Chapter 26: Erlang Shen's Dog Food

That Nine-Dragon Golden Throne symbolizing the supreme power of the Three Realms is actually not comfortable to sit on.

It's hard and stiff.

It's a bit hard on the butt.

Sun Wukong lowered his leg from the armrest.

He shook his neck, producing a crisp 'ka-ka' sound.

That sound echoed in the hall; each time it rang, the celestial officials below shuddered.

"Boring."

Sun Wukong stood up.

The Golden Cudgel spun in his hand, then he slammed it heavily onto the ground.

He lifted his foot.

He stepped onto the white jade staircase leading to the highest dragon platform.

There, the Jade Emperor clung tightly to the Heavenly Mirror, his face darker than the bottom of a pot.

Crack.

The first step landed.

The staircase paved with ten-thousand-year black jade, like a pastry smashed by a great hammer, cracked straight into a spiderweb.

Broken stones flew.

They struck the face of a nearby immortal.

That was Zhao Gongming, the God of Wealth.

This Great Luo Golden Immortal who usually oversees the world's wealth now clutched the gold ingots in his arms, wishing he could stuff his head into his trousers.

That fragment of broken stone just now had sliced his face.

He didn't even dare to wipe it.

Sun Wukong stopped his steps.

He turned his head.

He glanced at the glittering pile in Zhao Gongming's arms.

"Old Zhao."

Sun Wukong's voice was soft, as if greeting an old neighbor.

"Shall we split it fifty-fifty upon meeting?"

Zhao Gongming's whole body tensed.

Sweat trickled down his round cheeks.

"Great... Great Sage, you're joking..."

He fumbled, pulling out several gleaming gold ingots from his bosom, and tremblingly removed the jade thumb ring from his thumb.

"All... all for you."

"As long as the Great Sage is pleased, this little god will go back to his mansion to move mountains of gold."

"Tch."

Sun Wukong pursed his lips.

He didn't bother to take those vulgar things.

"A smell of copper."

He took another step forward.

This step shattered the second step.

Standing beside him was the Old Man Under the Moon.

The tangled mess of red string in his hand hadn't yet been gathered up.

Feeling Sun Wukong's gaze sweep over, the Old Man Under the Moon shook his hand in fright.

Plop.

The red string fell all over the ground.

No one knows whose fates he tangled.

Or maybe he tied up some family's pigs and dogs together.

"You're pretty busy too."

Sun Wukong looked at the pile of red string.

"Let me, Old Sun, take a look: in the Heavenly Court, who's sleeping with whom?"

The Old Man Under the Moon plunged to his knees with a thud.

His head knocked, making a thumping sound.

"Great Sage, spare my life! Great Sage, spare my life! This old man's eyes are blurred; I saw nothing, I know nothing!"

Sun Wukong withdrew his gaze, bored.

These immortals.

Usually high and mighty, enjoying the incense of humanity.

But when it comes to drawing swords, each one is more cowardly than a common ruffian.

He continued upward.

Each step, a crack.

That crisp cracking sound, like a death knell struck for the Jade Emperor.

Finally.

He walked to the entrance of the hall.

Or rather, it is the last line of defense one must pass to reach the Dragon Terrace.

There stood a person.

Clad in silver armor, wearing a black cape.

He held a three-pointed, double-edged blade.

On his forehead rose a tightly closed celestial eye.

Erlang Shen, the Manifest Sage Lord, Yang Jian.

He did not dodge like the other immortals.

Nor did he put on a fierce exterior while being timid inside like Li Jing.

He simply stood there silently, blocking the middle of the road.

Like a lone peak.

Sun Wukong stopped.

The two were no more than five steps apart.

The air seemed to have solidified.

Around them, the immortals who had been feigning death all secretly lifted their heads.

This is the Heavenly Court's foremost war god.

He is also the Jade Emperor's nephew by blood.

If he makes a move, perhaps there is still a chance?

"Three eyes."

Sun Wukong tilted his head, the Golden Cudgel resting on his shoulder.

A playful curve tugged at the corner of his mouth.

"Do you also want to stop me?"

Yang Jian did not speak.

He gazed at Sun Wukong.

His gaze was very calm, calm to the point of being almost unreal.

Five hundred years ago, they fought a battle on Mount Huaguo.

That battle shook heaven and earth.

Although victory was ultimately decided by a sneak attack with Laozi's Diamond Cut, Yang Jian knew it in his heart.

That monkey was a worthy opponent deserving of respect.

And now.

