Chapter 171: New Year

Although the New Year has passed, the air inside the residence still brims with the rich scent of the holiday.

A layer of condensation had formed on the phonograph's speaker cone, and swirling steam continuously brushed against the massive locust head before them.

Clatter-clatter~ Ha!

"Chong Kui~" the wife sang in a slow, drawn-out melody, uttering two syllables.

Li Banfeng had never heard the term: "What is a Chong Kui?"

"One of the chief insect cultivators, even stronger than a local deity. Wait… this isn't an ordinary Chong Kui. Let little slave sniff this scent—this thing has received some other kind of blessing."

"No mistake, no mistake—it truly bears another's blessing. This is a fine thing, truly a fine thing!"

The antennae of the massive locust head still trembled slowly.

This insect still seemed alive—and it was terrified.

More dew gathered on the speaker cone; the wife could barely contain her hunger, yet she still worried about the origin of this head.

"Dear husband, where did this Chong Kui's head come from?"

Li Banfeng answered honestly: "Bought from a peddler."

"A peddler? Sold to you?" The phonograph didn't believe it. "How could a peddler sell you something like this? Husband, don't joke about this."

Li Banfeng frowned: "When have I ever joked? I bought it from the peddler—he asked twenty, I asked if fifteen would do, and he said yes."

Tap-tap-tap~ Ha!

Huff! Huff!

The wife's understanding had gone awry—she suspected Li Banfeng had gone mad.

"Husband, when you just said fifteen and twenty, you didn't mean Huan State banknotes, did you?"

"They were Huan State banknotes."

"You meant fifteen and twenty billion? Do you even have that much money?"

Li Banfeng puffed out his chest: "Do I have that much? I only spent fifteen pieces."

Huff! Huff!

A cloud of steam enveloped Li Banfeng, thick with the wife's tender affection: "Husband, we are deeply devoted spouses, never doubting each other. Though little slave's body is weak and we've never consummated our marriage, please don't mind."

Li Banfeng smiled generously: "Truthfully, I do mind—we've never consummated, so how can we be proper spouses? But if I can oil the machine every day, maybe we can make an exception."

As he spoke, Li Banfeng fetched the oil can and opened the back panel of the machine.

"Dear husband~ let's not talk about oil yet—this oil truly… no, no, no, it's not lacking…"

Though her singing had gone off-key, the wife forced herself to endure, caught her breath, then continued: "Husband, you've oiled the machine—now let's speak seriously about this Chong Kui. Don't deceive little slave—where did this thing truly come from?"

Li Banfeng grew angry: "I told you—I bought it from the peddler! If you don't trust me, I'll throw it out."

Li Banfeng truly moved to toss it—quickly, the phonograph stopped him: "Husband, you mustn't throw this away!"

"Why not? It's only fifteen pieces—why all this fuss?"

"Husband, don't be angry—the oil is yours to apply. Don't be upset, little slave knows she's wrong~"

The phonograph soothed and persuaded Li Banfeng back, while Tang Dao added: "Madam, I attest to this—bought for exactly fifteen pieces. The peddler even said to eat it fresh—boil it in porridge or stew it!"

"Stew it? Boil porridge?" The phonograph plunged both needles into the locust's skull. "Such a fine thing must be eaten raw!"

Sssss~ Sssss~

The copper lotus bloomed.

She bloomed, drenched in dew.

The lotus seed had yet to mature from the previous assimilation of Linli Monster and Pan Dehai's heart meat—yet now she paused her refinement; the whirlwind within her lotus heart had already turned toward the Chong Kui's antennae.

"Honglian, you're hungry too? Don't be hasty!" The phonograph struggled to restrain herself. "I still can't fathom what the peddler was thinking."

The wine gourd nudged against Li Banfeng, wanting to speak—but needed his permission.

Li Banfeng tapped the gourd's waist twice: "Speak freely. At home, no need for such restraint."

The gourd told the phonograph: "Sister, little brother earned merit exterminating insects at Haichiling—this must be the peddler's reward."

"Merit…"

What kind of merit could warrant such a lavish reward?

