Chapter 135: I can't write anymore; I want to take a break for a while

I can't write anymore; I want to take a break for a while.

Let me explain my current predicament.

Readers who have followed along likely know that I am a part-time writer, writing books in my spare time to avoid wasting all my leisure time on playing games and scrolling through my phone. Actually, I used to be a content creator on Bilibili making Mount & Blade videos, with the ID "Tea and Tragedy"; if you're interested, you can go check it out.

But I digress. This book has reached a little over 610,000 words so far. Being able to write this much is thanks to all the friends who support me. I am truly, deeply grateful, especially to the big shots who help me spot typos. I am really grateful to you all; thank you, thank you.

I'll set a flag here: rest is rest, but I definitely won't abandon this book.

My problem now is that I can't write anymore, and as time goes on, I feel increasingly exhausted. As soon as I lie down, my brain starts thinking about the book, and it's an uncontrollable, scattered train of thought—very chaotic. You'll probably understand if I describe my sleep situation: I lie in bed at twelve, and then countless ideas appear in my head. Then I look at the clock, and it's past two in the morning. I'm sleepy, really sleepy, and my mental state is poor, but in this process, I just can't fall asleep.

After falling asleep past two, I wake up after six. I sleep for four hours the whole night and then can't sleep anymore because the ideas come back. But when I get up, I can't write anything. Then I go to work during the day, and by the time I get off, it's 6 or 7 PM, and then I have to desperately write 5,000 words.

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This is actually very difficult. When my train of thought isn't clear, writing for 5 or 6 hours is normal; even when it's good, it takes at least 4 hours. After all, I'm not a professional. And at this time, I've actually only slept for four hours. Sometimes writing really feels like pulling things out of my brain; writing a paragraph truly makes my head ache.

Also, not all ideas can be used. Many ideas are still me thinking about how to argue with readers in the comments. To be honest, sometimes we aren't on the same wavelength, and it's really hard to synchronize.

There are many examples in the book that illustrate this point. For instance, during the tunnel ambush, some readers pointed out: there are hunters among the soldiers, don't they know about the Warg's sense of smell? Why didn't they speak up?

Perhaps the friends who raised this question think too simply, believing it's just a matter of saying something, and that speaking up would have increased the success rate of the ambush. Why not say it? I replied that they weren't willing to, and as a result, many people complained.

My idea in describing this was that those gathered hunters indeed knew about such things, but they were just ordinary Conscripts. They were neither advisors nor strategists. In that environment at the time, they didn't have the courage to question their own lord. What kind of environment was this? What were they doing?

A soldier telling a general that their plan won't work? They'd probably die on the spot. An official telling an emperor that their decree can't be executed? Being mistreated for a lifetime is the least of it; the most severe is having your entire clan executed. It's actually just that little bit of nuance, but it just doesn't synchronize. Some even said these soldiers didn't speak up because they were dissatisfied with the protagonist and wanted to die together with him. I don't know what they were thinking—teasing me? Some readers also said I'm not suited for writing. Maybe so.

Actually, later on, I had Aota describe another matter: the fact that Orcish from the Misty Mountains are good at climbing. That was a side-point as to why he didn't suggest the plan wouldn't work, because as a leader, he still had some qualifications. Soldiers? Ordinary soldiers have no right to speak in such scenarios, regardless of which world or dynasty it is.

Maybe I thought too much and described too little. For example, the words the protagonist sighed at Iron Wall Town—in my view, that was a very normal emotional transition, but I don't know why many readers couldn't accept it. Maybe my foreshadowing wasn't enough.

Friends who follow the updates can probably see that what I'm writing now is half about what is happening, who did what, and how they specifically did it, and the remaining half is all explanation: why they had to do it, what consequences it caused, and the specific reasons leading to this result.

After reading many readers' comments, along with my own physical condition, I actually don't know how to continue telling this story.

I have an outline and a main plot. Saving the Lonely Mountain is equivalent to a newbie village quest. I originally wanted to finish it before the book went on sale, and then I wrote over 300,000 words, ╮(╯▽╰)╭

The Easterlings' invasion is a campaign I consider original. The main purpose was to help the protagonist gather the existing Northmen, and at the same time, make the protagonist's life full of tension; if there were no enemies around, only allies, life would be too comfortable.

I also laid out a thread later, which is actually about helping the Kingdom of Arnor restore its country. The current story is pretty much just the beginning of that.

There are a few more things later, as well as the development of strength in the Simulator, and then feeding back into Middle-earth. I estimate 1,000,000 words won't be enough to finish it. Actually, I initially wanted to end this book at 600,000 words, yet now I've barely covered half?

I have a huge headache (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻.

Some readers commented, "Did you sell the text to a studio?" Just kidding, they wouldn't look at a book with my performance. The problem is still me, still that same problem.

After reading many readers' comments, along with my own physical condition, I actually don't know how to continue telling this story. And then I made myself somewhat anxious.

When writing a book is just for the manuscript fee and no longer brings joy, I actually know I'm done for. At the beginning of this month, I thought about posting something to explain the situation and take a break for a while, but my editor big shot arranged a recommendation for me.

A recommendation is a very important resource for an author. I wanted it, so I persisted for a while longer, but now I can't keep going. I still feel very sorry for my editor big shot.

Writing up to here basically explains my situation. There will definitely be friends who say, "With this time, you could have written the main text." In fact, writing is not like that. Sometimes, for the upcoming plot, you really don't know how to describe it. It takes a huge amount of time to design the plot—for example, what is Gandalf's reaction, should Saruman speak first, how should Lady Galadriel take a side, what should be the reactions of Cirdan and Elrond to the protagonist? This is a series of things, and I have no clue at all right now.

If I really can't write a specific description, it might just be one sentence: "At the meeting, Saruman agreed to Allen's request, blah blah blah." But I don't want to write this section like that, so I've been struggling until now.

This can be called "writer's block," or a exhaustion of inspiration. Even most of the situations later are like this. I know I need to do something to change. I consulted many authors, and they said I am too tired and need to rest, need to clear my mind, or abandon the book and start a new one.

I chose to take a break for a while.

That's it. Our paths in the world are long; we'll meet again in the future.