The aura emanating from that monkey made him unable to see through it.

That profound darkness and chaos made his forehead's celestial eye faintly ache.

That was a warning.

A warning born of instinct.

"Stop you?"

Yang Jian finally spoke.

His voice was somewhat hoarse, yet very magnetic.

He glanced back at the lofty dragon throne behind him.

He also glanced at his uncle, whose face was full of panic and who was about to activate a magical treasure.

Yang Jian laughed.

He laughed coldly.

It carried a touch of mockery and a hint of glee.

"For the one occupying that position?"

He pointed behind him.

"For the one who pressed his own sister beneath Peach Mountain?"

"For the one who established the heavenly laws yet himself led the way in breaking them?"

The hall was filled with deathly silence.

All the immortals were stunned.

Is this something Erlang Shen could say?

Is this rebellion?

Clang.

A clear ringing sound.

The three-pointed, double-edged blade was casually tossed to the ground by Yang Jian.

That was his innate divine weapon.

Yet now it was like a fire‑stick, discarded by its master.

Yang Jian turned sideways.

He made way, opening a path.

His movement was clean and decisive.

There was not a shred of hesitation.

"Please."

There's only one character.

The Jade Emperor's eyeballs almost popped out.

"Yang Jian!"

He roared on the Dragon Platform.

His voice became sharp from extreme anger.

"You are my own nephew! You are the True Lord Erlang who obeys the tune but not the proclamation! How dare you betray me?!"

Yang Jian didn't even turn his head.

He pulled a bone from his bosom.

It was a leg bone of some great demon, roasted to a fragrant sizzle.

He crouched and handed the bone to the skinny dog at his feet that had been constantly baring its teeth.

"Howling Heaven."

"Eat up."

"Uncle's deeds are unscrupulous; we won't take this pot."

The Howling Heaven Dog that had been barking wildly at Sun Wukong.

It sniffed the bone.

Then it glanced at the terrifying Chaos aura surrounding Sun Wukong.

It is a dog.

Its nose is keener than anyone's.

It smelled the scent of death, and also the scent of the strong.

Thus.

In full view of everyone.

This Heavenly Court's number one divine dog charged at Sun Wukong.

It wagged its tail.

It even stuck out its tongue, letting out an appeasing "Woof".

"Hahaha!"

Sun Wukong laughed heartily.

He laughed until tears were about to spill.

He reached out and gave the Howling Heaven Dog's head a rub.

"Good dog."

"Stronger than your master's uncle."

Sun Wukong stepped over the three-pointed double-edged knives on the ground.

Yang Jian still crouched there feeding the dog, as if everything happening around him were irrelevant.

At this moment.

The Heavenly Court's last face of dignity.

Shattered.

Sun Wukong walked beneath the Dragon Platform.

He was only a step away from the Jade Emperor.

He lifted his head.

He stared at the Lord of the Three Realms, who usually examined people with his nostrils.

The Jade Emperor at this moment.

His crown was slightly crooked.

The dragon robe that symbolized supreme authority was soaked with cold sweat.

"Spit... Spit, monkey!"

The Jade Emperor's hand trembled.

But he still forced out his last breath.

Above his head, the Heavenly Mirror emitted a faint blue glow.

It was the primordial spirit treasure bestowed by the Dao Ancestor.

It was his final trump card.

"You still intend to rebel, won't you?!"

"I am the Great Celestial Venerable recognized by the Heavenly Dao! If you dare move against me, you are opposing the Heavenly Dao!"

"Rebel?"

Sun Wukong scratched his ear.

As if he had heard a joke of cosmic magnitude.

He flicked the earwax out.

It landed precisely on the Jade Emperor's purplish‑red face.

"Do you even deserve to make Old Sun rebel?"

Sun Wukong's gaze suddenly turned cold.

That mischievous grin vanished instantly.

In its place,

was endless brutality and murderous intent.

It was the resentment of being suppressed for five hundred years and treated like a monkey for five hundred years.

"I have come..."

Sun Wukong leapt up suddenly.

The Golden Cudgel traced a golden afterimage in the air.

It pointed straight at the Jade Emperor's forehead.

"Debt collector!"

"Ah—!"

The Queen Mother, who had been hiding beside the Dragon Throne, finally could not hold back.

She let out a shrill scream.

She covered her face with both hands and curled herself into a ball.

The wind of the staff whistled.

It blew so hard that the flesh on the Jade Emperor's face trembled.

He stared at the Tiěbàng drawing ever nearer.

He looked at the intricate patterns on the Tiěbàng.

