Chapter 4554: Day of White (20)

But Schiller didn't go deep into this issue. He quickly skipped this topic and continued: "A person has obtained so many benefits from disguise, it seems he should continue to maintain it. But in reality, it's not that simple. When you pretend to be a normal role and integrate into this society, you will increasingly realize that your pathological parts are incompatible with it. Your disguise is very popular, while your true self can only hide in a dark corner, never seeing the light of day. This inevitably makes people feel frustrated."

"We will find such traits in many serial killers. They claim that they cannot integrate into society, but in the eyes of their neighbors and friends, they are good people. Before the truth comes to light, almost no one will suspect that they are such cruel people."

"So when they get similar confessions, the police will feel that this is just a cunning criminal's sophistry, trying to push their guilt to society, or just wanting to use this to win the jury's sympathy. But in most cases, what they say is true."

"The perfect self they disguise can win everyone's liking, be in the spotlight, and be perfect. But they know in their hearts that that is not their true self. Their true self is ugly compared to it. Once exposed, it will scare everyone away—this might be an illusion, but they always think so."

"So self-hostility appeared. The more they thrive by relying on perfect disguise, the more they hate themselves for having such a posture; the more they want to release their true self, wanting to use their true self to surpass the disguise. So, they begin to tend to put some perverted and cruel ideas into practice, eventually leading them to become serial killers."

"In their view, as long as they can prove that they are the best in some cruel field, they can achieve victory in the competition and struggle with their own disguise. Proving that the self is not completely without advantages, proving that the existence of pathology also has its value, rather than being waste that should be completely eliminated."

Deathstroke's speculation about Schiller's purpose began to lean more and more toward a bad direction. So he mixed into the upper class to become a serial killer?

Who knew Schiller took another long breath and said: "But in fact, I am not like this."

Deathstroke helplessly covered his forehead and said: "Then what you said isn't nonsense?"

"If I don't let you understand what most people are like, how can I explain the specialness of you and me?" Schiller spread his hands and said.

"Well, you continue." Deathstroke decided not to interrupt him; he poured another sip of beer, the first can was already empty. He felt he had to have a dozen beers to hear something related to himself; this Schiller was really too long-winded.

Schiller seemed to notice his impatience, but he just smiled and had no intention of changing himself at all. He changed his posture, leaned back on the back of the chair, and continued.

"In a person's life, there are three self-confrontations to complete. The first one comes from one's own father. You need to eliminate the parts that shouldn't be in your physical desires with his help. For example, boys toward their female relatives, and vice versa. Because this process happens too early, many people don't remember much."

"The consequences of not completing this self-confrontation will be very bad. It doesn't mean they will molest their relatives, but it's worse than that. They will become complete reptilian brains, and their whole life will revolve around 'sex'. But usually, because of the lack of control over the necessary instinctive desires to stand in society, they cannot achieve a certain social status. The repressed desires urge them to be more crazy, and also bring deeper social-level failures."

"The second confrontation often comes from the 'master', which can also be called a shepherd. To put it in common terms, it is the first 'superior' you meet after stepping into society. It's not just as simple as a boss, but someone you recognize and need to obey. He helps you eliminate the excessive self-interested attributes in emotional desires, teaching you how to gain satisfaction from altruism."

"The consequences of not completing this round are also very bad. This will make you unable to exchange emotions normally with others, treat your own giving as pain, turn a blind eye to others' giving, never be satisfied, and make it very difficult to establish long-term stable emotional relationships, unable to show enough enthusiasm in social interaction, leading to no way to achieve social status."

"And the third one comes exactly from the 'disguise' I mentioned. This is a real confrontation, just like a final exam. The other two can only be called mock exams; even if they fail, it won't endanger society or be life-threatening. But this time it's for real."

"The competition between nature and sociality determines what kind of life a person will eventually live. Clearly, we both chose to let sociality take the upper hand, which is exactly the commonality I mentioned. But our reasons are completely different, and eventually, we walked on different paths."

"Let's start with the reasons. It seems that we only have differences on the third question, but in fact, the hidden dangers were buried as early as the first two questions, eventually leading to the last one being completely different."

"Can you think of it? Who are your father and master? What did they do to you? On the issues I mentioned, what kind of impact did they have on you?"

Deathstroke felt that this question had to be answered, otherwise it might affect Schiller's judgment, so he said: "My father left home very early. Probably when I was 4 years old, he boarded a ship and never returned. My mother avoided talking about why he left, but judging from his performance, there were some conflicts between them; she was abandoned."

