Chapter 217: The Source of Contradiction

When the Fang Ting City and Bai'an City squad returned to the Magical Girl base, it was already past one in the morning.

The furnishings in the dining room still maintained the state they were in when the group had left in a hurry; half-eaten dishes remained messily arranged on the table, and the hot pot, which was originally meant to be the main event, was now cold and desolate. Congealed fat floated on the surface of the soup, mixed with some ingredients that had been dropped into the pot and never surfaced again, telling the story of this dinner's regretful ending.

"Damn claw marks... damn evil Magical Girls, I will stand against you to the end..."

Asai Enka leaned over the table in heart-wrenching anguish, her words dripping with blood as if she harbored some immense hatred, while Bai Ji stood awkwardly beside her, looking as though she wanted to speak but didn't know how to offer comfort.

As for the other two from Bai'an City, Mu Baihe was currently yawning and heading into the washroom, while Mimosa had somehow already returned to her own room alone.

Xia Liang and Lin Xiaolu were cleaning up the ingredients and sundries in the kitchen that were originally intended for New Year's Eve, while Senior Cuique urged Bai Jingxuan to wash up and go to bed quickly, then found a quiet corner alone, switched back to Lin Yun's identity, and continued to instruct the next steps of the Anomaly Strategy Bureau via phone.

Regarding this incident, the fortunate thing was that it did not occur within the city; whether Yian intended it or not, she chose the battlefield at Yinping Mountain in the distant suburbs, which was a good thing for the Anomaly Strategy Bureau, meaning they at least would not need to expend massive manpower and resources to repair the scene.

However, the Anomaly Strategy Bureau still needed to send people to the battlefield to handle some cleanup work; whether it was the residual beast magic power, the large-scale destruction of mountain vegetation, or even the damaged mountain body, all required clearing.

In addition, this malicious incident of claw mark attacks needed to be reported and filed with the headquarters and the Realm by the Anomaly Strategy Bureau, and the Fang Ting City Anomaly Strategy Bureau itself also needed to record and archive it. The Magical Girls should also receive some official compensation as a reward for fighting powerful enemies.

How to arrange these matters was the work Lin Yun had to handle at the moment.

And by the time he had roughly arranged the matters, restored Senior Cuique's appearance, and silently returned to the corridor of the base, it was already past two in the morning.

She met Lin Xiaolu here, who had finished washing up, changed into pajamas, and was preparing to return to her room to sleep.

Probably because she had just gone through a fierce battle and consumed a huge amount of energy, she appeared quite drowsy at this moment, her head drooping as she walked, not even noticing someone passing by her.

"Bai Mei," so Senior Cuique spoke up, calling out to the other party.

"Ah?"

Lin Xiaolu only then belatedly raised her head, saw that it was Senior Cuique calling her, and mustered a bit more spirit: "What is it?"

"Can you still hold on? I have a few words I want to discuss with you alone," Senior Cuique got straight to the point, with no intention of hiding her purpose.

"Hmm... I should be able to?" Lin Xiaolu blinked her eyes; although she felt a bit strange in her heart, she did not refuse.

As for why Senior Cuique wanted to find her alone, she actually had a few guesses.

After all, on the way back to the base, she had already briefly explained that she had successfully awakened her Magical Armor; therefore, given Senior Cuique's character of never acting without a cause, she must want to learn more about the Magical Armor-related information from her, right?

Although she was already very tired now, because awakening the Magical Armor was a matter of great importance, she was actually still in a state where she really wanted to find someone to talk to, just short of grabbing anyone and asking, "How did you know I just successfully awakened my Magical Armor?" Senior Cuique taking the initiative to ask for a talk at this moment could be said to be exactly what she wanted.

Once an agreement was reached, the two walked together toward Lin Xiaolu's room; during this process, Senior Cuique did not speak much, and although Lin Xiaolu occasionally stole glances at the other party, she also did not speak up proactively.

Just like that, they entered the room, and after Senior Cuique proactively closed the door, she looked at Senior Cuique openly, appearing ready to listen attentively.

Will it be asking about my Magical Armor? It must be, right? If I...

— "Your father just called me; he does not understand your actions."

So Senior Cuique sighed lightly and said: "He said that according to your agreement with him, you should have been resting properly in the base tonight and should not have appeared on the battlefield."

Her tone was very calm, and no tendency could be seen in her emotions; when she said this sentence, it was as if she were truly just conveying someone else's words.

However, even if Senior Cuique's disguise was good, it could not change the fact that the question itself was questioning Lin Xiaolu's behavior. So after this sentence was spoken, visibly, Lin Xiaolu, who had seemed to be secretly expecting something, instantly wilted.

