Chapter 2232: Late Autumn in the Golden City (Part 31)

The shocked expression on Loki's face lasted less than a second before she turned her head away with a 'swish'.

"I didn't come here for psychological treatment."

"I respect any kind of orientation."

Loki opened her mouth, paused for two seconds, then looked at Schiller and said, "Why do you say that?"

"Because of the fluidity of your gender, so..."

"Not that," Loki interrupted Schiller, "Why do you think I... for Thor..."

"That's a long story."

"Then make it short."

"But you aren't here for psychological treatment."

Loki was choked. She couldn't help but complain again, "Why are you so different from the doctor?"

"Because I am not a psychologist," Schiller changed the leg he had crossed over the other and said, "Do you think the detailed inquiries, careful observations, scientific analysis, and cautious judgments performed by your good doctor are because such a process is necessary?"

"Isn't it?"

"It's because he charges by the hour. We don't need that."

Loki puffed up her cheeks and said, "Then give me a reason. I'll pay your consultation fee too."

"But I am not a psychologist, and I don't need anyone to pay for the judgments I make," Schiller tilted his body to one side, rested his elbow on the armrest of the armchair, supported his temple with his fingertips, tilted his head to look at Loki, and said, "Instead, you have to be prepared to accept my judgment—usually there are no good words, and it's not what you want to hear."

"Then why do you want to say it?"

"Because people, before knowing the answer, all feel they have the ability to bear the truth. Curiosity will definitely push you to a dead end, but if I wait for you at the finish line, you feel I am too sharp."

Loki had nothing to say. She found that she was always speechless in front of this Schiller. Not long after they parted, she began to miss her good doctor.

Schiller the doctor's fees were indeed very high, and he required others to provide extra emotional value, sometimes even having to turn themselves into entertainment for him to take pleasure in.

But it had to be admitted that the consultation and treatment he provided were like a spring breeze, and the views he gave on certain things were enlightening, yet not very hard to accept, because he had already explained the principles thoroughly before announcing the truth.

But it seemed this Professor Schiller had no such patience. He was better at hitting the nail on the head. He was truly too sharp. No one could gain a linguistic advantage in front of him. He was focused and keen, like a true weird genius.

Loki met Schiller's gaze. She felt she had long been seen through by that slightly neurotic look, but it had to be admitted that what Schiller said was right. His performance made people even more curious about the answer he could give.

Loki let out a long breath, leaned against the bedpost, held the round top of the bedpost with her hand, pressed her chin against the back of her hand, and stared straight at Schiller, who was sitting on the sofa in the corner.

"Then speak, how do you see me?"

"People always say your growth experience shaped you—Odin's unfairness, Thor's rough edges, Frigga's excessive attention. These experiences led you to become Loki, led all Lokis in the universe to become Loki."

"But this view of people actually makes you very annoyed. You have always believed that you shaped yourself."

"Your greed never came from past lack, and your perfectionism is not because of a lack of security. You think you should have something because you feel you deserve it, not because you didn't have it before, so you must have it now."

"So excessive attention to your past is an insult to you. They see you as duckweed drifting in the storm. It looks like sympathy, but it's actually thinking you have nothing to anchor yourself to. This view makes you go crazy."

"Regarding your feelings, Odin sees you as his youngest son, Frigga sees you as the little prince who has been wronged, Laufey sees you as a tool to counter Odin, and Asgardians see you as the unremarkable second prince."

"Only Thor—he doesn't just see you as his brother; he sees you as Loki."

"His recognition of your self is clearer than anyone else's, and he takes your sociological attributes very lightly. Even when complaining to Odin, he never says how my brother is, how your son is; he only says Loki did this, Loki did that."

"Compared to reviewing the past, Thor spends 99% of his time looking forward. Many people take this as not having a long memory or being too reckless, but precisely because of this, the you he knows is the you of the present, not a collection of past experiences."

"In front of him, you don't feel the impact of past experiences on your current relationship and emotions at all. When you are together, you can focus on the present without distraction and imagine the future. This is something even Odin cannot do."

"This makes you deeply fascinated and attracted to him, wanting to occupy his time, because every second you spend with him, you feel you are yourself more deeply than at other times."

"Perhaps you haven't realized it either, but the firm self you think you have is far less stable than you imagine. Old shadows of the past make you painful, but you always escape."

"Showing your self-existence to others is more like a temporary painkiller, and by Thor's side, you feel the wind and waves subside. His recognition of your current independence is like an anchor sinking into the deep sea. Because he exists, you don't need to manifest yourself to be yourself."

"This not only makes you pursue, but also makes you addicted. But if it is obvious that the time you spend with him will be less and less, you will be more urgent to find another anchor—you are crazy about wanting to choose Thor, but you want to avoid him as much as possible."