The wife knew little of the outside world. She wanted to ask for details, but her overwhelming hunger made her abandon the inquiry. "Profit and loss, even accounts—this does sound like the peddler's nature. If so, no need to worry! Hey, sisters, fetch the chopsticks!"

Tang Dao shouted: "I'm ready too!"

The phonograph shuddered and began sucking the lingering soul and spiritual essence from the locust head.

The pendulum rushed forward, pleading: "Madam, little slave has followed Master faithfully into battle, never shirking combat—don't deny me my share!"

With that, the pendulum stepped forward and sucked a mouthful of brain matter from the locust.

The phonograph flew into rage, blasting steam to drive the pendulum back: "Rude wench! I haven't finished eating—how dare you stick your mouth in?"

"Opportunity lost is gone forever; chance missed is lost forever!" Tang Dao charged forward, shouting: "Madam is right—this matter doesn't concern the likes of Hanxue! Who always leads the charge in battle? Me!"

Tang Dao didn't greedily want much—just one antenna.

The phonograph refused, scalding Tang Dao until her entire body glowed red.

The earrings wept: "Master, I've served you faithfully, never once slackened—this merit can't be denied me!"

"Not denied, not denied…" Li Banfeng comforted her.

"Old man's heart is cold! Old man is willing to change the rules—I sincerely follow my lord—let me have a bite!" The teapot couldn't hold back anymore. Bound by the phonograph's seal, he lacked power, yet fought against the scorching steam, desperate to claim a share.

The wine gourd had held back—but the phonograph sensed her desire: "Sister, hungry? Since you only consume flesh and blood, wait until I'm done, then take a bite."

"Eat one family's meal, and we are truly one family. No need for politeness."

The gourd was tense—she couldn't tell if the phonograph's invitation was sincere or a test.

She rubbed against Li Banfeng.

Li Banfeng smiled: "Eat. Consider it New Year's Eve dinner."

Seeing the gourd seek Li Banfeng's permission for everything, the wife paused, then resumed sucking the locust's skull.

All the magic treasures gathered nearby, waiting for a gap in the wife's and Honglian's meal to claim a taste.

Faintly, Li Banfeng heard a whisper.

"Give me… just one bite…"

Who was speaking?

Li Banfeng searched for a long time, finally locating the source.

The Judge's Pen.

The lazy, neglected Judge's Pen.

When he encountered Pan Dehai's heart meat, he wanted a bite. When he encountered Linli Monster, he wanted a bite.

But he was too lazy to speak.

Now, faced with the Chong Kui's head, he could no longer resist—he finally spoke up.

If even the Judge's Pen had spoken, was there another treasure still silent?

Li Banfeng remembered.

The fan Pan Dehai gave him hadn't spoken—he couldn't speak. He had already been refined by the copper lotus.

After so long, why no sign?

If heart meat and Linli Monster were hard to digest, refining a magic treasure shouldn't take this long.

Li Banfeng asked the copper lotus. The lotus couldn't speak directly—the phonograph, still eating, explained: "This isn't Honglian's fault. She's cleaned the folding fan thoroughly, but its spiritual essence is hard to handle."

"The fan's essence remained loyal to Pan Dehai. Though it promised to follow Master, it still harbored hidden intentions—this must be Pan Dehai's doing. Even if re-refined, it would remain a rebellious, treacherous spirit."

"Honglian doesn't eat raw spirits. This kind of high-level magic treasure's essence is almost alive. Honglian handed it to little slave—I ate it!"

"Ate it?" Li Banfeng frowned. "Then isn't the treasure ruined?"

"Not entirely ruined. The material remains—high-level magic treasures have precious materials. If you ever find a loyal essence later, you can reforge it. Gourd sister, do you think this handling is appropriate?"

"Sister handled it perfectly. That's exactly how it should be done." The gourd broke into a fresh sweat.

The wife continued absorbing spiritual essence; Honglian summoned another whirlwind, sweeping over the Chong Kui's head.

The pendulum and Tang Dao quietly edged closer to the head.

The wife grew angry: "What's going on today? All of you breaking rules? Are you all possessed by hungry ghosts?"

