Chapter 100: My Name

Qidian has a feature called Monthly Ticket Bonus Chapters — you unlock one free chapter by casting a single monthly ticket.

But… I figure plenty of diehard readers have already cast theirs regardless, so if I launch it now it'd feel like a backstab.

So I'm "pretending to open a Monthly Ticket Bonus Chapter" — if you've got tickets on hand, go ahead and cast them; if not, no worries, haha.

Next month, if I really have the spare energy, I'll open a genuine Monthly Ticket Bonus Chapter.

— My name's Li Hongji, and right now I'm not too happy.

My old man died, so I took over his post as a relay-station runner.

"Relay-station runner" sounds fine, but it's really just a job looking after the horses.

This godforsaken place — the autumn wind whips up the yellow dust, and even the air carries a stench of horse dung, dry hay, and shabby poverty all mixed together.

The horses in the relay station are one and all thin as firewood sticks, listless and weak, just like me — no hope in sight.

But today, a troublesome character showed up in the stables.

A newly arrived Mongol horse — truly a magnificent beast, but with a temper as fierce as a blaze.

"Watch out!"

Someone yelled, and the brute suddenly reared up, its bowl-sized hooves flailing wildly, scaring the horse grooms so badly they nearly pissed themselves.

The stables instantly turned into utter chaos.

"What's all the panic!"

I bellowed.

My voice wasn't loud, but those panicked grooms acted like they'd found their backbone, all of them clearing a path for me.

I walked in against the light, watching that still-frenzied horse, and my heart stayed calm enough.

In this dead-and-gloomy relay station, all these grooms look up to me.

I didn't shout, and I didn't grab a whip — I just approached unhurriedly, making soft "shh, shh" soothing sounds with my mouth.

This brute is actually easier to handle than people.

It slowly lowered its forelegs, but its nostrils were still snorting heavily, and its hooves pawed the ground restlessly.

I reached out my hand, waved it in front of its face, then pressed it firmly against its neck, stroking along its mane again and again.

"It's all right, it's all right…"

I kept murmuring, and miraculously, that fierce horse truly quieted down — it even nuzzled my palm with its head.

"Brother Li, you're really something!"

"Yeah, if it were us, we wouldn't dare get that close."

Listening to the flattery around me, my face showed no expression — I just patted the horse's neck, but inside I felt a trace of pride.

This feeling of being respected — not bad at all.

But just then, a voice as booming as a bell exploded from the relay-station gate.

"Yellow Whelp! Get out here!"

Those three words, "Yellow Whelp," hit me like a bucket of ice water, drenching me from head to toe in bone-chilling cold.

The face I'd just earned in front of everyone vanished in an instant.

My face went dark, and I charged out of the stables in shame-fueled rage, roaring at the tall figure at the gate: "What are you yelling for! I told you not to call me by that name!"

The man who'd come was my uncle, Gao Yingxiang — a fellow who's been trading horses along the border for years.

His face was all weather-beaten, his beard scruffy, and seeing me so humiliated, instead of getting angry he laughed, his palm big as a rush-leaf fan tousling my head all over the place.

"You little brat, how old are you and still shy? Come on, I'm hardly ever here — let's go to your place and have a few drinks!"

I finally managed to squirm free, but then my face showed difficulty, and I pointed at the scrawny old man poking his head out by the relay-station gate: "Uncle, I haven't gotten off duty yet today."

That old man is our Relay Station Master — a pair of triangular eyes always scheming something, not the easy-to-deal-with sort.

"What damned difference does it make!" My uncle waved his hand dismissively. "Just slip him a bit of money."

With that, he strode over to the Relay Station Master with the swagger of a lord, fished out a dozen or so copper coins from his bosom, and slapped them onto the table with a crack.

"Old sir, I'm borrowing my nephew here for half a day."

The old man's eyes lit up at once, and without batting an eye he swept the coins into his sleeve, the wrinkles on his face blooming into a chrysanthemum of a smile: "Master Gao jests — he's your own nephew, take him along by all means!"

I followed behind my uncle, feeling sour inside.

Money can make the devil turn a millstone — that saying is no lie.

My home is tiny — rammed-earth walls, a thatched roof, reeking of poverty.

"Jin'er, we've got a guest — go put together some wine and food!" I shouted the moment I stepped inside.

The door curtain to the inner room lifted, and my woman, Han Jin'er, walked out.

She really is quite alluring, with a fine figure too — only those eyes of hers always carry a restless, flirtatious air, hooking into people when she looks at them.

First she threw a coquettish glance at my uncle that made his men stare with glazed eyes, and then she pulled her face long and snapped at me with ill temper: "The rice jar at home is scraped clean — where's the money for wine and food? You think money just falls from the sky?"

With one sentence, she ripped the skin off my face right in front of outsiders, leaving it burning with pain.

Just then, my uncle discreetly pressed a heavy money pouch into my hand.

The weight of it in my palm instantly straightened my spine again.

I tossed the money pouch into Han Jin'er's arms and barked gruffly: "Cut the crap! When I tell you to go, you go! Go into town and buy three jin of meat and two jin of good wine! Get moving!"

Han Jin'er hefted the money pouch, the gloom on her face swept clean away — at once she beamed, wiggled her hips, and headed out: "All right, I'm going now."

I watched her retreating figure, a surge of disgust welling up inside me.

Only the two of us, uncle and nephew, remained in the room.

"How did uncle's trading go this trip?" I asked.