"As for the kind of boss you mentioned, I can only think of the drill sergeant in my recruit period. He was an excellent soldier, but too violent. He often beat and scolded the recruits underneath, and liked to say 'This is so you won't lose your life on the battlefield.' I was one of the best, but he didn't like me. I guess it might be because of jealousy."

"As for the physical desires, emotional desires, etc. you mentioned, this is really hard to understand." Deathstroke said, "Are you a psychology major or something? This sounds like that set of philosophers from several centuries ago. I can't figure it out."

"You just don't have theoretical knowledge, but I think you have some experience. I can also tell you my situation. My 'father' and 'master' are the same person, and it was he who helped me establish the disguise. This led to the pathological side losing all three battles, and I became what I am now."

"Sounds not very good." Deathstroke said.

Schiller shook his head and said: "In self-confrontation, the most important thing is not to forget that those are all yourself."

Deathstroke seemed to be shocked by these words, staying there for a long time without speaking. Schiller suddenly showed a smile, just like a cat catching a mouse, not even hiding the excitement in his tone: "Next, let's talk about you, Mr. Wilson..."

"Wait, you need to explain first why you know my name is Wilson." Deathstroke hadn't completely lost his mind, he narrowed his eyes and looked at Schiller and said, "I almost never told anyone my real name. Even if you were the world's most powerful detective and hacker, you could only find my fake name."

"Don't worry about that." Schiller said, "I believe that is the most insignificant one among my judgments about you. Are you sure you are ready?"

"I'm not sure." Deathstroke said, "I kind of miss that killer whale."

Schiller laughed again, but didn't delay the time he opened his mouth at all, saying: "You didn't complete the first two battles. The consequence of not restraining your physical and mental desires is that society's discipline of you failed completely in the third battle."

"Then according to what you said, I should be a serial killer now."

"I said it was not completed, not that you lost." Schiller said, "Everything that happened to you is very interesting, and can be said to have great research value. One point that interests me most is that the first two battles that should have happened at four or five years old and around twenty years old were strangely skipped. What did you do?"

Deathstroke was silent, only having the answer in his heart. But at this time, Schiller's voice sounded: "So that's how it is."

Deathstroke looked up at him, and Schiller said: "You defeated your father with your outstanding talent. You pushed him off the ship. This completely disrupted the whole process, not only failing to help you suppress your physical desires, but also amplifying them infinitely. Your entire adolescence was troubled by this."

"In excessive promiscuity, you got into some trouble. Then you went to the army—you definitely lied about your age. It's impossible that you met your superior around 25 years old, but should be 16 or 17. This is really too early. You weren't ready for battle. And by the time your psychology matured, the best window period was missed. Therefore, your mental desires also expanded infinitely, extremely selfish, demanding infinite giving from others. Such a person cannot adapt to the army. So you went to participate in that experiment."

"That experiment destroyed everything. Because of the powerful physical strength, coupled with the infinitely expanding self, it led you to destruction. This is inevitable. Desires defeating reason will make you lose caution and be full of weaknesses. An accident that can be called a catastrophe almost took your life."

"The only unfortunate thing is that you successfully survived. Then you realized how important it is to let sociality defeat your nature to return to the right track. To return to the right track, you had a wife and children, the perfect embodiment of sociality. But this is not enough at all."

Deathstroke was dumbfounded; this was the first time he had his background checked without knowing it. Schiller said it completely correctly, and the time nodes were accurate.

And Schiller, as if he didn't realize he was shocking, continued to talk about the previous topic.

"Social rules went up to meet the challenge, and then failed. Met the enemy again, and then failed again. You realized that society might not be able to defeat you at all, but you were tirelessly seeking a solution. Finally, you ran into me. You think I might be the one who can help society successfully defeat you."

"So, you started to confide in me, saying you regretted taking this path, saying you loved your wife and children more. Showing how much you want the social part to win. If I said 'Yes, you are young now, you can choose again', I'm afraid I would have to help you return to society."

"Why not?" Deathstroke asked, "Just treat it as doing a good deed."

"I would really like to do a good deed." Schiller didn't refute him at all, but nodded and said, "But clearly this won't work."

"What won't work?"

Schiller looked very helpless, as if facing a blockhead, saying: "I said your problem appeared in the first two battles. What's the use of just winning the third one?"

"So..." Deathstroke looked a bit hesitant, "Where should I go to find some father and master?" ===== CHAPTER 4555 =====