She first opened her mouth, looking as if she wanted to refute something, but stopped herself with words on her lips; she looked at Senior Cuique, frowning slightly, obviously thinking about how to refute, but all these thoughts ultimately stopped at the thinking stage, and she could only continue to look at Senior Cuique in silence.

All the reactions were in Senior Cuique's eyes; she saw Lin Xiaolu's expression change from hidden excitement to shock, then indignation, and finally grievance, looking at her with red eyes, like a puppy about to be abandoned by its owner.

"... What's wrong?"

Even the most dull person would realize they must have said the wrong thing, so Senior Cuique, who had originally come with the momentum of accusing and questioning, had to stop her thoughts and hold back her voice.

Lin Xiaolu did not answer her.

Now it was Senior Cuique's turn to doubt herself.

Asking herself honestly, she had already tried her best to control her tone of speech, trying her best not to appear too fierce. It must be known that on the way to Yinping Mountain earlier, when she discovered Lin Xiaolu had brought Xia Liang and Bai Jingxuan to appear in the squad, she had almost fainted.

At the Anomaly Strategy Bureau, in her identity as Lin Yun, she had warned and instructed Lin Xiaolu a thousand times, telling this group of juniors not to come to the battlefield on their own, and at that time Lin Xiaolu had agreed verbally, appearing obedient. But in less than half an hour, this little girl not only went against her own words but also brought all her teammates along?

Judging by Senior Cuique's mood at that time, not directly giving Lin Xiaolu a hit on the head was already a testament to her extraordinary self-control.

At that time, a great enemy was before them, time was tight, and if not handled in time, Fang Ting City might face a great disaster, so Senior Cuique did not say much but held back as if she knew nothing. Just because she didn't explode at that time didn't mean the matter could be swept under the rug.

If it were just some ordinary daily matters, it would be one thing, but this was a matter of life and death; she really couldn't just brush it off lightly. This time it was fortunate that there was danger but no disaster; Yian, the Claw Mark, unexpectedly did not deliberately target the juniors, but what if there was a next time? If Lin Xiaolu was disobedient every time like this, what would happen if something really went wrong then?

So, Senior Cuique had already made up her mind when she came; not to say she would scold, but at least she wanted to give her daughter a good lesson, making her realize the wrongness of such behavior.

Considering that everyone was very tired after just fighting a great battle, her words and deeds should not be too extreme, so she carefully weighed her wording, using only relatively gentle words like "does not understand" and "should not" to try to reduce the other party's resistance.

But Senior Cuique did not expect that even though she had spoken so euphemistically, Lin Xiaolu still showed considerable depression, even sadder than she had anticipated.

Where exactly did it go wrong? Was what she said so heavy?

"I do not mean to criticize or blame you; I simply feel confused."

After thinking it over, she could only soften her tone once again, trying to eliminate the little blame that was already in her words: "After all, I actually feel worried too, because this enemy is really strong; fighting them would be very dangerous."

"... But I won," Lin Xiaolu said in a low voice, her head hanging down at some point.

"Hm?" Unexpected to receive such an answer, Senior Cuique was stunned for a moment, then subconsciously formed a guess—was this defiance?

But very quickly, she tasted from the tone that it seemed not to be the case.

Moreover, standing opposite was ultimately her daughter; during the two years of cold war between father and daughter, Lin Yun had seen countless times what her daughter looked like when she was sulking: when she was angry, she always looked others straight in the eye with righteous indignation and never lowered her head proactively.

So, what exactly was this sentence trying to express?

She was still subconsciously pondering and chewing on the meaning in Lin Xiaolu's words, but the next moment, Lin Xiaolu suddenly raised her head, her expression appearing much calmer.

"Hmm... you are right."

Looking at the floor, her tone: "I also know I did not do well in this matter; I should not have gone back on my word, so after the matter ended, I originally planned to apologize to him. If such a thing happens again in the future, I will not go to fight on my own again."

"Ha..."

Not knowing why the other party's attitude changed so quickly, Senior Cuique could only emit a meaningless "ha" sound; after gathering her thoughts, she responded somewhat hesitantly: "If you say so, then it should be no problem?"

Was it really no problem? Then why did she use a question? Actually, even Senior Cuique herself didn't quite understand.

"Hmm, I will send him a message in a while, and then apologize to him in person at that time."

But Lin Xiaolu had already continued along her words: "Thank you for your reminder."

Stealing the other's words, leaving the other with nothing to say.

Lin Xiaolu had achieved this right now; she left Senior Cuique not knowing what to say.

Her attitude was utterly correct, her words perfectly sound; what more could Senior Cuique say? Comfort would seem abrupt, discipline would seem harsh; should she change the subject at such a moment?

"Um, Senior Cuique."