Grrrrl~

The phonograph's water tank emitted a strange sound—identical to a human's growling stomach.

"Hey! Why am I still hungry? This is abnormal! Husband, did you bring back something else?"

Li Banfeng pulled a worm from his pocket: "This was given to me by Pan Dehai."

"Changluo Silkworm!" the wife gasped. "That old dog Pan Dehai—why give you this? No wonder we're all starving—it's this worm's doing!"

Li Banfeng said: "This thing is a treasure."

"It is a treasure, true—but useless to anyone except a food cultivator!"

"Can't it be useful? If all else fails, let Honglian refine it into a magic treasure."

"This is a unique creature of Haichiling. The magic treasure it becomes would likely be useless, costly, and a constant burden—always hungry, always wanting to eat."

"Then refine it into a pill."

"It can't make a good pill. Eat it, and you might turn into a hungry ghost. In the end, you'd still have to sell it to a food cultivator. Besides, Honglian won't eat raw—its soul still needs separate handling."

"Then let the wife eat it to strengthen her body."

"Thank you, husband, for your kindness. But if I eat this, when I'm hungry again, I won't be so polite—I'll eat anything I see."

That sounds like you're usually polite.

Li Banfeng opened a can: "According to you, how should we handle this?"

"Husband, don't bring it home again—leave it too long and trouble will come! Sell it quickly; a Food Cultivator should pay well for it." The phonograph wasn't exaggerating; judging from today's events, all these magic treasures showed signs of losing control—even the Judge's Pen, forged by Zhao Lanmeng, had started speaking.

Li Banfeng ate from a can and said, "I can't keep this thing on me forever—our canned food's almost gone."

The phonograph spat a cloud of steam that enveloped the Changlu Silkworm: "I'll contain it for now, but not for long—husband, sell it as soon as you can."

The atmosphere inside the Sui Shen Ju remained heated; even with the Changlu Silkworm contained, the lure of the Insect King's head still lingered.

The Lady had devoured all the spiritual essence and looked weary; other magic treasures each took a share of the spoils. The Lotus collected the Insect King's head, and ripples of light spread across her body.

Li Banfeng left the Sui Shen Ju, opened his map, and retraced Yao Lao's route back to Yaowang Gou.

The Wine Gourd worried: "Little brother, I promise I won't tell Yao Lao anything wild after we return. If you still don't trust me, you don't have to go to Yaowang Gou—but I still carry the contract. You ought to give me some explanation."

Li Banfeng patted the gourd: "I trust you. And I trust Yao Lao."

…

Inside the Sui Shen Ju, Red Lotus asked: "That gourd didn't seem to grasp the Madman's thoughts."

Huhhh~

"She can't grasp them at all. Sometimes I can't even understand what the Madman's thinking," the phonograph yawned.

Sssss~

Red Lotus whispered: "Evil Woman, are you about to restore yourself? You've eaten a lot of good things these past two days."

Huhhh~

"Vile woman, haven't you eaten just as much as I have? You gave the pills to the Madman—didn't you keep the best for yourself?"

"You chewed on it so long—you must've built up plenty of strength."

Red Lotus sneered: "I've only scavenged scraps from your mouth. One day, if you ever leave this place, don't forget to take me with you."

Chhhhh~

"On the day you want to leave, warn me first—or don't blame me for ruining your plans."

"Evil Woman, do you think we can find a way out ourselves?" Red Lotus whipped up a whirlwind and opened the door to the outer chamber, as if staring at the main room's entrance.

"Didn't you try before? This is the Madman's house. Without his permission, no one leaves. If you're not satisfied, go ahead and try again." The phonograph yawned again and fell into deep sleep.

Red Lotus radiated light, hastening her pill refining.

She needed more pills for the Madman to eat—Red Lotus sensed the House Cultivator was about to ascend; if the Traveler didn't keep pace, the Madman might die.

While refining pills, Red Lotus kept glancing toward the door.

Before leaving this place, the Madman must live.

PS: Isn't life with Banfeng good enough? Why does Red Lotus want to leave?

(End of Chapter)