Chapter 18: The Doom of the Joy Buddha

Sun Wukong was about to leap up when the pink belly band hidden in his bosom suddenly twitched.

A cloying sweet scent, mixed with a nauseating fishy odor, seeped out from the belly band's interlayer.

This smell is wrong.

Not that pure powdery fragrance; it resembled rotting peach blossoms steeped in corpse water.

Sun Wukong halted his steps, and the Golden Cudgel came down heavily on the ground.

"Come out."

No response.

"I, Old Sun, will count to three."

Sun Wukong flicked his ear, his tone flat, as flat as if he were discussing what to eat tonight.

"Three."

Boom!

The Golden Cudgel came crashing down, smashing onto the seemingly ordinary green stone floor before him.

"Ouch! Great Sage, spare my life! Great Sage, spare my life!"

A puff of pink smoke hissed out from a crack in the ground,

twisted a few times in mid‑air, turning into a fat monk clad in sheer gauze, his face slick with oil.

This monk had a very distinctive appearance.

His ears hung down to his shoulders, his eyes narrowed to slits, and the corner of his mouth always bore that niánhuhu smile,

while in his arms he clung to a phantom of a disheveled Joy Chan nun.

Dingguang Huanxi Fo.

That is, one of the Seven Immortals who served the Sect of the Cutting‑Edge back then, the Long‑Eared Dingguang Immortal.

In the War of Investiture, this bastard stole the Six Soul Banner from the Tongtian Cult Master, defected to the West, and thereby earned his present Buddhahood.

"Is it you?"

Sun Wukong tilted his head, sizing up this huge meatball that looked like a skinned pig.

"Is this belly band yours?"

Dingguang Huanxi Fo's entire bulk of fat trembled.

He had been hiding in a secret realm at the bottom of the Pool of Merit, practicing the Great Joy Chan, when out of nowhere disaster struck,

This monkey not only dirtied the pool water, but also made off with the holy object he had treasured for years.

That was the medium he used for his lascivious fantasies—no, for contemplating the Miaoshou Guanyin Dharma Aspect!

"I‑I… no… I'm just a little monk…"

Dingguang Huanxi Fo spoke incoherently, his eyes darting about, yet he dared not glance at the ashen‑faced Zhunti Saint beside him.

"I, Old Sun, hate two kinds of people most."

Sun Wukong extended a finger.

"One is a back‑stabbing traitor."

He extended another finger.

"The other is a lecherous worm who bullies women."

"How unfortunate."

Sun Wukong grinned, baring two rows of stark‑white fangs.

"You've got both."

Dingguang Huanxi Fo felt a chill shoot up his spine to the crown of his head.

"Run!"

As soon as that thought arose, he slicked his feet with oil, turning into a pink rainbow that shot toward the depths of Ling Shan.

If he could reach the Ten Thousand Buddha Pagoda, protected by the vows of myriad Buddhas, this monkey might not dare…

"Hold."

A single word.

Light as a feather.

Yet it felt like ten thousand mountains crashing down on Dingguang Huanxi Fo's back.

He hung in mid‑air, maintaining a ludicrous running pose—left foot forward, right foot back—his terrified, desperate expression perfectly frozen.

Sun Wukong strolled over leisurely.

Each step felt like treading on Dingguang Huanxi Fo's chest.

"Back then, your Six Soul Banner waved quite happily, huh?"

Sun Wukong wielded the Golden Cudgel like a fire‑stick, poking Dingguang Huanxi Fo's ample buttocks.

"I hear you built over a hundred Joy Temples in Xiniu Hezhou."

"You specially targeted female cultivators with some potential, calling it 'opening the light,' while actually draining their yin to boost your yang."

"How much of that power of yours came from sleeping?"

Dingguang Huanxi Fo blinked desperately, emitting a "gek‑gek" sound from his throat—the noise of a plea he could not voice.

The surrounding arhats all lowered their heads, eyes on noses, noses on hearts.

Who doesn't know that this long‑eared thief, relying on the favor of the Two Saints, runs rampant on Ling Shan—so brazen he even dares to tease the Guanyin Bodhisattva?

Today he's finally kicked an iron plate.

"Dirty."

Sun Wukong contemptuously retracted the Golden Cudgel and wiped it on Dingguang Huanxi Fo's monk's robe.

"Killing a scum like you even makes old Sun feel his hands are dirty."

He turned his head and looked at the Bodhi Patriarch, who had been silent all along.

"Master."

"What shall we do with this fat pig?"

The Bodhi Patriarch was still sipping tea.

Only the magma in the teacup had already cooled, forming a black hard shell.

He lifted his eyelid and glanced at the Dingguang Joyful Buddha suspended in midair.

His gaze was very indifferent.

Indifferent as if looking at a clump of wind‑dried dog feces by the roadside.

"Since the source of trouble is below,"

The Bodhi Patriarch set down his teacup; his voice was soft yet rang clearly through every corner.

"Then we won't keep it."

"Words Follow Law."

"Deprive."

Buzz—

A rule wave between Heaven and Earth flashed by.

There were no flashes of swords or blades.

No flesh and blood flew.

Not even a hint of magical energy rippled.

The Dingguang Joyful Buddha only felt a chill in his lower body.

It felt as if an important organ that had been part of his body was suddenly "forgotten" by the whole world.

It no longer existed.

It vanished completely—from the root, from cause and effect, from the flesh.

"Ah——!!!"

A scream of extreme wail tore through the long sky of Spirit Mountain.

The sound was sharp and high‑pitched, unlike any man's voice, more like the eunuchs castrated in the palace.

Bang.

A cloud of blood mist burst from beneath the Dingguang Joyful Buddha's hips.

