Chapter 80: Don

…

The harem has always been the place where secrets can least be kept.

The next morning, before dawn, Zhang Chun lost control of her bladder and sprayed Zhao Yu all over, causing her to fail in her night duty—instead, the two palace maids who bathed Zhao Yu benefited—and the news spread throughout the entire harem.

In an instant, Zhang Chun became a colossal joke, and everyone in the harem talked about it with delight.

Li Lin, Yuan Qingcheng, Ye Shi Yun, and Ma Xiao Jiao—the four friends who always teased Zhang Chun—rushed over the moment they heard, not to gawk, but to comfort her.

When the four women saw Zhang Chun, though her face was pale, her demeanor seemed fine, and they immediately put their worries to rest.

Ye Shi Yun, who had lost the imperial favor contest to Zhang Chun the day before, was the first to gloat: “What’s wrong, Chun Chun? Why so nervous? Even your own piss couldn’t be held back? If I were you, I’d have died trying to get Zhao Yu to bed first—turn that raw rice into cooked rice, no matter what.”

After speaking, Ye Shi Yun burst into an unkind, continuous giggle.

Zhang Chun didn’t look at Ye Shi Yun, who was nearly ecstatic, but turned to the other three women: “If you want to laugh, laugh—it’s fine. Just don’t hurt yourselves.”

Seeing Zhang Chun could still joke, Li Lin and the other three knew at once this hadn’t hurt her—and they dropped the act, laughing just as hard as Ye Shi Yun, bending over with mirth.

After a while, Ma Xiao Jiao, utterly carefree, said: “Chun-jie, you peed, fine—but why on the Emperor himself? If he weren’t so benevolent and didn’t treat a little woman like you as worth his anger, you’d have committed a crime against the Dragon’s dignity.”

“Indeed, only Zhao Yu has such restraint. If it were anyone else, they’d think it the worst bad luck.” Yuan Qingcheng said.

“Are you ill? Shouldn’t you call the Imperial Physician to examine you?” Li Lin suggested.

When all four women had finished teasing her, Zhang Chun spoke calmly: “Laugh all you want—I don’t care. I’ve already done the most humiliating thing possible; why should I fear your mockery? Besides, your opinions don’t matter. What matters is Zhao Yu’s attitude. As long as he doesn’t reject me, let others say whatever they want—I’ll take it as jealousy. Even if I offended him, he still loves me just the same.”

Ye Shi Yun struck back: “Are you sure Zhao Yu truly doesn’t reject you? Maybe he already does—just hasn’t said so.”

Zhang Chun replied with absolute confidence: “I am certain, definite, and beyond doubt.”

Without waiting for the four women to ask why she was so sure, Zhang Chun went on: “You don’t know—I was completely stunned, lying there in my own urine, too terrified to move, thinking my life was over. Being cast into the Cold Palace would’ve been gentle; I feared I’d be given a length of red silk. But just as I was at my lowest, Zhao Yu gently picked me up from the mess, carried me to bathe, comforted me, told me not to be nervous—that I wasn’t ready, and he’d wait, for however long it took.”

Zhang Chun’s dreamy expression left the four women speechless; they all thought the same thing: ‘Is this really necessary?’

At this, Zhang Chun added with regret: “Ah! I was blinded by my own humiliation yesterday—I didn’t show him I was fine. He thought I still wasn’t ready, and that’s why those two little vixens got the chance. Otherwise, my good fortune would’ve already been sealed—he’d already be mine…”

After hearing Zhang Chun’s full account of the night and all its details, Ye Shi Yun found it hard to believe: “So Zhao Yu really didn’t reject you?”

“Reject me? I’ve been a virgin two lifetimes over—my piss is fragrant. What’s there to reject?”

Here, Zhang Chun turned her attack on Ye Shi Yun: “Unlike you—who knows how many men you’ve slept with in your last life. What exactly can you even offer Zhao Yu?”

Ye Shi Yun shot back: “I can offer Zhao Yu my experience. At least I won’t panic at the crucial moment and piss all over him.”

Zhang Chun, furious: “You! Don’t forget—you’re still my maid!”

Ye Shi Yun shook her head: “Ever since I first saw Zhao Yu, you’ve ceased to be my mistress. I, Ye Shi Yun, will soon be Zhao Yu’s most beloved consort, living the life you all envy.”

Zhang Chun ground her teeth: “Ungrateful wretch!”

Li Lin cut in, stopping their bickering before they fought over a man again.

