinu.

No matter how others pick out a thousand, ten thousand faults of Chinu, in her heart Chinu is good beyond improvement.

Even though Du Shanü clearly understood that she now possessed nothing, and what little she had came from him.

But Du Shanü couldn't...

She really was, utterly helpless.

Even if Chinu said he wanted to taste what her heart and liver were like, she would gladly fetch a knife and offer her heart's blood to Chinu.

She really was, really was, utterly helpless, utterly helpless.

Everyone says love is a happy thing.

Some love, some accompany.

Laughing and joking, the days are sure to become more prosperous.

But no one has ever told her that love is a heartbreaking thing.

Their acquaintance was humble, the hardships and obstacles, heartache and tears—nothing out of the ordinary here.

Du Shanü loves herself, of course she does.

Not to mention this lifetime, even if you counted back eight lifetimes, you might not find anyone who loves herself as she does.

But today, breaking her heart...

Du Shanü unexpectedly thought, Chinu wounded himself like this for her—what about her?

What should she give for Chinu?

As she is now, she truly believes the saying that love makes one examine whether one's giving is insufficient.

As long as Chinu says, as long as Chinu speaks, she will certainly be able to do it.

No matter when, no matter what.

However, however.

Du Shanü had made all preparations, yet Chinu said instead:

"Wife Master asks me...... I also don't know."

Who could know?

The world is tumultuous; the answer was never fixed.

If the former her had asked this answer, he would surely have said—

He wanted to attain the highest rank of minister while alive, and after death to receive the utmost mourning honor.

From childhood onward, he dreamed of becoming a treacherous minister.

The kind of treacherous minister whose position would not be shaken even after doing all possible evil.

He wanted to become an unparalleled treacherous minister in everyone's eyes, rising through flattery and monopolizing the emperor's side.

He wanted to advance slanderous deceit to delude the ruler, be impeached by ten thousand, be arranged to perform shameless acts after entering the court, be scolded as shameless and lacking integrity, fantasizing about being stripped of his fine robes to reveal his fawning, spineless ugliness.

Yet even if everyone attacked him, no one could truly do anything to him.

Because his sovereign would favor him exceedingly, shield him from all doubt and slander, and treasure him in a golden casket.

He constantly fantasized about receiving the utmost favor.

When he was trampled to the ground, he thought he could do nothing.

This 'no way' is not forced by human circumstances, threats and lures compelling one to repeatedly show disgraceful behavior.

But he has a premonition that he will sink into his love for her, unable to free himself, willingly accepting the helplessness of giving everything.

When Du Shanü shot that arrow from beneath the city, he recognized his beloved as the Son of Heaven in his heart, and thus he was destined unable to escape this bewildering ordeal.

His submission is forever mingled with infatuation.

He is addicted, he is mad, yet he remains utterly immersed, beyond remedy.

He willingly bows and submits, willingly lets others trample him, just to continue his beautiful dream of being a treacherous minister and rebel.

But if she cannot succeed, he will not retreat.

He will merely settle for second best, wishing to sink with her into the Weak Water, entwined and fused as one.

Or perhaps, hidden by his beloved in a golden casket, his bones buried in Gui Water, far from the turmoil of the chaotic world......

In truth, he has never truly wanted anything.

He has gained too little in this life, so, no matter what is given to him......

All is fine.

Everything is fine.

Actually, as long as he can be with her, as long as he is not abandoned, everything is fine.

Drip—

A warm drop fell onto the back of his hand.

Chinu blinked slightly, then lowered his gaze.

The firelight dim, the water droplet clung to the back of his hand, glistening.

Chinu blinked, then belatedly realized something——

It wasn't his.

That tear, wasn't his.

Whose could it be?

Chinu slowly turned his head, gazing at Du Shanü.

Du Shanü had in fact long stopped looking at him; she merely stared at the stove fire, lost in a long daze.

Chinu's fingers twitched, but he did not wipe away that tear, nor did he leave her neck.

He merely slowly raised his hand, bringing the back of his hand near his lips.

Lowering his eyes, he lightly swept the tear away with the tip of his tongue, and it vanished.

That tear was shockingly salty and bitter.

Yet at the moment it entered his mouth, it still cleared some of Chinu's muddled mind.

In that instant, the darkness in his heart welled up; he was not thinking about the fact that she had shed tears for him.

But rather......

In this life, she could finally not forget him.

That tear aroused all of Chinu's curiosity; he followed its trace, sniffing and looking around.

He swept away his previous listlessness, his interest now keen.

His breath warm and soft fell upon Du Shanü's neck, as if confirming something, as if sensing something.

Du Shanü let him have his way, merely saying:

"...... There ought to be some hope, right?"

Otherwise, she wouldn't even be able to persuade herself.

Chinu may have little desire, but that doesn't mean he truly deserves nothing.

Chinu is worthy, Chinu is very worthy.

On this night, the heavens and earth are subtle; she and Chinu are most perfectly matched.

Chinu had been tracing the tear's trail; hearing this, he paused slightly.

This slender youth, ever craving favor, finally saw her earnest eyes in the firelight, and at last...... caught a glimpse of a sincerity uniquely his.

Thus, he said:

"Then...... may you bestow much favor upon A Nu, how?"

"Even if the Wife Master grows old, no longer favoring bedchamber pleasures, the last time, I must still give it to A Nu."

Chinu is Chinu.

Apart from a trace of servitude, he is innately somewhat obsessed as well.

He did not crave gold or silver, nor wealth and honor; even knowing her future was bright, he dared not crave a lifetime together with her, let alone dare to hope she would promise him a child.

He merely said, in this world, the last time must be reserved for A Nu.

?? Don't laugh at Chinu's folly; there are even more foolish like him.

? The pair most consumed by desire in the whole book, and also the most faithful to their own desires......