It was surplus qi and blood with nowhere to vent, exploding outright.

Inside Da Lei Yin Si.

All the male cultivators, whether arhats or bodhisattvas, instinctively clenched their legs.

They only felt a gust of cold wind rushing through their crotches.

The nuns and female bodhisattvas who were usually bullied by the Radiant Joyful Buddha, though frightened into Pale Complexion, had a flicker of unhidden delight deep in their eyes.

Good!

Well castrated!

On the clouds not far away.

Guanyin Bodhisattva, who had just fled the scene yet remained unwilling, hidden in the shadows spying, froze completely upon seeing this.

The long‑eared thief who had disgusted her for countless Yuan Assemblies, yet had to swallow his resentment under the Saint's protection.

Just like that…

Turned into a eunuch?

Guanyin watched the old Dàorén standing in the arena, calm as a cloud, and felt an uncontrollable Fear Heart Demon rise within.

One sentence.

Could deprive a Quasi‑Saint strongman of… that ability?

Is this the method of the Chaotic Demon God?

"Is that all?"

Sun Wukong watched the Radiant Joyful Buddha rolling on the ground, wailing, his voice growing fainter, feeling somewhat unsatisfied.

"Master, this is too cheap for him."

"How about throwing him into a pigpen, matching him with hundreds of old sows?"

The Bodhi Patriarch shook his head.

"There's no need for that."

"For the Joyful Buddha,"

"It cannot be humane; it's more painful than death."

Indeed.

The Radiant Joyful Buddha practiced Joyful Zen, his entire magical power sustained by that contraption.

Now his root is gone.

His cultivation is like a deflated rubber ball, falling at a visibly rapid pace.

Semi‑Saint… Great Luo… Supreme Unity…

In the blink of an eye.

He fell to become a mortal not even at the Foundation Establishment stage.

His face was a heap of folds, his fat collapsed, turning into a shabby old man in his waning years.

"Alright."

Sun Wukong kicked this pile of rotten meat away with one foot.

Ding Guang Joyful Buddha let out a Cànjiào, turning into a meteor, and vanished to some remote corner.

Having dealt with the scraps.

Sun Wukong turned around.

Those flame‑burning eyes swept over the littered ground, over the trembling Buddhas, and finally settled on the two supreme figures.

The two Western Saints.

Zhun Ti. Jie Yin.

"Master."

Sun Wukong slung the Golden Cudgel over his shoulder, his tone tinged with a hint of playfulness.

"This youngster is taken care of."

"These two elders…"

"How shall we count it?"

At those words,

the atmosphere, which had slightly eased, instantly froze to the breaking point.

Zhun Ti Saint's face twitched.

He, a dignified Saint, is imperishable through ten thousand eons, enduring across countless ages.

Since when has he been treated as a "target to be dealt with"?

But look at the old Dàorén beside him, sipping tea.

Zhun Ti forced the profanity at the tip of his tongue back down.

"Wukong."

Bodhi Patriarch finally finished the last sip of cold tea.

He tossed the teacup aside carelessly.

Clang.

The cup rolled twice on the ground, coming to rest at Jie Yin Saint's feet.

"Saints are neither born nor perished, they are entrusted to the void."

"Killing cannot erase it."

Bodhi Patriarch said lightly.

Sun Wukong felt a bit disappointed.

"Then there's no way out?"

"Not exactly."

Bodhi Patriarch smiled.

It was a devilish smile.

"The death penalty can be spared."

"The living penalty…"

Bodhi Patriarch stretched out his hand, pointing at the dimming sky overhead.

"I heard Ling Shan has a 'Ten Thousand Buddha Pagoda' that has Suppression countless demons."

"Since the Xīfāng Jiào likes Suppression of others so much."

"Then perhaps…"

"Let them go in themselves and stay a few days?"

"Experience life for a while?"

Boom—!

Zhun Ti and Jie Yin changed color simultaneously.

Ten Thousand Buddha Pagoda?

It's Ling Shan's prison! Inside are heavily karmic demons, the environment extremely harsh!

Send those two Saints to prison?

"Teacher! This…"

Jie Yin Saint was just about to plead.

"What?"

Bodhi Patriarch lifted his eyelid.

"Don't want to go?"

"That works too."

"Then go to the Chaos Realm void, accompany my few old friends for some practice?"

"Just in time, Pangu's axe has been sharpened again recently."

Pangu!

At the utterance of those two words,

Zhun Ti and Jie Yin fell silent instantly.

Choosing the lesser of two evils.

Compared with that perverse Pangu, prison is practically a vacation.

"Go… we'll go."

Zhun Ti gritted his teeth, tears swirling in his eye sockets.

Is this retribution?

Back then they imprisoned the Sect Master of the Heaven-Reaching Teachings; now it's their turn.

"What are we waiting for?"

Sun Wukong pointed the Golden Cudgel.

"Please, you two saint prison mates."

"Just then."

A golden light suddenly blazed on the horizon.

It wasn't Buddhist light.

But rather that pure, supremely majestic imperial Dao golden light.

Tai Bai Jin Xing held up a scroll of glittering golden imperial edict, came rushing over rolling and crawling, drenched in sweat, his hat askew.

"Great Sage! Great Sage, wait!"

"The Jade Emperor has an edict!"

"Please, Great Sage, ascend to Heaven... to catch up!"

Sun Wukong raised an eyebrow.

He glanced at the panting old man.

He also looked toward the Thirty-Three Heavens beyond, at the Heavenly Palace that loomed faintly.

He smiled.

He laughed without restraint.

"Catch up?"

"Good."

"Just right for Old Sun's staff."

"It hasn't cooled down yet."