Chapter 66: Night Talk (Part 2)

"Senior Cuique!"

She suddenly spoke loudly: "I, I actually have another thought that is more passive, or perhaps cowardly! I feel I must say it!"

"Before I didn't know the true cause of Mother's death, I could still view the dangers faced by magical girls with a normal heart. But, ever since learning the truth, I have started feeling conflicted!"

"I can't tell if it's hatred or fear; I don't know which emotion is stronger. But I know, I feel very ashamed of my own thoughts."

Hearing her words, Senior Cuique did not directly evaluate them, but instead asked: "Why? Because of your mother's matter?"

"... These past few days I have been thinking about these things, starting to feel that knowing the truth is actually not that good."

Lin Xiaolu answered with a complex expression: "Simply 'knowing magical girls have a risk of dying' and 'knowing a magical girl one knows has died' are completely different feelings."

"Clearly before it felt like something very far from me, it seems to have suddenly happened right beside me; even when dreaming, I start to feel restless."

"It's strange, right? Clearly I have been a magical girl for so long, but only until these few days have I started to feel fear. Even compared to feelings like 'revenge', my thoughts are more about 'retreating' and 'escaping'. Because I think, if one day I meet the enemy who killed Mother, will I die just like Mother?"

"I have the thought of 'revenge', but I feel afraid of the act of 'revenge', even wanting to hide far away, continuing to pretend I don't know."

"But if I do this, can I still face Mother? What is the meaning of me obtaining this power? Thinking of these things, even the belief to continue fighting has started to waver."

"Does it sound ridiculous? Clearly I always wanted to know the truth of Mother's death. But after knowing the truth, I started to regret it. My heart is full of negative emotions: fear, guilt, self-denial... making me feel it would be better not to know."

"I, am indeed a very lousy person. Before I told Senior Cuique I wanted to become stronger, wanted to become your support, but because I knew just a little more, I started to waver, started to feel afraid."

"Clearly Xia Liang also knew this matter together, but she even reached the Bud Rank so quickly, while I until now still..."

Her words stopped.

Because she suddenly noticed a somewhat cold palm holding her hand.

"Why feel sorry for such a thing?"

Senior Cuique looked at her seriously: "Before being a magical girl, you are first just a child who hasn't grown up. Fearing death is an instinct even adults cannot escape; why would you belittle yourself because of this?"

"But, if I don't stand up, if I don't take revenge, then Mother's death will..." Lin Xiaolu said somewhat frantically.

"No one is required to stand up, Bai Mei."

Senior Cuique held her hand tightly, interrupting her words: "The act of revenge is even less something you should consider. As Ying's teammate, revenge is something us adults should do."

"Don't consider revenge?"

Lin Xiaolu asked blankly: "In that case, how can I feel at ease? What should I do? Can I really continue like before, immersing myself in my own world as if knowing nothing?"

"Forever like this, defeating some weak Remnant Beasts just like playing house, then satisfying myself by telling myself, I have protected this city?"

"Even if it is like that, will there come a day when an enemy I cannot deal with suddenly appears, and then I will, I will also..."

She felt her thoughts were very chaotic.

Just as she herself said, many negative emotions were all mixed together, making her self-identification become lower than ever before.

But what she did not know was that, in fact, the vast majority of children, after becoming magical girls due to simple impulse or longing, would fall into a certain degree of confusion.

For Lin Xiaolu, the opportunity to feel this confusion was the truth of her mother's death.

When first learning this information, she perhaps first felt longing for her mother. But following that was a strong sense of dislocation.

Lin Xiaolu, who had always placed her heart on magical girl animations, had an imagination of the term "magical girl" that was too beautiful and one-sided.

It seemed as if all matters regarding magical girls had a filter in her heart; as long as there was a slight connection, it would become full of dreamlike and fairy-tale colors.

That is why she would become a magical girl without hesitation, and also perform quite bravely when fighting Remnant Beasts, simply because in her mind, she had already become the "protagonist". One who should be detached from all the ugliness of reality, placed within a beautiful dream.

It is just that this layer of filter, with the knowledge of her mother's death and the progress of her cultivation being unable to compare with her companions, was shattered.