"Because you know that Thor's actions are just natural, he is like this to everyone. He doesn't realize his special significance to you, and you don't want him to realize it. So when things are still manageable, you choose to maintain the status quo, do nothing, or even retreat and actively give up."

"As for why you don't want him to realize it... there is still a subtle competitive spirit between you. Although you have already honored him as king and acknowledged the status gap between you, feelings are always another matter."

"You hope to hold more ropes in your hands, avoiding handing your rope to anyone, you..."

Schiller paused, frowned slightly, as if sniffing something, and then began to explore in a deeper direction.

"You don't want Thor to be at ease, from beginning to end. You hope he never feels 'Loki is doing well, has no other requests, things can just go on like this'."

"But you are not entirely seeking his attention or pulling his attention for this. You seem to be seeking a kind of emotional... fairness."

"He can anchor you. You think this is a power, so the obligation he needs to fulfill is to be disturbed by your existence, just like 'you can do this to me, you have to pay a price'."

"Because he actually doesn't know what he can do to you. So far you have hidden it well. This way you have won twice: you have held one of Thor's ropes in your hand, and you haven't handed yours to him, putting you in a dominant position emotionally."

"In your relationship, you are so competitive... it is also natural."

"Yes, you are a person who weighs your own position through possessing and being possessed—the more you possess, the clearer your self; the more you are possessed, the clearer your superego."

"When you possess something, you can actively use your own consciousness to make free judgments that release your nature. When you are possessed by certain people with certain identities, you are trapped by conscience and morality, so you are not completely good, nor completely bad."

"You hope to possess Thor and be possessed by him, hope to release your free nature in front of him, and hope that you are both tied by the bonds of close relatives, following the rules of having to be responsible for relatives in a sociological sense."

Schiller's fingers tapped the sofa armrest rhythmically, clearly falling into deep thought. His amazing talent was running at full power, and the air in the room was filled with the echoes of thinking.

"The current situation is that Thor is walking into a new stage of life step by step. He is crowned, married, and has children. New stages of life are always full of opportunities and challenges. But whether it is opportunities or challenges, you are clearly not his main theme."

"You and Thor have almost no chance to be alone. The days of being inseparable in your youth are getting further and further away from you both. Your need to possess him cannot be satisfied."

"Thor has more and closer family members. He has a wife and is about to have a child. Even if he values you as he did in the past, the objects he is tied to by the rule of being responsible for relatives have increased out of thin air, and you have almost only him. Your need to be possessed is also not satisfied."

"Emptiness, entanglement, pulling, tearing... you think the relationship between you is becoming more and more unequal. You think the way to bring the unbalanced scale back to its original position is to re-satisfy your need to possess and be possessed."

"You need to re-possess Thor's energy, make him have more moral constraints in your regard, and possess you by taking more responsibility."

"You think you can achieve both at the same time. The method is... finding another Thor."

"This is extremely bold and risky, for both you and Thor, because you know that things have developed to this point, you must give that rope—this is your bargaining chip—let Thor realize that he needs you not just because of brotherly love, but because there are deeper reasons."

"Perhaps you still don't want him to realize the truth, perhaps you feel he doesn't have the ability to understand, but you hope to disguise this as love through another Thor."

"This will give your brother a great shock, tighten the rope in your hand, and pull him toward you. This way, perhaps you can return to balance."

"So the appearance of the super troublemaker is not an accident; this is a part of your plan."

"You need a Thor, but it cannot be completely Thor, because if he were really exactly the same as your brother, you couldn't be sure if you could control yourself."

"But Thor's fascination to you will be reflected in the vast majority of Thors, so you must find a special one, so that you can use him without distraction, instead of digging a trap and falling into it yourself."

"But this is not enough. After the actor is in place, you need a stage. My banquet is the best occasion. You will find a way to make that second-generation ancestor Thor chase over, letting your brother hear something."

"He will definitely come over to ask me. Besides apologizing to me for your behavior, he will definitely feel that as your psychologist, I detected all this early. He will want to know when this started and to what extent it has developed, and will even consult me for his relationship with you."

"Then obviously, your good doctor won't peel off your skin so sharply and directly. He will only give an answer I gave you before—yes, your brother's feelings for you far exceed brotherly love."

Schiller sighed and said.

"Most people regard love as the noblest emotion in this world. They believe that the end of all emotions should be love, so once transcendence is mentioned, they mistakenly think that the sublimated emotion is love."

"But the human emotional system is much more complex than this. The charm lies in the fact that after every emotion reaches its extreme, there is no end point that leads to the same destination."

"But most people don't have the ability, nor are they willing to understand this point, only superficially regarding them all as love."

"How perfunctory, shallow, and full of their usual spirit of evasion. It is one of the powerful proofs that they are good at finding excuses for their brains not to turn..."

"Enough." ===== CHAPTER 2233 =====