He knew.

This monkey.

Really dared to kill him!

Buzz!

Just as the Golden Cudgel was about to shatter the Jade Emperor's celestial crown at that instant.

A burst of green light exploded.

Heavenly Mirror.

This treasured mirror, which surveys the thirty‑three heavens above and looks down upon the eighteen layers of hell below, now unleashed its full power.

Time seemed to solidify.

Space appeared to turn into viscous glue.

Everything where the green light passed was frozen.

Sun Wukong's form suddenly halted.

The Tiěbàng, bearing ten thousand jun of force, stopped three inches in front of the Jade Emperor's forehead.

Even the fluttering monkey hairs were fixed in Mid‑Air.

The Jade Emperor gasped heavily.

Seeing the Tiěbàng so close, his heart nearly leapt out of his throat.

But he quickly recovered.

A ferocious grin of wild joy spread across his face.

"Hahaha!"

"You reckless monkey!"

"In the end, you're just a beast!"

"This is the Heavenly Mirror bestowed by the Dao Ancestor! It contains the laws of space and time! Even the pinnacle of a Quasi‑Saint, if illuminated, will turn to pus!"

"You're doomed to die!"

The Jade Emperor suddenly summoned his magical power.

The green light on the Heavenly Mirror grew ever brighter.

It tried to refine Sun Wukong directly.

The Bodhi Patriarch, who had been standing at the hall's doorway watching the spectacle,

yawned.

Leaning against the doorframe, he suddenly had a handful of sunflower seeds in his hand.

He cracked them noisily.

"The mirror is fine."

Bodhi spat out two shells.

"Just... fine."

"What a pity."

He shook his head, his gaze toward the Jade Emperor filled with contempt.

"The user is too useless."

"He hasn't even mastered the illumination, using it just to look at his reflection or pop pimples is fine, but using it to fight?"

"Shameful."

The words just fell.

Sun Wukong, frozen by the green light,

his mouth corner suddenly moved.

The expression that had been frozen turned into a mocking sneer.

"Freeze me, old Sun?"

"Just because of this broken glass?"

Boom!

Sun Wukong's body jolted violently.

That is not a fluctuation of magical power.

That is pure physical strength.

The body of the Chaotic Demon God is an existence that surpasses the three thousand great Dao.

Just a post-heaven spacetime law, you also want to bind the Chaos Realm?

Crack!

Crack! Crack!

That originally indestructible azure light pillar now had countless cracks appearing on it.

Just like ice that has frozen and cracked.

Immediately after.

Splash!

The azure light shattered.

Points of light filling the sky scattered like fireflies.

"No…… impossible!"

The Jade Emperor's Smile froze on his face.

He watched helplessly as the Heavenly Mirror in his hand.

On the mirror surface.

A crack appeared.

It ran through from beginning to end.

The treasure was damaged, its spirituality greatly diminished.

"Nothing is impossible."

Sun Wukong moved his wrist a bit.

The Golden Cudgel was raised again.

"That strike just now doesn't count."

"Let's start over."

The Jade Emperor panicked.

He really panicked.

Even the Heavenly Mirror couldn't block it; just what is this monkey capable of?

In his desperation.

He grabbed the huge jade seal on the dragon throne.

That is the Heavenly Emperor's Seal.

It gathered the fortune of the Heavenly Court over hundreds of millions of years, weighing as much as the Tai Gu Shen Shan.

"Give me Suppression!"

The Jade Emperor, like a gambler who's lost his mind, fiercely threw the jade seal from his hand.

The jade seal expanded as it met the wind.

Instantly it turned into a towering golden mountain of ten thousand zhang.

With a howling wind, it came crashing down toward Sun Wukong's head.

The entire Lingxiao Hall groaned, its foundations sinking and its pillars bending.

"Playing with stones?"

Sun Wukong thrust the Golden Cudgel into the ground.

With one hand he supported Heaven.

There were no fancy movements.

He simply stretched out one hand.

He caught the falling golden mountain.

Thud!

A deep, muffled boom.

Sun Wukong's feet sank half a foot into the ground.

But his person.

Not a single strand moved.

That jade seal golden mountain, capable of collapsing a continent, he held steadily in his hand like holding a tray.

"A bit light."

Sun Wukong hefted the jade seal in his hand.

"Much lighter than Wǔxíng Shān."

"Returning it to you!"

He twisted his waist.

His arm muscles bulged.

He threw it backhandedly.

Whoosh—

That jade seal flew back at ten times the speed it came.