Fortunately, Lin Xiaolu seemed to have more to say: "I... during the Full Moon Festival before, I truly felt unwilling to accept it."

"... The Full Moon Festival?"

"Yes, at that time, facing the 'Moth', although I summoned the courage to fight, because I was far too weak, I knew that I was completely useless back then."

Lin Xiaolu spoke calmly, her words surprisingly devoid of excess emotion: "I was defeated so easily, beaten down; the enemy didn't even take me seriously for a moment, merely toying with me."

Senior Cuique was speechless.

Lin Xiaolu had once again blocked her space to speak; this was something she could neither admit nor deny, because no matter how she put it, it seemed inappropriate.

If she admitted it, it would be like pointing at Lin Xiaolu's nose and saying she "was useless"; if she denied it, that would be closing her eyes and speaking lies, with no persuasiveness at all.

Senior Cuique remained silent; in the room, only Lin Xiaolu continued speaking: "Furthermore, because I was there, I was even treated as a weakness by that woman, causing you, Senior Cuique, to get injured; I know this."

"If you want to say that I shouldn't have been there at that time, shouldn't have been a burden dragging you down, I admit it; even I hate myself."

"So, this time, I really tried to make an effort."

"I awakened my Magic Armor."

"I also... although not entirely alone, ultimately defeated that enemy."

"Call it boasting if you like, but in this battle, I should have... played a part, right?"

She slowly raised her eyes, looking at Senior Cuique, uncertainty in her gaze: "With me like this, this time I shouldn't be a burden, right?"

Senior Cuique held her gaze for a long moment, then slowly nodded: "You are not a burden. There is no need to ask; tonight, being able to defeat the enemy, what you did was extremely important."

"Then why..."

"Because I was truly worried about your safety, especially you, Bai Mei."

Senior Cuique took a deep breath: "You should know that your mother, Ying, died while executing a Magical Girl mission, and her strength was very great; back then, she was absolutely stronger than me. Even such a powerful Magical Girl met with an accident during a mission, causing the Magical Girl squads of nearly half the Material Realm to be in a state of panic."

"And as her... teammate, I was absolutely one of the people who could least accept this happening; I truly regret not being by her side at that time. So now, I simply cannot feel at ease letting you undertake too dangerous a mission; if you also met with some accident because of this, I really..."

Speaking thus, she paused, then tightly closed her eyes and shook her head, as if trying to expel a certain thought from her mind: "I cannot accept such a thing."

"Then what about me?" Lin Xiaolu asked.

"What?"

"What about my feelings?"

Lin Xiaolu widened her eyes, her voice rising slightly: "Have you ever thought that I actually feel the same way? I am also very worried about you! You lost a teammate; I lost my mother! My mother died while executing a mission! How could I possibly want to experience that pain, that despair again!"

"Am I not sad? Am I not afraid? Precisely because I am also worried about such things, I also think, 'If I am not there and Senior Cuique meets with an accident'; I simply do not want to think about such things either!"

"Every time you say you are worried about me, that you don't want me to meet with an accident, but haven't you thought that I am the same? I worry about you so much I can't sit still. You let me stay at the base, and I truly think every single second about whether something terrible will happen to you; how could I possibly endure it!"

"Last Full Moon Festival, you were slashed into serious injury by that woman, and in the end, for reasons unknown, you even destroyed your own Magic Armor; in this battle, you were still injured by the Claw Marks people, and even nearly had your True Form harmed! Do you know what I felt standing there? I truly worried you were going to die! I couldn't even speak!"

"Do you think I am afraid of death? Yes, I am indeed very afraid; I am afraid of death, I am afraid of pain, I am even afraid of thunder; I am afraid of too many things; I am just a coward. But what I fear most has never been these; what I fear most is that the people I like, the people I love, will disappear from my life!"

"My mother is already dead; she will never return. I spent two years, and even now it is very hard for me to accept this; if you die, how many more years do you want me to spend accepting it?"

"If that truly happens, it would be better for me to die in your place anyway; after all, my life was saved by you; if we encounter some truly fatal danger, if I can use my life to exchange for yours—"

Lin Xiaolu's words stopped.

At the moment she spoke with the most intense emotion, Senior Cuique raised her hand, grabbed her shoulders tightly and forcefully, widened her pair of translucent azure eyes, and spoke word by word:

"Ab-so-lute-ly-not."

Lin Xiaolu had never seen Senior Cuique like this before.

Her face still did not show any exaggerated expression, yet in her widened eyes, some chaotic and heavy emotion seemed to be brewing, even faintly carrying a bit of pressure that made her feel unable to breathe.

Just like some stress response, when she mentioned "dying in Senior Cuique's place," it was like waking a sleeping ferocious beast, causing Senior Cuique to shift directly from her original calm contemplation to this state.

