Chapter 288

Little Fat, dinner is ready…… I placed three sticks of pure incense in the incense burner, smiling as I looked at the red little coffin on the table. Not long after, Little Fat's chubby body floated out of the coffin.

He gave me a hehe smile, and while laughing, he waved at me: "Hai Sheng, you eat too, eat."

I also hehe-smiled at him: "You eat, eat more, I'm not hungry, and I don't eat this stuff."

Four years have passed since I left my master; I have stayed at QingSongShu's house for a full four years. During these four years, besides school, I followed QingSongShu to many places, examined feng shui, and slain evil spirits. I must admit, QingSongShu truly taught me many things, yet I still cannot put my mind at ease about my master.

Over these four years, I don't know how my master has been getting by. When he wants to drink, is there someone brewing wine for him? With one hand, when he dresses, is there someone behind him pulling his sleeve? Moreover, I don't know if he has found his son.

All along, the only companion accompanying me has been my general soul Little Fat. He seems to have grown up; when I first saw him, he was weak like a puff of mist, scattering at a breath of wind. Now he is substantial; although ordinary people cannot see him, as the life master I can naturally feel that compared to five years ago, Little Fat has become much stronger. However, Little Fat still knows nothing—he cannot command ghost soldiers, cannot pass into the yin realm, and remains plump, only knowing how to eat endlessly.

But what does it matter? He is also one of my relatives. Relatives, even if they are good for nothing, remain relatives forever, an inseparable part of my life. Since he cannot do anything, I will instead make myself strong to protect him.

I took out from the antique box the item left to me by Master Li Feng—an ancient copper ruler. Engraved on it are the characters: "Wealth, Loss, Prosperity, Death, Office, Righteousness, Bitterness, Flourishing, Harm, Population"—the ten characters. According to QingSongShu, this is the Li family's hereditary Ding Lan ruler, used by Master Li Feng's ancestors to measure yin graves for people. Together with the door ruler, they are called the Yin-Yang two rulers; the door ruler is what is commonly known as the Lu Ban ruler in folk tradition.

This is the last thing my master left me; I often hold this cold ruler, recalling the days I spent with my master. Although I frequently curse him in my heart a hundred times, a thousand times, being mistreated, in the end he remains my dearest person, treating me like his own biological son; otherwise, he would not have handed down the family Ding Lan ruler to me.

"Hai Sheng, Hai Sheng, I have some good news to tell you……"

Just as I was holding the ruler, looking up to the sky and sighing while missing my master, a slightly plump figure rushed in without knocking, nearly knocking me to the ground.

"Pangzi, can't you be a bit steadier, learn a bit from QingSongShu?" I rolled my eyes, saying helplessly to this Pangzi.

The visitor was indeed a fat person, to be precise a big fat one, weighing absolutely over 150, with narrowed small eyes. A small bump grew on his forehead. Without looking closely, one might mistake it for the "morning heaven bone" in physiognomy. But a closer look shows it is definitely not that. This kind of bone growing on the forehead seems to be called something like "Buddha-Dao bone"; in short, it suggests a karmic connection with Buddhism.

This oddly shaped fat person is QingSongShu's only son, named Wang Weiqiang—also my sworn older brother. Because QingSongShu and my master Li Feng are sworn brothers. Although I and my master have no formal father-son title, our feelings surpass that of father and son. Naturally, I and Wang Weiqiang became sworn brothers. Originally, my master was the elder brother and QingSongShu the younger. By seniority, Weiqiang should call me elder brother. However, because I am slightly younger than him, the seniority got swapped.

But I really cannot bring myself to call him "older brother". The reason is simple: this fat guy is too lewd, not only lewd but a freakish flower among oddities; I really cannot comprehend how the mature and steady QingSongShu could father such a lewd son.

The first time I saw this fat guy was exactly when I had just arrived at QingSongShu's house.

That evening, as the sunset's lingering light scattered across the earth, laying down a sheet of gold, I saw on the rooftop a slightly plump figure; this figure gave me the feeling of a philosopher pondering life, sighing deeply as he faced the setting sun.

I was curious, so I climbed onto the roof, sat beside him, and asked, "What are you doing?" Three minutes later I thoroughly regretted it, fully experiencing what "curiosity killed the cat" means.

Pangzi let out a long sigh, seemingly full of sorrow; he lifted his head to gaze at the sunset, his eyes sinking into memories.

He said, "I was thinking about the dog we used to keep at home; that dog was obedient, it could catch mice."

Dogs that catch mice may be few, but they are also quite common in rural areas, right? I was full of doubt, about to ask.

At that moment, he continued, "Our family also kept a cat, only that cat went crazy."

"Um… was it driven mad by the dog?" I asked.

"No, because the dog caught all the mice, that cat went mad and learned to gnaw bones."

"I… I dare ask, your cat is dead, yet you are mourning that dog—what is the principle behind that?"

The second time, I followed him out to set up a stall; using his words, it was grandly called "guiding lost gentlemen, reminding long-troubled heroes, benefiting the world with a hanging pot, saving the nation and the people." But actually, it was just because we had no pocket money, doing a side job to earn some cash for buying cake.

