Chapter 206: If You Want to Leave, Go Ahead

Eat when you're hungry.

The Judge's Pen suddenly said this, then fell silent.

The fortune-teller lacked the skill to perceive spiritual sounds and couldn't hear the Judge's Pen, but he sensed a slight shift in the room's atmosphere.

Dewdrops seemed to have formed on the speaker's mouth.

"Can't eat it, can't eat it," the phonograph murmured, "we still need this old thing to lead the Master outside the city."

The wife dismissed the thought immediately—she didn't need this meal.

But Li Banfeng didn't: "Wife, eat him!"

"Master, we can't eat him yet…"

"Eat him now."

"If we eat him now, how will you…"

Li Banfeng looked at the phonograph: "Don't you listen to me?"

The phonograph pondered a moment, then mist rose from its speaker.

The fortune-teller gasped in horror: "What are you doing? Young man, don't you want to leave? Do you want to be trapped in this city for life?"

"I can get you out—I know the way. Let me take you…"

Boom!

Li Banfeng kicked the fortune-teller, sending him stumbling forward, right up to the phonograph.

A whirlwind erupted from the large speaker; the fortune-teller's soul was swallowed by the wife. No intact corpse remained—only scattered chunks of bloody flesh.

Li Banfeng looked at Honglian: "Eat!"

Honglian glanced at the bloody flesh on the ground but didn't bite.

She refused to consume mundane matter.

But a cultivator's corpse isn't mundane matter.

Aren't these flesh fragments part of the fortune-teller?

Then what use are they?

Just to disguise him, make him look more human?

Unnecessary.

Li Banfeng could see he was a ghost because Li Banfeng possessed the Golden Eye's Keen Sight technique; ordinary people entering Fool's City would see him as just another ordinary person, utterly unaware he was a dead soul.

Set aside the flesh's purpose for now—first, consider its origin.

If these flesh fragments aren't part of the fortune-teller, they weren't generated by him either—they were brought here from somewhere else.

At this thought, a chill crept down Li Banfeng's spine.

The inn's people had been chasing Li Banfeng; the fortune-teller had been following him too. Their goal must have been his flesh.

If Li Banfeng hadn't had the habit of residing in the Portable Dwelling, he'd have been dead in the inn—the innkeeper was a fourth-layer Fool Cultivator, far more dangerous than this fortune-teller.

There are many Fool Cultivators in the city—why haven't they attacked me?

The peddler of ointments, the onlookers, the woman who gave me directions…

That woman!

She didn't give me directions.

She told me to go inside and drink water.

If I'd entered her house, wouldn't she have struck then?

Just like entering the inn meant entering the innkeeper's house—he could kill me.

Others couldn't kill me because I never entered their houses.

Is this the rule of Fool's City?

But why did the fortune-teller want to kill me?

Did I enter his house?

I did.

The abandoned mansion was his house.

This fortune-teller was truly devious—he tricked me right into his house.

Li Banfeng hugged the phonograph and kissed its large speaker: "Wife, I've figured it all out. Don't you think I've become smarter?"

Not only had Li Banfeng become clearer-headed, but the wife had too.

Hssss~

"Oh Master, did I too fall under his technique?"

Inside the Portable Dwelling, silence. After a few seconds, the wife roared, smoke pouring from all three speakers: "A second-layer cultivator made Old Lady fall under his technique? What kind of logic is this?!"

Honglian didn't mock the phonograph—just moments ago, even her thoughts had been muddled.

The Fool Cultivators' techniques were too powerful.

Li Banfeng sat on the edge of the bed, pondering long, then devised a simple, brutal plan.

"Wife, I'll push out the other phonograph, play music, and lure the dead souls into the room."

"Once one comes in, I'll lock the door and hand him over to you for interrogation—until you learn the way out."

"Master, it's easy to get answers, but hard to tell truth from lies."

"No need to distinguish. I'll capture another, and you interrogate him again. If their testimonies match, they're telling the truth."

Hssss~

The wife spat a puff of steam: "That's a decent plan."

Li Banfeng dragged the wind-up phonograph out of the third room and was about to leave when Mengde said: "Master, it's time to sleep."

"Sleep? Are you trying to trap me in a dream again?"

Mengde blushed shyly: "I contributed in that battle just now."

Li Banfeng snapped: "What did you contribute? You yelled 'cruel bastard' and got me trapped—do you call that contributing?"

Mengde hung his head, deeply aggrieved: "It was an unintentional mistake."

Seeing Li Banfeng's fury, the phonograph interjected: "Master, eat something, rest tonight—you're exhausted."

Li Banfeng ate two canned meals and fell asleep on the bed to Mengde's melodious singing.

