[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":-1},["ShallowReactive",2],{"origin-marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman":3,"chapter-marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-chapter-173":6},{"origin":4,"title":5},"english","Marvel: A Lazy-Ass Superman",{"chapter":7,"nextChapterSlug":19,"prevChapterSlug":20,"totalChapters":21,"novelImage":22},{"id":8,"novel_id":9,"title":10,"slug":11,"index":12,"content":13,"wordcount":14,"created_at":15,"updated_at":15,"volume":16,"translator":17,"content_hash":18},1721623,2198,"Chapter 173 - 173 – The Addictive Battle Suit ( Bonus )","marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-chapter-173",173,"\u003Cp>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>For 20 advanced chapters, visit my Patreon:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Patreon - Twilight_scribe1\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Somewhere along the French coastline, not a vacation spot, just a rocky shore at dawn. Naturally, there were no passersby or tourists around.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Soaking wet, Henry crawled up out of the sea. The greasy paint on his face and the hastily brushed-on water-based dye in his hair had long been washed away by the seawater, leaving no trace of the disguise.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He twisted his body to fling off the water, then stripped off the exaggerated stage costume. Shoes included, he folded everything neatly—leaving only a bright red pair of boxers.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Henry grimaced as he stared at the \"battle suit\" in his hands, helpless beyond words.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He recalled that last fight aboard the alien battleship—he wasn't even fighting aliens, but rather fleeing from the Phoenix, who had gone utterly berserk and was hunting him down!\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>One running, one chasing. Smashing into walls, breaking through barriers.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Sure, there were alien defense squads inside the warship, but those weaklings were no match for a Kryptonian and a raging Phoenix. If they failed to intercept, they were lucky. If they actually did, their fate was usually grim.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>In the end, the D'bari warship dragged its battered hull away. Earth was too dangerous, so that ragged remnant of a race decided to search elsewhere for a way to continue their lineage.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>As for Henry—his thoughts back then had been twofold: first, to escape the Phoenix; second, to avoid Earth's satellite surveillance, whose capabilities he couldn't even gauge anymore. So he dove straight into the ocean.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Even decades later, he knew, satellite technology and analysis would keep improving, but deep-sea detection of living organisms would still remain a blind spot.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Go deeper than twenty meters, and optical monitoring became useless. Only radar mapping could scan fixed terrain features on the seabed.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>That was why the supposed \"sea people\" and undersea kingdoms of legend had never been confirmed or tracked down.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Thus Henry chose to move beneath the sea, making his way from the Americas back to continental Europe.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>As for why the Phoenix hadn't pursued him—he had no idea. Whatever her plan was, it was her business. Destroy the world? Destroy Earth? Fine, go ahead.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>That was a problem for the X-Men. His contribution ended at driving off the aliens. Fight the Phoenix? Don't kid yourself. Back then, he hadn't known any better…\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Now, sitting half-naked on the rocks in his boxers, Henry looked at the costume in his hands with unspeakable feelings. Finally, he couldn't hold back and swore:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"F*ck, this battle suit is way too addictive. I can't ever wear this thing again.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Having made up his mind, Henry burned the cheap stage costume—along with the tap-dance shoes—with his heat vision, reducing it all to ashes. Then he blew the ashes out to sea with a powerful gust of super-breath.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>No more taking calls from the X-Men. If this time they dragged him into fighting the Phoenix, who knew what kind of nonsense they'd throw at him next? He'd be crying without tears.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>But now, down to just a pair of red boxers, Henry realized something: if he flew like this, would the wind shear blow his shorts clean off?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>And then—sure enough—a bird flew overhead…\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Which just proved that those superheroes in tights and capes flying around in the sky… from a certain perspective, they were actually in line with physics. (Power Girl's outfit being a notable exception…)\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Flash's costume was even more unscientific. Every reboot of his story would spend time explaining how at super-speed, normal clothes would be shredded by air pressure or burned up by friction, hence the need for a special suit.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>But when Flash carried ordinary people at super-speed, he never seemed to worry about that. No matter how far or fast, the person always arrived intact—maybe just dizzy or nauseous.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Logically, if special suits were actually necessary, shouldn't the passengers end up starting fully dressed, but arriving completely naked?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Don't think about it. The answer was always the \"Speed Force.\" Just like other heroes' unexplained \"bio-fields.\" Pseudoscience as a catch-all.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>So, could he keep his shorts intact while sprinting back to that borrowed room in Switzerland from Miss Hepburn? Or should he just fly back to his rental in Los Angeles?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>If the boxers met a heroic end mid-flight, he'd be forced to streak in broad daylight. Sure, if he went fast enough, no one would see… but still, that would be far too thrilling an \"art performance.\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Henry smacked his forehead. He was clearly still stuck in character, unable to shake it off.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Lesson learned: battle suits must be chosen with caution. So must roles.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Pick the wrong cheap role just for a paycheck, and your career's ruined. Similarly, wear the wrong battle suit, and your heroic dreams are shattered.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Ah—wait. He never planned to be a superhero anyway. So shattered or not, who cared?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>The real question was: why had he chosen that ridiculous outfit in the first place? Way too addictive.This text is hosted at novel⦿fire.net\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He must have been crazy to do it.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>No—correction. The version of himself wearing the battle suit had gone crazy. Or maybe it was the choice itself that proved he was crazy.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Either way, Henry firmly believed he was just an ordinary man—albeit one with a Kryptonian-like physique.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Whether he was Kryptonian or not remained unconfirmed. But did it really matter?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He had already tested with pure lead to check if he might be a Daxamite.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Unlike kryptonite, lead doesn't glow—meaning no radiation. Kryptonite poisoned Kryptonians. Daxamites, however, reacted allergically to lead.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Henry wasn't allergic to lead. So, not a Daxamite.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>As for the Homelander template, impossible. Homelander wasn't an alien, and he didn't have a bio-field. That was a different situation entirely, so ruled out.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Could there be other alien species in the Marvel Universe empowered by Earth's yellow sun? Henry couldn't say yes or no.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Origins were important when you cared. When you didn't, not so much.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Thankfully, that unspeakable bio-field of his preserved his last shred of decency—the red boxers. Just like how Hulk's ultra-stretchy pants always miraculously held on, protecting his modesty. A Marvel miracle.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Even Thanos with all six Infinity Stones probably couldn't snap away Hulk's pants. Otherwise the comics would've gone straight from all-ages to X-rated.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>So… should Henry go collect the Infinity Stones just to test whether they outranked Hulk's pants?\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>He slapped himself again, shaking off such insane thoughts. Then, using super-speed and phasing, he returned to his room and changed into normal clothes.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Elderly retirees always woke early. So when Henry came downstairs, Miss Audrey Hepburn was already in the kitchen in an apron, frying eggs.\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Hearing his footsteps, she turned, smiled warmly, and greeted him:\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>\"Good morning, child. I didn't hear you come back. Would you like some breakfast?\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>🎉 Power Stone Goal Announcement! 🎉\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>I'll release one bonus chapter for every 500 Power Stones we hit!\"\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Let me know what should I do\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>Your support means everything—let's crush these goals together! Keep voting, and let the stones pile up! 🚀\u003C\u002Fp>\n\u003Cp>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\u003C\u002Fp>",1187,"2026-06-06T15:31:22.542Z",1,"novelbin.me","7ad3f093df79d228455c758014a9064b2758a2b467cdf95f7ef389de07848155","marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-chapter-174","marvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-chapter-172",556,"https:\u002F\u002Fnovelzhen.com\u002Fimages\u002Fcovers\u002Fmarvel-a-lazy-ass-superman-cover.jpg"]