The first customer to come in was a voluptuous beauty, estimated to have a 34D bust. Weiqiang Pangzi drooled at the sight of her, staring fixedly at her chest and said, "Miss, you have great ominous signs, great ominous (chest) indications (cup)!"

Moreover, that woman was a big-breasted airhead; Pangzi said that, and she actually believed it, nervously asking him where the ominous sign was and whether there was a way to resolve it.

Pangzi pretended to be an expert, pinched his fingers, slapped his thigh, drooling: "Miss, a little Daoist finger-count shows that your misfortune lies in your destiny lacking me!"

"Really, Miss, believe me, your destiny truly lacks me."

……………………

In the end, the woman alternately cursed us as lunatics and fled in disgrace. From then on, I swore I would never set up a stall with that dead fat guy again.

The third time was during freshman military training. I hadn't been here long when QingSongShu told me to return to school to continue studying. At first I was unwilling, but I really couldn't go against QingSongShu, so I went back to school again and became classmates with his son.

During military training, the instructor called for assembly; only he broke away from the ranks, standing aside and dead‑staring at the female classmates running on the track.

"Wang Weiqiang, what are you doing?" the instructor bellowed, glaring at him.

Pangzi wiped his drool, yet still managed a solemn expression as he gave a military salute, his tone serious as he replied, "Report to the instructor, I am studying what is called 'surging waves'!"

……………………

When a line of crows flew over the heads of all the classmates, Pangzi, who never stops making shocking remarks, said again: "Hai Sheng, come over quickly and let's research together—look over there, does that one have a 34D or not……"

In the end, the city gate caught fire, implicating the fish pond. Innocently, I too was punished by the instructor to run five laps.

From then on, I realized that beneath this dead fat guy's outwardly loyal appearance lay a lewd heart.

Previously, the villagers always said, "Guard against fire, wolves, and Hai Sheng." I believe that if they saw Pangzi, they would surely realize they were wrong—mistaken to an absurd degree—and should change that saying to "Guard against fire, wolves, and Weiqiang."

For this reason, the classmates gave us each a nickname; I am called the Lone Oddball, while Pangzi is called Lewd Qiang.

Because of my left eye, very few classmates dare to get close to me, so I usually speak very little, except with a handful of two or three people.

And Pangzi is indeed very lewd; these two nicknames truly match our traits. Therefore, we two have no objection to these nicknames. However, aside from giving nicknames, why must I be tied together with this lewd Pangzi?

"Hai Sheng, do you know that we're going to the countryside tomorrow to help the uncles?" Pangzi burst in, his face full of excitement, grabbing my shoulders and jumping around.

I rolled my eyes; what's so special about that? The school periodically selects some students to go to the countryside, aiming to let them experience rural hardship, helping villagers harvest potatoes, pull weeds, and so on. Is it worth being that excited? Could it be…

"Ah, this is a rare opportunity; I will surely work hard, let Sis Jingjing see my striving and enduring, hardworking side, hoping to move her soon and bring her back home!" Pangzi clenched his fists, full of fighting spirit.

Indeed… it's again because of that inexplicable Sis Jingjing.

This Jingjing is not actually an older sister; her name is Silijing, a teacher at our school and also one of our class's instructors.

When the dead fat guy first saw Teacher Silijing, he widened his eyes, staring fixedly at her. After a moment, he grabbed my hand, nervously saying, "Hai Sheng, I've found her—it's her, it's her, exactly her."

At that time I was puzzled and asked Pangzi who; I initially thought he was referring to Nezha.

As a result, Pangzi pointed at Teacher Silijing and shouted, "I want to marry her and bring her home!"

Unfortunately, just as Pangzi said that, the teacher with the surname Si stood right in front of us two. Moreover, because Pangzi shouted it out, it naturally drew many classmates' strange looks.

From then on, the two of us were placed on Silijing's blacklist.

Although the road ahead is tough, it's rare that Pangzi has an indestructible Xiaoqiang heart; he continues to pursue her relentlessly, shamelessly clinging to her and calling her Sis Jingjing.

When it rained, Pangzi deliberately took an umbrella, ran from the third floor to the first, and handed it to Silijing who was sheltering from the rain. The result: the umbrella was broken—once opened, Silijing turned into a soaked chicken.

Every time, whether passing by or deliberately brushing past Silijing, Big Fat Wang would solicitously ask, "Sis Jingjing, have you eaten? Have you drunk? Are you hungry? Are you thirsty?"

Coincidentally, once when Silijing came out of the restroom, our Big Fat Wang stuck to her like a dog-skin plaster.

"Sis Jingjing, have you eaten?"

Who would have thought that Teacher Silijing would be in a good mood and, out of the blue, reply to our Big Fat Wang with one sentence: "I have eaten."

After answering, Silijing only then realized that she seemed to have come out of the toilet. After saying this, having eaten it, she immediately went back to the toilet and vomited.

Sometimes I really feel that as a teacher, being stared at by my own student is a tragedy, especially being stared at by such a bizarre student as Pangzi, which is simply a super huge tragedy. But our Wang Pangzi still hasn't come to his senses. In his words: 'Jingjing abuses me a thousand times, yet I treat Jingjing like my first love.' In my words: 'Damn it, Pangzi, just leave her alone; this isn't her abusing you, it's you abusing her.'