The Jade Emperor was terrified out of his wits.

He hastily sidestepped to dodge.

Boom—!!!

The jade seal smashed into the screen behind the Dragon Throne.

That ten‑thousand‑year‑old screen, carved with nine dragons playing with a pearl, together with the wall of half of Lingxiao Hall behind it.

Instantly turned into powder.

Smoke and dust billowed.

The originally golden‑and‑jade radiant great hall now became a half‑open, precarious ruin.

"Ah! My phoenix crown!"

Under the table.

The Queen Mother scrambled out, hair in disarray.

Her phoenix crown was knocked crooked by a fragment of stone, and her face was smeared with ash.

There was no trace of the Three Realms' lady's elegance and nobility.

It was like a mad woman who had just fled a refugee camp.

The Chang'e and other fairies hiding behind the pillars.

Each of them stared wide‑eyed.

Fearful?

No.

After extreme terror came an odd emotion.

Violence.

Pure violence.

The monkey standing in the center of the great hall, clad in Golden Armor, treading the ruins.

At this moment.

Was damn charming.

Chang'e, the fairy of the Palace of Eternal Cold.

She did not hide.

She cradled the Jade Rabbit, standing in the corner.

In her cool eyes flickered a brilliance never seen before.

Now that's a man.

Compared to Wu Gang, who only chops trees, and the Jade Emperor, who only gives orders.

Ten thousand times stronger.

It seemed to sense this scorching gaze.

Sun Wukong turned his head.

He glanced at Chang'e.

Their gazes met.

Chang'e did not evade; instead she slightly straightened her back.

Her flowing‑cloud, water‑sleeved long dress outlined a breathtaking curve.

Her vermilion lips barely part.

She said two words silently.

"Be careful."

Sun Wukong grinned.

He winked at the Three Realms' number one Beauty.

It was a gesture only a rogue would make.

But in his view,

it exuded an indescribable nonchalance.

"Wait."

Sun Wukong's mouth formed words.

"When it's done, let me dance for you."

Chang'e's face flushed.

Red as the evening glow on the horizon.

She lowered her head, yet gave a barely perceptible nod.

Sun Wukong withdrew his gaze.

His mood was excellent.

He stepped over the ruins, forcing the limp Jade Emperor into a corner.

That blood‑scented Golden Cudgel.

Gently tapped the Jade Emperor's face.

Ice‑cold.

Hard.

"Running?"

Sun Wukong crouched.

As if teasing a mouse.

"Why aren't you running?"

You were pretty good at throwing things just now, weren't you?

What else?

Throw your shoes over too?

Jade Emperor leaned against the ruined walls.

The dragon robe was torn.

His hair was messed up.

His gaze was scattered.

He was truly desperate.

Can't beat him.

Basically can't beat him.

Magic treasures useless, supernatural powers useless, even identity useless.

This monkey is just a complete lunatic.

The will to survive made him unconsciously open his mouth.

He shouted out the line engraved in his bones.

That's the standard procedure whenever encountering unsolvable trouble.

"Quick... quick go invite..."

The voice shouted halfway.

Got stuck.

As if someone choked his neck.

Invite who?

Rulai Buddha?

That fat guy is probably still crying in the ruins of Ling Shan.

I heard even his Golden Body was smashed, even the Pool of Merit was looted.

Invite him to do what?

To send him to death?

Or invite a Saint?

The Western Two Saints were forced by that old Daoist to sign an IOU and locked in a pagoda.

The Three Pure Ones are in seclusion, obviously not wanting to get involved in this karma.

As for the Dao Ancestor...

That old Daoist even dares to swallow Heavenly Dao divine thunder raw.

If the Dao Ancestor comes, will there be good fruit to eat?

Jade Emperor had his mouth open.

He couldn't get the following words out no matter what.

He looked around.

All the gods and buddhas in the sky bowed their heads.

Such a vast heavenly court.

Yet not a single person could save him.

"Please invite."

Sun Wukong pushed the Golden Cudgel forward.

He pushed it so far that the Jade Emperor's nose went crooked.

"Why aren't you shouting?"

"Quick go invite Rulai Buddha?"

"Otherwise, I, Old Sun, will give you a chance."

Sun Wukong pulled out a wrinkled IOU from his bosom.

That's the one signed by Zhunti Saint earlier at Ling Shan.

He slapped the IOU onto the Jade Emperor's forehead.

"You look at it yourself."

"That fat guy's backing has all collapsed."

"You think."

"Can he still meddle in your affairs?"