"Bah!" My uncle spat a thick wad of phlegm onto the floor. "Don't even ask! This time when we went beyond the pass, I don't know what madness seized that old Khan, but he issued strict orders forbidding every tribe from selling horses. I had to call in a heap of favors just to bring back these few scrawny nags — nearly lost my whole stake!"

My heart stirred, and I lowered my voice: "Not selling horses? Word's been going around lately that the current Emperor seems gravely ill… Uncle, you don't think they're planning to use this chance to invade, do you?"

"No." Uncle shook his head. "I heard tell they're fixing to start a fight with that bunch to the east."

"To the east? The Jurchen the Capital Gazette keeps writing about?"

"Who cares who they are!" Uncle waved his hand impatiently.

But my eyes only grew brighter.

Once the world falls into chaos, who's to say it won't be a fine chance to strike it rich.

"Uncle, a war is a good thing! It's the best business under heaven!" I leaned in close and said excitedly.

"Oh?" Uncle raised an eyebrow.

"Think about it — if they start fighting among themselves, people are bound to die, right? We can't get to the east, so we just wait out here on the steppe. Once the fighting's done, we go pick up a few heads and trade them to the border troops for reward silver! That business would pay out faster than horse-trading!"

Uncle stared at me blankly. After a long moment, he suddenly let out a snort of laughter.

"Boy, how can you be so foolish?" He shook his head as if looking at a child who understood nothing. "A head bounty of five taels of silver — by the time it reaches the border troops' hands, if even one tael lands in yours, their ancestors must have piled up virtue!"

"You'd dare wave a head in front of their faces? You think they won't turn around and chop your head off too, and report it all together for merit and reward? When that time comes, the heads are still their heads, and the merit is still their merit. What do you get out of it?"

Those words hit me like a bucket of cold water, jolting me awake in an instant.

Damn it all. In this world, the big fish eat the little fish, and the little fish eat the shrimp. Lowborn wretches like us — we're the shrimp, for anyone to squeeze and fleece.

I was left stammering wordlessly, reduced to scratching my head and forcing a dry laugh.

After a moment, I switched to another angle. "The head business won't work, but other business will. If they're going to war, they'll need swords, spears, arrowheads — we can't get our hands on that stuff. But they still have to eat, don't they? They still need iron pots, don't they? We smuggle iron pots out from inside the passes, they melt them down to make weapons. That trade would bring in a lot more than horse-dealing!"

A man won't grow rich without windfall wealth, a horse won't fatten without night grass. Now that was a real big trade!

This time, Uncle fell silent. He narrowed his eyes and turned my words over carefully. The more he thought, the brighter his eyes grew.

"Right! How come I never thought of that!" He slapped his thigh. "Once the fighting starts, men die, and the cattle and sheep left behind multiply. They won't be short on food — what they'll be short on is ironware! Good lad, that brain of yours works fast! Done. Next trip, your uncle's hauling iron pots!"

Watching Uncle's excited expression, I felt at ease inside too.

Soon enough, Han Jin'er came back carrying wine and meat.

The wine and dishes were laid out on the table. Everyone poured and passed the cups around, tearing into big chunks of meat and downing great bowls of wine. The mood quickly turned lively.

After three rounds of wine, the floodgates opened, and it was nothing but complaints about how hard these times were.

"This cursed weather — not a drop of rain in half a year. The shoots in the fields are about to wither dead from drought!"

"You said it. And the taxes still have to be paid in full, not a copper missing! Just the other day, Old Wang from the next village — couldn't pay his taxes, stood to death right outside the yamen gate!"

I took a swallow of wine and joined the cursing. "Forget the tax collectors — just look at our own post station. The salaries get squeezed layer by layer. By the time anything reaches our hands, how many coppers are left? If we didn't scrape a little grease off the passing merchants now and then, our whole families would've starved long ago!"

The more everyone cursed, the more worked up they got. Even that dog of an Emperor got a couple of curses, until Uncle, still alert, hurriedly cut the talk short.

All feasts must end.

Uncle was a straightforward man — said he was leaving and left. He swung up onto his horse and waved a hand at me. "Go on back. A grown man shouldn't be all mopey and clingy. When your uncle's iron-pot trade pays off this trip, I'll bring you something fine!"

I stood where I was and watched Uncle and his party ride off into the distance, kicking up a trail of dust that soon vanished into the twilight.

My eyes were full of envy.

That was the life a man ought to live! Fast horses, strong liquor, brothers at your side, earning money in fistfuls, eating meat by the mouthful — what joy!

And then I looked at myself, trapped in this tiny post station, tending a few scrawny horses and one lowborn woman, day after day, with not a sliver of a way out in sight.

"Husband..."

A coy, honeyed voice sounded behind me. Han Jin'er had come out at some point. She asked softly, "That money of yours... where did it come from?"

I turned back. I saw her face, suddenly so alluring, and the naked greed in her eyes, undisguised. A wicked fire surged up from the pit of my gut.

True enough — I had nothing.

But I had this body full of inexhaustible strength! I had the skill to make the fiercest horse bow its head!

I scooped her up by the waist with one arm, slung her over my shoulder, and strode toward the house.

"Aiyah! What are you doing! It's still broad daylight! This won't do..." She cried out in alarm, her fists beating softly against my back.

My answer was my heavy, ragged breathing and a bellowing roar.

"Will it do or won't it! I'm asking you — will it do or won't it!"

"Won't do, won't do... I can't take it no more..."

Inside the house, the woman's pleas for mercy soon grew broken and faltering, drowned out by my even rougher declarations.

Heaven is vast and earth is vast, but inside this crumbling house, I am the vastest of all!

— My name is Li Hongji, and right now, I'm having a damn fine time.