"... I absolutely will not accept this; you should think carefully; if you do this, how would your friends, your father, and I feel?"

After a long while, Senior Cuique finally recovered from that state, releasing her hand from Lin Xiaolu's shoulder: "I'm sorry, I hurt you, but you must understand that many people will be sad for you, feel it is unworthy of you; believe me, no one wants to see that happen."

"But if it can save you, I am willing to do so."

Lin Xiaolu, however, showed no retreat: "Perhaps I would feel sorry for my father, but only this matter would make me feel guilty."

Senior Cuique stared at her for a long time.

Not long after, she nodded expressionlessly, as if meeting Lin Xiaolu for the first time: "Alright, I understand."

She stepped back two paces, leaning against the wall, arms crossed:

"But since you truly hold such determination, I will also tell you my true thoughts: if you truly sacrifice your life for such a thing, I will first kill the person who killed you, then commit suicide directly."

This time, it was Lin Xiaolu's turn to fall into a daze.

"Why?" After a long while to sort out the information in Senior Cuique's words, she asked somewhat blankly.

"... No reason." Senior Cuique turned her head aside.

Because her daughter's words had pierced her bottom line, she could not help but speak her true feelings in an impulse: she had already lost her wife; if one day she were to lose her child as well, then truly not even the slightest meaning of living in this world would remain; at that time, it would be better to commit suicide for the sake of peace.

Although somewhat extreme, this logic was barely understandable for Lin Yun; only placed upon Senior Cuique did it seem very incongruous.

After all, from an outsider's perspective, the relationship between her, Senior Cuique, and Bai Mei was merely that of Magical Girl seniors and juniors who happened to meet in a city; it was far from the point of threatening each other's lives like this.

Senior Cuique knew this, but she had no way; at the same time, in that instant, she realized that the identities of "Senior Cuique" and "Lin Yun" were indeed different.

Lin Yun is Lin Xiaolu's father, and also merely an "ordinary person who knows a few spells"; with such an identity talking to his daughter, he could naturally express his worry about his daughter going to the battlefield freely, using various means to dissuade her. Because for his daughter, he is the father, a "rear-line personnel," and has the standing to offer such admonition.

But Senior Cuique is a Magical Girl, and moreover the captain of the Fang Ting City Magical Girl squad; usually always taking the lead and charging to the front line; such an identity should not be the one to stop her own squad members from going to the battlefield.

The reason is the same as what Lin Xiaolu gave: if it is merely to "protect teammates," then everyone has similar thoughts; no one can guarantee that their mission execution will definitely have no life-threatening danger.

Moreover, in her identity as Senior Cuique, she once made a promise to Lin Xiaolu to help her become a "Magical Girl capable of standing on her own." From a standpoint, she ought to encourage Lin Xiaolu to fight, to grow.

Precisely because she failed to distinguish the roles of "father" and "senior," Senior Cuique's words just now caused Lin Xiaolu's reaction to be so intense.

Yes, she was wrong; on this night just after a great battle ended, as a senior Magical Girl, she ought to praise Lin Xiaolu's achievements, commend her awakened Magic Armor, and encourage the progress she made. This is what a senior Magical Girl ought to do.

Speaking of "worrying about safety," this is not something a senior ought to say; at least, it should not be said at such a time. Because this actually disregards the other person's determination to step onto the battlefield; it is a form of contempt for others.

Yet now, realizing this is already too late; the emotions that should have erupted have erupted, the impulsive words have already been spoken, and now she has no way to explain.

Thus, she could see the expression on Lin Xiaolu's face before her shift, from confusion, to relief, to determination.

"Senior Cuique."

She spoke thus: "I have always felt a sense of unease; all this time, I felt your kindness toward me was far too much. I do not know what about me is worthy of your favoritism, nor whether I can live up to your investment, so I have always been uneasy."

"I am very afraid that if I expect too much on my own, if I presume on my own that I am somehow special, when the illusion shatters, the huge gap will make me suffer."

"And now, I think I can probably be certain why you did these things."

"You, after all, still... want to find traces of Mother in me, don't you?"

She lowered her eyes slightly: "I put myself in your perspective and thought about it; if in the future, a very close teammate of mine also died, and her child became a Magical Girl, perhaps I too would be unable to resist seeking familiar things in her."

What strange and bizarre things is this girl thinking again?

Senior Cuique could not help but sigh, instinctively wanting to deny it with words, but before the words could leave her mouth, Lin Xiaolu shook her head at her.

"I might still care a little, but after thinking it through, I feel I can indeed not care so much."

She took two small steps forward, drawing close to Senior Cuique, lowered her head slightly, and gazed deeply into those pair of translucent eyes:

— "Then, in that case, may I also regard you as Mother?"