Chapter 605: A Letter of Leave and Apology

A Letter of Leave and Apology

Leave of Absence + Apology Letter

Big shots, let me get to the main thing first.

I may need a two-day break, which means I'll resume updates on October 8th.

Below is an explanation for some recent matters, along with my apology.

Any big shots who are interested can take a quick look.

……

……

This book is over 1.7 million characters now. That word count isn't much on this platform, but for me it's a whole lot — so much that I used to not even dare imagine it.

With the support of so many big shots, the results are also something I never dared to imagine.

I really have let down that support.

After all, I really do have a lot of bad habits — like super severe procrastination, being lazy, liking to run my mouth, scrolling short videos, reading a couple of chicken-soup-for-the-soul posts, getting all fired up, making promises, and then completely failing to deliver.

I want to say sorry to all the big shots here.

Of course, I should explain — quite a few big shots feel that since my results picked up, Nineteen has gotten cocky and stopped treating the reader lords with respect.

I really haven't.

I thought about why this perception exists, and it's mainly about updates and attitude.

Let's talk about attitude first.

For example, going on hiatus without asking for leave — that happened twice.

To be honest, it's not that I got cocky. Turning a book with such good results into a high-open, low-close, mountain-collapse, sea-shatter mess—what right would I have to get cocky?

I just didn't dare post a leave notice. I couldn't say why — I simply didn't dare face the reader big shots. Pure giant-baby mentality.

I really miss the early days when I'd write myself so excited my hands shook, happily copying book reviews, running to the comments section to interact with the reader big shots, writing little essays whenever I felt like it.

After all, I was a flop — I'd never seen the big stage, had no experience, and did a lot of silly, funny things.

But now, honestly, it's been a full two months since I last looked at book reviews. I've even deleted this platform. I absolutely don't dare look at the backend data — I can't tap it open at all. And I rarely participate in the authors' circles anymore either.

(PS: This isn't me shifting the blame onto negative reader reviews. I'm personally the type who, even at my floppiest, the moment I start writing, the only thought left in my head is, "I'm having a blast writing this — how could the readers not be having a blast?!" Pretty dumb, right? But I really was confident.

But at this stage, if someone seriously tells me, "Honestly, it's not fun," I just freeze up, start doubting myself, don't know how to write anymore, can only pad the word count, then imitate my old style. But the mindset is different, and what comes out is inevitably different.)

I used to have an operations-officer friend gently relay recent reader big shots' feedback to me. Later, I couldn't even handle that gentle approach — every time I saw my friend's awkward, hesitant smile, I could imagine a hundred sentences in my head on my own.

By that point, apart from typing words, I'd completely disengaged from the webnovel world.

This闭关造车 state of going through the motions didn't help me settle down and构思 the plot — it only made me increasingly afraid of and disgusted with the whole thing.

To put it bluntly, I lack the ability to write well, and I don't have the mindset to handle the pressure.

Sometimes when I got anxious, I'd start frantically scrolling chicken-soup posts, and right after that come the grand declarations.

Too many grand declarations, and then I can't write. When I need to post a single chapter or a leave notice, it's genuinely embarrassing. I frantically make excuses, and the more excuses I make, the more embarrassing it feels — a vicious cycle, until I'm just going through the motions and don't want to say anything at all.

That's enough on the attitude issue. Apologies to all the big shots — a bow.

Next is the issue of updates.

For webnovel writers, word count is money. Who doesn't like money? I want to earn more too.

I just can't write it.

The reason I can't write is also simple. From the start, this book was planned for 700,000 characters, then I'd try to wrap it up and give myself a proper completed-novel high.

Why 700,000 characters? Because going on the shelves at 300,000 characters, updating 120,000 characters a month, three months of full-attendance bonuses eaten up — that's roughly the word count. After that, I'd write freely, and finishing would count as success.

But then the results picked up, and only then did I start filling in the worldbuilding and plotting the later story.

With the Great Qian, General Nanyang, Hongze, the Immortal Court, and the mortal dynasty—the final wrap-up—came the planning of these four major maps.

Mm, the person doing this planning had never written anything that long before, relying purely on idle fantasy.

So it was inevitable that it got harder and harder to write.

Some big shots say, "If you can't write it, just finish it." The problem is, I just left the General Nanyang treasure land, and the Immortal Court storyline was already laid out — the very first chapter out featured Xuan Qing's story. If I stop now without reaching the Immortal Court, I don't call that finishing — isn't that just "going eunuch" with a different word?

Summary.

A friend told me: stop making casual promises from now on, like making up missed updates. Once you've actually made them up, then bark about it; don't brag before you've written it.

But, but.

I'll make one more promise — whether anyone cares about this or not (if I'm just bragging, I still hope someone cares, otherwise how sad is that) — I will finish this book.

1.75 million characters. This is the closest I've ever been to finishing. If I give up halfway now, I'd have nightmares for the rest of my life.

……

Family, anyone get it? Back in the day I wrote little essays full of high spirits; now I write them with a face full of shame.

My ability is lacking — I still have to accept the criticism. How could I get by just burying my head like an ostrich?

Truly ridiculous. Other people write books to sharpen their craft; I write books and my craft keeps getting worse — and here I am training my mindset instead.

(The final little essay before this book's completion, from a certain giant baby who broke down from being stuck on the plot)

(End of Chapter)