The phonograph addressed the calendar: "Tomorrow we fight again—don't let him have nightmares! You didn't fight well today, so I won't punish you—but next time, no mercy."

Mengde bowed quickly: "Thank you, Madam, for your mercy."

The Judge's Pen snorted: "Still too much."

The phonograph blasted a jet of steam, scorching the Judge's Pen red: "What's too much?"

"Hmph!"

The burn hurt, but the Judge's Pen didn't move—it stayed right where it lay.

…

That night, Li Banfeng arrived at Tieyang Mountain. Rong Yeguang, the big gourd, was gone—only Lu Xiaolan remained guarding the gate.

Li Banfeng used the Portable Dwelling to sneak into the stronghold, killed Lu Xiaolan, stole one hundred thousand silver dollars, then burned the entire stronghold to the ground!

"Hohohoho!" Li Banfeng stood in the center of the stronghold, laughing wildly.

Then Li Banfeng woke up.

Such a good dream—and it ended so soon.

He couldn't recall most of it, but he knew it had been a good dream.

Seeing Li Banfeng's fierce gaze, Mengde trembled violently inside the calendar: "Master, you laughed yourself awake—this isn't my fault! Madam, say something!"

Li Banfeng had no interest in punishing Mengde—he needed to go out and capture dead souls. The phonograph called out to him: "Master, ask the Judge's Pen—he might know a way to counter the Fool Cultivators."

What could he possibly know?

But he did speak yesterday.

Li Banfeng picked up the Judge's Pen and asked sincerely: "Brother Pen, if you know how to leave this city, tell me—you don't want to be trapped here either."

The Judge's Pen lingered, showing intent to speak—but simply too lazy to do so.

He probably couldn't explain it in a sentence or two; Li Banfeng switched tactics: "First, tell me—is my plan any good?"

"Too much," the Judge's Pen said, only two words.

Li Banfeng didn't get angry—he seriously pondered the meaning of those two words: "Do you mean I think too much, or do too much?"

"Both."

"Why too much?"

"Someone ruthless is watching."

Who?

"Do you have a simpler way?"

"Ah," the Judge's Pen sighed, waited over two minutes, then spoke four words: "The fool's thousand thoughts…"

Li Banfeng knew this idiom: The fool's thousand thoughts, one must be right.

"But according to you, I still think too little."

The Judge's Pen exhaled a deep, helpless breath, waited two minutes, then spoke four more words: "Worrying over gain and loss."

The fool's thousand thoughts, worrying over gain and loss?

What kind of idiom is that?

"Brother Pen, I don't understand."

The Judge's Pen sighed, "If you want to leave the city, then go."

"I can't get out! If I could, would I be wasting this effort?"

The wind-up phonograph grew impatient: "Master, it's this servant's fault—don't ask him anymore. Let's get on with what matters."

As Li Banfeng pushed the wind-up phonograph to the door, the Judge's Pen suddenly said, "You fool, give me back my capital!"

He said so much at once that Li Banfeng couldn't process it.

What capital?

Dammit!

Back in the Hundred Vines Valley, the Judge's Pen had moved Qiuxiang the Elephant—over two miles.

He'd always been too lazy to ask for payment, but now he suddenly spoke up.

He'd done a great deal of work back then; if he calculated the cost, Li Banfeng would have to be lazy for a long time.

What should I do now?

"Brother Pen, let's discuss this—once I get out of Fool's City, I'll…"

Too late.

Li Banfeng stopped mid-sentence, too lazy to continue.

The Judge's Pen had already reclaimed his capital.

He turned to look at his bed—he really wanted to lie down.

If you can lie down, don't sit.

No, I can't lie down.

Once I lie down, I might not get up for a long time.

The key was still outside; yesterday, after fighting the fortune-teller, Li Banfeng had carelessly tossed it into the abandoned mansion.

Leaving it there forever wasn't an option. Fool Cultivators were so deceitful—if he had accomplices, they might just pick it up.

I have to go out and check—at least I need to move the keys to another place.

That damn Judge's Pen had to demand his capital today—I damn well…

Forget it, too lazy to scold him.

Li Banfeng gritted his teeth and pushed open the door, glancing back at the wind-up phonograph.

Push it out?

Why push it? It's so heavy.

Li Banfeng walked out empty-handed, too lazy to take any magic treasure.

Outside the door, Li Banfeng picked up the key and immediately wanted to go back and lie down.

No, I must find a place for the key first.

Is there a good spot in this mansion?

Since I need to guard against the fortune-teller's accomplices, I can't hide the key inside the mansion.

I should go out and look—maybe there's a good spot outside.

