Chapter 400: line with translation of chapter title

For Ouyang An, helplessness in this world falls into three grades——

First grade, the lightest and most distant.

That is the image of him being picked up by an old grandmother with hardly any teeth after his birth mother died.

That old grandmother brought him to live in a remote courtyard for three or four years, always alternating between hunger and fullness.

Until he met his older brother, who took his hand and led him out of that small courtyard.

He was still too young then to know what it meant, or what blame his older brother had taken on for him.......

He also did not know how long his older brother would love him.

He was dazed and confused, merely following his older brother.

Second grade, neither painful nor itchy, is the helplessness he deliberately puts on.

For example, a little over a month ago, he returned to An Nan, and, based on various clues and relying on contact with a petty officer's kin who had once been owed a favor by his older brother, he learned the Crown Prince's whereabouts.

When he arrived at Heishishan and met the Crown Prince, the expression on his face was just the right amount of helplessness.

He told him with tears and voice, his older brother was dead, and he had wandered here after much drifting.

He exhausted all his acting skill, almost feeling he could match wits with the actors on stage, and finally stirred a trace of the Crown Prince's former brotherly feeling for Old Five.

This naturally arrogant Lord Crown Prince had never before understood the feeling of loss, so when he truly lost something, he found his own frailty especially hard to believe.

Thus, when they were a group trapped on Heishishan, lacking both men and food.......

Even in their meals, there had been no salt grains for a long time.

The two or three hundred soldiers unable to break through the layered search blockade at the mountain's base were already starving, their limbs weak and faces pallid......

And he, Ouyang An, appeared before them as if a prodigy descended to earth.

It was merely an idea: let two or three people disguise themselves as hunters coming and going in the mountains, soak their clothes in brine below, dry them, then wear them up the mountain......

Those on the mountain then set up a pot to boil the clothes; a little salt would be obtained in a snap.

That group began to rely on him a little.

But this reliance, like the second kind of helplessness, is a painless, itchless existence.

What Ouyang An fears is the third kind of helplessness——

It is a kind of helplessness that cannot be expressed in words......

Or rather, fear.

Yes, fear.

In the midnight when he awakens from dreams, an irrepressible fear.

He deceived his older brother, he deceived his older brother.

He hates his own photographic memory, he hates his own photographic memory.

He not only cannot forget the scene of calling Old Five 'Five Brother,' but he also can never forget the scene of that lovely woman smiling as she placed the collar on him.

That gaze was truly regarding him as nothing.

She did not care about his life or death, she did not care what he said.......

She even did not care what he could repay her with.

She merely......

Merely treating him as a dog that comes when called and goes when waved away.

Yes.

Yes.

A dog wagging its tail, begging for mercy, servile and fawning......

Because of his frantic barking, she was momentarily amused, and after being made to laugh, she casually tossed him a piece of meat, letting him play as he pleased.

And he, because of that morsel of 'reward,' was able to return to An Nan, but also took on a greater shackle.

He, he was fitted with a collar that he could never take off for his whole life.

He utterly became a dog.

He utterly became her dog!

Not only does she want him to be under her shadow for the next ten, twenty, or even more years......

Even within this year, she wants him to kill the King of An Nan!

Otherwise, she will let him see his older brother's corpse!

Never mind that the King of An Nan is his birth father, who treated him poorly since childhood; kill him if you will......

But the key is, how is he to kill the King of An Nan?

How exactly is he to kill the King of An Nan?

The Crown Prince, who ought to have inherited the An Nan throne, is now like a stray dog, driven to this godforsaken place, holed up in Heishishan guarding a few hundred personal troops, daily unable to fill his stomach......

He is just a teenager, without even personal troops in his hands; how could he storm the capital, break through layer after layer of defenses guarding the city, and kill the King of An Nan?

Is the lord far away in Yongzhou really serious?!

He is to go kill the King of An Nan?

He is to go?

He?

Ouyang An, the more he thinks, the more his head aches; these past days he originally had nothing good in his stomach, and with his mind unsettled, his belly aches ever more.

He wants to bend over and hold his belly to ease the spasms, but as soon as he bends, the collar around his neck tightens, and Ouyang An is suddenly startled awake.

Some pain can be alleviated.

But some pain cannot be alleviated.

For example, the sense of fine, tight restraint brought by a collar tightly covered by clothing.

Sometimes, Ouyang An had even grown accustomed to its presence, and would even convince himself that the feeling was barely perceptible.

However, no matter how many times he lied to himself..........

That fine needle-like prickle would still spread from the neck all the way to the heart, until it drew fresh blood.

Moreover, nowadays, elder brother, elder brother......

Elder brother is still in her hands.

Elder brother, still waiting for him to go rescue.

If he stops, then everything will truly be over.

Although they are both dogs, but one must understand one thing——

Even between dogs, there are differences.

She can use him, she can threaten him, which means he still has value, and she still wants to tease him......

If one day, even bringing that blood-stained food to his mouth to tease, wanting to see his bloodthirsty interest, there is none......

Perhaps only then is it truly the time of his and his elder brother's death.

He cannot fall.

He cannot fall.

At least, he cannot fall right here.

Even if not for himself, he must also strive again for his elder brother......

Back then, elder brother had taken his hand and led him out of that small side courtyard; he surely never imagined that his own fate would be to be killed at random and sent before him as a threat......

The heavens and earth are dark and mysterious, the universe bright and clear.

By the roadside under the scorching sun, Ouyang Yan vomited a mouthful of repressed sour water, then slowly swallowed the letter.

This time, he did not rush to send the letter via carrier pigeon; instead, he first bound the pigeon's legs and wings, plugged its beak, hid it in the bushes, then rose and turned back.

He walked all the way through the scorching sun to the front of Lord Crown Prince Yi Er's palace......

Though called a palace, it is actually a hunter's shelter built in Heishishan; after a group hid in Heishishan, it was taken over by Yi Er.

Yi Er is merely a person who cares greatly about face, refusing to acknowledge that times have changed, and thus is excessively particular.

Clearly there is only one dilapidated hut, yet they still have to report here and pass word there.

Thus Ouyang An constantly sneered in his heart, calling it a "palace".

Today was no different; Ouyang An stopped before the shelter, bowed to the Crown Prince's guards stationed there, and said:

"I have something to see Brother Wang; please pass the word."

The guards, trapped in Heishishan for some time, usually ate wild vegetables and tree roots, their faces turning green from the diet, yet unexpectedly remained quite loyal; hearing this, they immediately clasped their fists and went inside.

Ouyang An personally saw him turn his back, open the door, and inside Yi Er nodded:

"Let him come in."

Immediately the guard turned back, after only three or four steps, and repeated:

"Nineteenth Young Master, Lord Crown Prince invites you to enter."

Ouyang An: "......"

He heard it, both ears heard it.

He is still young; really, don't keep teasing him like this.

Otherwise, he would truly feel that this world is a bit absurd!