Chapter 459

I and Pangzi each pinched a talisman, chasing this cockroach to the mid-slope of the rear mountain; when we reached the small pond behind the mountain, the dwarf suddenly vanished.

But no matter how well he hides, what can he do? I had already tampered with the soul-guiding incense early on. If he doesn't show up, that's fine; once he appears, no matter how he runs, he cannot escape my keen nose.

"Come out, how long do you intend to stay up there?" I ran to the base of an old pagoda tree nearby and gazed up at it with interest.

Although I couldn't see the dwarf's shadow on the pagoda tree, an old pagoda tree actually emitted sandalwood fragrance—this is simply too unbelievable.

Therefore, there's no need to guess; the dwarf ghost is definitely hiding in this pagoda tree, though this kind of ghost is extremely skilled at concealment—even a Daoist with spiritual eyes may not be able to locate it with certainty.

"Come out, or I'll piss on you!" I said while preparing to undo my belt.

In an instant, a shadow flickered on the withered old tree trunk, and shortly thereafter it shot toward…… Pangzi at lightning speed.

"Ow, I'm scalded to death, scalded to death! So painful, so painful."

The next moment, the dwarf lay on the ground rolling continuously, shouting in pain while blowing cold air into his mouth.

In the blink of an eye, it happened so fast one couldn't react. First, the dwarf was startled by me and jumped down from the tree, then immediately lunged onto Pangzi's shoulder.

Coal's gloom—its sole talent is to suck away a person's wealth and fortune, bringing them bad luck. A person's fortune's strength or weakness is marked by the three flames on their shoulders and forehead. And if a ghost wishes to erode a person's body, its aura must first surpass those three flames.

But this dwarf ghost seems to have picked the wrong target! Never mind that Pangzi's yearly fortune isn't weak; moreover, Pangzi's other identity is a Daoist who practices the domineering pure Yang Huaguang method of the Dharma lineage! If you say someone who cultivates Huaguang lacks strong Yang energy, I doubt any lineage's practitioner would have strong Yang.

Thus, the moment the dwarf ghost touched Pangzi's shoulder, it was instantly burned by Pangzi's three flames, screaming and falling to the ground, blowing hard.

I chuckled silently, then, taking the dwarf as the center, I stepped in Yu's pace and drew a vajra circle to prevent him from escaping.

"Great immortals, spare my life, spare my life! I only heard the gong on the stage and couldn't help running back home; I didn't mean to offend you immortals, please spare my life!" The dwarf threw himself to the ground, kowtowing hard at me and Pangzi.

If one asks why the dwarf's attitude changed so suddenly…

Because… Pangzi, the old man, had already taken out a Daoist robe from his bag. Even if the dwarf were foolish, he should have guessed our identities.

"I ask you… why did you run under the stage to suck people's wealth qi? And, don't you netherworld folk have a rule that during a performance you absolutely may not move the actors on stage? Why did you go onto that stage to cause trouble and even wound the troupe's brothers?" I pointed at the dwarf, who kept kowtowing on the ground, and rebuked him.

"Wronged, immortal! I was merely hiding in the cellar of Old Wang's house. This morning I couldn't resist the fragrance, so I secretly revealed myself to suck a few breaths, and only tonight, hearing the gongs and drums of the performance, did I sneak out again. Heaven and earth as witness, I only sucked wealth qi—I haven't even stepped on an ant—how could I be involved in harming people?" The dwarf ghost kept kowtowing, begging for mercy.

Pangzi and I exchanged doubtful glances; if the dwarf ghost's account is true, then he was merely lured out this morning, having nothing to do with the stage injuries that occurred days earlier.

Thinking this, I stepped forward, pointing at the dwarf ghost on the ground and shouted: "Let me ask you, since you claim you've never harmed anyone, why do you linger in the human world sucking wealth and fortune qi, why not go to the Naihe Bridge, the Hall of Yama, and enter the six paths of reincarnation?"

The dwarf ghost's face turned bitter, he cried with a mournful face: "Reporting to the two immortals, if one could enter the sixfold reincarnation to gain a chance at human rebirth, who would linger in Yangjian as a lonely, homeless wild ghost? Indeed, I have unavoidable difficulties; I cannot leave the foundation of Old Wang's house. If no one comes to rescue me, I can only wander forever in his ancestral grounds, a lonely, unsupported wild ghost."

When the dwarf ghost reached the moving part, tears already streamed down his face.

