Chapter 22: These People Are All Insane!

The July sun grew increasingly stifling.

[Siling Auto Repair Shop].

Zhang Yunyi, carrying the camera, felt like he was going insane!

In his entire life, he had never seen a crew so “free”—so free it made his spine shiver!

The film “Sun Wukong vs Superman 2” had been shooting for about two days.

During these two days…

They filmed a battle scene on the desert.

Wait, a battle scene on the desert?

There wasn’t even a damn scene to begin with…

It was just Chen Jianfeng, dressed as Superman, and Ding Rong, the crew member wearing a Sun Wukong headpiece, having a “battle”!

Yes!

You heard right!

It was the crew member!

When filming first started, Ding Rong was randomly invited to the set, put on a headpiece, and never even read the script before stepping onto the set.

He swung his prop staff wildly, chaotically, fighting Chen Jianfeng until the world turned dark, and even they didn’t know what they were fighting about…

Storyboard?

Completely nonexistent!

Choreography?

Purely improvised, based on pure imagination!

Action director? None at all—everyone directed themselves, doing whatever felt fun!

Watching the pile of utterly plotless fight footage, cinematographer Zhang Yunyi felt his heart race with dread!

Were they really making a movie, or just…

Fucking around?

…………

Evening.

In the temporary office of [Siling Auto Repair Shop].

After finishing the first phase of shooting, Zhang Yunyi returned to the office and stared at the horrific fight footage, his scalp prickling.

He glanced at director Shen Long…

“Director Shen, is this really acceptable?”

Shen Long nodded.

But he said nothing.

The office suddenly grew slightly oppressive.

Zhang Yunyi lit a cigarette, unable to bear the tension, and stepped out of the room.

When Shen Long saw Zhang Yunyi leave, he turned back to the computer screen filled with the chaotic footage, his face twisted in despair.

The door opened, and Zhou Yang walked in.

“Director Zhou…”

Shen Long glanced around, saw no one was paying attention, and finally choked out: “What we shot today…”

“Pretty awesome. By the way, Director Shen, I heard you’re good at editing, right?”

“Yes, a little…”

“Out of these hundreds of fight moves, pick the ones that look most majestic and powerful—especially the close-ups—and edit them together.”

“Director Zhou, don’t tell me you want me to pick a few decent moves from this mess and splice them in?”

“Exactly!”

“Director Zhou, I’ll be blunt—we spent all day yesterday brawling in the desert, every move was chaotic, absolutely unbearable to watch…”

“Even among short people, there are some tall ones. Even the worst moves, you can still pick out one or two that are halfway decent. Look at this high-kick move—it’s pretty good.” Zhou Yang stared at Shen Long.

Shen Long stared at the chaotic moves, his expression utterly lifeless: “I… I… I’ll try my best…”

“Also, the shooting pace is still too slow. I just reread the script—the dialogue is weak.” Zhou Yang held up the script, staring at Shen Long.

“How should we design it?” Shen Long stared at Zhou Yang, miserable.

“I think, before every move, the characters must shout out the name of the technique—like ‘Phoenix Kick,’ ‘Heaven-Earth Tyrant Fist,’ ‘Cosmic Superman Beam,’ ‘Huaxia Tyrant Roar’…”

“….”

The office fell into a long, heavy silence.

Shen Long opened his mouth, his head buzzing.

I fucking…

“Shout out the technique names while using them? This, this, this… this is too embarrassing!”

A suffocating pressure slammed into him—he felt his heart ache!

But Zhou Yang clapped his shoulder, calm as ever: “The louder, the better!”

“Will anyone watch this movie? I doubt anyone over ten years old will even look at it…”

“Exactly! We’re making it for kids!”

“???”

“Good. For example, when Superman shoots his beam, design a beam-shooting move. When Wukong grows giant, use ‘Dharma Body Vast as Heaven and Earth, Invincible Under Heaven!’”

“….”

After hearing this, Shen Long’s ass clenched involuntarily.

He felt the world spin.

Oh my god!

What the hell are we doing?!

It’s over! It’s over!

This movie is completely ruined!

My career is ruined!

Everything is ruined.

“Also, I have another suggestion!”

“You have more suggestions?” Shen Long’s face turned pale, staring at Zhou Yang pitifully.

“The shooting pace is still too slow—we need to speed it up further!”

“Faster? We’re already on a rocket!” Shen Long’s soul nearly flew out of his body!

“A rocket isn’t enough—we need to exceed the speed of light!”

“….”

Zhou Yang stared into the distance for a long time.

Then he clapped Shen Long’s shoulder and walked out silently.

Shen Long felt as if he’d been transported across lifetimes…

He realized!

He realized—either Zhou Yang was insane, or he himself was.

…………………………

Time passed quickly.

One day of shooting.

Just wasted like this, in nonsense.

Everyone on the crew felt a little bit stupid…

The problem was, they didn’t even know what they were filming!

It felt like the movie had a plot, and they were following it—but then again, it didn’t really have one.

And the script had been rewritten over and over again!

In the end, the entire plot could be summed up in one sentence.

That was: [Superman was sucked into a tornado in America, caught in a temporal anomaly, and ended up in the Journey to the West world, where he met Sun Wukong. After fighting in the desert, they encountered an ancient mechanical monster. The monster triggered another temporal anomaly, causing many modern people to inexplicably travel to the past. To save the world, the two teamed up to fight the ancient mechanical monster. After a devastating cost, both returned to their own timelines].

The script was disgustingly terrible!

The filming process was disgustingly terrible!

The plot had reached a level of utter madness!

It’s over! It’s over!

If this movie is released, our careers are finished.

……

“Are we really making a movie? These lines are so embarrassing—I feel like I’m going to die of shame…”

Deep night.

Chen Jianfeng stared at the new lines, his body trembling violently, as if he’d seen a ghost, staring at Shen Long.

Shen Long silently lit a cigarette, utterly defeated: “Director Zhou demanded it…”

“We’re making this for kids?”

“Yes…”

“But…”

“With Zhou Zong, you still get a meal; otherwise, do you plan to beg on the streets?”

Shen Long fell silent for a long time, then finally spoke these words.

Chen Jianfeng perked up, glanced again at the script, and finally nodded in despair, as if accepting his fate: “Fine! I get it! I’ll keep practicing these awkward lines…”

At that moment…

Zhou Yang walked into the office, dusty and worn, seeing Chen Jianfeng with a look of utter despair and Shen Long silently smoking.

“Shen Dao, of the desert action sequences, which few movements did you think were decent?”

Shen Long opened his mouth, then finally turned on the computer and showed Zhou Yang several barely acceptable action clips: “Only these few look okay… but these movements can’t carry a desert battle—less than a minute total!”

“These many movements are enough… enough for a three-minute cut!”

“???”

Seeing Zhou Yang’s confident expression, Shen Long shuddered: “Zhou Zong, don’t tell me we’re editing these movements at triple slow motion…”

Zhou Yang adjusted his glasses and smiled at Shen Long: “I just realized this one minute of action can be stretched to five minutes!”

“What?!”

“Slow these movements down three times, string together the coolest ones, replay them repeatedly—also, this move can be both slowed and strung together. Look at the scene where Superman gets kicked flying—we can play it three times, kicked three times, that’s massive visual impact, don’t you think? No, five minutes might even be conservative… seven minutes feels reasonable…”

“…”

The cigarette in Shen Long’s fingers fell to the floor.

He stared at the footage on the computer as if seeing a ghost.

Then he glanced again at Zhou Yang…

Finally…

His mind broke.