Chapter 58: I Add a Room for My Lord

Although slightly fearful of the singing machine, Li Banfeng had always enjoyed excellent sleep quality inside the portable dwelling.

Waking from a deep sleep, he lit a candle, opened his pocket watch, and saw it was ten o’clock again.

Li Banfeng felt thirsty, bent down to search for water under the bed, but the bucket was gone again.

The night before, he had specifically gone to the river to fetch a bucket of water, boiled it, let it cool, and placed it beside the bed—yet upon waking, it was gone once more.

The house spirit loved cleanliness; Li Banfeng knew this well.

But when you tidy up, can’t you at least consider my habits?

Holding the candle, Li Banfeng searched the room thoroughly, but found no trace of the bucket.

Losing the bucket wasn’t a major issue—he could always buy another if needed.

But one thing was missing too.

The copper lotus was gone!

Li Banfeng’s veins immediately throbbed.

Last night, the copper lotus had refined Rong Jin’an’s corpse into two red pills; Li Banfeng had personally collected the lotus seeds and watched with his own eyes as the copper lotus closed its petals in the corner—how could it vanish so suddenly?

Had the singing machine taken it?

Where had it taken it?

He searched the entire room multiple times but found no trace.

Besides the singing machine, the table and chairs taken from the old house cultivator’s room were gone, as were the various medicinal herbs taken from Du Caicai’s room.

“Wife, where did you put these things?”

The singing machine gave no reply.

Li Banfeng’s heart sank—he had a grim suspicion.

Was there another possibility? That these items weren’t taken by the singing machine at all?

Could someone have entered the portable dwelling last night?

How did they get in?

Did they have a key?

Had someone found the key I hid outside?

The thought sent cold sweat pouring down Li Banfeng’s body.

Should he go out and check?

No.

If someone had stolen the key, entered the portable dwelling, taken the copper lotus, and left—why hadn’t they killed him?

Perhaps they dared not kill him inside the portable dwelling, because the singing machine was here.

But if I step out now, I might walk straight into a group waiting for me outside.

Yet I can’t stay here forever—there’s no food or water, and I won’t last long.

Right now, I must not act rashly—I must first confirm whether anyone truly entered the portable dwelling.

Holding the candlestick, Li Banfeng carefully inspected every corner of the room. Even if the singing machine loved cleanliness and cleaned often, anyone entering or leaving would leave some trace.

He found no trace—but he found something astonishing.

On the wall opposite the door, Li Banfeng discovered a door.

Its color matched the wall perfectly; only by close observation could one detect the faint hinge and seam.

What lay behind this door?

Could it lead to another world?

Might some unknown creature dwell inside?

Could it be another version of myself?

Li Banfeng was pondering whether to open the door when the singing machine suddenly sounded, making him jump.

Chii! Chii! Chii!

“Spring arrives, green fills the window,

A maiden stitches mandarins beneath the pane,

Then comes a cruel blow,

Separating the mandarins forever!”

This was “The Four Seasons Song.”

The song was popular in Yaowang Gou, and reportedly throughout Puluozhou.

“Why are you singing this now?” Li Banfeng asked outright.

Chii! Chii! Chii!

The singing machine continued:

“Summer comes, willow threads grow long,

My lord sleeps late, unwilling to rise,

Day and night he labors to build our wealth,

I add a room for my lord.”

She had altered the lyrics again.

“Add a room”—what did that mean?

Li Banfeng murmured to himself: “Does this mean adding a concubine for me?”

Chii~~

A long hiss, a burst of steam surged forth, scalding Li Banfeng’s entire body red.

It stung a little, but he treated it like a steam bath.

The sudden appearance of a new door meant “a room” wasn’t a concubine—it meant the portable dwelling had gained an additional chamber.

What kind of room?

Li Banfeng pushed open the door and glanced inside.

It was identical to the original portable dwelling.

Same size, same structure—only fewer furnishings.

Inside stood a bucket, a table, two chairs, a cloth sack, and the copper lotus resting on the table.

The singing machine had deliberately moved these items into the new room.

Li Banfeng’s mouth hung open, unable to close.

The singing machine’s ability to tidy things didn’t surprise Li Banfeng—she had always been excellent at household chores.

What truly astonished him was her ability to expand the portable dwelling itself!

The portable dwelling was a sanctuary crafted by a traveling cultivator for himself.

Judging from the peddler’s earlier description, that cultivator had been of extremely high rank.

Yet the singing machine could further expand this sanctuary.

What rank was the singing machine?

In his shock, Li Banfeng noticed another strange thing.

The copper lotus was open, containing a single lotus seed.

Where had this seed come from?

As he wondered, he noticed the cloth sack was also open.

Inside lay the herbs Du Caicai had used for poison refining; Li Banfeng picked up the sack and examined it—the herbs inside had been reduced by nearly half.

Based on the room’s condition, Li Banfeng reconstructed what had happened last night.

The singing machine had somehow expanded the portable dwelling, creating a new chamber.

She had placed the bucket, copper lotus, table, chairs, and cloth sack inside this new room; when placing the sack, she had either deliberately or accidentally spilled some herbs.

The copper lotus sensed the herbs, responded, and refined them into pills—exactly as it had done with Snake Spot Pills.