Outside the door, Li Banfeng looked around. The abandoned mansion's surroundings were vast and empty—no good place to hide the key.

Why do I keep thinking about hiding the key?

Isn't my goal to leave the city?

This road is wide enough—walk forward, maybe I'll just get out?

What kind of luck is that? I've walked two days and still can't get out—do I really think random wandering will work?

Forget it, I'll just go back and lie down.

He glanced back at the abandoned mansion behind him, hesitating.

I've already come out—I'm too lazy to go back.

If I don't go back, should I keep walking outward?

That's tiring too.

Why not just lie down right here?

…

Li Banfeng's will was still strong—he resisted the urge to lie down and sleep, walking straight down the alley.

I must leave the city!

After walking a while, the alley turned a corner.

To leave the city, I should walk straight—should I climb over the wall?

Forget it, climbing walls is too tiring.

A little detour doesn't matter—I'll just follow this road.

He trudged forward in a daze, focused only on fighting his laziness, thinking of nothing.

He passed the alley and reached the main street, where an old woman asked, "Child, are you lost? Come have a bowl of water with Grandma."

Trying to trick me into drinking water again? Any new tricks?

Li Banfeng walked on in silence—he was too lazy to speak.

Not long after, he saw the peddler of ointments again: "This is my ancestral secret formula—one application and it works! Friend, you've used my ointment before—tell me, does it work?"

"Friend, say something! If it doesn't work, I'll pay you ten thousand—let's go to my house right now and get the money!"

Your medicine is bullshit!

Go to your house for the money—then you'll kill me once I step inside?

Do you think I'm that stupid?

Li Banfeng ignored him.

Ahead, a magician held a white sheet of paper, rubbed it between his hands, and it turned into a pigeon that fluttered away.

The magician called out to Li Banfeng: "I've got two tricks—friend, want to learn?"

"Two coins for the lesson—just for fun. If you don't want to learn, just clap—give me some applause."

Li Banfeng didn't even look at him.

Soon after, a man dressed as a physician, carrying a medicine chest, approached: "Friend, you have a mole on your face—it brings misfortune to your parents. I'll remove it for one copper coin."

Li Banfeng was too lazy to even curse him.

I don't even know who my parents are—why are you telling me this?

…

Ahead was a breakfast vendor—he seemed to recognize me. Should I detour?

Seen me? Seen me. Detouring is too much effort—I won't.

Ahead is Youlai Inn—should I detour now?

No detour!

It's because I kept wandering aimlessly that I couldn't find the city gate!

I refuse to believe those people in the inn have been watching me this whole time!

Even if they have been watching me, I'm not afraid.

If I can fight, I fight. If I can't, I run. Why detour?

He walked like this for over two hours, then looked up—and found himself at the city gate.

Out?

Already out?

I thought of nothing—and I'm out!

This is too…

Forget it, it's nothing.

Li Banfeng was too lazy to feel happy.

He decided to sprint away immediately.

After hesitating for a while, he gave up.

I can't run.

Too tiring.

I'll walk slowly.

My wife said there's only one Dao sect capable of restraining Fool Cultivators—but it's powerless to fight them.

Is this sect the Lazy Cultivators?

Does "powerless to fight" mean literally?

Not because Lazy Cultivators can't fight—but because they're too lazy to fight?

Is that really true?

Li Banfeng was too lazy to think.

After walking over ten miles, a middle-aged man stood ahead.

Li Banfeng didn't bother looking at him, yet he felt the man was familiar.

Who is it?

Sun Tiecheng!

Hunter!

This son of a bitch!

I was heading to Tietyang Mountain, but he led me to Fool's City!

Once inside the city, you took me to a shady inn!

I suffered this disaster because of you, and yet you dare wait here for me.

"You…" Li Banfeng glared at Sun Tiecheng, then continued on his way.

I'm too lazy to argue with him.

Sun Tiecheng still looked as simple and honest as ever; he called out to Li Banfeng: "Sir, could you come over for a word?"

"No." Li Banfeng didn't feel like speaking.

"Li Qi, you've passed my test."

He knows my name is Li Qi!

What test is he talking about?

Li Banfeng didn't bother to ask.

"Li Qi, don't leave so fast—I've got something good for you!"

Li Banfeng didn't want it.

"Li Qi, stop!" Sun Tiecheng somehow produced a bed and placed it right in front of Li Banfeng.

This is downright vicious!

Do you think I'll fall for your trick?

After struggling for a moment, Li Banfeng lay down on the bed and yawned: "Speak."

PS: If you're hungry, eat. If you're tired, sleep. If you're worn out, rest. If you want to leave the city, just walk out!

The Lazy Cultivator is this pure.

(End of Chapter)