The concept of "magical girl" in her cognition overlapped more and more with reality, making her no longer able to treat this word as a spiritual sustenance full of imagination; instead, it brought many thoughts about her real situation.

Responsibility, crisis, loss, death... many unavoidable negative concepts crossed over from the other side of the filter, becoming Lin Xiaolu's new troubles.

And precisely because of this, at this time, she would subconsciously seek help from Senior Cuique, from the magical girl in her heart. After all, for her, Senior Cuique was the place where this "filter" was preserved most completely.

Regarding these matters, Senior Cuique could not think so deeply, but this did not prevent her from feeling now that Lin Xiaolu urgently needed her help.

These troubles and anxieties seemed to have two common sources: a lack of security, and inferiority.

So, exactly what should be said to the Daughter, and what could be done, to make the current Daughter feel a bit better?

Once she thought through this point, she already realized what she had to do. In a word: fill the gaps.

"Bai Mei, there is no need to be so anxious."

Thus, after organizing the thoughts in her heart, Senior Cuique spoke up: "I have always told you not to aim too high and reach too far; this attitude is not only reflected in honor and strength, but should also be implemented in the meaning of life."

"Feel carefully, am I really existing here?"

Extending another hand, Senior Cuique gently held Lin Xiaolu's palm with both hands: "Can you feel it? I am standing right here, in front of you, holding your hand."

Lin Xiaolu looked down, then nodded blankly.

"Then you should understand, this is your true feeling, this is the reality you possess."

Senior Cuique locked eyes with her, speaking seriously: "It is not you facing hatred alone, facing enemies, facing unknown crises. The reality is I am here; I will guide you, and I will protect you, so you will be fine."

"If you feel lost right now, then do not rush; think slowly, decide slowly."

"If you fear battle, I will resolve the enemies; if you do not want revenge, I will take revenge for Ying; things you cannot figure out can be thought about slowly, because you are still a child, you still have plenty of time to grow."

"Even if you say you no longer want to be a magical girl, want to stay away from dangerous battles, and become an ordinary girl, also..."

Speaking to this point, she suddenly stopped.

Seeming to remember something in an instant, Senior Cuique slightly pressed her lips, vaguely struggling, but this expression only flashed for a moment; her cold gaze touching Lin Xiaolu turned into a slightly benevolent stare: "That is also acceptable. After all, you know I am a 'big shot'; I can handle such matters."

What she did not say was that, under normal circumstances, for a magical girl to turn back into an ordinary person, there were only two paths: reporting to Wang Ting and normal retirement. Among them, the process of the former was even just a facade; almost no one had ever successfully gone through it.

Lin Xiaolu would not know this point, nor was it necessary for her to know.

She still looked dazed, but after hearing Senior Cuique's words clearly, she slowly shook her head:

"I won't. I want to continue being a magical girl."

"Is this your true heart?" Senior Cuique asked softly from the side.

"... Mm."

Her scattered gaze refocused; Lin Xiaolu nodded somewhat firmly: "Only on this point am I certain, because even now, being a magical girl is still my dream."

Even with various stray thoughts filling her mind, what confused and bewildered her was never "whether to continue being a Magical Girl," but rather "how to become a good one."

As for what Senior Cuique said about staying here with her...

"But, Senior Cuique, you will leave, right?"

Thinking of this, a few other thoughts arose in her mind: "You are a great figure in the Magical Realm; coming to Fang Ting City is merely a brief stay. No matter how long you linger, one day you will leave this place, won't you?"

"When that day comes, after you leave... if I see you again, will I have to treat you like a mayor or some other official, only able to watch you from afar?"

Senior Cuique fell somewhat silent.

She tried to loosen her hand, only to discover that at some point Lin Xiaolu had clasped it from behind, preventing her from pulling away.

Without struggling hard, the two remained locked in this stalemate for a while before she feigned calmness and nodded: "Mm, I will leave; that is the one thing I cannot lie to you about."

Yet the reason differed from what Lin Xiaolu had imagined; it was not because she was the "Patrol Envoy."

"So you really will leave."

