Chapter 35: Bro, You Smell So Good

"I'll treat you to barbecue tomorrow." ("Three times, call me daddy.")

The two spoke in unison, narrowing their eyes at the same time, as if to say, you little punk.

"The barbecue by the school gate gives you diarrhea two times out of three—more random than a blind box." Jiang Nian flew into a rage. "Vicious woman with ill intentions, don't you know regicide is a capital offense!"

"How could you possibly be any better?" Xu Qianqian pouted. "I'm telling my dad! You took advantage of me."

"WTF?"

After bickering for a while, Jiang Nian got down to business.

It was almost midnight, and he still had to get up early for school tomorrow—there was even a short English quiz. He couldn't handle it without sleep; finish up early and get back to bed.

After wandering around the living room, Jiang Nian still found no trace of the mouse.

"Are you sure there's a Jerry?"

"Why would I lie to you, got nothing better to do?" Xu Qianqian gritted her teeth, then suddenly thought of something. "Could it be that with the lights on, the mouse doesn't dare come out?"

"Then should we turn off the lights?" Jiang Nian suddenly grew bashful at her words, all cheeky. "Actually, I still prefer the lights on—I can see more clearly."

Xu Qianqian clenched her fists—who asked about your preferences?

Jiang Nian dug out a few sticky mouse traps, placed them along the wall line by the sofa and fridge, and set one at Xu Qianqian's bedroom door as well, holding a rubber-banded fly swatter in his hand.

Click. The lights went completely off.

The two were instantly plunged into darkness, taking several seconds to gradually adjust. The living room was pitch black; the two stood there with some distance between them, able to faintly make out each other's faces in the dark.

In the darkness, Jiang Nian seemed to see Xu Qianqian turn her head away, avoiding his gaze.

Suddenly, a squeak-squeak-squeak sound rang out.

"It's here!" Xu Qianqian said.

"Mm." Jiang Nian gestured for Xu Qianqian to stay put, then tiptoed toward the sound, gripping the rubber-banded fly swatter tightly.

The mouse seemed to sense danger; after a moment of silence it suddenly darted out from the sofa.

Xu Qianqian let out an "Ah!", and Jiang Nian, quick as lightning, whipped out a five-strike lightning chain whip at the black shadow. The essence of Master Ma was fully embodied in this moment, displayed in its entirety.

Though His Majesty Jerry was extremely fast, he still couldn't avoid getting swatted; he made a sharp turn and bolted toward the corner of the wall. Along the wall line, he ran forward like a bolt of lightning.

Squeak squeak squeak!!!

The rapidly moving black shadow's body suddenly stalled, as if a female inspector stuck in a shut-in's quagmire. Desperately struggling, crying out loudly, watching the human walking toward it.

Sumimasen, Mama-chan, tonight I set sail on my final voyage.

"Did you catch it?" Xu Qianqian gulped.

"Turn the lights on."

Click. The lights suddenly blazed on.

There, right in front of Jiang Nian, the figure of His Majesty Jerry appeared unmistakably on a sticky mouse trap. A massive body, an expression of utter humiliation, pinned down on this tiny patch of earth.

Another sticky mouse trap had been knocked askew, lying scattered to the side.

"Believe it or not, this mouse..." Jiang Nian squatted down, examining it closely, his expression solemn.

"What's wrong with the mouse?" Xu Qianqian immediately grew nervous, walked over to his side, and couldn't help asking, "Did it squeal on where its accomplices are?"

"No, I mean it looks fair and delicate."

"Drop dead!"

"Tsk tsk, mousie is so cute, how could you..." Jiang Nian turned his head and happened to see her well-proportioned calves, not covered by her white nightgown.

The pink toes peeking out of her slippers were dewy and translucent, lined up neatly together, looking petite and adorable, with a faint lingering scent of milk and shower gel at the tip of her nose.

"What is it?" Xu Qianqian thought he had spotted another mouse's trail and immediately grew very nervous.