The remaining herbs, lacking sufficient potency, the copper lotus had ignored and discarded.

The theory made sense; now he wondered what kind of pill the copper lotus had produced.

Li Banfeng picked up the lotus seed and held it in his palm—the copper lotus automatically closed.

Soon after, the seed cracked open, releasing three green pills.

What were these three green pills for?

A pungent, bitter odor made Li Banfeng frown.

Poison cultivators used toxic substances—these pills were surely poisonous. Li Banfeng dared not hold them long, so he quickly found a money pouch and stowed them away.

The remaining herbs had been filtered by the copper lotus; since the lotus deemed them useless, he simply threw them out.

With an extra room, the portable dwelling had grown larger, and Li Banfeng’s spirits lifted—he decided to arrange both rooms.

He named the newly expanded chamber the outer room.

The original chamber he called the main room.

The main room mustn’t be too crowded; the outer room mustn’t be too empty.

Li Banfeng first moved the bathtub into the outer room—it took up too much space.

What else could he move?

The long spear—he didn’t know how to use it well—better put it in the outer room.

What else?

A feather duster—this doesn’t belong in the main chamber.

Anything else?

It seems…

That’s all.

Before, the main chamber was so cramped; now that we have the outer room, the things needing organizing don’t seem so many…

Hmph!

The phonograph spat out a puff of steam, just like a scoffing sound.

Li Banfeng glared: “Are you mocking me? Mocking me for living in poverty?”

The phonograph continued singing “The Song of Four Seasons”:

“A day as husband and wife brings a hundred days of grace,

How dare this humble wife laugh at her lord?

Every stitch, every thread, I pour my heart into,

Let us carefully divide it all together.”

The lyrics were sincere, yet the singing voice dripped with mockery!

Li Banfeng gritted his teeth: “Just wait—I’ll buy a whole house of fine furnishings and blind your big loudspeaker!”

Hmph! Hmph!

The phonograph scoffed at Li Banfeng twice.

Li Banfeng was furious and turned to leave, when the phonograph sang again:

“This humble wife’s devotion runs deep,

I give you one layer of cultivation as a gift,

A hundred flavors dance upon your nose,

Golden eyes discern yin and yang with microscopic clarity~~”

Wait!

Li Banfeng returned to the phonograph: “You just said ‘one layer of cultivation’—what does that mean? Are you saying my Zhai Xiu has reached one layer?”

The phonograph did not answer.

Li Banfeng added: “A Zhai Xiu without a Zhai Spirit cannot ascend a layer. You gave me one layer—does that mean you’ve become my Zhai Spirit?”

The phonograph still did not answer.

“Do you truly wish to stay with me? Actually, it’s not bad with me—I’ll earn money, support the household, and never mistreat you.”

Hmph!

The phonograph scoffed once.

“Don’t underestimate me—I’m worth a million now.”

Hmph!

The phonograph spat another puff of steam.

Is she laughing at me again?

Forget it—I won’t argue over this.

“You just said I’ve reached the first layer of Zhai Xiu cultivation—does that mean I’ve gained two skills?”

The phonograph remained silent.

“‘A hundred flavors dance upon your nose’—does that mean my sense of smell will become extraordinary?

I already noticed I could smell certain poisons; now that I’ve reached a layer, is my nose even sharper?

And ‘Golden eyes discern yin and yang with microscopic clarity’—what does that mean? Am I granted the Golden Eyes of Fire?

To discern yin and yang—does that mean I can detect ghosts?

Is this a technique all Zhai Xiu possess, or is it unique to you?”

“Wife, don’t ignore me!”

“Say something! Don’t make me talk to myself like a madman!”

Hmph-hmph~

The phonograph emitted two more scoffs.

Li Banfeng grew angry: “Wife, why do you always mock me?”

A wisp of steam drifted over and polished the mirror on the table.

What’s this mean? Am I supposed to look in the mirror myself?

Li Banfeng gazed into the mirror—and his eyes widened instantly.

His face was caked in heavy makeup!

Thick black eyebrows.

Deep purple eyeshadow.

Bright white foundation.

A single crimson cherry lip.

Far more flamboyant than any ordinary woman’s makeup!

If Li Banfeng went live with this face, he’d gain ten thousand followers overnight!

Li Banfeng roared: “Who did this? Wife, was it you?”

Hmph-hmph~

Clatter-clatter-clatter~

The phonograph sang: “Oh my lord, you wrong this humble wife—this was done by that vile Hán Xuè!”

Li Banfeng stared in shock: “Hán Xuè’s pendulum? Why would she do this?”

The phonograph spoke in recitative: “It is her nature—her soul was devoured by me, leaving only a sliver of spirit. This vile woman was born to adorn others. Every time you use the pendulum, she must dress you up again!”

Li Banfeng stared at the pendulum: “Can I still keep this vile thing?”

Hmph-hmph~

The phonograph whispered softly: “Keep it, keep it, my lord. All magic treasures require investment to use. She merely likes to dress you up—this cost is trivial.”

Li Banfeng scratched his scalp: “What do you mean ‘require investment’?”

PS: Dear readers, it’s the weekend—say something to Shālā, or she’ll go mad.

(End of Chapter)