Hearing her answer, Lin Xiaolu's expression grew somewhat despondent: "In that case, days like this summer won't last much longer, will they?"

The initial thought that arose in her heart was reluctance to part, but soon, she convinced herself.

After all, these few months since meeting Senior Cuique had been like a beautiful dream for her: becoming a Magical Girl, making new friends, learning her mother's true identity, improving her relationship with her father, and even, thanks to Senior Cuique's teaching, making progress in her studies.

Even though new troubles had arisen now, it was not Senior Cuique's fault; she simply couldn't help overthinking.

She told herself that having gained so much from the other's arrival, she should not continue to be greedy.

— "But the timing of the departure is up to you."

To Lin Xiaolu's surprise, beneath the calm tone, the content of Senior Cuique's words suddenly reversed: "I will wait until you, you and Xia Liang, and even your entire squad have grown up and can stand on your own; only then will I leave."

These words left Lin Xiaolu momentarily stunned in place.

Seizing this opportunity, Senior Cuique quietly loosened her hand: "This way, will you feel slightly more secure?"

"B-but, someone like me, wanting to become a powerful Magical Girl, might until retirement..." Still shocked by what Senior Cuique had said, Lin Xiaolu spoke without thinking.

"Then I will wait until you retire," Senior Cuique said lightly, turning her face aside.

Hearing such a statement, Lin Xiaolu felt her heart skip a beat.

An indescribable emotion, perhaps one could name it the happiness of being unexpectedly honored, surged into her heart in an instant.

She involuntarily covered her chest and stammered, "In that case, it could be ten years..."

"Mm, ten years." Senior Cuique remained expressionless.

This made Lin Xiaolu feel even more incredulous: "But there is no reason for this; why must Senior Cuique go to such lengths for someone like me... Even if you say you are very close to my mother, I feel I am not worthy."

"Who said you are not worthy?"

With one hand on her hip, Senior Cuique glanced sideways at Lin Xiaolu: "If even you have given up hope and no longer face your own potential, how can you possibly become the person you idealize?"

"But can I really reach that point?" Lin Xiaolu still lacked confidence.

"Didn't Moko say it? You are a genius."

"It said that itself was just a casual lie to me..."

"That was also said; fairies sometimes cannot even tell truth from falsehood themselves."

Gazing at the river surface in the distance, Senior Cuique said calmly: "The reason I chose to stay in Fang Ting City, as you thought, indeed involves your mother, and also because this is the city where I once garrisoned; I do not wish to see it destroyed by the Savage Beasts."

"However, I myself cannot garrison here forever; after Ying died, we of the older generation must pass the baton to the next generation."

"I saw you and Xia Liang here and came to understand you, so I believe in your potential as the next generation."

"Perhaps Moko was just speaking casually, and perhaps you do not believe in yourself either, but I believe that one day you will become a Magical Girl capable of protecting anyone."

"The so-called ten years is merely a wager and a bottom line; in my view, you will definitely grow stronger, and absolutely not take that long."

Senior Cuique's judgment was so decisive that it finally made Lin Xiaolu feel the gloom in her heart largely cleared away.

The hand covering her chest gradually clenched into a fist, and light reappeared in her eyes: "Senior Cuique, do you believe in me?"

"No matter how many times you ask, the answer is the same: I believe."

Stepping back a few paces, Senior Cuique looked calmly at her daughter: "So do not belittle yourself; lift your head. You are no worse than anyone else."

Having finished speaking, she half-turned her body, assuming a posture to continue forward, and finally confirmed with Lin Xiaolu: "Is there anything else you wish to ask?"

Lin Xiaolu looked at the petite girl standing before her; the last traces of confusion in her expression gradually faded, her originally dim look becoming bright, even with a hint of tenderness.

She shook her head, said no more, and instead took small steps to follow Senior Cuique, walking side by side forward.

The crisp sound of footsteps rang out again on the empty bridge, but unlike the dull sound upon arrival, the sound now was light and more synchronized. The footsteps slowly moved from the center of the bridge toward the opposite bank, crossed the river, traversed the long sidewalk, and finally gradually vanished into the unknown distance on the other shore.