Sisters are flesh and blood; men are clothes. Clothes can be mended; severed limbs cannot be restored.

So quarreling over a man isn’t worth it.

With this mindset, Li Lin said: “Enough, enough. As long as we’re sure this incident didn’t harm Chun Chun, that’s all that matters.”

Ma Xiao Jiao said: “Don’t worry—the Emperor is magnanimous. When I first served him, I cried from being moved and ruined my makeup, turned into a ghost woman—he still didn’t reject me.” Hearing this, Zhang Chun regretted even more: ‘If I’d just pulled myself together yesterday, I could’ve taken Zhao Yu!’

‘I wonder if Zhao Yu will give me another chance after court?’

…

In the Chuigong Hall.

Zhao Yu presented Ye Shi Yun’s three proposals for discussion among the chancellors and ministers.

To Zhao Yu’s surprise, both the New Faction and the Old Faction praised Ye Shi Yun’s “Salt Administration Financialization Reform,” “Religious Concession Auction,” and “Maritime Trade Options System” without reservation.

Zhang Dun went so far as to lavish praise: “Your Majesty’s three policies are truly the highest strategies for governing the state and securing the realm. These three will surely relieve our Great Song’s urgent fiscal crisis.”

Han Zhongyan also lauded: “Your Majesty’s policies perfectly embody the Confucian essence of benevolent rule while retaining the bold reformist spirit of Legalism—rare indeed. On finance, they open new revenue streams and cut expenditures, address immediate hardship and plan for the long term—I am deeply impressed.”

Then, whether New Faction figures like Ceng Bu, Cai Bian, Cai Jing, or Old Faction figures like Xu Jiang and the newly returned Su Zhe and Su Shi—all heaped praise on the three policies.

Zhao Yu quickly understood: both factions supported these policies not only because they were genuinely good and could ease the Zhao Song dynasty’s fiscal strain, but because these policies came from “Zhao Yu” the Emperor—and more crucially, they were still scrambling to align themselves with Zhao Yu; they’d never dare push him to the opposite side.

Hence, the three policies passed with remarkable ease.

The fact that the chancellors and ministers approved them so readily didn’t please Zhao Yu—it made him uneasy.

Perhaps sensing Zhao Yu’s concern, or perhaps feeling that as a chancellor, especially one determined to repay Zhao Yu’s favor, he must warn him of the risks, Su Shi fell silent for a moment, then spoke: “Your Majesty’s three policies are indeed excellent for saving the state. But if implemented without control, they may lead to oppressive taxes and indirectly burden the people. Careful selection of capable officials is essential for stability.”

Zhao Yu looked at Su Shi and thought: “You’re an honest man—far better than these others. Since you’re so honest, I’ll overlook your endless bad poems that made me memorize them all as a child.”

Zhao Yu turned to Cai Jing: “Cai Qing, you’ll oversee this. Don’t let me down.”

Cai Jing replied: “Yes, Your Majesty.”

After this matter was settled, Zhang Dun brought up again the unresolved debate from court: whether to wage war or seek peace with Liao and Xia. He asked Zhao Yu to clarify his stance so they could act.

Before Zhao Yu could speak, the pro-war and pro-peace factions began arguing again.

Zhao Yu watched like an audience member, listening to them bicker for a while longer.

As expected, neither side could convince the other.

Only when the argument grew so heated it nearly turned violent did Zhao Yu finally speak: “Zhang Aiqing, stay. Everyone else, dismissed.”

Seeing Zhao Yu chose to keep Zhang Dun, Han Zhongyan and the other Old Faction ministers were reluctant.

But Zhao Yu was Emperor; Zhang Dun was Chancellor. If Zhao Yu wished to speak privately with him, who dared object?

Han Zhongyan could only sulk away with his faction’s ministers.

The New Faction ministers, seeing Zhao Yu still favored their views, breathed a silent sigh of relief and withdrew one by one.

When only Zhao Yu and Zhang Dun remained in the Chuigong Hall, Zhao Yu declared his stance without waiting for Zhang Dun to urge him: “I favor a firm response to Liao and Xia’s provocations.”

Zhang Dun was overjoyed, bowing with excitement: “Your Majesty is wise!”

After telling Zhang Dun to rise, Zhao Yu added hesitantly: “But if we do this, we must mobilize troops and show we’re prepared to fight—only then can we deter the two barbarian states. Yet the court has long delayed military funding. An emperor cannot command hungry soldiers. What do you advise, my minister?”

…

(End of Chapter)