"Ha! You lonely wild ghost, quickly state your grievance so the Great Judge of Heaven can decide for you!" Pangzi hooked his fingers into a sword sign, striking a pose of Guan Yu astride his horse.... Obviously, he had become addicted to watching the opera.

Although I too was curious and doubtful, Pangzi's pose really made me sick to my stomach. What I didn't expect was that the dwarf ghost would clasp his hands together, cooperatively bow to Pangzi and say: "Reporting to the Great Judge of Heaven, I originally lived by the river of Hu Village… my home had a house and fields."

In my stunned stare, the two of them actually launched into a clapper-talk routine right there… Holy shit, do they really have to go this far?

"In the morning I go out to herd cattle and plow the fields; at night I return home under the stars. Who would have thought my fate would be so bad? At the third watch I lit a lamp to go to the privy, a gust of yin wind blew it out, I slipped and fell into the cesspool… into the cesspool." The dwarf ghost sang while his legs tapped back, retreating several steps.

"Poor me, with such thin blessings, I died at twenty-three and went west; moreover, the wicked carpenter Xu seized me and imprisoned me, imprisoned me…"

When the dwarf ghost got into the groove, he couldn't stop the rhythm. I listened, utterly bewildered, having no idea what he was saying.

Pangzi seemed to be enjoying it, nodding along as he listened to the dwarf ghost's lament.

"Immortal… I've finished speaking!" The dwarf ghost sang another long stretch, then timidly ran over to Pangzi's side.

"En" Pangzi closed his eyes to nurture his spirit, nodded slightly, as if he already understood it in his heart.

"Hey, you understood it but I didn't—could you translate for me?" I lightly poked Pangzi.

"Huh?" Pangzi turned his head in surprise, scratching the back of his head: "I thought you understood and were preparing to translate for me."

"Me… can't you stop pretending to be cool? Not understanding you, what's the point of your swagger?"

……………………

"What's that? Bro, can you repeat it, preferably concise and easy to grasp at once!" After a moment, Pangzi stepped forward, his face flushed with embarrassment, rather awkward.

Dwarf ghost: ……

Although I couldn't see his expression clearly, I guessed his face must be like mine—black lines all over, and surely he felt the urge to kick Pangzi to death.

The dwarf ghost stepped back several times, took a deep breath. I figured he was calming his emotions. Not long after, he said this to Pangzi:

"Oh, I fell into the cesspool while alive and died from it; after death I can't leave that stage!"

Pangzi: ……

"En, not bad—concise and to the point, with highlights. But it's just skin and bones, not substantial enough; if it were fuller, the effect would surely be excellent." Pangzi closed his eyes, putting on an air of pretentiousness.

Dwarf ghost……

"Get lost, you bastards—both of you speak proper human language, no, one of you speak proper human speech, the other speak serious ghost talk, stop pulling that nonsense."

Repressed—nakedly repressed—staying with this coward, I suspect sooner or later I'll either suffer a split personality or be utterly toyed with by him.

Under my earth-shaking, heaven-moving explosive shout, Pangzi finally gave a foolish laugh and straightened his face, while this dwarf also earnestly began to recount his past.

The dwarf ghost originally bore the surname Hu, with a single given name Ren. In life he was also only that short, a mere few points high. On a pitch‑black night so dark you couldn't see your five fingers, Hu Ren, carrying a lantern, went to the outhouse. After a burst of crackling relief, Hu Ren pulled up his pants and walked out of the outhouse.

When he reached the village's rear cesspool, a gust of yin wind blew over, extinguishing the lantern Hu Ren was holding; immediately thereafter Hu Ren missed a step, fell into the cesspool and was drowned alive, becoming the first wrongful death ghost in Hu Village to have drowned while going to the outhouse. At the time of his death, Hu Ren was only twenty‑three years old, truly a case of "heaven envies talent, the gifted die young."

Speaking of that original stage, it was originally the residence of a wealthy family; this wealthy family could be said to be notorious across ten villages and eight strongholds as a lecherous miser, lustful as life, yet at the same time stingy to the point of being like a hairless iron rooster.

The master of this wealthy family also bore the surname Wang, and five hundred years ago he was of the same clan as Pangzi. Moreover, the name of this Wang landlord happens to be astonishingly similar to Pangzi's……

This lecherous miserly landlord, surnamed Wang, given name Xiang.

Wang Wei Xiang, Wang Weiqiang……

Pangzi; ………………