Chapter 145

Bai Jingxuan once had a dream.

When her thoughts were still naive and her family still happy, she dreamed of becoming a musical artist.

Though her childhood memories had grown hazy, Bai Jingxuan could still faintly recall that as a child, she had owned a music box—apparently a gift from her parents, whose gentle, soothing melody would free her from pain whenever she was ill.

Though now she could only remember fragments of the melody, it did not diminish her deep affection for music.

But later, her parents died in a savage beast attack, and Bai Jingxuan was sent to Fuli Academy. The music box from her memories was lost in the upheaval, never to reappear in her life again.

Fuli Academy was not that bad, but it lacked the means to help her recover what was lost. Even if a caregiver had bought her another music box based on her description, it would ultimately be a different thing, offering no comfort against pain anymore. Her dream became a sealed memory.

Perhaps it was more than just a dream. From a point Bai Jingxuan herself never noticed, she lost her "desires."

The sense of joy and anger lost its coordinates; the concepts of good and evil found no scale. She did not know why to be happy, nor why to be sad—only able to read expressions and follow the emotions others displayed.

She was well-behaved, because there was nothing she resisted; she was quiet, because she had no personal needs. Like a doll without self-awareness, she appeared to mimic human form, yet inside was nothing but emptiness.

Once, a child of her age spoke without filter, calling her a "shell." Yet even when called this, Bai Jingxuan remained unaware.

Why was she a "shell"? She did not understand.

But she truly did not know what she wanted—her desires were blank, her emotions were blank. Nothing could anchor her to any direction, to help her find her own existence.

She was like a ship lost in the deep ocean, surrounded by endless water, with no difference visible in any direction. Yet the ship she sailed was named "Self," and the ocean around her was named "Life."

Did she want money? Or fame and fortune? Did she want to become a doctor? Or a teacher?

She kept asking, observing others' dreams, then taking those dreams and fitting them onto herself—like a customer in a clothing store trying on every garment, not knowing what she wanted, determined to wear them all in hopes of finding the one that suited her.

This confusion lasted until just months ago, until the moment Fuli Academy was attacked and Mo Ke appeared before her.

Would "Magical Girl" be the direction she sought? Would it be the dress she wanted? Could becoming a Magical Girl restore the emotions she had forgotten, the desires she had lost?

Bai Jingxuan did not know the answer.

But every time she recalled the moment Ying saved her, her heart still felt longing and trembling, relief and gratitude. That emotion, now, was so vivid—it was the first time in long while she had felt "alive."

——"So I told myself: I want to become a Magical Girl like Senior Ying."

Walking slowly along the streets of Lixing District, Bai Jingxuan whispered: "At least, my former self was truly moved and grateful for such actions—those feelings were not false."

"... I see."

Tian Sheng walked beside her, listening solemnly to Bai Jingxuan's story: "Though I still can't recall the details, back then, at Fuli Academy, that's why you became a Magical Girl, right?"

"Mm." Bai Jingxuan nodded.

The time was morning; the location was near the "Lakeview Spring" residential complex. Three weeks after the Moon Festival incident, the Special Strategy Bureau approved the Third Squad's request to search the neighborhood, permitting them to enter "Lakeview Spring" to track down Black Ash Dawn.

On the way to Lakeview Spring, the Third Squad encountered Bai Jingxuan patrolling there, and soon after, their group gained a little tail.

As captain, Li Yingwei repeatedly tried to persuade her, but to little effect. The other squad members didn't know how to counsel a Magical Girl, so the troublesome task ultimately fell to Tian Sheng.

This was hard on Tian Sheng.

Because he didn't know how to communicate with Bai Jingxuan either.

Though he had once been a caregiver at Fuli Academy and knew this child, male caregivers could never personally attend to a girl's daily life, so he wasn't particularly close to her.

He merely liked her because she was well-behaved and sensible, occasionally chatting with her. But considering a child raised in Fuli Academy likely didn't want to revisit the past, their conversations were always mundane—small talk about daily trivialities, never deliberately touching deeper matters.

Had Bai Jingxuan not been so proactive in bringing up her past, he would still have no idea what to say now.

"But the senior you spoke of... she's already... dead."

He carefully chose his words, avoiding her wounds: "Black Ash Dawn is likely the killer—that's why you hate them so much and want to capture them, right?"

"It's abuse..."

Bai Jingxuan spoke seriously, but halfway through, as if remembering something, she lowered her gaze and quietly corrected herself: "I will punish them."

"You were about to say that word again, weren't you?"

Tian Sheng sighed, scratching his head: "I don't understand—is this also how your 'Senior Ying' acted?"

"No, that's how my teacher acted."

Bai Jingxuan clenched her fist: "But my teacher was Senior Ying's teammate—she did it for Senior Ying too. I think it's right. It's cool!"

"Even if it might be wrong?"

"It must be right," Bai Jingxuan tilted her head.

"... She said that, Director."

Tian Sheng sighed, pulled his phone from his other pocket, and held it to his ear: "You heard it—these are her reasons. I really can't persuade her."

After speaking, he fell silent, listening to the voice on the other end, nodding occasionally.

Then he handed the phone to Bai Jingxuan, ignoring her horrified, betrayed-looking gaze, and turned his eyes away while scratching his cheek:

"Xiao Xuan, the Director wants you to take the call."

Bai Jingxuan, who had just been fearless and speaking at length, instantly became like a guilty elementary student, slumping as she took the phone.

Then, with that heartbreaking, betrayed look at Tian Sheng once more, she answered:

"Hello, Dad... Uncle."

2k, touch day.

Thank you to the patrons: the hardworking cake-seller uncle, Atena Silvermoon's patronage; thank you to the patrons: Yue Youmeng, Insomniac Sweet Potato, Mu Jiang Yi Xi's sponsorship; thank you to all readers for your support.

(End of Chapter)