"Nothing, I just suddenly realized..."

"What?"

"Bro, you smell so good."

"You drop dead too, you pervert!" Xu Qianqian's face flushed red, and she shoved him to the ground with one leg—perhaps out of sheer embarrassment, since originally she just wanted Jiang Nian to get lost.

As a result, Xu Qianqian's eyes welled up with reflexive tears, and she blurted out a line.

"Ribbit!"

Instantly, the atmosphere fell silent, and neither of them could hold it in; they laughed for a long while.

"You're not allowed to laugh!"

"Hahaha, then you first... haha, stop laughing! Hah..." Jiang Nian sat on the ground laughing; Xu Qianqian tried to be stern but couldn't hold back either, and could only turn her body away.

"Jiang Nian, you're so annoying!"

"Hahaha, holy crap." Jiang Nian laughed until his stomach hurt, closing the sticky mouse trap as he spoke. "Hearing frog calls late at night—now that's entertainment."

"You..."

"Why won't you let me ribbit?" Jiang Nian said with a cheeky grin, carrying His Majesty Jerry's imperial coffin toward the door. "Ribbit one more time, I'm leaving right now."

Xu Qianqian's face was completely red, itching to punch him twice. After Jiang Nian left, the blush on her face still hadn't faded; she locked the door and went back to her room without a word.

She threw a flurry of pink fists at the plush toy on the bed; the plush toy's grinning face caved in.

Plush toy: "Your mom... should've rotted in the factory!"

Thank you, heaven-striking Mama-chan. A whole skill combo landed on me; Wadaxi can barely breathe—promise me, love me without elbowing, good man?

The next day.

Jiang Nian yawned and went to school alone, without asking Xu Qianqian if she wanted to walk together; the matter of Xu Qianqian standing him up yesterday was simply left at that.

No explanation? Then forget it.

One thing at a time—tonight after evening self-study he definitely wouldn't go to Olympiad Room 304 to wait for Xu Qianqian.

Ring ring ring.

The first morning class was Chinese; Jiang Nian listened, drowsy. He propped his head up, pretending to look down at the textbook, a pen tucked in his right hand, trying to shake off suspicion of sleeping.

One class period is forty-five minutes, and he drifts off to sleep in short spurts of two or three minutes at a time.

When homeroom teacher Old Liu said, "Open your textbook to page xx," Jiang Nian would jolt awake instantly, then flip the book in sync with the whole class, and fall asleep again once he was done.

When the first period ended, the entire class instantly wilted, slumped over their desks and passed out in seconds.

Li Hua glanced at his seatmate Jiang Nian. "Holy crap, Nian-ge, you just slept through an entire class and you're still this tired? What were you up to last night?"

"Don't even mention it, suppressing an ill omen." Jiang Nian lay sprawled on the desk, speaking in a muffled voice. "I'm dead tired, don't bother me. If I fall asleep again next period I'm definitely getting caught."

Ten minutes felt like several hours.

The instant the class bell rang, Jiang Nian slowly dragged himself up. Propping his chin on his hand, he opened his eyes only a slit and saw Zhang Ningzhi in the seat ahead turn around.

"Do you want some milk?"

"Huh?" Jiang Nian instantly snapped to attention.

"I bought it yesterday, but I can't find the straw." Zhang Ningzhi said softly, her lashes fluttering. "I heard milk helps with sleepiness, but I can't open it anyway... do you want it?"

"Sure." Jiang Nian gave a lazy smile.

Baby Zhizhi was way too kind — free milk really does taste sweeter.

"Oh, okay." Zhang Ningzhi reached into her desk and fished out a carton of milk, carefully placing it on his desk. Her face reddened. "But there's no straw."

"The straw's not a problem, I can just bite a small hole." Jiang Nian said.

Li Hua pretended he hadn't seen a thing, silently weeping inside. Jiang Nian, your mom... you freaking saved the world in secret, didn't you!